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SP's coping log


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Posted
Congrats. :):bunny:

 

I guess that a lot of things change after a breakup, sounds like for you it's for good. Its best to focus your energy on improving your life, rather than dwelling on him. Which it seems you are doing and it's paying off!

 

Considering anyone would be reeling from an out of nowhere breakup like this, you're doing good shadow.

 

I second this. You are a strong person shadow and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. I am very impressed by how well you are coping.

 

On another note, have you seen any good movies lately (new or old) that you would recommend? I feel like watching something decent but don't know what. Any genre is fine as long as it's not purely action or sci-fi.

  • Author
Posted
I second this. You are a strong person shadow and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. I am very impressed by how well you are coping.

 

On another note, have you seen any good movies lately (new or old) that you would recommend? I feel like watching something decent but don't know what. Any genre is fine as long as it's not purely action or sci-fi.

 

Shoah :) I don't know what you like, so I'll give you a variety of choices

 

Ghost Writer (2010) -- A tight, gripping psychological/political thriller by Roman Polanski.

Ordinary People (1980) - A family drama. Really fascinating pyschology behind the characters.

The Conversation (1972) - Another great psychological thriller

You Can Count on Me (2000)

The Descent (2005) -- Not perfect, but a pretty cool horror movie

 

This is a good site I often use when looking for new movies. It assigns each movie a number based on all of its reviews in major publications, and you can sort the movies from highest to lowest number. Only downside is its only been around for about 10 years, so movies made before that are not included.

  • Author
Posted
Congrats. :):bunny:

 

I guess that a lot of things change after a breakup, sounds like for you it's for good. Its best to focus your energy on improving your life, rather than dwelling on him. Which it seems you are doing and it's paying off!

 

Considering anyone would be reeling from an out of nowhere breakup like this, you're doing good shadow.

 

I'm glad.

The independence thing will come.

 

Thanks, guys! I really appreciate your encouragement.

  • Author
Posted

Sigh. Feeling a bit low tonight. Every time I do, I just need to remind myself that this is a guy who told me he recently fcked himself with the end of a beer bottle up to get off. :laugh::sick:

Posted
Sigh. Feeling a bit low tonight. Every time I do, I just need to remind myself that this is a guy who told me he recently fcked himself with the end of a beer bottle up to get off. :laugh::sick:

 

OMG are you SERIOUS????

 

SP the guy is a total nutjob.

 

You are so well rid of him!

  • Author
Posted
OMG are you SERIOUS????

 

SP the guy is a total nutjob.

 

You are so well rid of him!

 

Unfortunately yes. I seem to have an awful man-picker. One of the other guys I dated had even more bizarre sexual habits and is now taking hormones to become a woman. All of these guys appeared normal on the surface, at least to me. shrug.

Posted
Unfortunately yes. I seem to have an awful man-picker. One of the other guys I dated had even more bizarre sexual habits and is now taking hormones to become a woman. All of these guys appeared normal on the surface, at least to me. shrug.

 

 

Maybe it is time for more then a shrug. If it is the case you have an awful man-picker, now is the time to understand why. Can you figure out what it is about these guys and why you think you deserves them rather then someone less bizarre? What in your experiences has you believing this is what you can get and settle for them?

 

It is time to stop accept this as your life and find a way to make it better, learn a way to stop the pattern, for we get what we think we deserve.

 

It time for some hard work, but you have to decide and have to courage to do it. May be time to stop coping and start creating the life you deserve.

 

.

Posted
Unfortunately yes. I seem to have an awful man-picker. One of the other guys I dated had even more bizarre sexual habits and is now taking hormones to become a woman. All of these guys appeared normal on the surface, at least to me. shrug.

 

I'm gonna throw a crazy thought out there, Shadow... feel free to tell me I'm off my rocker.

 

You admit you're a horrible man-picker. The men you have chosen to date, are very femine and enjoy sex acts that gay men enjoy. You've also stated that you're bisexual.

 

Are you sure you're not just 100% gay? It's just that you pick men that are so much closer to women... and perhaps you're subconsciously picking bad men to give you an excuse to be driven towards women?

 

I'm probably not articulating this well, but it's a feeling that's nagged at me over the past year or longer in reading your posts.

Posted (edited)
I guess this is why you've alienated a number of members with whom you were once friendly.

 

Who, TBF? Please, name another (besides YOU of course). :rolleyes:

 

I'm going to respond to the rest of your post, which I suspect will be deleted in due course.

