"needing Time And Space"

[Evanescence]

My boyfriend (or ex now) kind of does the same thing. Almost a month ago now, out of nowhere he said that he needed "time to do his own thing". Then two weeks later he told me that maybe we should see other people. Then a few days after that he calls me and tells me that he thinks he made a mitake! But he didn't take it back. So even though we are broken up, he's still stringing me along! When he called he listened to what i had to say, and seemed happy. Then he stopped by later (we live 2 hrs apart!) that day and we talked more. In his eyes i could see that he wanted back, but i couldn't understand WHY he wasn't coming back. That whole day things seemed to be progressing in the right direction. But now it's been over a week and i haven't heard from him. It's like a frickin emotional roller coaster. And i agree. I've decided that i can't take it anymore! This is complete bull****. We don't deserve to be strung along like this. I'm going to be completely honest. I can't let him go. I am SO convinced that he's the one for me. Never been more sure of anythnig in my entire life. There is a HUGE story, but i won't go into it, but if i told you, you'd be convinced that he and i were meant for eachother too (everyone is...but he's not so sure right now for some reason). So my theory is i'm going to give him his space. I'm not going to hang out with him. I'm not going to call him. I'm just going to let him do his thing while i TRY to live my own life. Try to use this time for you to go and do your own thing too. What if you do end up together eventually and then you go through the same thing later? Wouldn't you rather get it out of your system now? While you have the chance? This way it will appear to her that you are moving on with your life. Hopefully it will smarten her up and make her realize what she wants.

I went through the exact same thing a year ago that your gf and my bf are going through (not beings sure of WHAT i want). However, I stuck it out. I just asked my bf to give me some space. Call me less. We'd see each other every other weekend instead of every weekend. I went out and partied (innocently though... no cheating or intentions of cheating). But he stayed at home and didn't take advantage of the situation! Now look what happened to us! I wish he would have gotten it out of his system a year ago.

As for when you tell her that you want to do your own thing and she questions you. Be strong! My bf (ex.. i still can't call him an ex even though we are "seeing other ppl" or whatever.. i just can't bring myself to call him that yet) got mad at me when 3 days after he told me that he wanted a break i told him that i was going to move on with my life. If he made it through whatever he has to make it through and he decides that he wants me back he is more than welcome to come back. However if i'm available will be something he'll have to deal with. He got SO MAD at me when i said that. I freaked out and said "i'm sorry, i didn't mean it that way" and i tried to make it sound like i meant something else, when that is EXACTLY what i meant to say! I just didn't want to make him mad cuz i thought it would reduce our chances of getting back together. Now i really wish I would have stood my ground because a week later he did it to ME and cut the strings so we now have no rules, no complications. But see, i let HIM have control, and that's what you are doing with her. Make yourself have control! Learn from my mistake. How i wish i had taken control when i had the chance! SO stand your ground! if she is that worried about losing you, then she will realize that maybe being single and getting all that out of her system isn't worth it. I was really close that year ago to just cutting things clean, but i realized that i didn't want to lose him, and that was more important to me than "doing my own thing" and seeing what else was out there. It is really hard to do, but stand your ground! Tell her that you need to not see her for a while and need to not talk to her for a while. Tell her that what she is doing to you hurts, and that you need time on your own to figure YOURSELF out! Tell her that is what you think you both need, and since she initiated it, she should stick to her word. Tell her that you are either together or you are not.

This is the advice of myself and many friends of mine who have gone through the exact same thing. Send me a PM if you want to talk about it some more

[monkey]

Thats unless your the one thats wanting reconciliation! they may think the same of you.

This is stupid, if your the reciever & wanting to sort your probs out & reconcile, your a prospective stalker, but when the dumper who has inflicted all the pain, seem to get away with it, like they've done nothing wrong & doesn't give a damn about the feelings of the other. People should sacrifice things themselves to attempt reconciliation, it's symptomatic of everything in todays society. ME ME ME, all the time & **** the other person... A sad world some of us live in, & no, i don't live in that world!!

[elle]

I thought this was a unique situation too although had heard it as a stalling tactic for breaking up when I was younger but I am 38 and have been married for 16years we have 3 children 18, 16 and 12 so a clean break is not the answer. My husband has suffered from depression for two years another recurring theme I think!

