sumdude Posted August 13, 2010 Posted August 13, 2010 I tried dating guys my own age, but its not that i'm bored, they just don't seem attracted to me and they never approach me. I don't know why. Just a guess but they may be intimated by you.
Author confused192 Posted August 13, 2010 Author Posted August 13, 2010 There is nothing wrong with that. I am attracted to older guys as well, and the youngest guy I have ever had relationship with was 10 years older that I was. It's normal, after all who wants a little boy who doesn't know what to do with his life and is still "discovering" himself? It's attractive when a man is well established, knows where he is and where he's going and most of all, knows how to treat a woman. He's been through all the heartbreak and craziness and blablabla and he knows a real thing when he sees one. I tried dating guys my own age, but its not that i'm bored, they just don't seem attracted to me and they never approach me. I don't know why. Exactly! I also do not want someone who is still figuring themselves out. I guess I feel like I am older than I really am. I completely agree that it is extrememly attractive when a man is established and knows how to treat a woman well. Not all men are that way and, like another poster pointed out, some older men may still behave like they are 20 years old. I recognize this and I am not attracted to those types of older men. I hope I am clear in all my posts that I am just not attracted to every single older man I see. Just like anyone, I am attracted to certain types of people and other people I am not. I also never get asked out by guys my own age. I also believe they are intimidated. I get approached by guys who seem to just want to be 'friends' but then try to get more from me. They never actually ask me out though...maybe there is too much fear of rejection. Or maybe they only want to sleep with me. Even when I was in high school and did actually date people my own age, I always had to make all the moves. Sure, I am not saying that older men are perfect and nor are all of them saints. I have to say I don't mind the baggage, I do not mind children or ex wives. I am strong enough in my own character and self-esteem that I can handle those issues. Also, to those posters who ask me why I feel this is a problem of mine and why I need help with it...I will say again that I only feel it is a problem because my track record of relationships with older men is not good. I can't maintain a long-term relationship because it always gets to a point where I am 'too young' and they 'don't have a clear picture of how this works in the long run.' It is just frusterating and after dating different people and this issue coming up time and time again, a person starts to re-evaluate things. That is all I meant by this post. Just looking for some insight. Thanks everyone for all that has been said.
Green Posted August 13, 2010 Posted August 13, 2010 Ok, I've posted about this before...but I just can't get over my attraction to older men. I've legitimately tried to go out with guys my own age (I'm 25) and have an open mind about it, but I am just not attracted to anyone my age. What is my deal?! Is anyone else like this? It's becoming a problem because most of these older men (usually later 30s early 40s) are not interested in watching a 25 year old 'grow up'...they've already been there and done that. When I've gone out with guys my own age, I try really hard not to think of their age and just find of who they are as a person but as they're talking to me, I just glaze over and tune out...I find every one I've been out with so boring and I am not at all attracted to any of them. Before anyone calls it out, I do not think I have 'daddy issues.' I have a wonderful father whom I have a great relationship with and I am not looking to replace him in any way. I just find myself really attracted to successful, older men...anyone older man who has an established career and is good at what they do, I'm into it. Can anyone help? Yeah get over yourself... you are fine. Nothing is wrong with you. Older men love younger women. Always has been that way. Basicaly the laws of attraction will determine who goes out with who. I'm a 39 yr old male. And I'm wondering if I'm limiting myself by looking for women early 30's and higher? I dont think I would mind a late 20's girl, as long as she has her sh*t together and is past the club/drinking stage. . Serenitynow you always seem as though you are limiting yourself. Internet dating alone is limiting yourself as a man. Dude if you meet an 18 year old girl who wants to date you and you find her attractive I say you give it a chance. Why would you only look at women over 30??? I hear ya, girl. Forget the boys, I want a MAN. I really feel this is how most women feel. Its mostly a specific group of older women who like to put down men who date some one who is not the same exact age range. All that is crap. Confused - what do you think you have to offer an older man who is financially established? And why is someone who is successful