Older men

[Green]

That study is from 1986. A 25 year old woman was wearing diapers when it was published. I wouldn't assume it is still valid.

 

Your right a man in his 40's who remarries now likely to choose a woman 15 years younger. I'll site myself on this study that I did TODAY

[classof2014]

please ignore. don't want to post.

[that girl]

That study is from 1986. A 25 year old woman was wearing diapers when it was published. I wouldn't assume it is still valid.

Your right a man in his 40's who remarries now likely to choose a woman 15 years younger. I'll site myself on this study that I did TODAY

I love the optimism that a 40 year old has a good shot at marrying a 25 year old. Sure, it happens but most 20 somethings I know have no interest in that big an age gap.

[Green]

I love the optimism that a 40 year old has a good shot at marrying a 25 year old. Sure, it happens but most 20 somethings I know have no interest in that big an age gap.

 

Okay so whats your point... plenty of 20 year olds I know only want to date older men.

[Scottdmw]

That study is from 1986. A 25 year old woman was wearing diapers when it was published. I wouldn't assume it is still valid.

 

Do you have a study of your own to offer? If not, the one I presented is the only hint of objective evidence here. I don't think human nature changes much.

[that girl]

Do you have a study of your own to offer? If not, the one I presented is the only hint of objective evidence here. I don't think human nature changes much.

Marriage patterns are not human nature, they are behavior. And there has been significant social change since the 80s. The current age at first marriage does show that the average couple (most people only marry once) is close in age.

 

http://dinhvutrangngan.com/teaching/Social_Economics/Divorce/Stevenson-Wolfers%202007.pdf

[Scottdmw]

Marriage patterns are not human nature, they are behavior. And there has been significant social change since the 80s. The current age at first marriage does show that the average couple (most people only marry once) is close in age.

 

http://dinhvutrangngan.com/teaching/Social_Economics/Divorce/Stevenson-Wolfers%202007.pdf

 

I've already agreed in two separate messages that your typical mid-20s woman is likely to marry a man closer in age. That is what your age at first marriage statistics address. Your statistics do not address the average age gap for a woman who is older, say 35.

[meerkat stew]

I love the optimism that a 40 year old has a good shot at marrying a 25 year old. Sure, it happens but most 20 somethings I know have no interest in that big an age gap.

 

Keep telling yourself this, won't make it the case. I am average to somewhat above average in appearance, accomplished but not rich by any stretch, drive a modest car and live modestly. Since I turned 40 (46 now), young women, 22-28 have been coming out of the woodwork whenever I'm out, during the day, etc. They approach me. Can't get anything going with women 35+, whom I would prefer to date, without using match, can't find them out and about, or they have three kids still at home or are morbidly obese and can't do anything active, let alone have good sex. The craziest two women I ever dated were my own age. We all have baggage, I certainly do, but I don't carry it around in my relationships like a cross to nail my SO to, but I find so many women near my age do that very thing and IVE HAD ENOUGH OF IT!

 

The young ones are everywhere and lots of them don't want to date a backwards hat wearing goateed Xbox schmo of a titty baby. They don't have bitterness washing off them in waves, nor are they angling an agenda from the very first meeting. Am starting to believe that there was just something bad in the US water that tainted my generation of women and that immediately after. The younger ones seem so much better adjusted, more like the women I knew of my grandmother's generation.

 

Almost all my contemporary single male friends date much younger. Many of the happier marriages I know of are between a man 10+ years older than the woman. I have actively -resisted- dating much younger women, even nixed a couple back in the early decade for age alone that I may have been married to by now. People need to live and let live, and allow others to find their own happiness.

 

Those tables do turn pretty hard though, don't they?

[CaliGuy]

I think you're just picking the wrong men. I much prefer someone in their early to late 20s. It's not that I want to help her grow up, it's simply that my mental outlook is that of someone STILL in his 20s.

 

Wish I could find someone like that down here!

