Why doesn't the husband/wife end the marriage?

[herenow]

LOL!!!!!

 

Sure you will take it out then complain about it for the next 3 days.

 

Tell me why wives need to stand in front of the tv, while we are watching something WE (men) find important???

 

The two above fall under nagging.

 

Nope, we share responsibilities in our house. Everyone including the kids chip in and no one complains (well the kids do sometimes). It's part of life. Things get dome when they need to get done. My H will even do laundry if that is what needs to happen. And, I always take the trash out when it's full. Why not?

[herenow]

Thank you validating the number one tactic all men use when W's nag....

 

wait long enough and she'll do it.

 

Which leads to MORE nagging.

 

Which leads to the TV being turned up. :laugh:

 

I may have done this or heard it from "them"...and by "them" I mean giant radioactive ants...

 

All this talk about taking the trash out when I would rather be watching TV with my H and the trash will wait. What's the deal?

 

Sure, if asking my H to take the trash out is going to take him away from something he is enjoying, why wouldn't I just do it myself? It's not that big of a deal.

[pkn06002]

You started this little stand off. If you don't want to have any of your own behavior thrown in your face, then don't falsely accuse people of things when you know NOTHING.

 

And no - my man NEVER accuses me of nagging. Like I said, he's a man. No one has to tell him what to do like some little toddler.

 

But, once again, thank you for playing our little game.

 

Oh you do sound upset?

 

I started this little stand off really????

 

I thought we were talking a general subject(which my first comment was), your the one that has attempted to throw my life into the conversation. My behavior I have nothing I regret or am ashamed of, but my behavior seems to really bother you though. So your problem not mine.

 

Never accused you of anything now did I? Looks like your comprehension skills need work. Got news for you sugar (you don't mind a pet name do you?) a man will NEVER admit to his wife or SO that she nags. That is just an argument waiting to happen.

[pkn06002]

Nope, we share responsibilities in our house. Everyone including the kids chip in and no one complains (well the kids do sometimes). It's part of life. Things get dome when they need to get done. My H will even do laundry if that is what needs to happen. And, I always take the trash out when it's full. Why not?

 

You have a good setup.

 

I vacuum(which I like), take out the trash, wash dishes etc... all without being asked. Because like you said is has to get done.

[jwi71]

OK...on a serious note...as I'll drop the farcical aspects (for now)

 

All spouses be it the H or the W need prompting at times. Colloquially called nagging.

Yes Herenow and Donna, ALL parties SHARE duties. And I also believe that at times individuals for whatever reason slide on those domestic duties.

 

As long as it is intermittent and not "serious"...then it is little more than sitcom fodder.

 

Hell, my kids are 5 and 3 and they already have a "chore chart". And sometimes I have to nag to get them to act. Sometimes I had to nag the stbxw. And sometimes she had to nag me.

 

And my next W will prolly have to nag me some too...

[herenow]

Make us do ALL the work long enough, and - KICKED TO THE CURB!!!

 

In reality, when a MM is having an affair, he is taking time away from his family. The things he is responsible for suffer and in time the wife has to "nag" to get life back on tract. Her H is out with an OW and not keeping his end of the partnership, what is she supposed to do? Most of the times the BW has no idea why her H is so disconnected from his "real" life. So,if you want to call it "nagging", fine. I call it surviving.

[jwi71]

Hell, one time I was out under the hood of my car taking off the alternator belt, and my guy was inside vacuuming and rearranging furniture. He still jokes about that.

 

Just tell me he WASNT wearing a french maid outfit...lie if you must.

 

Next you'll say you them let one rip and chugged a beer while he sipped a Cosmopolitan while reading "Good Housekeeping"...

 

OH the humanity!

[herenow]

You have a good setup.

 

I vacuum(which I like), take out the trash, wash dishes etc... all without being asked. Because like you said is has to get done.

 

I think my setup is very common. When someone in the mix starts to shirk their responsibilities, the setup fails. That's what happens when one spouse puts their energy into an affair.

[pkn06002]

In reality, when a MM is having an affair, he is taking time away from his family. The things he is responsible for suffer and in time the wife has to "nag" to get life back on tract. Her H is out with an OW and not keeping his end of the partnership, what is she supposed to do? Most of the times the BW has no idea why her H is so disconnected from his "real" life. So,if you want to call it "nagging", fine. I call it surviving.