in his career your only criteria? Hey everyone...firstly, I do not think being successful is my only criteria for who I will and will not date but it is important to me. Mostly because I consider myself a successful person and I want someone who has those same notions and ideals. I am only 25 so I don't have years invested in my career but I have a masters degree and I do well for my level of experience. It does not have anything to do with 'being able to take me out for fancy dinners.' I will admit that I want someone who is financially stable but that in no way means they have to buy me gifts or take me out. Mostly to me it just means that I want someone who is smart about their finances and has career goals. I just find it very attractive when I meet a man who takes pride in his career and is good at what he does. Also, I do not find that dating older men is a problem to me, please note that. But it seems to be a problem for the men, in the long run. I am very mature for my age...I am past the club scene, I don't need a party, I love kids and have dated guys with children, I am committed (aka don't sleep around when in a relationship), and mostly importantly I do not start or invite drama like young women that I have known. One guy just simply told me that I have not gone through many of lifes obstacles yet and he really didn't want to have to go through them with me since he has already been throught them before! They seem to not want to give me a real chance because I am young. Now, let me note here that I of course recognize the glaring double standard here...older men discriminate against me for being young and I don't like it but yet I turn around and discriminate against guys my own age for being too young. Yeah, I am fully aware of this. But I just cannot help how I feel. I guess I wrote this post to see if there is anyone else like me and how you deal with it. If you think I need to give guys my age a chance, how in the world do I do it when I can't even seem to bring myself to sit down for a conversation with any of them?! I have honestly tried and I just feel that none of them remotely interest me and I am certainly not attracted to any of them. YOu have nothing to defend. I know lots of women who date men 10-20 years older then them and they like it best. Women who date men their own age run into just as many problems if not more including everything from date rape-domestic violence to dead beat dads. Don't let people fool you or guilt you into not following whats best for you. Yes that is me...thank you for the compliment. Most guys aren't falling over themselves to date me- they just seem to want other things and that's it:( Please if thats you then you are to modest. If you ever saw a car crash you probably caused it... even if it was far away. We are in the same boat. I am turning to 23 in 2 months and hanging out with a guy who is 15 years older than me. Because of the age gap, he stopped seeing me after 2 weeks. We almost cut each other off at that time. However, 10 days later, we met in the same place again and we hit it off. And now, he and I are in kinda FWB situation. We meet each other twice a week and also exchange text messages (maybe 10 in total) every day. He talked about the same **** with me. "Oh, you are too young. A girl whose age is between 22-28 is not stable at all. Maybe 3 years later, you will change to the person I barely know. I can't take that risk. I can't be the father when I am 90 years old. I like you, and I feel relaxed and comfortable when I am with you. But I can't let myself attach to you. I don't want to lead you on." Guess what? Last Saturday, I happened to know that he brought another girl back to his condo at night, who is also 22. Fwang the guy you are dating sounds like a jerk. If you don't enjoy this I recomend you leave him. I only am worried about it because I cannot seem to maintain a relationship with someone much older than me. They are not interested in a long term relationship with someone much younger. So, while I don't want to change who I am, the way I am currently doesn't seem to be working out for me relationship-wise Most guys your own age are going to be even less into long term relationships if thats your view. just my opinion.
Author confused192 Posted August 13, 2010 Author Posted August 13, 2010 And also, I'd like to point out that I am not completely naive here. One poster mentioned about me getting hurt by an old man that only wanted to bed me. I can typically see right past that. Just this morning I have a 'friend' (my boss from a former job) who has been sending me text messages saying how nice it would be if we could catch up over drinks. I remember how he flirted with me when I worked for him and I just don't have time or patience for those shenanigans. I know exactly what he would try to do and I'm not willing to even put myself in that situation. Maybe if I was looking for that kind of a hook up, I would meet with him. However, I am not and the ball is in my court...he can only hurt me if I let him. Not going to happen...