 

I too have noticed a pattern with you, and that is to lash out at posters with whom give you insightful advice that hurts to hear. You think I have bad motives because I give support, and yet also give "tough love." In essence, you feel that anyone who's capable of both supporting you when you need it, and giving you tough love when you need it, is a somehow a [expletive-expletive] bully. I can only assume that in order to not be a bully, one must only give you support 24/7 in each and every one of their posts to you. They cannot care about your well being and support you, and then become angered when you continue to act destructively. They cannot care about you and want to help you find what you're looking for, and dare to point out the flaws in your thinking to get you there. I'm not sure what leads you to that conclusion, but IMHO "anyone with half a brain" knows that support and tough love can come from the same person, without that person deserving the malicious labels you have given me.

 

As for your problems, they are yours, not mine. At this point, I can honestly say that I can no longer empathize, because they've exceeded anything I've even come close to experiencing. So I will just try to stop caring about your problems, and you. You know I've reached out to you privately several times in an effort to help you. I'm sorry that you feel my motives were anything other than altruistic (and yes, I realize that was a non-apology apology, but I mean it).

 

And I have meant every word I said up until this point Shadow. You are an intelligent, attractive, sensitive woman who has the world as your oyster. You can and will find happiness, if you want to. Your therapist and people on LS can open the door for you, but only you can walk through it. I really hope you do.

Edited by Star Gazer
  • Author
Posted
I'm gonna throw a crazy thought out there, Shadow... feel free to tell me I'm off my rocker.

 

You admit you're a horrible man-picker. The men you have chosen to date, are very femine and enjoy sex acts that gay men enjoy. You've also stated that you're bisexual.

 

Are you sure you're not just 100% gay? It's just that you pick men that are so much closer to women... and perhaps you're subconsciously picking bad men to give you an excuse to be driven towards women?

 

I'm probably not articulating this well, but it's a feeling that's nagged at me over the past year or longer in reading your posts.

 

Couldn't resist responding to this comment. Ha, no. My attraction to guys has always been significantly stronger than my attraction to women, and my crushes on them probably number my crushes on girls 10 to 1.

 

I think the femininity thing might be a byproduct of me being attracted to artistic/musical guys.

 

In some ways I wish I were gay, because women might be easier to deal with.

  • Author
Posted (edited)
Maybe it is time for more then a shrug. If it is the case you have an awful man-picker, now is the time to understand why. Can you figure out what it is about these guys and why you think you deserves them rather then someone less bizarre? What in your experiences has you believing this is what you can get and settle for them?

 

It is time to stop accept this as your life and find a way to make it better, learn a way to stop the pattern, for we get what we think we deserve.

 

It time for some hard work, but you have to decide and have to courage to do it. May be time to stop coping and start creating the life you deserve.

 

.

 

That's what I've been considering. It was a shock to me in both cases when I found out they had these sides to them. I was never conscious of anything weird about them before they told me. But maybe there was something else I was drawn to that is correlated with this submissive quality?

 

They may have seemed "safer" at first. I remember thinking my ex had this aura of warmth and protectiveness about him. I actually thought he seemed strong yet kind. I'd love to have a guy who is genuinely both (strong and sensitive), but instead I seem to be just ending up with guys who are overly sensitive in a negative way. Maybe I'm too dismissive of guys who are genuinely confident as arrogant/cocky, and I need to open up to getting to know them before I pass judgment.

 

I'm pretty good at understanding people from a distance, but once romantic interest enters the picture, I lose most of my sense. I miss red flags that other people would probably pick up on.

Edited by shadowplay
Posted

It was a shock to me in both cases when I found out they had these sides to them...They may have seemed "safer" at first. I remember thinking my ex had this aura of warmth and protectiveness about him.

 

Your other ex bf I told you from the get go that he was a pimp.

 

And the other one was more normal, at least he treated you right and was not phony, but he just got turned off (like guys do).

 

Besides, that guy is gay and was too immature for a relationship anyway since you were his first (or so he says).

 

Too bad you took him seriously though.

  • Author
Posted

I started seeing a psychiatrist last week (at new therapist's suggestion) and she has started lowering my antidepressant dosage gradually. It will be a long process, but the past week has been really tough because this drug has such nasty withdrawal symptoms. I've been missing him more and feeling more depressed, but I know that's just the brain chemicals. I have to just keep reminding myself of that and push through. She also put me on adderall to tackle my ADHD. So far it's helped with the concentration somewhat but has also made me a little jittery. It takes awhile to find the right medication and dosage combo for ADHD, so we'll see. :)

Posted

started seeing a psychiatrist...

lowering my antidepressant dosage gradually

will be a long process

She also put me on adderall

:)

 

OMG

 

It is scary people. Run from this evil!

Posted

Thank you tom cruise

Posted

Who is in your avatar?

Posted
Thank you tom cruise

 

Thank you jackson30

 

(for perfectly played the sarcastic accuracy)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

.

  • Author
Posted
Who is in your avatar?

