My journal of trying to imrove my life (watch how things always go wrong for me)

[josie54]

I was out drinking with a friend, and then he wated to get something at a college, I had to wait outside for him, with loads of students walking about, I felt really self concious and uncomfortable, so for some reason, I just left his rucksack and his paints that I were minding and just left quickly to get out of the situation.

 

I then realised that I had no way of getting home, I had no money, and I didn't even know the direction to walk in to even walk home. I was lost and stranded.

 

I rang the police to try and help me to get home, they were no help at all, the woman police officer said in not a nice tone 'You're 23 aren't you?'

 

I was paniking and didn't know what to do, I started ringing up all these other places but none of them could help (see I 'was' asking for help). None of the taxi drivers would take me home because I didn't have any money up front. I even said they could keep my jewelry if I didn't pay them once we got to my house, but they still refused. The last taxi driver however did offer to take me home.

 

This was 10 years ago, and I still get scared at the thought of what would've happened if the last taxi driver didn't offer to take me home, or if I didn't have any jewelry. I know it sounds stupid but I'd probably still be sleeping rough on the streets to this day, because I cannot think of any other single thing I could've done to get home, I don't even think there was any other way of getting home, apart from mugging someone for money to get a taxi, which after all this time I've only just thought of now, still I would never have enough guts to do something like that.

 

What you describe here is CLASSIC PANIC ATTACK. This all started when you left your friend's rucksack because you "felt self-conscious and uncomfortable." A panic attack occurs when you feel a sense of doom or omens of bad things happening when there is no evidence that such bad things will occur.

 

Everything after that point, yes, you caused it all by leaving your point of origin where you did have a way home and people who COULD help you (students walking around you).

 

You had a panic attack, Ross. From that, all else followed.

 

Get yourself to a therapist!

[Ross PK]

Well, I just asked my mum that if I got a flat and I was chucked out with all my belongings would I be able to phone a removal van straight away and get my things taken to her house.

 

She said that if I got a flat my sickness benefit would be stopped. She also said that if I had a flat I wouldn't be able to afford the Internet or even a TV license.

 

As you can tell I now just feel even more hopeless and depressed. Straight away I feel defeated.

[wuggle]

Have you ever thought that your mother may have her own demons to face Ross ? maybe she is scared of being on her own and doesn't want you to leave so puts you down and dents your confidence so you are more reliant on her.

 

Maybe you need to learn to ignore some of what she says whilst still seeing the good in her. People you love can lie to you without being bad people, they are just as screwed up as you are.

 

do you think what she is saying is true ?

[Ross PK]

I doubt it's true, but who knows. I still can't help but feel more hopless when I hear these things.

[josie54]

Bad cop, back again Ross. What you're going through is what EVERY SINGLE YOUNG PERSON goes through when they first go out on their own. We're worried as hell....will we be able to get a job, pay the rent, pay the bills? Some of us have the support of our parents (financial or otherwise), some of us don't. But just about everyone does it, and many of us were scared to death at the time. But we made a plan and we did it.

 

We got training and/or a job, we made some money, we decided what kind of lifestyle we could afford, we found a place to live, we got roommates to help pay the bills if necessary. Or we stayed at home, worked, and saved our money until we had enough to afford the deposit and first few months' rent on an apartment, and then moved out on our own. Everyone's individual situation is different, but most people's goals are the same: Get out in the world, support themselves, make a life.

 

You're not special where this is concerned. The only difference is that, for some reason, you can't seem to make a plan. (i.e., get a job, or go to school and then get a job, make some money, save some money, get an apartment, etc.). To me, it seems that your anxiety about being out in the world in typical social situations (in groups of strangers, on the road, in airports, etc.) gets so high that you are blinded to the obvious steps toward your goals and paralyzed so that you can't take any action at all.

 

You'll have to take care of your panic and anxiety, and realize how irrational they are. Then, you'll be able to follow a plan and achieve the goals you have in mind.

[Ross PK]

Bad cop, back again Ross. What you're going through is what EVERY SINGLE YOUNG PERSON goes through when they first go out on their own. We're worried as hell....will we be able to get a job, pay the rent, pay the bills? Some of us have the support of our parents (financial or otherwise), some of us don't. But just about everyone does it, and many of us were scared to death at the time. But we made a plan and we did it.

 

We got training and/or a job, we made some money, we decided what kind of lifestyle we could afford, we found a place to live, we got roommates to help pay the bills if necessary. Or we stayed at home, worked, and saved our money until we had enough to afford the deposit and first few months' rent on an apartment, and then moved out on our own. Everyone's individual situation is different, but most people's goals are the same: Get out in the world, support themselves, make a life.

