"needing Time And Space"

[niki001]

Wow thats some pent up feelings you are having. I sped read through it so I think I got most of it. I think first of all you should make absolutely 100% sure his divorce is final. I work in the home loan business and you would not believe what people go through to get a divorce finalized. And my friend was married and just got divorced, or so she thought until she found out he was never divorced from his first marriage so they were never really married.

 

How do you catch him on this dating service? Walk in on him or do you go in there and see his profile? I'm sure you love him, but where were all the good times, sounds like its all been drama from day one. His problems with his ex wife have nothing to do with your relationship, so why would he keep bringing that up? that's no excuse for his behavior. What do the people you love think about him? they like him or think you are better off without him?

[Glors1116]

I like the theory on how relationships work, ie like a rubber band. But it seems to come from the point of view that women need their space and to get women to come back, you have to pull away. What about men? What if he was the one who pulled away for no reason? We were in love. He loved me and said he knew he couldn't find anyone to make him as happy as I do (did). And now, he broke off an engagement, would prefer to be alone and doesn't want to be committed to one person for the rest of his life. That is complete bull because he's not exactly the kind of guy who's out to find the next girl he can screw. I just don't get it. He didn't contact me for a week and a half after the break-up and I did not want to crowd his space or push him further away by begging, or calling him or anything. So I figured I must be doing the right thing when he wrote an email to me and asked me to keep writing him. And I purposely paced the response time, but he called me a few days ago and now I haven't heard from him since, email or otherwise. Sigh.

 

So what's the theory on how to get guys who need space to come back to you?

[purplecat]

niki001, well, they say they think he's a jerk, I deserve better, and he doesnt treat me right. Yes, I would go on and catch him on this thing, but the first time I saw an e mail of his, after that I would keep checking! I don't even know if his divorce is final!! But she served him the papers back in May.

And about a guy needing space, you have to take the control back! Don't contact him whatsoever! You can maybe send him an e mail saying "This is to hard on me type of thnig, call me when you get your **** together" and leave it! Wait till he contacts you. It might take a month, two, but don't give in! Every time I took the control back my guy would always come crawling back. But what I did wrong after every time I did, I would try and be this perfect woman and do everythnig for him ,be there all the time, just not wanting to let him go again! What I should have done as to keep him guessing. Always have the control. I read this once in a book and it goes like this:

Put as much effort into the relationship as what your significant other is putting into it. If he is wanting space, pulling back, you do the same, if he wants to go out twice a week with friends and not see you, then do the same. If he isnt wanting to meet your family or friedns, you do the same etc etc. You match him. You let him set the pace and you do the exact same thing. He only cals once a day, or whatever, then you only call once a day. Or even go a step below. It 's hard, and it is slow, but slow is best. I know all this now! But that is becasue I rad lal these books after I was having such a difficult time with my relationship.

[cortez002]

I'm just speaking from my point of view here, but if it was me leaving the relatonship or asking for break i'd want that space. believe it or not, that rubberband effect goes for us too. my gf and i were constantly around each other and there were times that i thought about leaving her but could never bring myself to do it because i didnt want to hurt her. i would go out with my friends, stay out late......eventually i noticed a change, and now i'm the one who is alone.....she's definitely got me thinking now....everytime i see her she looks stunning.....she completely blows me away......she's showing that she is doing what she needs to do for herself to get everything sorted out and be happy with herself and the relationship again.........its obviously hard on both of us.......im probably just not dealing as well with it......she told me she would never leave me and that i was the only one, and that might of been true but at one point or another she held her feelings in, things built up, and BOOM......out of nowhere everything she told me she felt about me is out the window..........honestly, i think all you can do is give it some time......dont keep asking questions.....ive already made that mistake....and when the time comes lay your cards out on the table and leave the ball in his court......dont get caught up or bring up things that were said in the past because people do change and grow constantly.........eventually you both are gonna have to talk when he's ready........just give him some time.....trust me when i tell you he is racking his brain as much as you are

[Glors1116]

You're absolutely right... I just hate the waiting. I gave him time and I gave him space and he contacted me. I didn't respond immediately and he contacted me again. When he called me I tried to make it seem like I was okay, not the miserable wretch that I was when he first broke it off. But now I haven't heard from him in several days. But it is comforting to know that he's just as anguished about this as I am, even though he was the one who broke it off. He changed his mind once, he can change it again, right? He was in love with me once, (I think he still is, it's impossible to be in love one day and not the next without cause) he can be in love with me again, right?

