Trialbyfire Posted May 15, 2009 Share Posted May 15, 2009 My last post was probably too subtle, but I try to never explain my jokes. Even when I feel like they're exceedingly clever. The impression I got was that you called her a selfish bitch. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Teacher's Pet Posted May 15, 2009 Author Share Posted May 15, 2009 The email was written 5 days ago.. I honestly don't check my Myspace page much, and she says she emailed me elsewhere as well, but I couldn't find it (I changed emails after we broke up, but I still have the old one)..... The funny thing is, I want to reply to her. Not for closure with her so much (though it would be nice), but I guess I want closure on a different issue only partially connected to our breakup. I do believe her sincerity though. I've seen that side of her. She is a decent person, underneath it all, but she just doesn't know how to be in a relationship (or even a friendship), which is a sad thing. The problem is, her personal issues have an effect on others as well, and she is finally learning this. Do I want her back? Hell no. I'm dating someone now, and things are fine. Would I want to be friends with her? I'm torn. We were good friends before things turned romantic, and it actually WAS a good friendship. Of course, I do want to hear her reasons as to why she did what she did. I have a long list of potential reasons, and I'm sure at least 2 or 3 of them are the main answer. *shrugs* Since she emailed me 5 days ago, is that enough time to let her stew before I reply? -TP has nothing to lose at this point Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted May 15, 2009 Share Posted May 15, 2009 The impression I got was that you called her a selfish bitch. Nevermind, this is hopeless. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Teacher's Pet Posted May 15, 2009 Author Share Posted May 15, 2009 Why feed her ego? One of her positive traits was her LACK of ego. She was always very hard on herself. She never made herself out to be more than she actually is. She's fairly "realistic" in that respect. *shrugs* -TP whatever! Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted May 15, 2009 Share Posted May 15, 2009 Since she emailed me 5 days ago' date=' is that enough time to let her stew before I reply?[/quote'] It's up to you, if and when you reply. Link to post Share on other sites
allina Posted May 15, 2009 Share Posted May 15, 2009 I'm confused. I guess I don't see it a a big deal. She's just saying that she now realizes she didn't treat you well and she's sorry. Sorry TP I don't remember the details so I don't remember if she did something horrid to you. Are you still dating that other woman? Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted May 15, 2009 Share Posted May 15, 2009 Yes, TP, 5 days is long enough. It couldn't have been easy to write and send that apology. If you want some answers, now's the time to get them from her. The only problem is that she might not reply due to the 5 day lag or she might take her time replying. If she does reply, suggest a phone call so she can't dodge your questions by ignoring them. Link to post Share on other sites
Chinook Posted May 15, 2009 Share Posted May 15, 2009 You're going to reply But just be careful. It wasn't about you. She's feeling low and she's reaching out to you to try and make it better - she's pigeonholing you into the role you always did play. It took her 3 years to reach this epiphany...? I think not. She feels like crap and wants someone to make it better. You. Can you do that and walk away...? I don't think you should and I definitely don't think your new girl would approve. Why don't you ask her what she thinks..? If it was me, I'd be inclined to ignore it. Link to post Share on other sites
allina Posted May 15, 2009 Share Posted May 15, 2009 It sort of sounds like she's lonely or someone just "hit it and quit it" leaving her thinking about where all the nice guys were. Maybe she realized that she had a good man who loved her and realized that those men don't come often. I'm suspicious of her wanting to make it right. What does she mean by that? Other than that I think it's normal to say "sorry about the way I acted" after people move on and hearts heal. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted May 15, 2009 Share Posted May 15, 2009 I'm really torn here. Part of me wants to tell you to write her back and let her know just how much damage she did to you, the suffering and pain - But then the other part of me thinks that answering her IS opening a can of worms..(Like more contact by her, trying to have a casual buddy-buddy friendship with you or just more emails to clear the air, make HER feel better about how she treated you).. I dunno TP. If you feel it will help you, do it. But, only do it for YOU, not to let her off the hook or to make her feel better. Whether or not you forgive her doesn't matter ... She has to forgive herself first. Link to post Share on other sites
allina Posted May 15, 2009 Share Posted May 15, 2009 I'm really torn here. Part of me wants to tell you to write her back and let her know just how much damage she did to you, the suffering and pain NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Why would he want to put himself down like that?! No no no. Why would he want to look like a poor pitiful guy? That's not who TP is, especially right now. I'd say write back. Be short about it. Say "Hi, thanks for your email and apology. No reason to dwell on the past, I'm happy, healthy and doing very well. Take care." This shows that he has moved on and is a happy and confident man. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted May 15, 2009 Share Posted May 15, 2009 NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Did you read the other part of me? Silly goose.. It would be probably best to not reply at all. She wrote him, he read it and knows she's sorry.. BUT - If he does reply, (she's kind of worded it to make it seem like it's up to him but she secretly hoping he'll write her so SHE can feel better. Screw that.) Link to post Share on other sites