Green Posted August 13, 2010 Posted August 13, 2010 Oh and I acidently didn't put my reply in to Jilly in my above post. To her I say come to the world or reality where older men are less picky then younger men and more laid back. Please she doesn't have to offer anything other then being a fun companion to go through life.
hydorclops Posted August 13, 2010 Posted August 13, 2010 Confused, Here are some rhetorical thought experiments for you: When you are 45 do you expect to be attracted only to 65 year-olds? If you are "older than your years" how will you change as you get older?
Author confused192 Posted August 13, 2010 Author Posted August 13, 2010 Confused, Here are some rhetorical thought experiments for you: When you are 45 do you expect to be attracted only to 65 year-olds? If you are "older than your years" how will you change as you get older? Hi there...I cannot even begin to think about who I will be attracted to when I'm 45. Ideally, I hope to have been in a wonderful relationship for some time and we've grown together as we've both gotten older. When I realized that I really seemed only to be attracted to men who are much older than me, I made a conscious effort to think about everything that involved. You have to think about what life will be like when he is ageing and you are still somewhat young. I know a couple (an ex-boyfriends father and mother in law) who were kind of going through the same situation. He was in his 60s and in bad health, his teeth were falling out, etc. His wife was in her 40s and had become repulsed by him in his old age. It was the saddest thing to witness and I realized that I would have to come to terms with the possibility that that could be my life if I continue seeking relationships with men 20 years older than me. I do not feel it would be fair to get into those kinds of relationships and then turn around and run when they became "too old." I have realized that if I truly loved the person I was with, I will gladly take care of them and would not cut and run. I am not that kind of person. It's a fact of life...everyone will get old. I've accepted this about my life and my choices.
fwang Posted August 13, 2010 Posted August 13, 2010 Confused, Here are some rhetorical thought experiments for you: When you are 45 do you expect to be attracted only to 65 year-olds? If you are "older than your years" how will you change as you get older? That's the only thing which turns me off when I am dating an older man.
Author confused192 Posted August 13, 2010 Author Posted August 13, 2010 Confused, Here are some rhetorical thought experiments for you: When you are 45 do you expect to be attracted only to 65 year-olds? If you are "older than your years" how will you change as you get older? haha oops you said rhetorical...oh well, I answered anyway
hydorclops Posted August 13, 2010 Posted August 13, 2010 Maybe a solution is to start a long-term relationship with someone your own age, when you are older. There's plenty of great stuff to do as you wait for your peers to mature.
Green Posted August 13, 2010 Posted August 13, 2010 Confused, Here are some rhetorical thought experiments for you: When you are 45 do you expect to be attracted only to 65 year-olds? If you are "older than your years" how will you change as you get older? That is a really pointles question. Seriously I don't know if I will be attracted to the same girl in 20 years even if she is the same age. I'd like to think so. Life is about the hear and now. She could marry a guy live a great life have 2 kids and die 7 years into the marriage. Then atleast she lived the life she wanted while she was alive. life is to short to live 20 years into the future.
