Older men

[confused192]

Ok, I've posted about this before...but I just can't get over my attraction to older men. I've legitimately tried to go out with guys my own age (I'm 25) and have an open mind about it, but I am just not attracted to anyone my age. What is my deal?! Is anyone else like this? It's becoming a problem because most of these older men (usually later 30s early 40s) are not interested in watching a 25 year old 'grow up'...they've already been there and done that.

 

When I've gone out with guys my own age, I try really hard not to think of their age and just find of who they are as a person but as they're talking to me, I just glaze over and tune out...I find every one I've been out with so boring and I am not at all attracted to any of them.

 

Before anyone calls it out, I do not think I have 'daddy issues.' I have a wonderful father whom I have a great relationship with and I am not looking to replace him in any way. I just find myself really attracted to successful, older men...anyone older man who has an established career and is good at what they do, I'm into it.

 

Can anyone help?

[alphamale]

...anyone older man who has an established career and is good at what they do, I'm into it.

i.e. older men have a lot more money so they can take you out to fancy places

[ReadyforLove]

Ok, I've posted about this before...but I just can't get over my attraction to older men. I've legitimately tried to go out with guys my own age (I'm 25) and have an open mind about it, but I am just not attracted to anyone my age. What is my deal?! Is anyone else like this? It's becoming a problem because most of these older men (usually later 30s early 40s) are not interested in watching a 25 year old 'grow up'...they've already been there and done that.

 

When I've gone out with guys my own age, I try really hard not to think of their age and just find of who they are as a person but as they're talking to me, I just glaze over and tune out...I find every one I've been out with so boring and I am not at all attracted to any of them.

 

Before anyone calls it out, I do not think I have 'daddy issues.' I have a wonderful father whom I have a great relationship with and I am not looking to replace him in any way. I just find myself really attracted to successful, older men...anyone older man who has an established career and is good at what they do, I'm into it.

 

Can anyone help?

 

I don't understand what this thread is about. Are you trying to get over your attraction to older men or trying to be more receptive to dating men your old age? Personally, I am on the same boat as you. The youngest guy I have dated was only six months older and I could not get over the fact that he was younger than me! And aside from that, I thought the he was not on the same level as me (maturity wise).

 

My dad is 20 years older than my mom so I think that me being attracted to older men is in my blood. I am currently seeing someone who is 20+ years older and it is a nice fit for me. We have a lot in common believe it or not. Age is just a number so if you are attracted to a more mature and successful man, more power to you!!

[InceptorsRule]

Ok, I've posted about this before...but I just can't get over my attraction to older men. I've legitimately tried to go out with guys my own age (I'm 25) and have an open mind about it, but I am just not attracted to anyone my age. What is my deal?! Is anyone else like this? It's becoming a problem because most of these older men (usually later 30s early 40s) are not interested in watching a 25 year old 'grow up'...they've already been there and done that.

 

When I've gone out with guys my own age, I try really hard not to think of their age and just find of who they are as a person but as they're talking to me, I just glaze over and tune out...I find every one I've been out with so boring and I am not at all attracted to any of them.

 

Before anyone calls it out, I do not think I have 'daddy issues.' I have a wonderful father whom I have a great relationship with and I am not looking to replace him in any way. I just find myself really attracted to successful, older men...anyone older man who has an established career and is good at what they do, I'm into it.

 

Can anyone help?

 

 

 

I can't believe that there aren't plenty of older guys who wouldn;t be falling over themselves to go out with you, if that's your picture in your avatar, you're gorgeous.

[ReadyforLove]

I meant to say someone your *own age

[AverageJoe]

i.e. older men have a lot more money so they can take you out to fancy places

 

This.

 

And they are suckers for it.

[Serenitynow]

I'm a 39 yr old male. And I'm wondering if I'm limiting myself by looking for women early 30's and higher?

 

I dont think I would mind a late 20's girl, as long as she has her sh*t together and is past the club/drinking stage.

 

 

.

[ReadyforLove]

I dont think I would mind a late 20's girl, as long as she has her sh*t together and is past the club/drinking stage.

 

.

 

Late 20s+Has her sh*t together+past the club/drinking stage = highly unlikely

[Serenitynow]

Late 20s+Has her sh*t together+past the club/drinking stage = highly unlikely

 

LOL now if I would have said that, there would have been 20 females bashing me from every angle

 

hell they might still take it out on me since you're on their team.

 

.

[AverageJoe]

I'm a 39 yr old male. And I'm wondering if I'm limiting myself by looking for women early 30's and higher?

 

I dont think I would mind a late 20's girl, as long as she has her sh*t together and is past the club/drinking stage.

 

 

.

 

Why not? Unless you have marriage in mind.

 

I am about your age and have no interest in marriage. I have gone out with plenty of twenty of somethings. Whats the problem?

[Enchanted Girl]

Ok, I've posted about this before...but I just can't get over my attraction to older men. I've legitimately tried to go out with guys my own age (I'm 25) and have an open mind about it, but I am just not attracted to anyone my age. What is my deal?! Is anyone else like this? It's becoming a problem because most of these older men (usually later 30s early 40s) are not interested in watching a 25 year old 'grow up'...they've already been there and done that.

