Author Ross PK Posted September 8, 2009 Author Share Posted September 8, 2009 Sounds like you're going through the very normal process of learning to drive and getting your bearings on the road. We all go through that, and it sounds as if you're doing very well to look back at each difficulty and realize what you can do differently next time to make it easier. You're doing great--just keep going! The more you experience these situations, the better you'll get and the more you'll know just what to do. Josie Thanks Joise. Link to post Share on other sites
deux ex machina Posted September 8, 2009 Share Posted September 8, 2009 It's made my mind feel a lot more sharper and alert for driving, before when I was taking full medication it made my mind feel more 'cloudy' when driving like it was more harder to make judgements. But since I'm on less medication I feel way more scared to drive than I did before. The trade-off... I wonder if there are certain things that work for you that can reduce anxiety right before, and when you are in the car? When I get anxious, I find my breathing gets shallow and rapid. What helps me is breathing right into the diaphragm. It helps loads to "break up" the tension. I find holding the breath for a certain count is really good before exhaling, it forces the body to seek oxygen, chill out - breathing becomes it's priority, in other words. Knowing the things that come up for you when driving are things that happen to all drivers is so helpful. Keep it up! Exercise those gazillion little kinesthetic moves that go into making you a driver. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ross PK Posted September 9, 2009 Author Share Posted September 9, 2009 Knowing the things that come up for you when driving are things that happen to all drivers is so helpful. Yes it is nice to know that. It feels so awful when you think it only happens to you, or you and other losers. Link to post Share on other sites
ThePocketface Posted September 9, 2009 Share Posted September 9, 2009 The title of this thread reaks of a victim mentality. There is a lot of good advice here already, but i will try to contribute one more thing. Keep a (real) daily journal for yourself so that you can see your growth, weaknesses, blindspots etc. This is the kind of thing that you dont see much results from in the short term but actually see massive results after sticking with it for a period of months/years. Good luck to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Green Posted September 10, 2009 Share Posted September 10, 2009 Things do always go wrong for Ross, its the sad reality of his life. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ross PK Posted September 10, 2009 Author Share Posted September 10, 2009 Things do always go wrong for Ross, its the sad reality of his life. Are you being serious or sarcastic? Link to post Share on other sites
shadowplay Posted September 10, 2009 Share Posted September 10, 2009 I've just had a really horrific experience today, i was on a hill waiting to come out onto the main road and there was a car behind me, I tried moving forwards but my car went back and went really close to him. I was paniking thinking that if I try to move forwards again I may go further back and crash into him. So while I was waiting I had my revs on really high, I was waiting for a gap in the traffic, I think there were a few opertunities for me to go but I wasn't entirely sure, so I was sat there for ages with my revs on high. The car behind me starts beeping me, which just made me feel even more paniky. I end up seeing a lot of smoke swirling around in front of me and I thought it was dust blowing about. Eventually I was able to go and I realised that it was my engine, I over heated it with having the revs on so high for so long. There I was sat there with loads of smoke coming out of my engine with my revs on really high and I was completely oblivious, I feel like a complete idiot. I now know that driving is just definatley not for me and I'm going to sell the car, I just can't take this stuff anymore. That's a common problem. It's happened to me (everything except the smoke part), and I'm also a new driver. Next time you're stopped on a hill and the light turns green try holding the emergency brake up while you rev up and before you release the clutch. One thing that has really helped me is driving around with somebody who is experienced. I've driven hundreds of times now, and I feel pretty comfortable on the road but it took awhile to get there. If you don't know any experienced drivers, sign up for one of those advanced courses that people mentioned. Btw, so much of driving and other skilled activities involves confidence. If you feel low in confidence you will make more mistakes. You start to panic, which activates your executive functioning at the expense of your intuitive brain (which is what you rely on in an activity with complex motor movements because it's faster). If you're too high in confidence you will make careless errors unless you're really experienced. The ideal is somewhere in-between. Somewhat confident, but aware. The only way to increase confidence is through practice. Some mental control can also help (reminding yourself to relax), but may also be impossible if you're unusually anxious. Just practice and accept that you'll make some mistakes for awhile. You probably WILL make more mistakes than the average beginning driver because of your anxiety (see the above), but that's not a big deal. It doesn't mean you're cursed or dumb, just anxious. Expect that going in and it won't cripple your confidence. Link to post Share on other sites