Philetus Posted August 13, 2010 Posted August 13, 2010 I only am worried about it because I cannot seem to maintain a relationship with someone much older than me. They are not interested in a long term relationship with someone much younger. So, while I don't want to change who I am, the way I am currently doesn't seem to be working out for me relationship-wise Great thread! I wanted to jump in because I'm one of those older guys you're describing. I'm 44 and I've dated women as young as 25. I have found it challenging to have a serious relationship with someone in their 20's or early 30's. I think there are several reasons why and most of them have nothing to do with the woman or her age but my The first is the stigma. It's hard to get over the feeling that your partner's friends and family aren't judging you as some 'dirty old man'. Even on this forum, I've gotten grief for having the audacity to date a 25 year-old. Even if you're not being judged in that way, people don't accept the relationship for what it is. They assume one party is in it because of some reason not related to love - she's a gold digger, he's a cradle robber, etc. It makes me self-conscious. The second is the future. I ask myself questions like, "sure, she may not want children now but what about in 10 years? Do I want to be a new dad at 54?". This unknown makes me hesitant. "If I fall in love with this woman, of course I'll give her a baby but I don't want a teenage child when I'm 70. But, if I won't give her a baby, she'll leave me for someone who will." The path of least resistance is to get out now. So, my choices are ruled by fear of the unknown future. (Dating a younger woman is like a ride at the amusement park - it's fun and exhilarating but how long can you go before you develop severe back pain?) The third is your age constantly reminds me how old I am. I ask myself the questions like, 'when you're my age, I'll be retiring, will she retire with me?", "in 10 years, I may be significantly older looking but she'll still be beautiful, will I lose her?" The fourth, and what makes it the hardest for me, is the generation gap. You and I have a different set of life experiences. I know where I was when Reagan was shot (I lost my virginity that day). You weren't even born. My earliest news memory is the moon landing, yours might be the Berlin wall coming down. Then there are all the pop culture references. I grew up on Carol Burnett, Six Million Dollar Man, disco, classic rock, Star Wars... What are your formative pop references? Survivor? I don't know. When those memories are shared, they really bind you to other people. When you don't have them, there is something missing and you need other things to fill that void. I don't know if I'm typical but these things make it difficult for me. Maybe knowing this can help you. You're very lovely, you're know what you want, you're together and confident, and obviously intelligent. As you say, men in their early 40s (if they've taken care of themselves) can have a LOT to offer. I'm exactly as you describe (confident, self sufficient, financially independent, etc). I'd encourage to stick to what you want, keep dating men that you're attracted to. It may take a while and maybe you have to "grow into" that age group a bit. I'd never encourage anyone to compromise themselves. How can you be truly happy that way?
hydorclops Posted August 13, 2010 Posted August 13, 2010 green, One reason to engage in this thought experiment is to clarify: Am I interested in men who are older, as in 40-somethings? Or am I really interested in men who are older than me? That's personal insight that can be helpful now.
Green Posted August 13, 2010 Posted August 13, 2010 green, One reason to engage in this thought experiment is to clarify: Am I interested in men who are older, as in 40-somethings? Or am I really interested in men who are older than me? That's personal insight that can be helpful now. I'm in my 20's and I date a girl in her 20's... there is no way I would want to date a 40 year old woman at this point. So if you asked me your hypo it fails. For the same reasons I don't think its a good question for her. Lets face it most people break up these days. Should she suffer through a 3 year relationship with a guy she doesn't like because he is close to her age... or enjoy a relationship in the HERE AND NOW. Life is journey not some 30 year destination
Philetus Posted August 13, 2010 Posted August 13, 2010 You can not have a LTR with an older man because he does not want to have it because of his personal reasons. Sure, it is easy to have a short-term or a long-term FWBs with older males. Older males do want to have fun, and they do not want to have anything else including responsibilities and other boring stuff. If your men wanted to have a serious LTR, they would surely get married by 40s. It is a nice excuse to let you know that you are too young for them if you want a serious relationship with them. But, I am sure they are positive that you are mature enough to have hot sex with them anytime. The point is that you age is fine for the right older man. But, some older guys just want to have fun with younger girls and truthfully with females of any age as far as it is not a serious LTR. You have to be careful of blanket statements. I'm an 'older man' and I don't mind 'responsibilities and other boring stuff'. Maybe it's a sign of my age but I don't see 'responsibilities' as necessarily 'boring stuff'. Some of us, HAVE been married but are not any more. That's my case. I do agree that there seem to be a great number of older men out there who make pretty bad partners. I have a lot of empathy for woman 35+ who are trying to date right now. I'm sure you're right that her age is good for the 'right' older man. It's also true that some older guys are looking just to have fun. After my marriage ended that's all I was interested in for a while.