[monkey]

Glors you right, the waiting is over, the more space they dont get, the longer the wait.

Cortez, do you think they think of it as much, even if they instigated it. If they want space to forget something, surely when they see you again, they will remember it. I think we all see things in life that remind us of things years ago.

Glors, again changing your mind, we all speak in our current emotion & can never say what the future will be. When someone has a hangover, they say "never again", but a couple of days after they mabe have another beer!

My s/o is pissed off with me for not giving her her space, but i need some answers, now for last fiew weeks i'm backing off & i'm sure the attitude will change. The rubber band effect or push & pull scenario, whwtever you want to call it.

Sure people can love again, my grandparents seperated 3 times. & through being unfaithfull. But we all have to encourage this & indirectly we can influence this. I am living proof.

[dyermaker]

Monkey, I'm just curious--why do you even want her back? Isn't the fact that she doesn't value you enough to let her go?

 

I think you're suffering from FLS, or, "First love syndrome."

You idealize and glorify her, because you have been happy with her. You seek to selfishly maintain the joy you extracted from your previous relationship and DISGUISE your desires with feelings for her welfare, that YOU want to be there for her. What you really want is for HER to be there for you--or more specifically, the FEELING you get to be there for you. I think this girl isn't worth holding out for.

 

You have to realize what a crappy place Earth would be if everyone married their first loves. People often do, and they're unhappy, because their marriage is based on the delusion of romantic love, the carrying on of a self-gratifying feeling that has long since caved in, and without the strong emotional attachment underneath, leaves the relationship and commitment empty.

 

Your feelings thrive on pain, it gives you the emotional stimuli neccesary to continue this glorification in your mind. It's beyond harmless, it's unhealthy. You could be escaping pain, and working towards joy, by taking a step back and realizing how this girl is not worth your tears or your efforts. Make a list of things that are wrong with her. If you can think of some, expand on them. If you can't think of any, realize how little you know of her, because nobody's perfect.

 

I gaurantee that there is someone else out there who not only can give you that feeling, but would be glad to, because they're feeling it too.

[monkey]

I want her back because we have so much in common & she 's a great person, we click & i love her.

But i know she needs space, my anxiety problem freaked her & i understand how she feels, many other girls would have run a mile when i was having panic attacks & being emotional, but people talk with there current feelings & she not knows how she'll feel in the future.

Who says she's my 1st love, i was engaged at 22, but you get a feeling about someone & the one i get from her is like no other!

 

I do think of & feel guilty of the pain i put on her, because she never knew about this problem before.

& yes i do feel pain, because i don't want this relationship to fail because of an illness i had, if i screwed around or was violent, ok.

There are many things wrong with her, someone on here said that a relationship is about overcoming imperfections & she has many, i'm sure you not want to hear them!

She worked for 2 years in Hungary to try America & it's been her goal for years, now she's there i can't expect her to just forget it & come & be with me.

Space is what she needs & then we'll see!

[dyermaker]

Originally posted by monkey

I want her back because we have so much in common & she 's a great person, we click & i love her.

But i know she needs space, my anxiety problem freaked her & i understand how she feels, many other girls would have run a mile when i was having panic attacks & being emotional, but people talk with there current feelings & she not knows how she'll feel in the future.

Who says she's my 1st love, i was engaged at 22, but you get a feeling about someone & the one i get from her is like no other!

 

I do think of & feel guilty of the pain i put on her, because she never knew about this problem before.

& yes i do feel pain, because i don't want this relationship to fail because of an illness i had, if i screwed around or was violent, ok.

There are many things wrong with her, someone on here said that a relationship is about overcoming imperfections & she has many, i'm sure you not want to hear them!

She worked for 2 years in Hungary to try America & it's been her goal for years, now she's there i can't expect her to just forget it & come & be with me.

Space is what she needs & then we'll see!