 

Maybe its a break from the situation and pressure that they want its a sign of immaturity because meanwhile you have to cope and carry on with all the practicalities and deal with the pain of being rejected. Problem is once the pain begins to ease and turn into the anger/resentment/ f*** u type of feelings we find we can cope and when they want to come back its us that needs the space to figure out if we really want to risk being hurt again.

 

Im fine when hes not here I can get on with everything well with some alcohol support on bad Fri nights but when I see him I mourn for the old relationship but I know it will never be the same but who knows it could work out some way down the line but it will be very different as we would have changed so much.

 

Take care its good to write and get things out of the system and even knowing there are too many of us out there in a similar situation is comforting .

[bicyclejunk]

What bugs me though, is

 

(1) this world is crazy. Life is so fragile. There's life, death, loss, love.

Why would you not want Love in your life? why do they leave us when

nothing is really wrong in the relationship?

 

(2) it's so selfish for our sigincant others to leave us for selfish things like

wanting to party or date other people and live it up. There are people

dying in Africa and wars going on in middle eastern countries. There are people

who are less fortunate than we are, that have major major problems in their lives and

are struggling to survive. For them to have selfish "me, me, me" feelings is just

so disappointing. Be thankful for what you have, clothes on your back, a city where

tanks aren't rumbling down the streets, good food and drink, a Loved one who

loves you!!

[glasshammer]

PREACH ON Brother Bike!!

 

 

I hear ya, Be grateful for what you have In life....Don't settle if the situation you are in is totally

horrible....But If it's a great situation, yet your just being selfish and want to party, stop and think

about what you have and make sure you're ready to give it up and make sure your reasons are damn worth it.

[Miss_Prolixity]

Bicyclejunk and Glasshammer,

 

I just wanted to tell you that I love reading your posts. You both definitely have wisdom and great insight.

 

The more I read what counterfeit love is compared to real love , I begin to see how selfish it is. I think a lot of times in relationships, we start putting our needs and desires above the other person and when they're not being met, we tend to get the "grass is greener" effect.

 

Some say that Western society has love all backwards and I wonder if it's not far fetched. For example, when we first meet someone (dating wise) we tend to think if "sparks" don't happen within the first date, it's not worth pursuing. And when the "sparks" (aka infatuation) do happen within a limited amount of time, we feel a rush and fall in love (lust). They say those feelings of "love" are nothing more than emotions being tainted by excitement, anxiety, happiness, nervousness, etc.-- which produce a chemical in our bodies and we feel like we're on cloud 9. So when this chemical deminishes over time, people begin to think they're falling out of love.

 

So basically two people that experience this feeling of excitement start to fall in "love" (infatuation) and start a relationship from there, without really getting to know the person. It's really easy to over-look "compatibility" issues with the rose-colored glasses on.

 

Then as the relationship develops over time, the "newness" starts to wear off and the person starts to wane from their partner. They might start to doubt their love for the other person and things about their lover start bothering them (things that they never took time to notice before). That's because they allowed "lust" to cloud their minds.

 

I wonder if that's why a lot of people break-up and start to get the "grass is greener" itch? Because they always want to have that "high" (newness) in the relationship. Love isn't always a feeling. It is action.

 

Anyways, I am not really trying to make a point, just rambling and wanted to express some material that I've been reading. I find it quite interesting.

[monkey]

Yes & love isn't a game to play with people emotions & that can be played with.

When the newness wears off is when it gets real & should be at it's best & worked on.

It's not like a child with a new toy that plays with it a fiew days & then throws it down & wants another, i've been brought up to try & find other ways of making that toy fun, because i'm not getting another & i treat my girls the same way, it's a pitty others aren't similar!

[dlb311]

Elle

 

you are so very right. It scares me that you have three children and there is a divorce on the way. I can't believe how people these days give up so easliy ya we have bad days bad years and bad months. But I think that people don't realize is taking out your one person you love is not going to make it better. It may realive some tension for a while but in due time we all remember how much we loved. Some find others and move on but that is just tradgady to me becuase I believe onced you have loved so much you will always love you just forget there life gets in the way.