Author confused192 Posted August 13, 2010 Author Posted August 13, 2010 Great thread! I wanted to jump in because I'm one of those older guys you're describing. I'm 44 and I've dated women as young as 25. I have found it challenging to have a serious relationship with someone in their 20's or early 30's. I think there are several reasons why and most of them have nothing to do with the woman or her age but my The first is the stigma. It's hard to get over the feeling that your partner's friends and family aren't judging you as some 'dirty old man'. Even on this forum, I've gotten grief for having the audacity to date a 25 year-old. Even if you're not being judged in that way, people don't accept the relationship for what it is. They assume one party is in it because of some reason not related to love - she's a gold digger, he's a cradle robber, etc. It makes me self-conscious. The second is the future. I ask myself questions like, "sure, she may not want children now but what about in 10 years? Do I want to be a new dad at 54?". This unknown makes me hesitant. "If I fall in love with this woman, of course I'll give her a baby but I don't want a teenage child when I'm 70. But, if I won't give her a baby, she'll leave me for someone who will." The path of least resistance is to get out now. So, my choices are ruled by fear of the unknown future. (Dating a younger woman is like a ride at the amusement park - it's fun and exhilarating but how long can you go before you develop severe back pain?) The third is your age constantly reminds me how old I am. I ask myself the questions like, 'when you're my age, I'll be retiring, will she retire with me?", "in 10 years, I may be significantly older looking but she'll still be beautiful, will I lose her?" The fourth, and what makes it the hardest for me, is the generation gap. You and I have a different set of life experiences. I know where I was when Reagan was shot (I lost my virginity that day). You weren't even born. My earliest news memory is the moon landing, yours might be the Berlin wall coming down. Then there are all the pop culture references. I grew up on Carol Burnett, Six Million Dollar Man, disco, classic rock, Star Wars... What are your formative pop references? Survivor? I don't know. When those memories are shared, they really bind you to other people. When you don't have them, there is something missing and you need other things to fill that void. I don't know if I'm typical but these things make it difficult for me. Maybe knowing this can help you. You're very lovely, you're know what you want, you're together and confident, and obviously intelligent. As you say, men in their early 40s (if they've taken care of themselves) can have a LOT to offer. I'm exactly as you describe (confident, self sufficient, financially independent, etc). I'd encourage to stick to what you want, keep dating men that you're attracted to. It may take a while and maybe you have to "grow into" that age group a bit. I'd never encourage anyone to compromise themselves. How can you be truly happy that way? Everything you said was great, thank you for your insight. You brought up many valid points...I had not considered that there may be worry on the man's end that as he gets older and I am still fairly young, could he lose me to someone else. That can happen in any relationship but it does represent a real fear that could keep older men from pursueing a relationship with me. That was very helpful. I will say that what you mentioned about generational gap, at least for me personally, does not hold true. Honestly, I don't want to talk to any guys my age about anything they've done or are interested in. I mean, what life experiences do they have to tell me about, that they went to a lot of crazy frat parties and keggers back in college? I'd rather forgo any and all conversations like that. I feel like I've already lived through all those experiences and I want to hear about something else, learn something maybe. I used to date a geology professor who had so many interesting things to talk about. We didn't share any of the same experiences and he was so different from me but that is what kept it interesting. If I really wanted to hear about something from my generation, I would talk to my friends. That's just how I feel. I guess I also feel like, now that I've been dating older men since I graduated high school, I don't feel that I can even connect well with guys my own age anymore. I recently went on a house boat trip with some friends from high school and college. It was strictly a friends thing but there was several times I found myself sitting there listening to the conversation thinking, 'I really have no idea what these people are talking about. Am I supposed to know any of these songs we're listening to?! I couldn't even join this conversation if I wanted to!' It was just very awkward and I did not feel comfortable. I had no way to connect to any of them, even considering the fact that I had known most of them since kindergarten! I will keep looking...hopefully I find someone that doesn't mind our age gap.