 

I didn't mean to imply she was your first love, merely that you are exhibiting symptoms of one who glorifies their first lover.

 

You're delusional. You don't "click." The only clicking in your relationship at this point is the "click" you hear when you call her. There are great people out there who just aren't into you. You don't have to be unfaithful or violent for someone to lose interest in you. Yes, a relationship is about overcoming imperfections, but that's only if BOTH people are interested. One who needs time and space is not interested. It's a nice way for a girl to say, "Please exit my life without making noise about it"

 

If she were to truly explain to you that it's not your illness, but rather the effect the illness had on you, and the relationship--and that she is unwilling to continue a relationship with you because she doesn't and never will DESIRE such an attachment--you'd be upset, and she'd be uncomfortable. But by telling you that it's NOT your fault, but rather HER fault--HER issues, that SHE needs time and space--it allows the blame to be on her. As such, you can't be upset, because it's not your fault. So, she enables herself to move on, while forcing you to dwell on what you did wrong, and hold out for her in the future. Pretty ****ty way to deal with people, if you ask me.

 

I'm sorry that you're holding onto this pain. I generally feel bad for people who are recovering from a breakup, but I have no sympathy for you anymore. It's beyond pain that she subjected to, it's pain that you're subjecting yourself to, and if that's what you need to feel better about things, go right ahead.

[monkey]

Mr Maker, i've always wondered if you realy do look like Peter Fonda!

 

She never told me it was her issues, the reason for the seperation, she made it quite clear it was my anxiety that stressed her out.

Believe me, she doesn't beat about the bush when it comes to saying what she thinks.

It is me & nothing to do with her that makes me feel bad about inflicting my prob on her. I understand you think she tryed to go easy on me by saying she needs space, but this isn't whats been said. She's made the situation clear, but as i know her, she shoots from the hip & she still reeling & i've not respected her space.

I'm pretty confident that when she sees me again, the atmosphere will be better & her thoughts, she will have gathered in a clearer mind & hopefully we can go on from there. But i, like she, am no reader of the future, so i'll let you know in good time.

[dyermaker]

Originally posted by monkey

Mr Maker, i've always wondered if you realy do look like Peter Fonda!

That's John Paul Jones, of Led Zeppelin.

 

Believe me, she doesn't beat about the bush when it comes to saying what she thinks.

 

The thing is monkey, I don't believe you. Good luck on proving me (and others) wrong.

[monkey]

Thanks man, i'm sure there's no-one more than you that likes to see succesfull reconciliation & there's no way i'm looking at this with rose tinted spectacles, i truly believe that when things cool down & i stop pushing, she'll stop pulling. I just have to make myself attractive to her again as a new person & see what happens.

[JamVan]

It’s been sometime since I posted here and thought I would give an update on my situation. Since I last posted I had gotten back with my girlfriend and we were going to take things slow and see how things went. Now, although when we were together we would cuddle and give the occasional kiss, the intimacy somehow vanished. Even though sex is not everything it is a big part of the relationship right? Anyway, I couldn’t get over this feeling of how things were different. She even went as far as to staying with her ex-husband with her two boys for a weekend, stating it was out of convenience. Even though I know this guy and he is a good guy and totally think nothing would ever happen, I just couldn’t shake the feeling of well why spend the weekend with him and not me? This is where my feelings began to be question. Then came Valentine’s weekend and she was leaving for 4 days for a pool tournament with her girlfriends which was fine, but the day before she left I dropped off a Valentine with a small gift. The weekend went on and I went out with a buddy of mine. Now when we were on our last break I had met this girl on New Year’s eve which whom I hit it off really well with, even though nothing happened because I would never cheat on my partner we did end up speaking for sometime. When my GF and I had gotten back together I felt it only right to be up front and honest with this other girl and she was unbelievably supportive. Regardless to say I ran into her on Valentine’s Day and began speaking. I told her I did think of calling her, but felt it not right. Regardless, of all this I now knew my feelings for my GF had been tarnished and I wasn’t getting what I felt I deserved or was looking for out of the relationship and proceeded to end it. She told me she totally understood the way I felt and she was sorry for screwing with my emotions and said she was sad it ended up this way and that she wished she could turn back time.