My boyfriend broke up with me for about 4 months because he said he needed to do his own thing. It was really hard for me because two weeks after he left he was suppose to be moving in. Now that we are back he has admitted to me it was all to scary to many changes where going on in his life. Well what happens when other things happen. Is he going to leave again. The truth is each day is very hard for me. We are the same people and we still love each other very very much. Its just hard because every little bad mood I feel like he is going to leave me or its me and he decided its not working out now. not sure really but it really gets to me and when he gets snappy with me I feel like sh&* and I have a horrible day. It sucks its my fault for letting it get to me. But I get so shacky and scared. I don't know what to do. I don't want to lose him but I know its really the other way around he needs to worry about losing me because he was the one who left the first time. I feel like I should tell him but when I ask if everything is alright he tells me stop asking just chill I am fine. I am tired, or pissy, or I hate traffic. I know he gets like that but it buggs me and I may be expecting to much. But I would enjoy call saying sorry for being in a bad mood I love you dear. Hope you have a good day. But I don't hear that. And I think well dang it it doesn't even care that he has upset me or put me in a bad mood. Oh well life goes on I am so sick or worring about him if he is leaving or staying I wish I just knew. but he doesn't even know. Why do people give up on the ones they love.

I feel like I want to but I would never!

[luvcrazy02]

It seems that just about EVERYONE is on a break right now. I too am on a break...but not by my choice. I'm also wondering if things like this ever work out. I've never been on a break before until now...in fact...it's only been a few days into it. Right now I'm just trying to find some friends to talk to. So...any takers? Well, obviously I can't say whether these things work out or not, but I have my doubts. This is a VERY interesting topic to discuss.

[Mollyanna]

I don't know if my situation is a breakup or a break or what! Just a few days before he was supposed to meet my parents, he ran! Earlier that day we were planning the trip and by evening, he said he didn't think we should go out anymore. He says he isn't ready. His exwife cheated on him and booted him out of the house. Next thing you know, the new boyfriend moves in with her and their 3 little boys and her daughter whom my guy raised. He is very hurt still and says he needs to get over that before he can have another serious relationship. He says he moved too quick with me. So I assume we are broken up. Except we have been emailing and talking on the phone still a couple times a day. Mostly me crying but yesterday during a one hour conversation, I tell him I wish we would have met a year from now when he was better healed and he says "Well, you never know what could happen..." A few minutes later he conveys that when he is ready to date again, maybe we can try again. So then I think maybe this is just a break. Then last night I get incredibly stupidly drunk and I call him to bail me out. He picks me up and takes me to his house. We stay up all night playing video games, flirting, laughing, talking. Just the same as always, EXCEPT for the "no contact" wall we have put between us other than a light tap on the arm or the leg or something while we are picking on each other. It was incredible. This morning we laid around and watched TV together and I was there until 2 before he finally took me to my car and he headed off to do errands. I think if he wouldn't have had plans already, we could have spent all day like that - like we did in the beginning of our relationship.

 

Here is my dilemma: I enjoyed so much spending this time with him as just a friend. Can I continue with that as long as it is just in a friendly manner and only every once in a while? Or is that not giving him the space he needs? Or will being his "best bud" make him stop seeing me as a woman and he will decide to keep me as just a friend and go find a romantic pursuit elsewhere when he is ready?

 

It is difficult to not hug him and kiss him and hold him and stuff, but it hurts more to not see him at all.

[eagle_nate]

Firstly, let me say that I don't even understand this concept. But, being in the realtonship i am, I'm starting to get the idea.

Last summer my g'f of 2 yrs. decides she needs space...I didn't deal with it well, didn't give her what she asked for, and it went poorly...after I had time to think about things i eased off and within a month we were together happpily again.

Well, guess what? She decided three weeks ago to end the relationship. I was blown away. Why didn't she just end it then, i would have been over it by now!

The following monday she calls up crying saying she still loves me but she's confused about a lot of things and needs some time. She explained that she would uunderstand if i didn't wait...being a fool in love I'm three weeks into break # 2.

We've barely spoken and it eats me up every minute.

But I've learned a few lessons I'd like to share.

1) When she asks for space you either give it or don't, it's your call, but whatever you choose be prepared to live with the pain.

2) Your friends will tell you to end it...do whatever feels right to you!

3) All the letters, e-mails, flowers, expressions, and gifts in the world won't help you, give her exactly what she asked for, time and space, if you smother her it will hurt you more than anything.

4) Whatever is going to happen is out of your control...be at peace with that, if you're not able to then get out of the relationship, you chose to give her the space so be patient and understand that it's out of your control. Your best move is to not move at all, let her decide and she will have to live with the decision, you can walk away knowing you did everything you could to make it work.

Easy to say I know but I'm in this boat right now and i know this is the best strategy for me.