Philetus Posted August 13, 2010 Posted August 13, 2010 Everything you said was great, thank you for your insight. You brought up many valid points...I had not considered that there may be worry on the man's end that as he gets older and I am still fairly young, could he lose me to someone else. That can happen in any relationship but it does represent a real fear that could keep older men from pursueing a relationship with me. That was very helpful. I will say that what you mentioned about generational gap, at least for me personally, does not hold true. Honestly, I don't want to talk to any guys my age about anything they've done or are interested in. I mean, what life experiences do they have to tell me about, that they went to a lot of crazy frat parties and keggers back in college? I'd rather forgo any and all conversations like that. I feel like I've already lived through all those experiences and I want to hear about something else, learn something maybe. I used to date a geology professor who had so many interesting things to talk about. We didn't share any of the same experiences and he was so different from me but that is what kept it interesting. If I really wanted to hear about something from my generation, I would talk to my friends. That's just how I feel. I guess I also feel like, now that I've been dating older men since I graduated high school, I don't feel that I can even connect well with guys my own age anymore. I recently went on a house boat trip with some friends from high school and college. It was strictly a friends thing but there was several times I found myself sitting there listening to the conversation thinking, 'I really have no idea what these people are talking about. Am I supposed to know any of these songs we're listening to?! I couldn't even join this conversation if I wanted to!' It was just very awkward and I did not feel comfortable. I had no way to connect to any of them, even considering the fact that I had known most of them since kindergarten! I will keep looking...hopefully I find someone that doesn't mind our age gap. Repeating myself here... you sound very together, very self-actualized and definitely not like a typical 25 year-old. If the younger women I dated were like you, I may not have moved on. A point of (hopefully) clarification on the generation gap issue. Shared experiences (like a shared culture) give you a basis on which to start building a relationship. If I reference Romeo and Juliette, that has meaning to you. Even if you hate the play, you know what I'm talking about. We have that in common. Those tiny connections strengthen the bond between us, especially if we have emotional connections to them. Of course, differences are incredibly important. I don't want to date my twin. All I'm saying is if something is really important to me and you have no context to appreciate it, to ME something is missing. It also works both ways, if something is really important to you and I have no context to appreciate it, I fell 'left out' which can make me feel 'old'. It's the same reason why I don't like dating someone who is significantly more or less intelligent than I. Love, for me, has much to do with connections.
hydorclops Posted August 13, 2010 Posted August 13, 2010 As an older man, here's why I wouldn't want to have a romantic/sexual relationship with a much younger woman: I have and have had relationships with young people. Working relationships and friendships, not romantic. In these situations I felt some responsibility to be helpful. To help them grow up, to help them learn the business we were in, to help them understand the world, to help them feel connected to the world by having a more connected, older advocate. It's sort of like being a father, older sibling. It's also like paying back the world for the benefits I received as a younger person. Unlike being an actual father, there was no primal attachment. The young people get some benefits but are in an essential way free to do what they please. If I like, respect, and care about a young person, this is how I want it to be. I can also have friendly but more superficial interactions as well, just as I would have with any acquaintance. This all feels natural to me. If I were to add sex and romantic attachment to the above, it would feel like I was interfering with the individual personal development of the young person. Maybe they would take me too seriously, care too much what I thought. Try too hard to do what they thought I wanted them to do. A woman my age is already developed. She has her own opinions and is her own person. She can more easily choose her own actions. Our intimacy is more equal. Fine, I'm idiosyncratic. I don't think everyone should be like me. I believe it's fully possible for people to have great relationships with a large age gap. The above reasons are only why I don't want one.
Green Posted August 13, 2010 Posted August 13, 2010 As an older man, here's why I wouldn't want to have a romantic/sexual relationship with a much younger woman: I have and have had relationships with young people. Working relationships and friendships, not romantic. In these situations I felt some responsibility to be helpful. To help them grow up, to help them learn the business we were in, to help them understand the world, to help them feel connected to the world by having a more connected, older advocate. It's sort of like being a father, older sibling. It's also like paying back the world for the benefits I received as a younger person. Unlike being an actual father, there was no primal attachment. The young people get some benefits but are in an essential way free to do what they please. If I like, respect, and care about a young person, this is how I want it to be. I can also have friendly but more superficial interactions as well, just as I would have with any acquaintance. This all feels natural to me. If I were to add sex and romantic attachment to the above, it would feel like I was interfering with the individual personal development of the young person. Maybe they would take me too seriously, care too much what I thought. Try too hard to do what they thought I wanted them to do. A woman my age is already developed. She has her own opinions and is her own person. She can more easily choose her own actions. Our intimacy is more equal. Fine, I'm idiosyncratic. I don't think everyone should be like me. I believe it's fully possible for people to have great relationships with a large age gap. The above reasons are only why I don't want one. Thats kinda weird that you feel that way about sexy younger women. But in the end what ever you are attracted to is fine by me. I just want to make it clear that I in know way think the way you do.