 

Now my question, I have seen results from holding back from the one that needs space, but then it seems that they are just holding on to something they don’t want to totally lose. Why is this?

 

For myself, even though I am still totally in love with my ex, I had to let go and see if there is something else out there that could make me ultimately happy, which is really truly sad, but I felt that she just didn’t have the same feelings for me as I did her. Know she cared, but she is not happy with herself, so how can I expect her to be truly happy with someone else. I am happy with myself and want to share it with someone who wants the same thing…does this make sense to anyone or am I still confused and scared?

 

That is where my situation stands, but I truly don’t see it as the last chapter in our saga

[ingjerdj]

Hi...

 

my story:

 

Been in relationship for 4 years, two of those spent apart. Have become "bored" and sort of longing for "more". My boyfriend is very introvert and shy, and I like to go out and meet lots of new people and join students union activities etc.

 

My parents don't think my bf is right for me, because they don't think he's got enough backbone in terms of taking initiative and having a will of his own---- but he's the nicest guy ever, and I don't want to hurt him.

 

So I asked for break to think.... he cried for 2 days straight and could not understand why. I felt so sorry for him and was really affected by the strength of his emotions and ran right back. The next day I regretted doing that, and I think I did it to spare him for the pain (as well as my self). I went back home (we live in separate cities) and became physically sick for 2 weeks because of emotional stress. THEN I met this other guy which I went on 1 date with...

 

NOW, I am in complete doubt. My BF wants to visit me, and I don't want him to, I just want out (I think?). I have no idea how to tell him that, because we've been really close.

 

This time I can't pull that "space"/"need time to think" thingie... If I am to do it, it must be final, which makes it even harder, as I am confused about my own feelings.... HELP!!!

[Evanescence]

Hi. I haven't read all of the messages on this thread, but from the few that i've read, I figure that someone out there can give me some decent advice.

My ex boyfriend and I were together for over 5 years (since i was 16, i'm now 22). Just a month ago, pretty much out of nowhere he said that he wanted to take a break. He says that i have a lot of hang ups (like I'm 2 hours away at school (we saw each other every weekend though) and i can't go on vacation when he wants to cuz i have school and exams, my parents are really strict and won't let me spend the night at his place (even though i'm 22! i know, i know...), and there are just a few other TINY things, they are really things that shouldn't matter when you love someone!). Anyway, at first he said that he just needed time to "do his own thing" hang out with friends, especially female ones. I asked him if he wanted to date any of these female friends, and he said no. Later that night, he called and we talked more about the break, and he then said that he needed to "experience someone elses company". Lord knows what that meant. He still couldn't give me a good reason why he wanted the break. He said for the last year things were going really well and that he was thinking about how he was going to ask me to marry him. Then he said he doesn't know, but maybe the reality of the situation kicked in. I asked him if he's afraid or if he has cold feet, and he said no. A few days later i called him, and he was really distant and wouldn't say that he loves me back when i told him i loved him. However later he did tell me that he still loves me, but for some reason when i say it he still won't say it back. So not even two weeks later, i called him to see how he was doing, and he told me that he thinks we should "see other people". I figured that was it, we were done. Three days later, i get an unexpected phone call from him. He tells me that his parents are really upset with him. He then tells me that he thinks that he may have made the wrong decision, but he feels since he made it he should "live it out a little". We talked for about 45 minutes about the stuff that was on our minds. I told him that this break has really made me realize how much i appreciate what we had, and that I am ready to make a lot of changes. These changes seemed to make him happy. It seemed like we were back to ourselves again. Later that night, i got a phone call from him saying that he was in town (long story, but he wasn't planning on being in my neck of the woods, 2 hrs from his place). He ended up stopping by. We again talked about everything that was going on, and it really seemed like he wanted back. I could see it in his eyes. It seemed like we were progressing A LOT! He then said that he just feels that he needs some time to think things out some more. I asked him if he really wants to "see other people" and he said he doesn't know.

After that, I thought that he would start calling me a little more often, but it's been over a week and there hasn't been a sign of him. I've made it through these last few weeks thinking that everything was going to be ok eventually. But now I'm trying to convince myself that he's not coming back, and i literally feel like i'm dying inside. I've spent a quarter of my life with him, and i have never been more sure of anything in my entire life than the fact that i KNOW he's the one for me. I love him SO much! It is so hard to give him the space that he says he needs because i keep thinking of things that i want to say to him.