[CaliGuy]

Keep telling yourself this, won't make it the case. I am average to somewhat above average in appearance, accomplished but not rich by any stretch, drive a modest car and live modestly. Since I turned 40 (46 now), young women, 22-28 have been coming out of the woodwork whenever I'm out, during the day, etc. They approach me. Can't get anything going with women 35+, whom I would prefer to date, without using match, can't find them out and about, or they have three kids still at home or are morbidly obese and can't do anything active, let alone have good sex. The craziest two women I ever dated were my own age. We all have baggage, I certainly do, but I don't carry it around in my relationships like a cross to nail my SO to, but I find so many women near my age do that very thing and IVE HAD ENOUGH OF IT!

 

The young ones are everywhere and lots of them don't want to date a backwards hat wearing goateed Xbox schmo of a titty baby. They don't have bitterness washing off them in waves, nor are they angling an agenda from the very first meeting. Am starting to believe that there was just something bad in the US water that tainted my generation of women and that immediately after. The younger ones seem so much better adjusted, more like the women I knew of my grandmother's generation.

 

Almost all my contemporary single male friends date much younger. Many of the happier marriages I know of are between a man 10+ years older than the woman. I have actively -resisted- dating much younger women, even nixed a couple back in the early decade for age alone that I may have been married to by now. People need to live and let live, and allow others to find their own happiness.

 

Those tables do turn pretty hard though, don't they?

 

Pretty much agree with everything you have said. The only difference is while I am accomplished (Non-College graduate as an Engineer!), I drive a modest car (Toyota Tacoma 4x4), I don't own a home (can't find what I want in SOCAL).

 

The difference is here specifically here in SOCAL the girls want men who have high social status. That was not the case on the East Coast, it seems to be specifically centered here in CA. And not just natives, women who move here as well.

 

Honestly I would have a much, much greater chance if I moved back to the East Coast of finding a younger (20s, early 30s) woman than what is available here. Most of them want to be catered to and spoiled.

 

Granted I now have a lovely scar on my head due to the accident in Feb but hey, it's a conversation starter for sure

[that girl]

Keep telling yourself this, won't make it the case. I am average to somewhat above average in appearance, accomplished but not rich by any stretch, drive a modest car and live modestly. Since I turned 40 (46 now), young women, 22-28 have been coming out of the woodwork whenever I'm out, during the day, etc. They approach me. Can't get anything going with women 35+, whom I would prefer to date, without using match, can't find them out and about, or they have three kids still at home or are morbidly obese and can't do anything active, let alone have good sex. The craziest two women I ever dated were my own age. We all have baggage, I certainly do, but I don't carry it around in my relationships like a cross to nail my SO to, but I find so many women near my age do that very thing and IVE HAD ENOUGH OF IT!

 

The young ones are everywhere and lots of them don't want to date a backwards hat wearing goateed Xbox schmo of a titty baby. They don't have bitterness washing off them in waves, nor are they angling an agenda from the very first meeting. Am starting to believe that there was just something bad in the US water that tainted my generation of women and that immediately after. The younger ones seem so much better adjusted, more like the women I knew of my grandmother's generation.

 

Almost all my contemporary single male friends date much younger. Many of the happier marriages I know of are between a man 10+ years older than the woman. I have actively -resisted- dating much younger women, even nixed a couple back in the early decade for age alone that I may have been married to by now. People need to live and let live, and allow others to find their own happiness.

 

Those tables do turn pretty hard though, don't they? :lmao:

 

Most of the women I know are in the younger age range (or more like 24 to 32) and I can count on one hand the number of women I know who have dated guys 15+ years older than them. Even a 10 year age gap doesn't give me many more examples. All of my married friends from high school and college are with guys between 3 years younger and 5 years older. Maybe this is a cultural or region issue or maybe it is that the women I know are generally pretty high achieveing with high achieving male friends from college and work.

 

That is why I don't understand the original poster's idea that guys in their early 20s are all these losers. I'm a little older than her, but when I was 22 I was living in DC and most of the guys I met around my age worked for politicians, worked as consultants for the government, were going to grad school or were in the armed services. While a lot of them owned xboxes, they weren't losers.

 

The gloating is just silly. I don't think I will be weeping into my beer over men like you when I hit 35.