fwang Posted August 13, 2010 Posted August 13, 2010 I think Philetus just made a very brief and reasonable statement about why an older man doesn't wanna a LTR with a younger girl. What you wrote is exactly what the 38 years old guy told me.
Green Posted August 13, 2010 Posted August 13, 2010 I think Philetus just made a very brief and reasonable statement about why an older man doesn't wanna a LTR with a younger girl. What you wrote is exactly what the 38 years old guy told me. Ur 38 year old guy is a dick. There are plenty of people like him in their 20's too.
EasyHeart Posted August 13, 2010 Posted August 13, 2010 I'm 48 and the best relationships I've had are with women 15 and 20 years younger than me. My current GF is 23 and things are going great. Obviously, I don't think there is anything wrong with an age gap with your SO. As other people have mentioned, it makes a big difference where you are in life. If the older person is divorced and has children (esp. kids close to your age) that makes a big difference. If he is single/never married, he's more likely to be comfortable with a younger partner. The same with shared cultural experiences. A lot of my friends say things like "What do you talk about? You don't have anything in common." But that's a big surprise to me and my GFs, since we can talk pretty much endlessly. In my mind, some people get stuck in time -- they still listen to the same music and watch the same TV shows they did in college. People like that have very little in common with younger people. But I never seem to have any problems finding plenty to talk about with younger women. I think age is kind of like height or hair color or education level or lots of other superficial things -- in a perfect world, it would be great if my GF had certain attributes, but as long as she is smart, cute, curious and has good values, I really don't care about superficialities.
sumdude Posted August 13, 2010 Posted August 13, 2010 Y'know it's interesting to think back to my teens and 20's. Other than a few choice friends I usually got along better with people older than me than most of my peers. Once I reached my 30's things started to even out. It's like I was intellectually 30 when I was 18. OP you may be a lot like this. As for myself at 42, divorced with no kids and my ex completely out of the picture, I'm not actively pursuing much younger women but would consider a relationship with one. Until now all of my relationships have been with women who were close to my age. Really it depends on the individual. Once someone is young enough to be my daughter I might get a little put off by it. Haven't been faced with that so who knows, right?
bac Posted August 13, 2010 Posted August 13, 2010 green, One reason to engage in this thought experiment is to clarify: Am I interested in men who are older, as in 40-somethings? Or am I really interested in men who are older than me? That's personal insight that can be helpful now. There is a better way to confirm your interest in older guys which is getting married them. After 10-20 yrs of the marriage you might change your mind completely. You might realize that you want only the very hot, handsome, passionate younger guys in 20s.
that girl Posted August 13, 2010 Posted August 13, 2010 The statistics you present are not precisely age gap statistics, though they probably correlate. But, they are talking about a woman who is 25 years old only. Here is a quote from the Psychoanalytic Review: “Most marriages in our society are age hypergamous; that is, a man marries a woman younger than he. Sixty-nine percent of marriages exhibit this pattern. In another 11 percent the partners' ages are equal and in only 20 percent is the woman older than the man.1 The median age gap at first marriage is 1.8 years; at remarriage 3.7 years. This remarriage median reflects a heavy weighting toward women and men in their 20s and early 30s, when most remarriage occurs. A man in his 40s who remarries is likely to choose a mate nine to ten years younger then he. “ [COLOR=#660000]http://www.pep-web.org/document.php?id=psar.073d.0202a[/COLOR] That study is from 1986. A 25 year old woman was wearing diapers when it was published. I wouldn't assume it is still valid.
Recommended Posts