shadowplay Posted September 11, 2009 Share Posted September 11, 2009 How are you doing Ross? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ross PK Posted September 11, 2009 Author Share Posted September 11, 2009 How are you doing Ross? I'm feeling quite better, just been out, got my hair cut, I think I look good which makes me feel good, and it's a nice sunnny day. I agree that my anxiety probably makes it more likely for me to make mistakes when in the car, and that if I do get into an awkward situation, I panic which makes my response to it worse/probably the wrong one, like the incident which I mentioned on the other board where a woman was stood out in the road. I've also told myself, a few weeks ago, that I am going to make mistakes in the car, these weird incidents will happen, but they're normal, all I need to do is accept them. Just like you've just said in your post. But for some reason it still hasn't made my confidence any better. For some reason the way I feel about driving and how I feel when something stupid happens, just hasn't changed. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ross PK Posted September 16, 2009 Author Share Posted September 16, 2009 For the first time I've just driven at night, it was way more busier than I expected it to be, thankfully nothing went wrong. I'm now sat here pretty much having palpatations. Link to post Share on other sites
Nuala83 Posted September 21, 2009 Share Posted September 21, 2009 Hey Eve, sorry it's been a long time but I've written down that stuff about where I'd like to be and how I got there now. Here is what I've written, I'm living where I used to live in a particular part wich I like, in a house, I have a job that I like, the hours aren't long, and I earn enough money so that I can afford plenty of luxuries, I also have some genuine nice friends that I sometimes see at the pub or whatever. I can also drive and have a nice car. I'm able to drive, because I had some further training, and some how everything fell into place, I also realised that the medication I was on was interfearing with my driving and causing the stupid things to happen, so I changed my meds to something else and everything went better. I have a nice house because I'm able to afford the mortgage because I've got a decent job. I got a decent job because I studied at college. I was able to afford to go to college because I took a crappy job, I was able to get the crappy job in the area that I wanted to move to because I got a flat down there paid for by the government. I was able to get the flat because I filled in the forms. I was able to understand how to fill in the forms and knowing what I'm entitled too, because I spoke to someone about it (can't remember her name) on LS who works at a housing place, and because I spoke to me therapist and asked him about what I'm suppose to do as well. I was able to do all of this without getting stuck and having to give up, because I was seeing a therapist for support. Wow this thread is an interesting read. I like this little plan you've written up. I've written up a similar plan for myself to help me achieve what I need to. You sound like a nice guy and it's such a shame you're so down on yourself and you always expect the worst to happen. I do understand it though. I'm very much the same (sadly!). My fear of failure causes me to give up on things before I've even given them a proper chance because I'm sure I'll f*** things up and end up looking like an idiot. I'm trying sooo hard these days though to care less about what other people think of me and to just try things and accept that I'll be embarassed if I make a mistake. The way I try to think of it now is that every mistake (as cringeworthy as it may be) is one step further to getting it right. You may also be interested to know that I also really want to drive but it scares me so much that I haven't taken lessons! So you're waaay ahead of me. I'm gonna learn though and I'm sure you will too Link to post Share on other sites
lino Posted September 23, 2009 Share Posted September 23, 2009 For the first time I've just driven at night, it was way more busier than I expected it to be, thankfully nothing went wrong. Well done! Wasn't so bad was it? Looks like you're making some progress, nice to see Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ross PK Posted October 4, 2009 Author Share Posted October 4, 2009 Started on a new anti depressant (escitalopram) over a week ago, for the first few days I felt great, it was most effective with my depression and negative thinking, but now I feel way more anxious, so anxious that I can't even find any enjoyment in anything. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ross PK Posted October 6, 2009 Author Share Posted October 6, 2009 (edited) Well now I'm not sure, they seem like they're sort of working. Even though at times I've been feeling way more anxious, today when I went to the dentist I didn't feel too bad and acted a lot more confident, and a lot less anxious, than how I usually would've been on the last medication. Edited October 6, 2009 by Ross PK Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ross PK Posted October 17, 2009 Author Share Posted October 17, 2009 I think I know what the issue is with driving. I'm sure I've been 'inadequately prepared' to drive. I've just read this article, and it all seems to make so much sense, http://www.driving-phobia.co.uk/poor-driver-training.htm I'm now thinking it might be worth taking an advanced driving course, and to talk to the instructor about my issues, it would be really cool if I could be taught in my own car but I doubt that will happen. I'm thinking it'd probably be best to wait until I'm getting therapy first though, because then my confidence can be worked on at the same time. Link to post Share on other sites