Take it easy man, get out and keep busy, use your friends!

Nathan

[luvcrazy02]

An update since my last post: Today, my boyfriend officially called off the "break". Today was going to be day 5, but it never happened. He went out with his friends a couple of nights, and he said that a friend helped him think a little. This friend asked him, "The question is not if you would be able to spend the rest of your life with her, but would you be able to spend the rest of your life WITHOUT her?" Today was great, we spent all day together. So...I guess it does show that when you do take a break, it is possible for some relationships to work out after that. I guess it may depend on how long the break is and what not. Every relationship is different, but I wanted to let people know the possabilities...for the one's that are all discouraged...there is hope.

 

Now of course...there is work to be done. I told him that he still had to prove himself to me and my parents again. Trust was fallen short during the "break" and he had to earn it back. So...we talk about things that went on during the "break" and emotions and feelings that occured as well. Communication is VERY important in a good relationship, and things CAN work out if you do it often. I give my thanks to everyone that helped me along my bumpy road, and good luck to all you who are still on it!

[Elle]

Hi

thanks for your reply, your posting of how I may feel if we get back together is interesting thats what I fear that I wont be able to let my guard down as evertyime I have an off day it will result in the fear that he will not be able to take the pressure and go again.

 

 

He did leave orginally 18 months ago and I begged him to come back even though he told me he didnt love me and smashed up our house I beleived he had a breakdown and this was a symtom of his illness rather than how he felt. After 18months of watching the man I had spent 15 years with turn into a complete stranger I had to face the truth that he wanted somehting else and even if he didnt that I wasnt enough. We both decided that we needed space and he left on New years day, absoultley sure that he was coming back it was temporay. That same night he slept with someone else who he had been talking to for about three weeks

 

We are now in this siuation where I had to prove to him that he was losing the best thing since sliced bread and one week after he left we had the most amazing sex in 15 years and it was like statring again. Then I let my guard down and he hurt me again. So the last month I have treated it like a seperation and not a short break

 

I actually feel ok I miss the old him but really I lost him two years ago I dont even like the person he has turned into. I am coping well with all the practicalites and he moved in for a couple of days to look after the children while I was overseas on a business trip and I was a bit afraid the locks would be changed when I got back. But instead he had bought me a load of valentine gifts which I ended up paying for as he couldnt aford to pay me child support that week after spending out. I was more angry than pleased as I was getting my head sorted .

 

Off to dinner at his flat today so that should be interesting have to keep contact for the kids but know its not going to be easy just have to keep strong..

 

 

This is very cheap therapy and wrting is good for the sanity

[Evanescence]

Hey Nathan

I think your point of view could really help me with some stuff.

How long has it been now since you've talked to your gf? And r u still together or broken up?

That is something that has kind of confused me. My ex is calling it a break still, but he said that he wants to "see other people". that means that we have broken up doesn't it? So why does he still call it a break?

Anyway, it will be 2 weeks this tuesday since i talked to him last and it is eating me up inside that he hasn't called. Should i take that as a bad sign that he hasn't called. A friend of mine said that he may be forcing himself not to call. Who knows. All i know is that in this last month, he has turned into someone that i don't know anymore. I use to know him more than i know myself, but he did a complete 180 and now i don't know how to react. When you say give them the space they ask for, does that mean do not call them at all? I made the same mistake that you did at first and didn't give him the space he asked for initially. I really wish i had because maybe this would all be over. When we first talked about the break, he said "it doesn't mean we can't talk or see each other" but i wanted it to be that way, hoping that it would make him realize real quick what he wanted. but stuipd me listened to him and i called him the next day and poured my heart out. he said he didn't know what to say and that he needed time. Then i called him again two days later, and thats when the complete 180 came. when i asked if he still loved me he said yes, i questioned "just not as much as you use to?" and he said that he wouldn't say that. later in the conversation i said that i loved hiim, adn he didn't say it back. that's when i decided to say "you know what, i can't take this. i'm going to move on, and do my thing, maybe see someone else, and if you decide that you want to come back, and i'm available, then maybe we can work things out". and he flipped on me! saying "well thanks for a whole 3 days for a 5 year relationship!" but then about a week later, he did the exact same thing to me... he said we should "see other people" .. three days after that he calls me saying that he thinks he made the wrong decision but since he made it he should live it a bit. We talked for about 45 minutes about how much the relationship was going to change for the better if we got back togheter. THen that night he decided that he was going to come over (he didn't plan it, but he ended up at my place). WE talked even more about stuff. Things seemed to be going well, but later he then said "i still need some more time" and i asked if he still felt that he "needed to see other people" and he said he didn't know, but he just needs time. So after that i was expecting that since things went so well, and he finally had that moment where he woke up that morning and said "what the hell am i doing?" that he would start calling me a bit more often (I told him that day that i wasn't calling him anymore because every time i call him, things get worse, so i'm going to leave it up to him to call, and he said ok), but now it's been two weeks. No one expected that he would go this long without calling me. Is it possible that he's decided he wants nothing to do with me? Or is it most likely that he's distancing himself as much as possible from me just to see what it's like? I was SO SURE that he would have broken by now.