 

I disagree

 

Reason being that statistics are showing that most affairs happen at work. So how is the MM taking time away from his family?? That family time has already been taken by work.

 

Men also have a great ability to compartmentalize to the point you are not disconnected from your family. You live two (or more) separate lives all multi-tasking in you head.

 

Any nagging the wife does just makes the OW seem all that much better.

[jwi71]

I disagree

 

Reason being that statistics are showing that most affairs happen at work. So how is the MM taking time away from his family?? That family time has already been taken by work.

 

Men also have a great ability to compartmentalize to the point you are not disconnected from your family. You live two (or more) separate lives all multi-tasking in you head.

 

Any nagging the wife does just makes the OW seem all that much better.

 

PK...are you arguing JUST to be argumentative or do you TRULY believe this?

[herenow]

I disagree

 

Reason being that statistics are showing that most affairs happen at work. So how is the MM taking time away from his family?? That family time has already been taken by work.

 

Men also have a great ability to compartmentalize to the point you are not disconnected from your family. You live two (or more) separate lives all multi-tasking in you head.

 

Any nagging the wife does just makes the OW seem all that much better.

 

I'm not just talking time, I'm talking energy.

[pkn06002]

PK...are you arguing JUST to be argumentative or do you TRULY believe this?

 

Guess that depends.

 

Which part do you disagree with?

 

herenow:

Now the redirection of energy I can kind of agree with. But it is the same type of energy taken away from the family when you do a hobby that only you are involved with. Before my affair my wife used to complain mightily about all the time/energy I put into my hobbies.

[herenow]

Guess that depends.

 

Which part do you disagree with?

 

herenow:

Now the redirection of energy I can kind of agree with. But it is the same type of energy taken away from the family when you do a hobby that only you are involved with. Before my affair my wife used to complain mightily about all the time/energy I put into my hobbies.

 

The problem with an affair is that the BW doesn't know where the energy is going, she just knows it's gone. And, then if she "nags" it's because she is at a loss for what else she can do.

 

She is aware of the hobby and can make a choice to accept or not accept it.

[pkn06002]

The problem with an affair is that the BW doesn't know where the energy is going, she just knows it's gone. And, then if she "nags" it's because she is at a loss for what else she can do.

 

She is aware of the hobby and can make a choice to accept or not accept it.

 

Ah your assuming the BS has a hint of the affair, going by the infidelity forum that is not always the case.

 

What if the wife does not want to accept the hobby (like my wife) then what? The energy is still being spent. Emotional energy is energy regardless of where is it spent.

[jwi71]

I disagree with these PK:

 

 

Reason being that statistics are showing that most affairs happen at work. So how is the MM taking time away from his family?? That family time has already been taken by work.

 

Most affairs begin at work but are conducted after hours or on weekends. That is STOLEN time. A bit of a stretch would be to say that vacation/sick days used to skip work are stolen from the family - you know, say your'e going to the office, call in sick and head to her place...but it too is STOLEN time (and money).

 

Men also have a great ability to compartmentalize to the point you are not disconnected from your family. You live two (or more) separate lives all multi-tasking in you head.

This steals from YOU or any WS.

 

Any nagging the wife does just makes the OW seem all that much better.

No argument here.

[herenow]

Ah your assuming the BS has a hint of the affair, going by the infidelity forum that is not always the case.

 

What if the wife does not want to accept the hobby (like my wife) then what? The energy is still being spent.

 

I think most BW can look back and see that there were signs of a disconnect "after" they find out. But, they don't have a hint of an affair at the time. It's still hits then over the head like a brick on d-day.

 

As far as the hobby. It's like anything else that is part of who you are. If your wife can't accept that you spend time on something you enjoy, and you aren't willing to give up some of that time for her, then it's her choice to stay or not. You, can choose to leave as well if you can't accept her "nagging".

[pkn06002]

Most affairs begin at work but are conducted after hours or on weekends. That is STOLEN time. A bit of a stretch would be to say that vacation/sick days used to skip work are stolen from the family - you know, say your'e going to the office, call in sick and head to her place...but it too is STOLEN time (and money).