 

But 99% of them wont have ended up getting chucked out with all their stuff and then not know what to do.

 

I'm really sure that if I get my own place it's just going to be the same kind of thing as how it is when I'm driving.

[josie54]

But 99% of them wont have ended up getting chucked out with all their stuff and then not know what to do.

 

I'm really sure that if I get my own place it's just going to be the same kind of thing as how it is when I'm driving.

 

This is ridiculous, Ross. Has this happened yet? No. You're panicking before anything even happens. This is a social phobia, plain and simple.

 

I'll prove it to you: How would you get chucked out? You wouldn't pay the required rent, or you'd destroy the apartment. Why wouldn't you pay your rent? Why would you actively destroy the apartment? Give me your reasons ahead of time.....there are only two reasons: You don't have enough money to pay the rent (in which case, you shouldn't get the apartment in the first place). And you just want to destroy the apartment, for some reason. (again, you don't have the maturity to have one, so you should just move on to something else.)

 

If you want an apartment, you have to do what everybody else on the planet does to get an apartment. You are not special--these kinds of things aren't just handed to you. Here's the plan:

 

First, you have to get your head together. You need to fix your irrational panic, anxiety, and fears. Your statement above, that you're going to get (absolutely and without fail) "chucked out," is irrational. When people get apartments, they already have a plan in place to PAY for them. If you can't pay for it, then you're not getting an apartment.

 

Second, if you WANT an apartment, you figure out how to pay for it BEFORE HAND. You get a job, you get training, you put money in the bank for at least the deposit and first month's payment. In your case, I'd save six months, to give you some extra comfort.

 

Third, once you have a steady job (meaning you've worked for at least six months and you like it and your employer likes you) and money saved, you search for an apartment that you can reasonably afford and leaves you enough money to pay the rest of your bills and have some fun, sign an agreement for the apartment, and move in. With money in the bank and money coming in, you will realize that you can afford it, will pay the rent, and WON'T GET CHUCKED OUT.

 

Fourth, don't destroy the apartment. That should be easy enough.

 

If you CAN'T follow these steps, you should never get an apartment. If you cannot follow these steps, you will never be ready to take on the responsibility. You're trapped in irrational fears and anxiety--those fears will keep you from being able to hold down a job. You won't remember to pay your rent or you'll go off and do damage your apartment. You will be evicted if you cannot pay or if you do damage.

 

If you CAN follow these steps, you can get an apartment when you're mentally and financially ready, just like everybody else.

 

This a really easy either-or situation.

[Ross PK]

It's not ridiculous. I thought like this about driving before I even got a car and my predictions turned out to be right. There's still a post of mine about a year before I started driving predicting that these kinds of things will happen to me when I'm driving on another board.

[Touche]

I didn't read the whole thread but ever heard of a self-fulfilling prophecy?

 

Ross, why don't you start assuming that things will turn out fine? What have you got to lose? The way you think hasn't worked for you so far...try something else. Work on your negative attitude.

[josie54]

It is ridiculous, Ross. You just don't see it. (Or you're playing us BIG time. That would be too funny.)

 

You're not even trying. You're not even thinking about the FIRST step (getting a job and making some money). You could just set some money aside each month and then once you had enough, take the next step. What's the next step? NOT getting an apartment, for sure! The next step is to do the math (how much do you need to live on to pay the rent and the bills?) . What's the next? NOT to get an apartment! It's to do your research, and see where you'd like to live. At that point, then you can start worrying, if you like. At this point, you haven't even done enough to start worrying. You're just wallowing.

 

I don't even know why I keep coming back to this thread! I guess just to see what irrational thing you'll come up with next. Plus, you're kind of sweet, in your own irrational way.

 

And the next question really is, so what if you got chucked out? Chucked out right on your bottom. You'd sit on the street for a while. Your stuff would be all around you. You'd probably get up, at some point, and start walking. You'd take a few things, but leave most of your stuff behind you on the ground, for others to take. If you had money in your pocket, you might get some lunch or dinner. If not, you'd just start walking back to your mum's or wherever. If it's far, you might sleep on the street for a night or two. It might even rain on you. You might have to find somewhere to warm up here and there. But you'd eventually get back to her.

 

And then you'd be back home. And you'd start over.

 

Where in that scenario is the real disaster? (Air France flight 447--THAT'S a real disaster. The AIDS epidemic in Africa--disaster. Those are worst-case scenarios--you're not even close. You haven't even begun inconveniencing yourself, let alone face a true crisis.)