Anyway, how long is too long for me to go without calling him? Should i eventually just call? Or should i keep back no matter how long it is?

I'd really appreciate advice. (from nate or anyone else)

Thanks

Michelle

[Hendrix]

break ups suck. i duno what to do in my situation the part that pises me of the most is just picturing my ex with someone else, that jus kills me but everyones always saying move on etc... i know i prob shud but its hard...

[dlb311]

being on a break or needing time and space. Its like someone saying I might want you later so can we just take time to be with others till i figure it out. That is what happened to me. I have posted alot. Anyway we got back together about two months ago. things were great till about a week ago. He started to not be so reassuring that this was what he wanted. So I asked if everything was okay he said ya chill out don't worry so much. Well thats cool but when you break up with someone and then come back to them when you aren't in the best of moods the other person is going to think ummm.. did they change their minds again? So this morning I woke up and he called I told him how I felt. Friday night we went drinking with some of my friends. And he say a "friend" of his he says he dated for a couple weeks while we were broken up but the mutually decided to just be friends he says. Well I have never met her and I guess she was out on the town that night and he left me to go say hi to her. I was so hurt. I wondered why didn't he take me to say hi to her? does he still have feelings for her. So when I talked to him this morning I just layed it out how I was feeling insecure and hurt. He said he wanted to be with me. But that was all the reasurance he handed out. I kind of feel I need more. I need him to say of course I want to be with you. He was very quite and didn't say much at all. I said why aren't you talking he said what do you want me to say? I said what you are feeling He said nothing I am not trying to make you feel that way and its not that way. I said that is fine but I am. He said he didn't want to rush into future plans he wanted to live for each day. I said I know see we broke up because he got scared because he was going to move in with me and he got scared so now he is anti future plans. he said he just wants the future to happen. This is really hard for me beause the guy I was with was way into telling me how he wanted it and how much I was the one. And now its not like that or it hasn't been for the past week. he just seemed real down and didn't help to make it any better. any advice.....?

[Elle]

Just lay your cards on the table tell him that you need to feel secure and need to hear from him how he really feels. He may be embarrased/afraid to admit that he saw someone else whilst you two were seperated but you need to know that your no 1. But be honest are you holding back from him maybe hes holding back cause he feels you are??

[dlb311]

I did throw the cards out on the table this morning. I told him how I was feeling how I needed to know how he felt about me. But he got real quite and didn't say much he said he wanted to be with me. But his actions are speaking louder then his words. I think I need to step back and not expect what he was. Because he has changed. he is now a laid back guy who doesn't want to worry about tomorrow. And before he never worried it was never stressful it was happy thoughts he was excited for what was to come. And now he doesn't want to think about it because it will just happen. I can understand that since we did get caught up in the moment before. But its hard to change the relationship. He calls every day and wants to see me everyday. But doesn't want to think about tomorrow. which is fine it just hurts that before he couldn't wait to wake up to me every morning and now he can't even think about it. He is moving into his first new home this week and he says things like I can't wait till you can stay the night all the time. but I shouldn't because I will get hurt because truthfully I want him and only him. And since I know that the future doesn't scare me. I am not in a hurry but I know that it doesn't scare me to think about spending every thing with him. Which I already did before. but now its different. maybe its for the best since we left before. But I have to step back and think of today instead of tomorrow. if I want this to work. thanks....

[eagle_nate]

Hey Michelle/all,

I think we should set up our s/o's Mich. Very, very similar circumstances. Actually, reading your posting might be the best I've felt in weeks. Nice to know someone else feels this pain.