 

When I've gone out with guys my own age, I try really hard not to think of their age and just find of who they are as a person but as they're talking to me, I just glaze over and tune out...I find every one I've been out with so boring and I am not at all attracted to any of them.

 

Before anyone calls it out, I do not think I have 'daddy issues.' I have a wonderful father whom I have a great relationship with and I am not looking to replace him in any way. I just find myself really attracted to successful, older men...anyone older man who has an established career and is good at what they do, I'm into it.

 

Can anyone help?

 

I still think you're dating these older men because of your father. You had a great father and want to date someone who reminds you of him and makes you feel special like your Dad probably did.

 

But you're really not giving younger men a chance. Not all of them are the same.

 

I am 24, my boyfriend is 22. (*gasp* He's younger!) He's very mature and committed to the relationship, even though he's young. People give him a hard time about it, so yea, if you date a guy around your age, expect all the men around him to question why he's being committed to you and give him a hard time about it. My boyfriend has been taken aside by several men and given long lectures about how he's young and wasting his life by being committed to me (some of them were pretty much strangers), but that doesn't mean that a man can't do it and be mature about it.

 

When it comes to being financially stable though, he is not financially stable, but that doesn't really bother me because neither am I. We're honestly probably going to struggle in that area together for awhile and since we're so similar to one another and on the same maturity level and page as one another, it doesn't really matter to me.

 

If you're looking for someone who's at the same stage in life as you, well, people mature at different rates, so you are going to find people at a variety of age levels for that, but if you're looking for someone financially well off, then that's probably why you date only older men. The younger ones do not have all their **** together in this area of their life.

 

The one concern I have is that you keep saying that they don't want to watch you grow-up, which means you are dating men at a further stage in life than you are. It's better to date people at the same stage because they'll be more compatible to you and because you are dating men that are at a further, more mature stage, it does sound like you are doing it because you want someone who will be like a father to you.

[reservoirdog1]

A relationship with a significant age difference can work out, though it has its own challenges.

 

I'm 38, currently dating a woman who's 27. We've only been dating a couple of months, but so far it's going great. What helps is that we're actually in similar places in our lives -- we're both divorced and each have two kids. Mine are 12 and 9, hers are 5 and 3. Our child-free times coincide nicely and we seem to have quite a lot in common in terms of music, movies, pop culture, interests, etc. It's way too early to say what the long term future will be, but we're not focusing on that right now.

 

The obstacle you may encounter is if you have little in common, or if you're into partying and he's way past that. But if dating older guys is your thing, go for it. Everybody has their preferences.

[marsle85]

I hear ya, girl. Forget the boys, I want a MAN.

[JustAnotherSeeker]

Hey Confused - I've read that only 'unmet needs motivate'. What needs of yours aren't being met by guys closer to your age from your dating experiences so far?

[jadedone]

Ok, I've posted about this before...but I just can't get over my attraction to older men. I've legitimately tried to go out with guys my own age (I'm 25) and have an open mind about it, but I am just not attracted to anyone my age. What is my deal?! Is anyone else like this? It's becoming a problem because most of these older men (usually later 30s early 40s) are not interested in watching a 25 year old 'grow up'...they've already been there and done that.

 

When I've gone out with guys my own age, I try really hard not to think of their age and just find of who they are as a person but as they're talking to me, I just glaze over and tune out...I find every one I've been out with so boring and I am not at all attracted to any of them.

 

Before anyone calls it out, I do not think I have 'daddy issues.' I have a wonderful father whom I have a great relationship with and I am not looking to replace him in any way. I just find myself really attracted to successful, older men...anyone older man who has an established career and is good at what they do, I'm into it.

 

Can anyone help?

 

No, but I'm 35 for what it's worth, lol.

[Jilly Bean]

Confused - what do you think you have to offer an older man who is financially established? And why is someone who is successful in his career your only criteria?

[that girl]

I just glaze over and tune out...I find every one I've been out with so boring and I am not at all attracted to any of them.

 

This sounds like a self-fulfilling prophesy to me. You've decided that guys your own age are dull so you are predisposed to find Johnny Twentyfive dull.

 

anyone older man who has an established career and is good at what they do, I'm into it.

 

Well, what would you think of a 26 year old master carpenter who has been honing his skills since he was in high school and is now very in demand for his skilled, ornate work? Or a 25 year old who has been building webpages since middle school, graduated from MIT and now has a high level job at Google?

 

I'm guessing those wouldn't be anywhere near as appealing as a 40 year of lawyer. And I think that is the crux. A 40 year old is going to have different life experiences than a 25 year old, but you are no longer so young that they guys are all drinking beer at a frat party.