[confused192]

I in no way shape or form indicated that guys my age are losers. I wish people would not put words into my mouth. I simply feel that they do not interest me, I don't feel that I can connect to them and I have yet to find myself attracted to any guys my age or near my age. I struggle to find where I stated all guys my age are losers. For me personally, I just cannot make myself feel something that isn't there. That was the main issue of this post. Thanks to everyone for all that has been said thus far! It has been very helpful!

[that girl]

I in no way shape or form indicated that guys my age are losers. I wish people would not put words into my mouth. I simply feel that they do not interest me, I don't feel that I can connect to them and I have yet to find myself attracted to any guys my age or near my age. I struggle to find where I stated all guys my age are losers. For me personally, I just cannot make myself feel something that isn't there. That was the main issue of this post. Thanks to everyone for all that has been said thus far! It has been very helpful!

I'm not going to hunt down the exact quote, but I remember you posting something about how you found guys your own age had nothing to talk about. This contrasts with my own experience in that most of the guys I've met past college have interesting careers, even if they are just beginning. But then I find all kinds of stories interesting whether a guy is an active duty Marine or is working at Amnesty International.

 

I don't think you need to force yourself to be interested in guys your own age, but as a general social issue I think you need to stop writing them off. I'd guess most of your female friends are around your age and in my experience they're probably dating guys in their early 20s. Assuming these guys are dull based on their age (which I do think you are doing) will lead to some awkward moments even if you continue to date older.

[Green]

I in no way shape or form indicated that guys my age are losers. I wish people would not put words into my mouth. I simply feel that they do not interest me, I don't feel that I can connect to them and I have yet to find myself attracted to any guys my age or near my age. I struggle to find where I stated all guys my age are losers. For me personally, I just cannot make myself feel something that isn't there. That was the main issue of this post. Thanks to everyone for all that has been said thus far! It has been very helpful!

 

This forum is full of people who put words into your mouth. Women on this forum constantly refer to men who date women who are in their 20's when they are in their 40's as pedophiles, creeps, imature, and damaged individuals who are predators. They also refer to women who date older men as naive victims.

 

Really I know that these women who are angry and post on this forum are by no means the majority or avg because I see with my own eyes my friends who are 40 getting married to women who are 26 who they date happily since they were in college. My little sister who is 22 is currently dating a guy who is almost 40 and my family met him and said he seemed like a good guy and she seems to like him. Would I feel any better if my sister dated some 22-25 year old guy. NO because I know that its better to find the right person then to cow tow to society and not be happy life is to short.

 

Its just so silly that people make such a big deal about age when we are talking about dating. Rules of attraction and age of consent laws should be the only thing that applies.

[confused192]

I didn't say they had nothing to talk about...I said they had nothing to talk about that interests me. This does not equate to them being losers and I honestly do not feel that guys my age are losers at all! I'm sorry if I implied that and offended anyone. I just feel that, in past conversations I've had with guys my age, I have felt very unengaged and disinterested in what they have to say. I've legitimately tried to have an open mind and not judge but again, based on my personal experiences only, I just can't do it.

 

I have a wide variety of friends of all ages. My friends who are younger are indeed in relationships with guys their own age. I have no problem being in a variety of social settings with their boyfriends or SO's and, as I am not looking to them as any kind of potential relationship, our interactions are fine. I've been dating men older than me since graduating high school and I have yet to have any awkward moments relating to age.

 

Thank you for your comments, honestly. I appreciate the insight for sure!

[Green]

I'm not going to hunt down the exact quote, but I remember you posting something about how you found guys your own age had nothing to talk about. This contrasts with my own experience in that most of the guys I've met past college have interesting careers, even if they are just beginning. But then I find all kinds of stories interesting whether a guy is an active duty Marine or is working at Amnesty International.

 

I don't think you need to force yourself to be interested in guys your own age, but as a general social issue I think you need to stop writing them off. I'd guess most of your female friends are around your age and in my experience they're probably dating guys in their early 20s. Assuming these guys are dull based on their age (which I do think you are doing) will lead to some awkward moments even if you continue to date older.

 

Why don't you go date Marines and then when some stranger with the same sense of entitlement you have interjects their opinion on how Marines don't make the greatest partners you can just listen to what they say and change your entire life over some strangers opinion.