 

the lead singer of blur. he was too girly for me as a youngin' but now that his face is a bit weathered, i find him rather cute. ;)

  • Author
Posted

Sigh. I'm starting to feel like I have the bubonic plague. Messaged that other girl to hang out three hours ago and she hasn't responded. Maybe I'm jumping the gun, but I already feel like she won't. That will make her the second person I've reached out to in a row who has ignored me. Met with two guys last Friday to help them on a documentary they're doing. They initially seemed very interested when we spoke over email, but after meeting in person I haven't heard back from them (I emailed them early this morning and nothing). The first house I looked at, the girl there never got back to me when I messaged her after I stopped by and told her I was possibly interested in making a deposit. This morning the guy from a place I looked at yesterday sent me a message that I got the place and then sent another email shortly after retracting and saying they had one other person stopping by tonight, but I was the "front runner." Haven't heard back, so I probably didn't get it. I'm starting to wonder wtf is wrong with me. I feel like there must be something very off-putting about me in person...and there's nothing I can do about it because I have no clue what is is...it's really disheartening :(

 

EDIT: the guy just got back to me and told me he gave it to the other person. :(

  • 2 weeks later...
  • Author
Posted

The pain had lessened, but it's back tonight. Part of what triggers me is seeing other couples. One of my facebook friends (a cute guy) posted a picture of him and his girlfriend. They've been together for almost a year. Whenever I see something like this I think to myself, why was I dumped while she wasn't? If I was her would my ex have dumped me? Is it something about me? I know it's silly, but I"m convinced a lot of other people are more perfect and thus rarely get dumped.

Posted
Whenever I see something like this I think to myself, why was I dumped while she wasn't? If I was her would my ex have dumped me? Is it something about me? I know it's silly, but I"m convinced a lot of other people are more perfect and thus rarely get dumped.

 

thinking stuff like this is putting "you" down and making you feel worse.

 

Stop asking why! It'll drive you crazy.

  • Author
Posted
thinking stuff like this is putting "you" down and making you feel worse.

 

Stop asking why! It'll drive you crazy.

 

absolutely, you're right. I will.

Posted

I think the same thoughts. A couple of years ago I had a short term R with a guy and was dumped. I wasn't crazy about him either, but was willing to give things a go and was being nice and giving and a good GF. I cooked him meals, gave him plenty of sex, was attentative in every way yet gave him space too. He just pulled the plug out of the blue. I wasn't in love with him so I wasn't overly heartbroken and I know that he was never in love with me.

 

Fast forward to now. He is engaged to a girl and they are expecting their first baby. I saw him on FB. They seem really happy. The thing is this girl is less pretty than me, heavier than me and less educated. Yet, she has something that made this guy love her and not me. I am starting to think that noone can really ever fall in love with me. It's like I come close, but no cigar.

Posted
The pain had lessened, but it's back tonight. Part of what triggers me is seeing other couples. One of my facebook friends (a cute guy) posted a picture of him and his girlfriend. They've been together for almost a year. Whenever I see something like this I think to myself, why was I dumped while she wasn't? If I was her would my ex have dumped me? Is it something about me? I know it's silly, but I"m convinced a lot of other people are more perfect and thus rarely get dumped.

 

 

When you compare yourself with others you become bitter or vain. Please stop doing that. We all have unique qualities and some people just aren't meant to be and that's okay. Trust that as long as you continue to become the kind of person you want to attract, there is a good chance that he will come along. If he doesn't, just make sure you don't settle.

 

This too shall pass.

  • Author
Posted (edited)
I think the same thoughts. A couple of years ago I had a short term R with a guy and was dumped. I wasn't crazy about him either, but was willing to give things a go and was being nice and giving and a good GF. I cooked him meals, gave him plenty of sex, was attentative in every way yet gave him space too. He just pulled the plug out of the blue. I wasn't in love with him so I wasn't overly heartbroken and I know that he was never in love with me.

 

Fast forward to now. He is engaged to a girl and they are expecting their first baby. I saw him on FB. They seem really happy. The thing is this girl is less pretty than me, heavier than me and less educated. Yet, she has something that made this guy love her and not me. I am starting to think that noone can really ever fall in love with me. It's like I come close, but no cigar.

 

Yeah, I feel the same way. What's particularly frustrating is the guys I date seem to start out being really into me, and then their feelings fizzle. I know I have some faults, but sometimes it feels like there's something intrinsically wrong with me.

 

I know people say it's all about compatibility, but it does seem like there are certain girls/women who are never/rarely dumped no matter whom they date...while others are usually the dumpees. I sometimes wonder what it is that they have that I lack. Maybe more self control? I don't know.

 

I know this is all irrational and unhealthy thinking, but it's good to just get it out there I guess rather than bottle it up.

Edited by shadowplay
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