 

Weekends??? Really you have something to back that up? I will agree with the after hours though. But what really is 30 minutes after work? I think you example above would not fit most job affairs. Been involved in two of them and seen others. No weekends, time at lunch and maybe an hour after work(sometimes).

 

I don't understand your comment about the compartmentalizing, you lost me on that one. Can you elaborate?

 

herenow:

Yet again someone brings up the leaving. Why would you want to do that when you have a good live and just want an occasional escape?

[herenow]

Weekends??? Really you have something to back that up? I will agree with the after hours though. But what really is 30 minutes after work? I think you example above would not fit most job affairs. Been involved in two of them and seen others. No weekends, time at lunch and maybe an hour after work(sometimes).

 

I don't understand your comment about the compartmentalizing, you lost me on that one. Can you elaborate?

 

herenow:

Yet again someone brings up the leaving. Why would you want to do that when you have a good live and just want an occasional escape?

 

Well, then I guess you have accepted your wife's nagging and are willing to put up with it. My point exactly. It's your choice to live with the nagging right? And, I assume your wife has made the choice to stay and let you have your hobbies. Her choice as well.

[pkn06002]

Well, then I guess you have accepted your wife's nagging and are willing to put up with it. My point exactly. It's your choice to live with the nagging right? And, I assume your wife has made the choice to stay and let you have your hobbies. Her choice as well.

 

Yes it is amazing what you can ignore/accept.

[jwi71]

Weekends??? Really you have something to back that up? I will agree with the after hours though. But what really is 30 minutes after work? I think you example above would not fit most job affairs. Been involved in two of them and seen others. No weekends, time at lunch and maybe an hour after work(sometimes).

 

Then a bit of my own knowledge getting in the way. My stbxw conducted her A on the weekend...working late. Others maybe meet for an hour on Saturday. I didn't mean the whole weekend. Although it wouldn't surprise me for a WS to go out of town with "friends"...

I don't understand your comment about the compartmentalizing, you lost me on that one. Can you elaborate?

Sure. Think of all the time, energy, worry and stress that was put into keeping those compartments neat and tidy. It ONLY takes ONE mistake to let the cat out of the bag. It takes its toll.

 

Or you can look at it like this. Instead of just vegging out, one must juggle these parallel lives. It sounds utterly exhausting.

 

I'd rather watch the hockey playoff game in the third period down by one on the power play...in peace...not only from these compartments and parallel lives...but from the trash too!

[pkn06002]

Two affairs?!

 

It'll happen again. Your wife should leave.

 

Oh now how did I guess you would jump to an assumption, instead of asking a question. How predicable of the over reacting BS.

 

The first one I was single the lady was married.

 

Again with the trying to make the issue personal, is it really that hard for you to have an adult conversation?

[herenow]

Yes it is amazing what you can ignore/accept.

 

I didn't read your story, but is your wife on board with this setup? Is she aware of how you feel? If so, then to each his or her own. If she isn't aware, then maybe you should let her read this thread and decide for herself if this the life she wants. Just an idea.

[herenow]

Oh now how did I guess you would jump to an assumption, instead of asking a question. How predicable of the over reacting BS.

 

The first one I was single the lady was married.

 

Again with the trying to make the issue personal, is it really that hard for you to have an adult conversation?

 

Why are you so angry at Donna?

[pkn06002]

Then a bit of my own knowledge getting in the way. My stbxw conducted her A on the weekend...working late. Others maybe meet for an hour on Saturday. I didn't mean the whole weekend. Although it wouldn't surprise me for a WS to go out of town with "friends"...

 

Well I am not surprised that personal experience vary.

 

 

Sure. Think of all the time, energy, worry and stress that was put into keeping those compartments neat and tidy. It ONLY takes ONE mistake to let the cat out of the bag. It takes its toll.

 

Or you can look at it like this. Instead of just vegging out, one must juggle these parallel lives. It sounds utterly exhausting.

 

I'd rather watch the hockey playoff game in the third period down by one on the power play...in peace...not only from these compartments and parallel lives...but from the trash too!

 

You know it is not that hard when you are in the middle of it. But you do have to keep you loose ends tied up.

[herenow]

You know it is not that hard when you are in the middle of it. But you do have to keep you loose ends tied up.

 

And don't you think it takes energy to keep the loose ends tied up?