If any one has advice for what i should do i would love it. Should i completely keep myself from calling him in hopes that he will call me someday after having this "space"? Should i try talking to him and try to work things out? What do i do?! I feel so lost. I want things to work out and i'm so confused. My brain tells me one thing, my heart tells me another.

I've been told that he doesn't want me back, and that he's just acting nice to me every once and a while to make me think that he does want me back, so if eventually he DOES and everything doesn't work out, i'll still be here for him. I don't think he'd do that, but what is the likelihood? He told me that he wants to "see other people" because he wanted to give me the freedom to do what I want and not have to wait for him. That's why he cut all ties.

Another huge concern of mine is how can someone go from calling a person just about everyday and loving them so much, to not calling for over a week? Does he not care about how i'm doing? I would think he'd call just to check how things are with me? What goes through a person's mind when they do this stuff? and how do they go for a week without calling someone?

 

Help please!

Thanks

Michelle

[Lovebird]

I just told my bf of 1 year that we needed to take a break. He is having trouble making a commitment to me as he is afraid if we live together he woun't be able to handle seeing someone all the time. I think this break is really my way of saying goodbye, because he has to think about this and change himself, I can't and won't try to convince him. We love each other very much and it is really tough not to call him see him. Many people need space to decide if they are able to let go or the relationship is worth making some changes.

 

My girlfriend says Let go and let God. If it is meant to be, then it will happen. You cannot force it. If it is really worth it to both of you to be together, then it will happen.

[glasshammer]

Every situation is different. every person is different. It's hard to give the right advice, our words of support are

more like suggestions but can't be used as definite answers to the problem.

 

 

I'm finding more and more that people on here are going thru the same exact things i went thru with my ex girlfriend.

OH MY GOD, if you would have Seen how depressed I was and how much pain I was in at the thought of me and the girl

i loved never getting to spend the rest of our lives together, never having that house, never having those little ones, never travelling to all the

places we wanted to experience together....I nearly died. I still have never gotten over her and still haven't dated anyone else

and it's been 8 months. I believed in love. I thought it was mutual. I was soooo good to her and loved her and cherished her everyday we were together. But if they're willing to leave us and hurt us like that, They just don't love us as much as we thought they did, simple fact. Because you don't do that to someone you love. You don't abandon someone you love for selfish reasons or just to have a good time and date other people.

 

I just don't think that people appreciate what they have until it's gone. People take their loved one's for granted like: "If I take this space thing and secretly or openly date other people, My girl/guy is going to wait for me because she loves me so much...So i can play the "space" card and not give them an answer and sort of string them along so that when i'm ready, I can go back and still have someone waiting for me". But that is such a selfish way of thinking. How would they feel if the tables were turned? They'd be devastated. I don't understand how someone could tell you they love you so much, then be able to not call you for a week or act like what you had together wasn't anything. Are they mental? What did we do to make them have such a huge change of heart?

 

It's a rough world out there. Nobody is perfect. I've always believed that if you are lucky enough to find someone in this journey called life, Someone so interesting to you and good for you, who you enjoy so much and who cares about you so much, Why Would you let that go, only to cut ties so you can be young and sample other people and be stupid and silly and party and hang with friends? How bout when the party is Over????????

 

People throw away meaningful relationships like it's no big deal and I think it really sucks. There's no real right or wrong answer when it comes to finding out what to do when your loved one says they need space or time to think. It's really a manipulative

gesture and whether they realize it or not, They are playing games with our emotions. The only thing we can do Is press on with our OWN lives. It hurts like hell to have to try and re-adjust to life without them, when they've been such a big part of our lives.

But you can't force someone to come back or do things they don't want to do. We can't make them feel things they don't feel.

we can change our own feelings and start thinking differently. Just remember what they are doing and think long and hard about if they are really worth fighting for, after all the heartache they are putting you thru. Then, Re-evaluate your own goals and priorities and find out what truly means the most to YOU to make YOU happy, because they are obviously doing what's going to make Themselves happy.