To answer your question, no we're not talking either. I'm not entirely sure what our status is but we're not together by any stretch. The b.s. started three weeks ago although we've e-mailed and seen eachother twice. it was excruciatingly painful.

I've not called once during that time though....as i said b4, if you make the decision to stay (which you don't have to) you have to respect the space...if u can't then get out. What will NOT help you is if you turn yourself into a victim...the key is to be open and honest when communication finally does come. Keep it positive at all costs but be assertive...ask the questions you need answers to. However, if you're situation is similar to mine you're so lost and confused by all the different things that have been said it won't help much.

Advice specific to your situation Michelle...sounds like games.."I thought he would have broken" Ok, OK, we all think that way sometimes, but you need to communicate...sit down and clarify where you are. I am making it sound easy but it really isn't impossible.

My other advice Mich. hope for the best and prepare for the worst...i know your pain sweetheart, i feel it this moment, but if they don't want us anymore, at least all this crap can be put behind us. Not that I want that but let's be honest, this isn't fun, are we just holding onto what once was? You need to take this time to explore within yourself your feelings.

Lastly, look back to your last relationship...remember how much it hurt when it ended? Now do you feel pain from that old memory? NO! And that will be the same for this, accept the feelings Michgs Michelle and don't settle...by the way, everything zi tell you not to do I am doing!

Hope it works out for the best,

whatever that may be,

Nathan

[Mollyanna]

I read all these postings about everyone having these huge emotional conversations with their s/o's and I don't understand it. Whenever I have tried to do that with a guy, they act aggravated that I want to be so serious and bring them down. Everyone just wants me to relax and let things happen naturally and no one will answer my questions.

 

My boyfriend broke up with me on Tuesday and we have had a couple of very very short conversations on the day after. Mostly me just begging him to change his mind. Then I had one very long good conversation with him - mostly not about the breakup and he calls me and emails me to talk a few times the next day. Then today I tell him that I was up all night last night and couldn't sleep because I was thinking about this whole mess and he said "Still?" I was getting ready to get on a plane so I asked if I could call him back later so we could talk about a few things. He said that was fine. I again, asked, are you sure it is OK? And he said as long as I am not sleeping. What time will you get in. I said 9. At 9:20, I called him. He didn't answer his phone. And he hasn't called back. How come he is more than willing to talk to me but not when he thinks I am going to be serious? It is so aggravating! I need some answers badly.

[Evanescence]

Well, Nate, it's good to know that I made someone feel good lately (hopefully my postings can help others too). Some of the postings on here have made me feel better, but unfortunately only temporarily.

I'm a little confused on something you said though. You said "you need to communicate and clarify where you are". Wouldn't that mean that I need to call him? Or would that mean that I just wait for him to call and when that moment comes, that is when i should communicate and do the clarifying. Honestly, that is the ONLY reason i want to talk to him right now. When i spoke with him last, I asked him if he had closed the door on us when he said that he wanted to "see other people". He said "no! no, not one bit. not at all". I just want to ask him if that has changed at all. If he would just communicate with me exactly what is going on, then things would be so much easier. But of course that isn't happening.

Everything you said in your posting is pretty much everything that people have been telling me and what i've been TRYING to follow. Here are the exact thing's that i've been trying to do (there's only two main things):

1 - expect the worst, hope for the best (ever since i started doing this, the depression got worse. i decided that i had to convince myself that he was NOT coming back, no matter how much some things made it seem like he was, he is NOT going to come back. no matter how much he said that we still have a chance but he just needs time, he is NOT coming back. as for the "hope for the best" part... hope is slowly fading away from me more and more everyday, and hope is all that has kept me going)

2 - what will be will be. I've been telling myself this the whole 5 years i've been dating him. right from the beginning. when the time came after we were dating for 3 years and i had to move 2 hrs away for school, i told him if we make it through this it was meant to be, if not, it wasn't. when just a few months ago i was thinking of moving across the country to go to med school, i said the same thing, but for some reason, even though i've always told myself this, i am having the HARDEST time believing it right now... i feel like we WERE meant to be.. i feel it so strongly! but only time will tell right?)