hotgurl Posted May 15, 2009 Share Posted May 15, 2009 The email was written 5 days ago.. I honestly don't check my Myspace page much, and she says she emailed me elsewhere as well, but I couldn't find it (I changed emails after we broke up, but I still have the old one)..... The funny thing is, I want to reply to her. Not for closure with her so much (though it would be nice), but I guess I want closure on a different issue only partially connected to our breakup. I do believe her sincerity though. I've seen that side of her. She is a decent person, underneath it all, but she just doesn't know how to be in a relationship (or even a friendship), which is a sad thing. The problem is, her personal issues have an effect on others as well, and she is finally learning this. Do I want her back? Hell no. I'm dating someone now, and things are fine. Would I want to be friends with her? I'm torn. We were good friends before things turned romantic, and it actually WAS a good friendship. Of course, I do want to hear her reasons as to why she did what she did. I have a long list of potential reasons, and I'm sure at least 2 or 3 of them are the main answer. *shrugs* Since she emailed me 5 days ago, is that enough time to let her stew before I reply? -TP has nothing to lose at this point I don't know TP. If you do talk to her an ask her for her reason just do it knowing that the reason mostly likely won't be what you are expecting or what you want to hear. More often than not in situations like these you don't get what you are looking for. Just be prepared. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Teacher's Pet Posted May 15, 2009 Author Share Posted May 15, 2009 XXXX, Once upon a time, I loved you. I wanted nothing more than to love you, care for you, and make you happy. It's obvious you just didn't want the same things I did, but it was your method of "telling me" that hurt the most. I suppose I should have taken the hint each time you went through one of your "******* moments", as I would secretly call them, but I suppose as they say, "Love Is Blind". I guess I was always way too optimistic about us, always thinking that every time we had an "incident", "love would find a way". Thankfully, I've grown since then, and fully understand that love doesn't always "conquer all". You hurt me. Badly. But moreso because I LET myself get hurt. I had alarms going off in my head every few weeks about us, but again, I let my heart make my decisions for me. I don't regret our relationship. The GOOD times we spent together were great, and I'll admit, you "curled my toes" on more than one occasion. Towards the end of our relationship, as you know, I started seeing a therapist, because I really, truly wanted to be a "better person", and a "better partner" to you. Even though I stopped my therapy right after we broke up, I did take from it one great lesson... I was already THAT partner. It wasn't me who needed to improve. I was the "right person" in the "right place" at the "right time", but perhaps with the wrong person. I always went out of my way to be supportive of you, especially when you had job issues or other emotional events. When you lost out on that athletic award from your school, I bet I was even more crushed than you were. So yes, I was the "person I needed to be". I just wish I could honestly say my "energy" was reciprocated. I don't regret our time together. We had a lot of laughs, and a lot of pretty wild times, and I learned so much from it. I learned to be a more "social" person. Since our breakup, I've made plenty of new, true friends. Some of them I met BECAUSE of our breakup, and I can honestly say, I've never been lonely a single day since you left me. I also learned that "holding on" to something for the sake of "having it" isn't a good thing. I've learned to cut "dead weight" from my life, and I think you probably know who I'm talking about. (I'm referring to a former "best friend" of mine who turned on me a few months later) The one good thing I learned directly from you was self-reliance. That was one thing about you I respected. You knew how to take care of yourself. I've "grown" in that way a lot, as well. Having said all this, I am truly sorry if you are going through some rough times in your life. No one "deserves" to be unhappy, even if they have not been a "model citizen" themselves. You are not a BAD person. Even early on, you told me you weren't good at relationships and romance. I guess I thought I could "fix" that. That was never my job to do. A person has to decide for themselves what's most important. We met as friends. We became lovers. We got serious. It ended. The sad part is not that I lost a girlfriend. The sad part is not that I lost a lover. The sad part is that I lost the one thing that this should have been all along... A friendship. At this point, I don't know what else to say. I honestly never expected to hear from you again, and I stayed away at your request. You have to understand that I am curious as to what made you contact me again after all this time. If you'd like to talk, I'd be willing to listen. My phone# has not changed, though the person on the other end of the line certainly has. It's up to you. ******* ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Critique? Anyone? -TP a little much? Link to post Share on other sites