[confused192]

Hey everyone...firstly, I do not think being successful is my only criteria for who I will and will not date but it is important to me. Mostly because I consider myself a successful person and I want someone who has those same notions and ideals. I am only 25 so I don't have years invested in my career but I have a masters degree and I do well for my level of experience. It does not have anything to do with 'being able to take me out for fancy dinners.' I will admit that I want someone who is financially stable but that in no way means they have to buy me gifts or take me out. Mostly to me it just means that I want someone who is smart about their finances and has career goals. I just find it very attractive when I meet a man who takes pride in his career and is good at what he does.

 

Also, I do not find that dating older men is a problem to me, please note that. But it seems to be a problem for the men, in the long run. I am very mature for my age...I am past the club scene, I don't need a party, I love kids and have dated guys with children, I am committed (aka don't sleep around when in a relationship), and mostly importantly I do not start or invite drama like young women that I have known. One guy just simply told me that I have not gone through many of lifes obstacles yet and he really didn't want to have to go through them with me since he has already been throught them before! They seem to not want to give me a real chance because I am young. Now, let me note here that I of course recognize the glaring double standard here...older men discriminate against me for being young and I don't like it but yet I turn around and discriminate against guys my own age for being too young. Yeah, I am fully aware of this. But I just cannot help how I feel.

 

I guess I wrote this post to see if there is anyone else like me and how you deal with it. If you think I need to give guys my age a chance, how in the world do I do it when I can't even seem to bring myself to sit down for a conversation with any of them?! I have honestly tried and I just feel that none of them remotely interest me and I am certainly not attracted to any of them.

[confused192]

I can't believe that there aren't plenty of older guys who wouldn;t be falling over themselves to go out with you, if that's your picture in your avatar, you're gorgeous.

 

Yes that is me...thank you for the compliment. Most guys aren't falling over themselves to date me- they just seem to want other things and that's it:(

[confused192]

This sounds like a self-fulfilling prophesy to me. You've decided that guys your own age are dull so you are predisposed to find Johnny Twentyfive dull.

 

 

Well, what would you think of a 26 year old master carpenter who has been honing his skills since he was in high school and is now very in demand for his skilled, ornate work? Or a 25 year old who has been building webpages since middle school, graduated from MIT and now has a high level job at Google?

 

I'm guessing those wouldn't be anywhere near as appealing as a 40 year of lawyer. And I think that is the crux. A 40 year old is going to have different life experiences than a 25 year old, but you are no longer so young that they guys are all drinking beer at a frat party.

 

Hey thank you for your response. You are probably right...I am sure I have conditioned myself somewhat to think that all guys my age are dull. I guess I need to figure out how to stop myself from doing it. I tell myself to just go out and have a good time and do not think too hard about it but I do think it comes back to the life experiences piece...maybe that is the bigger issue. A man who is 40 years old is likely to have had many more life experiences than a 25 year old man...and to me that is what I find partly interesting about older men. Your question about the 26 year old master carpenter does have me intrigued though...I wonder how I would handle that situation if I met a guy like that. I would definitely be intrigued and want to know about his career but I don't know how much of a chance I would give him. I recognize this is a problem but I just don't know how to change the way I feel about it!

[Ella whispers]

I feel more attracted to older men as well. I'm 35 and I have been talking to a 46 yr old man that I would like to date. I like the relaxing quiet way I feel when we spend time together. It's different than the other man that I have been considering dating, he's more fast paced and abrasive than the older one. I can't decide anything official because I like them both for different reasons and since they are dating other women as well as me I can feel them both out a little better mentally.

[confused192]

Confused - what do you think you have to offer an older man who is financially established? And why is someone who is successful in his career your only criteria?

 

Hi Jilly Bean, that is a very good question and one that I have certainly asked myself a number of times. When I think about women in their 30s and 40s, I am not sure how I would measure up because they too have many more life experiences than I have had and I think that makes them vastly more attractive to men than I can be at my age of 25. I have a very positive outlook on life and I am constantly happy...not annoyingly happy but I just never let anything bother me or change my positive outlook. I am well-educated and really enjoy doing new things, venturing outside my comfort zone and experiencing something different. I'm very motivated and driven and have been told I am 'not typical' which is nice. That is all I can think of to type out but I do feel like, with the right person, I have a lot to offer.

[confused192]

Late 20s+Has her sh*t together+past the club/drinking stage = highly unlikely

 

 

I fit that criteria...but I would agree that I am the minority amongst 25 year old women.

[Jilly Bean]

Confused - *most* people end up dating and marrying people very close to their own age. And there is a reason for that - there is instant understanding of one's generation and current position in life. Personally, I would have no interest in dating someone significantly younger in a serious way, as I wouldn't want to deal with him going through his career growth, change of personality, etc.

 

I get the feeling that you want to "be older", if you feel. That you want to be an established woman with a solid career, etc.

 

But, getting there is half the fun! Dating someone who has what you aspire to isn't going to change your own life. It's only going to make you a glommer onto someone else's scene.

 

Don't compare yourself to older women. Live your life as a carefree 25-year old who has the ability to still make mistakes and learn and grow.

[skydiveaddict]

wise words Jillybean, but I must admit ; there is a 43 yr old staff sergeant in my unit very happily married to a 30 yr old girl