underpants Posted May 15, 2009 Share Posted May 15, 2009 Okay, I get that you are curious. While your response is heart felt. I'm gonna just say that it is a bit "clingy". Don't give her that power, especially on the premise of one letter. I just don't want to see you expose yourself to get hurt again big guy. Link to post Share on other sites
allina Posted May 15, 2009 Share Posted May 15, 2009 I honestly don't know what I'm hoping for.. I guess like everyone else in my situation, a few answers...... Of course, I really want to know what changed in her life to make her want to contact me... death in the family is my guess. I really have no wounds to re-open at this point. Nothing she can say to me would really have a profound effect. I am fairly certain of WHY she ended things, I guess it would just be nice to hear it directly from here. I guess this "got me going" because I never, EVER thought she'd contact me again. So naturally, I'm more than a little curious. -TP *shrugs* Ok. I just feel like the email you wrote will only feed her ego and make her feel like she had, and could again have you wrapped around her little finger. The email makes you sound hurt, like you haven't moved on. You can ask whatever questions you have, tell her you appreciate the apology all while making a point to show her that you're over her, and happily moved on. Be careful and don't do anything stupid. And my criticisms are all said with :love::love::love: Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted May 15, 2009 Share Posted May 15, 2009 TP... You really need to post here instead of contacting her... http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?p=2177369#post2177369 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Teacher's Pet Posted May 15, 2009 Author Share Posted May 15, 2009 I agree.. WTF TP???? That letter was all pussified.. I used to love you..hahaha I don't think it was "pussified". By saying "Once upon a time, I loved you...", I think it opens by reminding her that she lost someone who actually cared... I made a few underhanded shots at her... Referring to her "******* moments"... Telling her how I learned that I was NOT the one who needed improvement..... Reminding her that she's not a "model citizen" (I didn't want to come out and call her a whore! haha) Reminding her that she's not good at relationships (something she admitted to me)... And I think telling her my biggest regret was losing a FRIEND, not a girlfriend or a lover isn't so bad...... (i.e. I can always find another chick....I can always get laid..... etc....) I haven't sent anything back to her yet, I but I will. I just want to do it ONCE, do it right, and let her decide if she wants to "tell all".... Considering how she dumped me, if she never contacts me again, I'd just be in the same place I was before... no big deal. -TP anyone have the # for Jerry Springer? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Teacher's Pet Posted May 15, 2009 Author Share Posted May 15, 2009 Okay, I get that you are curious. While your response is heart felt. I'm gonna just say that it is a bit "clingy". Don't give her that power, especially on the premise of one letter. I just don't want to see you expose yourself to get hurt again big guy. She couldn't hurt me again. No one gets that chance with me, anymore. Besides, I'm with someone now who I can bring to orgasm with just 2 fingers, and not even where you'd think. :) With The Teacher, I actually had to put some work into it. -TP BIG poppa Link to post Share on other sites
underpants Posted May 15, 2009 Share Posted May 15, 2009 I just want to do it ONCE, do it right, and let her decide if she wants to "tell all".... Considering how she dumped me, if she never contacts me again, I'd just be in the same place I was before... no big deal. -TP anyone have the # for Jerry Springer? I get what you are trying to do. I just think it is not going to have the effect you want. Or that perhaps you could do a better job. It reads like you are still hurt, and you are lecturing her. All the while she knows she got you to respond, and how. It is too much. Dear Ex, Whats up? TP Link to post Share on other sites
Chinook Posted May 15, 2009 Share Posted May 15, 2009 Actually, I've had a re-think. I don't think you should reply. If you have moved on, then it shouldn't matter... but it does. So, whilst it does... you shouldn't reply. Link to post Share on other sites
kizik Posted May 15, 2009 Share Posted May 15, 2009 3 Opinions 1) If you still have that much to say to her... clearly you have not moved on as much as you think you have. 2) If you write her back, you'll be disrespecting your GF. 3) People need to appreciate what they have. You have a new GF. Stop fantasizing about emailing the old one. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Teacher's Pet Posted May 15, 2009 Author Share Posted May 15, 2009 XXXX, Well, this is certainly a surprise. I guess I could sit here all day and guess at your reasons for breaking up with me, but it's not that hard to figure out. It's obvious you just didn't want the same things I did, but it was your method of "telling me" that hurt. I suppose I should have taken the hint each time you went through one of your "******* moments", as I would secretly call them, but I suppose as they say, "Love Is Blind". I really wanted to see past those things and look at us through "rose-colored glasses", but you can only do that so many times. I guess I was always way too optimistic about us, always thinking that every time we had an "incident", "love would find a way". Thankfully, I've grown since then, and fully understand that love doesn't always "conquer all". You hurt me. But mostly because I LET myself get hurt. I had alarms going off in my head every few weeks about us, but again, I let my heart make my decisions for me. I don't regret our relationship. The GOOD times we spent