kizik Posted May 15, 2009 Share Posted May 15, 2009 She won't read it. It's lengthy and kind of boring. And I hate to say that, because I know you mean every word. Nope - the ONLY thing you can do to REALLY keep winning is to ignore. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted May 15, 2009 Share Posted May 15, 2009 If you're looking for a response back TP, you're going to get one! Link to post Share on other sites
Chinook Posted May 15, 2009 Share Posted May 15, 2009 Save it in drafts and sleep on it. Personally, I have a lot of experience knowing that *I* never take advice I am given and I act far too quickly... so one bit of advice I will give is... wait. Wait at least 24 hours, she's waited 5 days she can wait a little longer. But when you come back to it, see whether you really need to say all that to her. I'm betting no. If it was me, I probably would send it - but it will open lines of communication. Are you ready for that..? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Teacher's Pet Posted May 15, 2009 Author Share Posted May 15, 2009 I don't know TP. If you do talk to her an ask her for her reason just do it knowing that the reason mostly likely won't be what you are expecting or what you want to hear. More often than not in situations like these you don't get what you are looking for. Just be prepared. I have several theories on why she broke up with me...... 1) I'm Jewish - I don't think her dad was crazy about that, though she's not religious. 2) I didn't really have a great "lifestyle" when we were together (crappy job, still lived at home part of the time), etc... 3) I was "clingy" - there, I admit it. 4) I didn't take care of myself (in a number of ways.... I had a crappy job and never really did much to improve my situation..... I was..ok..AM overweight and really had bad health habits..) 5) She wasn't completely "decided" on her sexual orientation (she's bi, but was in a serious lesbian relationship prior to meeting me) 6) Of course, the "I met someone else" reason is a fairly basic one... I think it's a combination of all of the above... I DO know towards the last days of our relationship she was looking on Match.com...... And within a few days of our breakup she was already seeing someone... Well, whatever the reason, it doesn't justify her hurting me, and especially not in the way she did (new LS users: just do a search on my profile and find out all the sordid details lol) I've always had a hard time forgiving people who've hurt me, so I know I'm not going to rush to forgive her. But, I have moved on. Heck, I'm in my second post-Teacher relationship! Hmm...she did say she wanted to make up for things... She's bi... my current gf is bi......... -TP 3) Link to post Share on other sites
underpants Posted May 15, 2009 Share Posted May 15, 2009 *face palm* ditto. *face palm* Link to post Share on other sites
allina Posted May 15, 2009 Share Posted May 15, 2009 Seeing you react so strongly to this really concerns me TP. Why did this get you going so much? Why are you drafting and revising a response? Why isn't your response more oh a "ok that's nice *shrug" type of thing? You're way too invested in this, still, after 3 years. If you reply (and we know you will) please keep it short and sweet, no reason to open old wounds and remind this woman how much power she had over you and what state she brought you down to. What are you hoping for here TP? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Teacher's Pet Posted May 15, 2009 Author Share Posted May 15, 2009 *face palm* What can I tell you... I'm a cat person. And know about cats and curiousity.... -TP not THIS cat, mister! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Teacher's Pet Posted May 15, 2009 Author Share Posted May 15, 2009 Seeing you react so strongly to this really concerns me TP. Why did this get you going so much? Why are you drafting and revising a response? Why isn't your response more oh a "ok that's nice *shrug" type of thing? You're way too invested in this, still, after 3 years. If you reply (and we know you will) please keep it short and sweet, no reason to open old wounds and remind this woman how much power she had over you and what state she brought you down to. What are you hoping for here TP? I honestly don't know what I'm hoping for.. I guess like everyone else in my situation, a few answers...... Of course, I really want to know what changed in her life to make her want to contact me... death in the family is my guess. I really have no wounds to re-open at this point. Nothing she can say to me would really have a profound effect. I am fairly certain of WHY she ended things, I guess it would just be nice to hear it directly from here. I guess this "got me going" because I never, EVER thought she'd contact me again. So naturally, I'm more than a little curious. -TP *shrugs* Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted May 15, 2009 Share Posted May 15, 2009 *face palm* I agree.. WTF TP???? That letter was all pussified.. I used to love you..hahaha Dude.. I take back my previous post... You are not over her and therefore the ONLY option you have is to not contact her in any form... Treat her to a dose of silence, then go out and have sex with your new GF and forget about your EX... You certainly don't want this EX to mess up anything with the new GF... Use your head man.. and not that one... Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted May 15, 2009 Share Posted May 15, 2009 Seeing you react so strongly to this really concerns me TP. As Alpha would put it.. Indeed !!! Link to post Share on other sites
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