Another thing that is hard for me to deal with is when i come home from school. I'm back for a school break right now and the pain has become almost untolerable. I feel like i'm here and i should be spending all the time possible with him. Also I have no friends down here. I have two friends left from high school (one is in a serious relationship and doesn't have much time for me, and the other is currently away on vacation), and when i moved away for university, i lost touch with all the others. I thought i should call some of them, but things are just so different with them now, it would be too weird. So now i'm here back home, and i'm all alone. And when i'm all alone i have nothing to do but sit here and mope. Even if my friend was here (the one on vacation), i don't think i could go out with her anyway. WHen i went out with her a few weeks ago, i found myself constantly looking for HIM. And what if i happen to show up at the same place as him and he's there with a girl? I would probably break down! Maybe lose it all together and make a fool out of myself? So i'm stuck

I'm trying to not let him have all the power over me. It is getting really hard to not call him. I have to do SO much to keep myself from the phone. Many people have told me that he WILL miss me. If we had the relationship i THOUGHT we had, then he will, no doubt about that. But the more days that go by, the more i think that maybe he doesn't and won't. Who knows right? LIke i said.. only time will tell...

Have to take everything day by day.. even though each day seems to get worse and worse. Eventually things will pick up. Just have to wait for that day.

Take Care Everyone

Michelle

[Mollyanna]

I am reading a book right now called, The Heart of the Soul - Emotional Awareness.

 

Here was something interesting that I thought might help everyone:

 

Romantic attraction is the experience of locating a savior. The attraction is to the capability that the individual has to solve your problems, eliminate your inner struggles, and bring you to a new level of comfort. The breakdown of romantic attraction - the end of the honeymoon - begins when the savior cannot deliver. Each begins to see in the other characteristics that were not visible previously, such as quick temper, melancholy inclination, fear of expression, insensitivities, and vulnerabilities. As they become visible, the illusion of salvation in the form of another individual begins to unravel.

The more it unravels, the more the discomforts that occupied your attention BEFORE the romantic attraction - they reappear. They will continue to be there until you address them.

The Search for Salvation takes your attention away from what you feel and and only temporarily replaces the pain.

[eagle_nate]

Hi everyone,

Good quote by the way...make you really think doesn't it?

Ev, what i meant was that you could use this time to think about things and when he calls you might be better able to articulate yourself. For me, I write...letters, e-mails, smoke signals, name it...but i write to get out my thoughts. Again, it's only temporary but truthfully it helps me understand what i am feeling and since she won't talk to me it's a way of communicating. It's weird though because as i write the letters, i know i am never going to send them. So what i do is keep them all and then when a few are done I make a master copy. Just an idea.

 

It's so hard when the one you love won't even talk to you but my strength comes from the realization that it will work out in the long run.

 

Have faith and confidence (easy to say I know!) in yourself and keep self-talking and saying...hey if this guy/girl leaves me they are going to regret it one day. And they very well could....or they might never, but by that time you will hopefully have met your soul-mate and it will be no more than a discussion topic for you and the one who this whole messy painful crap paved the way for!

 

Wanna hear pathetic...yesterday i made a CD with all of "our" songs and other melodies that help me cope, and also songs that i have always related to in pain. It was therapeutic I suppose until i couldn't stop crying!

Luckily my room-mate came home and boosted me up...poor guy, three weeks of this and i can tell it's getting old.

 

So anyway, I'll keep checking this page, i hope all of our stories turn out well.

 

Nate

[situationsmend]

My buddy just talked to his girl last night. She broke up with him after 7 great years together, Just like "That", she

had a change of heart. She told him she saw herself with him in the future, wanted to grow old with him, loved him so much.,,,She just needed space and time to figure out her life and have fun and be young, be independent for a while.

 

He finally talked to her since they moved to seperate places....2 months later....He asked her "where are we at?"

you've had some time, we haven't really been in contact, Where are we at?" "Are you Happy?"

 

She replied, "Yes". "I guess I just needed this time and I've realized I just love you like a brother, Not as a partner".

I'm having fun and I was just scared I couldn't do it on my own, But I can and I like it." "I'm sorry to hurt you

But I still want to be friends, if you want to".

 

Needless to say, he was crushed. So there aren't any guarantees we can be back with the ones we love.

[monkey]

After 7 years, she realises she was scared, thats good news for all of us that want reconciliation. I mean if someone wants to grow old with someone, but only as a brother figure, then she don't want to be with anyone else till the end. If my ex told me that i'd be greatfull.

 

A relationship shuldn't be restrictive, & they should feel free within the relationship. it's more evident than ever that people think so differently. Instead of ruining a relationship that she obviously thought was good, why not keep at it, but be individuals also, & still be with each other to grow old.