 

As a general social issue let me give you some advice you don't know a thing about what you are talking about and you should stop trying to control people and let them live their life.

 

She made this thread because this is what she wants in life and why not just give her the motivation to do what she wants. In the end I think she just wants a mature guy who makes her feel good. I don't think she really cares about the number attached to his age and thats the picture I get.

[that girl]

I didn't say they had nothing to talk about...I said they had nothing to talk about that interests me.

It might be a personally difference than because I find it rare that I can't have an interesting conversation with anyone.

 

This does not equate to them being losers and I honestly do not feel that guys my age are losers at all! I'm sorry if I implied that and offended anyone.

I don't think you offended anyone.

 

I just feel that, in past conversations I've had with guys my age, I have felt very unengaged and disinterested in what they have to say. I've legitimately tried to have an open mind and not judge but again, based on my personal experiences only, I just can't do it.

Personally and this is just random Internet advice I think that is something you might want to work on regardless of who you date.

 

Why don't you go date Marines and then when some stranger with the same sense of entitlement you have interjects their opinion on how Marines don't make the greatest partners you can just listen to what they say and change your entire life over some strangers opinion.

I've never said older men make terrible partners. What I do think is true is that there are specific challenges when starting to date older men because of a difference in experience and the expectations men put on younger women. I consider that similar to saying how it is difficult dating someone in the armed services because they might be deployed or relocated.

 

What I see here is a lot of men getting very angry at me when I suggest the average 40 year old does not have increased odds of getting with a 25 year old. In my experience, most 25 year olds prefer to date men close to their own age.

 

In response to this I've been told "the tables will turn on!" and that I am controlling and ignorant.

 

Man, you boys hold on tight to the fantasy that young women will be crawling all over you when you get older. Having that idea challenges turns you into catty little bitches.

[silverfish]

As an older man, here's why I wouldn't want to have a romantic/sexual relationship with a much younger woman:

 

I have and have had relationships with young people. Working relationships and friendships, not romantic. In these situations I felt some responsibility to be helpful. To help them grow up, to help them learn the business we were in, to help them understand the world, to help them feel connected to the world by having a more connected, older advocate.

 

It's sort of like being a father, older sibling. It's also like paying back the world for the benefits I received as a younger person.

 

Unlike being an actual father, there was no primal attachment. The young people get some benefits but are in an essential way free to do what they please.

 

If I like, respect, and care about a young person, this is how I want it to be. I can also have friendly but more superficial interactions as well, just as I would have with any acquaintance.

 

This all feels natural to me. If I were to add sex and romantic attachment to the above, it would feel like I was interfering with the individual personal development of the young person. Maybe they would take me too seriously, care too much what I thought. Try too hard to do what they thought I wanted them to do.

 

A woman my age is already developed. She has her own opinions and is her own person. She can more easily choose her own actions. Our intimacy is more equal.

 

Fine, I'm idiosyncratic. I don't think everyone should be like me. I believe it's fully possible for people to have great relationships with a large age gap.

 

The above reasons are only why I don't want one.

 

I agree with this post as a late 30's woman who works with a lot of younger men. There have been times when crushes have developed and so on, it's quite common. For the same reason, I wouldn't take things further.

 

I'd also add that it wouldn't appeal to me either, and taking sexuality out of it I feel the same way about the younger women I work with as well.

[Green]

It might be a personally difference than because I find it rare that I can't have an interesting conversation with anyone.

 

I find it interesting how you always manage to disagree with anything I write. Thats where my interest in our conversations ends as I rarely see any thought provoking discusion of the topics.

 

 

 

Personally and this is just random Internet advice I think that is something you might want to work on regardless of who you date.

 

Haha this is so funny she might want to work on who she is naturaly attracted to? You act like she said she only finds men in prison attractive. Seriously if some smooth mature 26 year old came into her life I'm sure she would be attracted to him. So wheres the problem she has to work on... I don't see a problem.

 

 

I've never said older men make terrible partners. What I do think is true is that there are specific challenges when starting to date older men because of a difference in experience and the expectations men put on younger women. I consider that similar to saying how it is difficult dating someone in the armed services because they might be deployed or relocated.