 

Good luck guys.

[dlb311]

I went through a break up recently but my boyfriend and I are back together we are working things out. Well there wasn't much to work out. He needed time and space because he freaked out about all lifes little changes. But we both realized in the time apart how much we are so happy with each other.

 

Ingjerdj

I just wanted to say that you should really just let go. You seem to not really have any good thoughts about this man when it comes to you and him. He may be a great person and a great guy and a woman would be lucky to have him. But you can't appriciate that in him so you need to let it go. You are out dating others which if that is what you want then you should. If you let yourself go and do your thing like you think you want. Then you will realize if you made a mistake or not. either way if you don't go and feel free again you will just be miserable. If you want him back and he doesn't take you back its a lesson learned.. you will find someone else.

 

Evanescense

I think that you should just back off of your boyfriend. He probably is scared of oh crap this is the last girl. Its probably what he wants but the thought to a guy is that this is that last person. Its scary. Let him do his thing and if or when he comes back then you decided what you learned while he was gone. That you are better off without him or that you need him forever more. I think that men and sometimes woman get bored and maybe he is feeling bored with the relationship. If you are broken up I would show him how good you are without him. He will miss you I promise. if you are together try your best not to freak out on him when you feel his distance and try to put some spark into the relationship love wise and relaxing fun laughing wise.

 

Good luck just remember who you are and sometimes after being in a relationship for so long you stop thining about whats best for you and whats best for the couple but right now you need to focus on yourself.

[Evanescence]

Ok, one thing i forgot to mention in my message was that my boyfriend and I are each other's "firsts". I could not imagine if he was, during this break, to go an be with someone else. This is one of the things that I cherish the most of our relationship and I would hate for him to give that away. I can't stop thinking about him being with someone else! What do i do if eventually he comes back, but he's been with someone else? Overall, I love him enough where i would take him back, but it would take me a LONG time to get over. How can i get myself to stop thinking about that? And does anyone think that it is really something that i should be worrying about?

Thanks

Michelle

[glasshammer]

Hey EVAN-

 

 

Well dig this, I'm a guy and My ex was my real "first" relationship and I was hers... But honestly I don't think it matters that we were our firsts. Love is Love. I didn't need to search the world for something better, I had a great woman. So i'm totally with you on that stuff.

 

Yes, It would freak me out thinking about my girl, the love of my life the woman I cherished, being with another guy.

Some other guy that wasn't me kissing her or being intimate with her, That destroyed me. I hate the fact that some people out

there would give me advice like "Well, You were her first real serious boyfriend, who really stays with their first?" "first relationships are more like little crushes"...But I don't believe in that.

 

If you find someone and you fall in love and you love everything about them and everything is great and wonderful,

Why try and see what is on the otherside of the fence? People always think the grass is greener on the other side. Okay, sure, for some maybe it is. Maybe they are lucky enough to find two awesome people in their lives and be able to pick and choose.

But this world is so unpredictable. There is no Perfect Girl or Perfect Guy out there. Sure theres plenty of fish in the sea, but how many of them would I really click with and why do I want to search the world looking, I had her and she left me.

 

Anyway to answer your question, I would think about my girl being with another guy and it would kill me. I'd start thinking about, what if she came back to me ,but she had already kissed some other guy, or been with some other guy, How could I look at her the same and still enjoy her in intimate ways again? i'd be thinking about how she was with another guy.

The only answer is to Just Not Think about it. Put it out of your mind and focus on your own life. I'm not the kind that can just

kiss any girl. I have to be in love. Love is more important to me than lust. I feel like that's a lot of people's problems. They Lust rather than Love.

[dlb311]

Evenescence

I think that having sex with someone is so very special. But when you have done it once its so easy to get caught in the moment and do it again. I wouldn't hold it against him. Because he mostly likely will. I know its so gross and how could he and it hurts so bad. but sex to alot of people is casual you go to a party people are drinking it happens. If you really hold that high in your life and if returns and has experienced that with someone else you should move on but you will most likely start another relationship with someone else that has had sex with someone else so I think you just have to know. you chose your battles I believe that is one that hurts more then words can describe but its one you have no control over and when you love someone you forgive and forget.... its hard at first. MY first love and I broke up for five months and got back together and either of us could get over that the other one slept with someone else and we couldn't make it. we were to jealous and young.