OldEurope Posted October 17, 2009 Share Posted October 17, 2009 Ross, if you have not received this advice already, go at once to buy a book entitled The Fountainhead, by Ayn Rand. An American classic. Follow the main character's journey on sticking to his convictions against all odds. You will see the what it means to take control of your life and to never allow "things" to "always go wrong". It is a story about the difficult, but fine art of taking possession of your own mind, and therefore, your life. Forget what others say about its themes of "arrogance" or "selfishness", which are simply ignorant opinions. Trust me on this... OE Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ross PK Posted November 10, 2009 Author Share Posted November 10, 2009 So now that I've finally found another medication that seems to be working quite well, it seems that it's causing my ears to be blocked up, all the time. I obviously must just be cursed. Link to post Share on other sites
OldEurope Posted November 10, 2009 Share Posted November 10, 2009 Sweetie, Get off the damn drugs, and read the book I told you to get. You will thank me for the rest of your life. Now, get... XO OE Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ross PK Posted November 10, 2009 Author Share Posted November 10, 2009 Sweetie, Get off the damn drugs, and read the book I told you to get. You will thank me for the rest of your life. Now, get... XO OE Hey oldeurope, thanks for the suggestion. I'll still stick to the meds that I'm on now though and hopefully, if this is a side effect that I'm experiencing, it'll pass. Link to post Share on other sites
OldEurope Posted November 10, 2009 Share Posted November 10, 2009 Huge mistake. "meds" are no way to help cure what ails you. You'll be running to pop pills for the rest of your life, fixing nothing. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ross PK Posted November 10, 2009 Author Share Posted November 10, 2009 (edited) Sorry OldEurope, but I totally don't agree with you there. They may not be able to totally cure me, but some of them have worked a hell of a lot better than any books that I've read or therapy that I've had. Before the meds that I'm on now I was a lot worse, I was suicidal and was on the verge of commiting suicide or having some sort of a break down, I also had less confidence in myself and was more socially anxious. I will still go and see a therapist again, because therapy and meds did work a little better than just meds alone. I'm on a waiting list though. Edited November 10, 2009 by Ross PK Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ross PK Posted November 20, 2009 Author Share Posted November 20, 2009 (edited) Wow, what a great day I've had. First I went to the doctor and it seems that my ears just have compacted wax (which will have been caused from wearing ear plugs), so I wont need to stop the meds, I just need to not bother using ear plugs again, and I've got an appointment to get my ears syringed. Then I went to the barbers, great big sign outside saying free haircuts all day! It was a Children In Need thing, so I got my free haircut, and stuck a pound in the donation bucket (it'd be rude not too, and I don't mind giving to charity). Then I go to the supermarket, and spot this really big basket full of loads of different kinds of big bottles of beer, bitter and cider, usually each bottle would be around £2 or over, but the majority were for around 69p to 89p each. You never get many opportunities like this, so I bought loads of them for Christmas. Then I spot the guy from the barbers in the supermarket and he tells me I've got a nice haircut. It's extreamly rare that I ever get compliments from anyone. Edited November 20, 2009 by Ross PK Link to post Share on other sites
deux ex machina Posted November 20, 2009 Share Posted November 20, 2009 One of those days when things flow well! I love it when good things happen to good people. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ross PK Posted November 20, 2009 Author Share Posted November 20, 2009 One of those days when things flow well! I love it when good things happen to good people. Hey thanks. It's extremely rare that I have a day like this. In the whole of my life I could probably count them on one hand. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ross PK Posted November 25, 2009 Author Share Posted November 25, 2009 I'm feeling like I'm starting to get pushed over the edge again. Link to post Share on other sites
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