 

The expectations men put on younger women. LOL. where do you come up with this stuff it really sounds as if you make it up as you go along.

 

If she finds a man physicaly/mentaly attractive and wants to date him and he wants to date her then whats the problem?

 

Interesting how you consider it similar to how difficult it is dating some one in the armed services when you used Marines as an example of an interesting person she could be dating her own age... you just make no sense.

 

What I see here is a lot of men getting very angry at me when I suggest the average 40 year old does not have increased odds of getting with a 25 year old. In my experience, most 25 year olds prefer to date men close to their own age.

 

Interesting because thats not the real world I live in. Not that I get mad that you feel the need to argue your made up points

 

In response to this I've been told "the tables will turn on!" and that I am controlling and ignorant.

 

Man, you boys hold on tight to the fantasy that young women will be crawling all over you when you get older. Having that idea challenges turns you into catty little bitches.

 

I get older every day and the women just seem to pay more and more attention.

[that girl]

I find it interesting how you always manage to disagree with anything I write.

Frankly, you are not a poster I remember from post to post. That isn't meant as a jab, but there are only a few posters I remember from post to post so it isn't like I have some personal issue with you, I just generally disagree with you according to your recollections.

 

Haha this is so funny she might want to work on who she is naturaly attracted to? You act like she said she only finds men in prison attractive.

No, my point was the conversation aspect.

 

The expectations men put on younger women. LOL. where do you come up with this stuff it really sounds as if you make it up as you go along.

Several older men posted comments that said they expect a younger woman to be in a different place in life than they are and that they are less likely to see her as more than a fling. I'm not making things up.

 

Interesting how you consider it similar to how difficult it is dating some one in the armed services when you used Marines as an example of an interesting person she could be dating her own age... you just make no sense.

I have no idea what you are trying to say here, but my point was that every relationship has its own unique challenges.

 

I get older every day and the women just seem to pay more and more attention.

Sure they do.

[meerkat stew]

Having that idea challenges turns you into catty little bitches.

 

If we told you that odds are you couldn't successfully date younger men, and that your desire to do so was based merely on some "cougar fantasy" as opposed to the fact that younger men were in fact approaching you all the time, and also despite your direct personal experience in actually dating younger men to the contrary, yes, we might be as you say "catty little bitches." Oh...erm wait a minute.

 

If we tried to make up nebulous claptrap about some supposed "issues" that older men have in their expectations of younger women, yes, we might indeed be "catty little bitches."

 

If we persisted in telling an OP over and over, "you should stop excluding men your own age," when she has very clearly stated, over and over, that she is not excluding anyone at all, just has developed a preference, then yes, we might be "catty little bitches."

 

And if we did all the above, and then called you bitter or angry when you called us on it, then yes indeed, we might just be "catty little bitches."

 

The truth is, and it's the truth of all these threads, that lots of women are intensely threatened by women who date older men, and men who date younger women, because that doesn't bode well for getting a chair when the music starts playing, and they are absolutely terrified of landing on their fat asses when that music stops. Simple as that.

 

"Catty little bitches" indeed...

[Green]

If we told you that odds are you couldn't successfully date younger men, and that your desire to do so was based merely on some "cougar fantasy" as opposed to the fact that younger men were in fact approaching you all the time, and also despite your direct personal experience in actually dating younger men to the contrary, yes, we might be as you say "catty little bitches." Oh...erm wait a minute.

 

If we tried to make up nebulous claptrap about some supposed "issues" that older men have in their expectations of younger women, yes, we might indeed be "catty little bitches."

 

If we persisted in telling an OP over and over, "you should stop excluding men your own age," when she has very clearly stated, over and over, that she is not excluding anyone at all, just has developed a preference, then yes, we might be "catty little bitches."

 

And if we did all the above, and then called you bitter or angry when you called us on it, then yes indeed, we might just be "catty little bitches."

 

The truth is, and it's the truth of all these threads, that lots of women are intensely threatened by women who date older men, and men who date younger women, because that doesn't bode well for getting a chair when the music starts playing, and they are absolutely terrified of landing on their fat asses when that music stops. Simple as that.