[Evanescence]

Ok. Well I've been thinking about that. I realize that if he really means something to me, then I will have to get over it. It will kill me at first, but if he truly is "the one" and i love him as much as i think i do, I should be able to get over that right? Only time will tell i guess. As for the rest of the situation, it seems like everyone (ppl on here as well as friends) is to just wait it out. It is going to be really hard because of the fact that my "spring break" (i wouldnt' call it spring, but whatever) is coming up and I'll be going back home for the week. We'll both be in the same city and it will be so hard to not go to his house and want to be with him! We are long distance and i want to spend every moment i can with him, but he's holding back. I'm really hoping that he realizes that he misses me. I just wonder how could he not miss me already? How can it really take someone that long to realize how much they miss someone? This is just so out of character for him and he won't tell me any of the details at to what i did to deserve this, and that bothers me too. Our entire relationship he was always telling me that i was the only one for him and all of that. Even the day before he told me he needed the break he stopped by a jewellery store and looked at engagement rings! Earlier that day we also talked about kids! How people ever live through this is beyond me. I'm going on an emotional rollercoaster right now. I'll be fine one minute, and not the next.

Anyway, i have things that i really want to tell him, but it is still everyone's advice to back off huh? Just keep my thoughts to myself? Will being silent truly be better than telling him things that i think may help him with his decision?

[monkey]

Glasshammer your right about not being able to handle seeing our s/o with someone else, this panics me when i happen to think of it, would she use the same little nicknames that she use with me!.

 

Evanescence, i'm in your boat in a way, my girl who wespent such close times wit & now all of a sudden doesn't want to mail me, i can't believe she is this cold emotionally to be able to shut off & move on. Some of us are more sensitive & hurt, but people do things based on their current emotions.

My problem is ,like you i have so much going on in my mind that needs to get out & only she can answer them, it's taken time to sink in, but backing off is the only way initially. Mental torture it is..

Take care

[situationsmend]

She left our great relationship....I was really good to her and always looked after her needs...I haven't pressured her But

she's denied me and denied me. I gave her space and she moved out, she has occasionally acted like she wants

to come back and leaves me messages where she's crying and saying she's sorry for leaving, can i please, please see you...and will be all snuggly when we see each other. But whenever I ask her about us or ask:

"hun, Where are things headed with Us, How are you feeling about us?" She gives me the same answers, either:

 

"I don't know"...."I don't know what I want" Or

"I just want to be free to do whatever I want, whenever I want and just be young and dumb and out on my own and with my friends, living the single life".

 

Sometimes I tell her i have to leave and move on because I can't keep playing this game of somedays you love me and act like you want to come back, somedays you don't call me for a week and act like you're fine without me. But if i say I need to move on she sees it as "why are YOU leaving ME?...And not giving me my space and sticking by me??" But what are we supposed to do, just sit by and Wait? That's Not Fair. If they truly loved us, They wouldn't do that to

us. If you love someone, You don't hurt them. For me, It's not that she has turned her back completely on me and is being so cold and saying: "I DOn't love you anymore" yet I still desperately hang on like a pathetic guy. The only reason I hang on is because

I know she doesn't know what she wants and says she still loves me. If she told me she wasn't in love with me anymore,

I'd be hurt really bad, but I would just move on...because I would know that it was over.

 

IF THEY WANT TO BE SINGLE AND ON THEIR OWN, WHY CAN"T THEY JUST CUT ALL TIES??? WHY STRING US ALONG?

[tphillip]

Originally posted by situationsmend

IF THEY WANT TO BE SINGLE AND ON THEIR OWN, WHY CAN"T THEY JUST CUT ALL TIES??? WHY STRING US ALONG?

Because we let them.

 

I've done that before, been strung along. Not anymore. My rule of thumb is once it's over, that's it. No contact at all. I refuse to play those types of games, either as the receiver or (God forbid) the sender.

 

I would say, for your own sanity, cut the ties yourself and call it quits. Don't take it for her anymore; refuse to be her emotional tampon, to be thrown out when something better comes along. Find someone who won't play those games with you.