together were great, and I'll admit, you "curled my toes" on more than one occasion. Towards the end of our relationship, as you know, I started seeing a therapist, because I really, truly wanted to be a "better person", and a "better partner" to you. Even though I stopped my therapy right after we broke up, I did take from it one great lesson... I was already THAT partner. It wasn't me who needed to improve. I was the "right person" in the "right place" at the "right time", but perhaps with the wrong person. I always went out of my way to be supportive of you, especially when you had job issues or other emotional events. When you lost out on that athletic award from your school, I bet I was even more crushed than you were. So yes, I was the "person I needed to be". I just wish I could honestly say my "energy" was reciprocated. I don't regret our time together. We had a lot of laughs, and a lot of pretty wild times, and I learned so much from it. I learned to be a more "social" person. Since our breakup, I've made plenty of new, true friends. Some of them I met BECAUSE of our breakup, and I can honestly say, I've never been lonely a single day since you left me. I also learned that "holding on" to something for the sake of "having it" isn't a good thing. I've learned to cut "dead weight" from my life, and I think you probably know who I'm talking about. (I'm referring to a former "best friend" of mine who turned on me a few months later) The one good thing I learned directly from you was self-reliance. That was one thing about you I respected. You knew how to take care of yourself. I've "grown" in that way a lot, as well. Having said all this, I am truly sorry if you are going through some rough times in your life. No one "deserves" to be unhappy, even if they have not been a "model citizen" themselves. You are not a BAD person. Even early on, you told me you weren't good at relationships and romance. I guess I thought I could "fix" that. That was never my job to do. A person has to decide for themselves what's most important. We met as friends. We became lovers. We got serious. It ended. I guess the sad part of all of this is that is that I lost the one thing that this should have been all along... A friendship. At this point, I don't know what else to say. I honestly never expected to hear from you again, and I stayed away at your request. You have to understand that I am curious as to what made you contact me again after all this time. If you'd like to talk, I'd be willing to listen. My phone# has not changed, though the person on the other end of the line certainly has. It's up to you. ******* ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Better? -TP has plenty of erasers ready Link to post Share on other sites
allina Posted May 15, 2009 Share Posted May 15, 2009 NO! Not better! You could sit there all day thinking about this?! Why would you say that?! TP, please please PLEASE go read all the posts again and think about what we're all saying. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Teacher's Pet Posted May 15, 2009 Author Share Posted May 15, 2009 I think I might have to break out the big guns for this. Just wait until Ariawoman hears about this...... -TP it's gettin' good lol Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted May 15, 2009 Share Posted May 15, 2009 Actually, I've had a re-think. I don't think you should reply. If you have moved on, then it shouldn't matter... but it does. So, whilst it does... you shouldn't reply. Agreed. Even after the second draft. Link to post Share on other sites
kizik Posted May 15, 2009 Share Posted May 15, 2009 If I were your current GF, and I found out you were spending hours contemplating how to reply to your EXGF - I might break up with you, as you are CLEARLY still hung up on her. You're being absolutely ridiculous, IMO. Link to post Share on other sites
Chinook Posted May 15, 2009 Share Posted May 15, 2009 Take #3 XXXX, Well, this is a surprise. I guess I could sit here all day and guess at your reasons for breaking up with me, but it's not that hard to figure out. It's obvious you just didn't want the same things I did and that's okay. I don't regret our relationship. The GOOD times we spent together were great. We had a lot of laughs, and a lot of pretty wild times, and I learned so much from it. The one thing I learned from you was self-reliance. That was one thing about you I respected. You knew how to take care of yourself. I've "grown" in that way a lot, as well. I'm happy, healthy and whole. Thanks for the email, it makes sense you'd look back at a difficult time in life. But you need to move on and look forward now. Good luck. TP Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted May 15, 2009 Share Posted May 15, 2009 I don't think it was "pussified". Yes it was.... sorry TP.. I love ya but that letter paints you as a pussy, don't send her any communication TP.. Why even write a letter ??.. if you were going to say anything why wouldn't it be " I got this email, I forgive you ".. "hope you are well..." You are grasping here.. I thought you had moved on ? Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted May 15, 2009 Share Posted May 15, 2009 Agreed. Even after the second draft. He could write 20 drafts but the neediness will ooze out of each... If it means that much then that in itself should be a wakeup call as to why NOT to send anything Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted May 15, 2009 Share Posted May 15, 2009 2) If you write her back, you'll be disrespecting your GF. 3) People need to appreciate what they have. You have a new GF. Stop fantasizing about emailing the old one. Yeah.. Very on point Kizik... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Teacher's Pet Posted May 15, 2009 Author Share Posted May 15, 2009 I can't just *ignore* this. I know...I know... But it's not who I am. I am always on a quest for knowledge. I get that from my mother, who always pushes me to talk to my brothers more to see what my dad's up to. My ex is a very non-confrontational person. Those of you who know the details of my breakup understand what I mean. I suppose if I really wanted answers, I should try to get them in a way that gives me a little more "control" over the situation. Of course, I do have that now, as SHE is the one hurting for some reason, and I really have nothing to lose. I'm thinking of just telling her to call me, instead of writing her a long letter. Make her actually verbalize her thoughts. It's easy to be deceitful when writing an email. I really do know want to know what happened to her since our breakup, besides the bits and pieces I've been able to put together. I know I'm asking for trouble by doing it, but like I said, I have nothing more I can lose when it comes to her. She's already had me at my lowest. There's nothing more she can take from me. She's not a deceitful or manipulative type, she just doesn't know how to handle interpersonal relationships (romantic and otherwise), and doesn't see how it effects those around her. But still, part of me wants to enjoy a secret chuckle over her problems (obviously not counting family tragedy, of course....) I think I've earned that much. But regardless, I guess I just need to hear it from her. -TP bring it on! Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted May 15, 2009 Share Posted May 15, 2009 If I were your current GF, and I found out you were spending hours contemplating how to reply to your EXGF - I might break up with you, as you are CLEARLY still hung up on her. You're being absolutely ridiculous, IMO. Another.. Yeah.. Very on point Kizik... Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted May 15, 2009 Share Posted May 15, 2009 I loved the first one TP because it came straight from the heart. While everyone is telling you to self-protect, which is understandable, in order for you to get some answers, you have to leave yourself vulnerable. When you do so, it can hurt...a lot. As long as you're aware of this and are willing to take the risk, I say go for it. #2 sounds more contrived and doesn't flow naturally. Everyone should keep in mind that this is three years later, not a couple months after the fact. If TP needs answers, this is his chance. The more he self-protects, the less honest answers he will get from her. If I can read tone, someone who knows TP well, can also read tone and honesty. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Teacher's Pet Posted May 15, 2009 Author Share Posted May 15, 2009 If I were your current GF, and I found out you were spending hours contemplating how to reply to your EXGF - I might break up with you, as you are CLEARLY still hung up on her. You're being absolutely ridiculous, IMO. To be blunt... This has nothing to do with my current gf, and it's really none of her concern. Sometimes, a person has to do something solely for their OWN benefit. If anything, I'll get a few answers to some lingering questions. I've been with the current gf for less than 3 months, and we still haven't reached the "I love you" point, nor do I honestly feel it yet. I'm purposely holding myself back emotionally to avoid the mistakes of the past. I was in LOVE with The Teacher even before we started dating (which didn't happen until 4 months into our friendship). I've learned that love develops over time, and shouldn't be "forced" or "rushed into". If anything, this will help me clear my mind and allow me to once again, let my heart take a few more risks. There is no reward in life without risks, and I really haven't allowed myself to take any lately. She can't hurt me any longer. The pain she caused me has run it's course. Now, I can just get a few answers with a cool head. -TP tear me open, but beware, there's things inside without a care..... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Teacher's Pet Posted May 15, 2009 Author Share Posted May 15, 2009 If I were your current GF, and I found out you were spending hours contemplating how to reply to your EXGF And another thing... I've spent 3 years wondering if this moment would ever come. Now it has, I can react to it, and put it behind me. By not answering, it will just create more questions in my head. I just want to do it the right way. -TP going off the rails on a crazy train Link to post Share on other sites
underpants Posted May 15, 2009 Share Posted May 15, 2009 Don't write a long letter. Yes, talk to Aria first. While at present I don't think you should respond. If you do keep it under one paragraph and reference nothing about how she hurt you or anything about that relationship. She lost you dude. It really is just her problem. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted May 15, 2009 Share Posted May 15, 2009 To be blunt... This has nothing to do with my current gf, and it's really none of her concern. To be Blunt... Why not ask your GF how you should respond ? I know that my ex wife has contacted me before when my then GF now wife were dating and I let her know what was up and even let her read the emails... I will say though that I have always maintained some form of contact with my StepDaughter.. but not my Ex Wife.. If you think it is none of your GF's business then I would ask you why you say that ?.. because it really is if you have moved on... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Teacher's Pet Posted May 15, 2009 Author Share Posted May 15, 2009 It's none of her business because I try not to let one relationship affect another. Me "having it out" with my ex is between me and her ONLY. It will have no effect on my current relationship, except maybe to encourage me that it's ok to start taking risks again. -TP this time, it's personal. Link to post Share on other sites
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