 

"Catty little bitches" indeed...

 

It's posts like the one you just wrote that make me glad I read this forum. It was so funny, because it was true.

[that girl]

If we told you that odds are you couldn't successfully date younger men, and that your desire to do so was based merely on some "cougar fantasy" as opposed to the fact that younger men were in fact approaching you all the time, and also despite your direct personal experience in actually dating younger men to the contrary, yes, we might be as you say "catty little bitches." Oh...erm wait a minute.

 

If we tried to make up nebulous claptrap about some supposed "issues" that older men have in their expectations of younger women, yes, we might indeed be "catty little bitches."

 

If we persisted in telling an OP over and over, "you should stop excluding men your own age," when she has very clearly stated, over and over, that she is not excluding anyone at all, just has developed a preference, then yes, we might be "catty little bitches."

 

And if we did all the above, and then called you bitter or angry when you called us on it, then yes indeed, we might just be "catty little bitches."

 

The truth is, and it's the truth of all these threads, that lots of women are intensely threatened by women who date older men, and men who date younger women, because that doesn't bode well for getting a chair when the music starts playing, and they are absolutely terrified of landing on their fat asses when that music stops. Simple as that.

 

"Catty little bitches" indeed...

 

I've actually never told the OP that she needs to date men her own age. My point was actually that regardless of who she chooses to date she should reconsider her perconceptions about men her own age because it could be problematic.

 

I think I already posted this, but I'm not in the cougar age range. So I don't really feel stronger about the whole cougar thing. But I do know lots of 20 something women and I can count on two hands the number who have dated a way older guy (10+ years) and still have fingers left over. Now this might be because of the people I happen to know, but considering all the posts on here from men about how hard it is to get a date, I doubt many 40 year olds have 25 year olds constantly approaching them.

 

So I'm basing my beliefs on my own experience, plus the marriage data I've seen, plus the other threads here.

 

You are basing your ideas on the idea that women are terrified of missing out on awesome guys like you. I know I'm not.

[Green]

I've actually never told the OP that she needs to date men her own age. My point was actually that regardless of who she chooses to date she should reconsider her perconceptions about men her own age because it could be problematic.

 

I think I already posted this, but I'm not in the cougar age range. So I don't really feel stronger about the whole cougar thing. But I do know lots of 20 something women and I can count on two hands the number who have dated a way older guy (10+ years) and still have fingers left over. Now this might be because of the people I happen to know, but considering all the posts on here from men about how hard it is to get a date, I doubt many 40 year olds have 25 year olds constantly approaching them.

 

So I'm basing my beliefs on my own experience, plus the marriage data I've seen, plus the other threads here.

 

You are basing your ideas on the idea that women are terrified of missing out on awesome guys like you. I know I'm not.

 

You've insulted the OP constantly.

 

You will one day be in cougar age range and I asume that is a driving force between your insecurity you refuse to admit to.

 

Just because you know lots of girls and read threads on here means nothing really because look at how you interpret this thread for instance.

 

Marriage data? what does it matter what marriage data you have. We are telling you that women seem more receptive to us the older we get especialy younger wome in their 20's all the data in the world doesn't change that or how the OP feels.

[that girl]

You've insulted the OP constantly.

 

You will one day be in cougar age range and I asume that is a driving force between your insecurity you refuse to admit to.

 

Just because you know lots of girls and read threads on here means nothing really because look at how you interpret this thread for instance.

 

Marriage data? what does it matter what marriage data you have. We are telling you that women seem more receptive to us the older we get especialy younger wome in their 20's all the data in the world doesn't change that or how the OP feels.

 

I have not in any way tried to insult the OP. I do think we had a mutual misunderstanding on the last page, but as far as I know it ended well.

 

Meanwhile, I am horribly afraid of ending up alone and cougar aged, but none of the guys here could be vastly overestimating their chances with younger women? That doesn't strike you are ridiculously slanted? And if I'm the bitter one while you guys are fighting off 19 year olds, why are you and meekrat so angry with me? It just doesn't add up to two guys drowing in ladies.