 

And how on earth would you be worse off that you are right now? You'd be much better off if you got an apartment and got chucked onto the street than you are right now. At least you would have tried...you'd have done something on your own behalf. And then you could come back here and tell us how you were right all along! And we'd all chalk it up to bad luck. And then guess what we'd tell you?

 

We'd tell you to TRY AGAIN!!! Just like the rest of us do.

 

You're not any more special than the rest of us, Ross. Bad things don't happen to you because you're you. The happen to you because you make them happen. Think of the night you left your friend's rucksack--you LEFT it and went into unfamiliar territory. That's all you. And then you weren't even grateful for that last cab driver who gave you a ride! You didn't even note that as something you should have been grateful for...because admit it: You were probably a bit drunk and you may have just scared most people off. And you WERE 23--police have better things to do!

 

Or think of the fact that you got on the wrong plane because you didn't take the simple step of checking the flight before you got on--or asking a friend or family member to help you make sure you had all that information before you left. You've got something that's terribly wrong in the way you think--you need to get help for that.

 

And just the same, good things don't happen to you because you DON'T make them happen (like the rest of us do). You can't have a life that you're not willing to work for. You do nothing, you get nothing. If you won't do anything for yourself, no one else will. I hope you get that apartment, and get chucked right on out. I'd be incredibly proud of you for getting chucked--you'd have tried. That's a good thing.

 

Good luck, though! Enjoy the life you have. And if something bad happens to you in the process, thank your lucky stars that it did. Because that would mean that you did SOMETHING, that you made something different. That's a whole lot better than staying put and waiting for .....well, nothing. That's a whole lot of boring.

[Ross PK]

I didn't read the whole thread but ever heard of a self-fulfilling prophecy?

 

Ross, why don't you start assuming that things will turn out fine? What have you got to lose? The way you think hasn't worked for you so far...try something else. Work on your negative attitude.

 

How is that going to stop bad things from happening? The last thing I want to do is become complacent.

[Ross PK]

It is ridiculous, Ross. You just don't see it. (Or you're playing us BIG time. That would be too funny.)

 

You're not even trying. You're not even thinking about the FIRST step (getting a job and making some money). You could just set some money aside each month and then once you had enough, take the next step. What's the next step? NOT getting an apartment, for sure! The next step is to do the math (how much do you need to live on to pay the rent and the bills?) . What's the next? NOT to get an apartment! It's to do your research, and see where you'd like to live. At that point, then you can start worrying, if you like. At this point, you haven't even done enough to start worrying. You're just wallowing.

 

Why would I need to set money aside? Besides, I'll probably be selling my car anyway, I'll probably at least get about £2000 for it.

 

If there's something to worry about isn't it better to find a solution than to just ignore it and blindy go into doing what you're doing unprepared?

 

 

I don't even know why I keep coming back to this thread! I guess just to see what irrational thing you'll come up with next. Plus, you're kind of sweet, in your own irrational way.

 

Well, you are helping, so I hope you do come back.

 

IAnd the next question really is, so what if you got chucked out? Chucked out right on your bottom. You'd sit on the street for a while. Your stuff would be all around you. You'd probably get up, at some point, and start walking. You'd take a few things, but leave most of your stuff behind you on the ground, for others to take. If you had money in your pocket, you might get some lunch or dinner. If not, you'd just start walking back to your mum's or wherever. If it's far, you might sleep on the street for a night or two. It might even rain on you. You might have to find somewhere to warm up here and there. But you'd eventually get back to her.

 

And then you'd be back home. And you'd start over.

 

Where in that scenario is the real disaster? (Air France flight 447--THAT'S a real disaster. The AIDS epidemic in Africa--disaster. Those are worst-case scenarios--you're not even close. You haven't even begun inconveniencing yourself, let alone face a true crisis.)

 

It'd be a real disaster to me. Don't you know how heartbreaking it would be for me to leave a perfectly good £400 PC, my childhood comic collection, and my video game collection and consoles out on the pavement for anyone to help themselves too or for it all to get ruined in the rain?

 

It'd be more than a true crisis for me. And would obviously prove that I'll have to live with my mum for the rest of my life in an area that I don't like because the same thing or something else would obviously just happen again.

 

And how on earth would you be worse off that you are right now? You'd be much better off if you got an apartment and got chucked onto the street than you are right now. At least you would have tried...you'd have done something on your own behalf. And then you could come back here and tell us how you were right all along! And we'd all chalk it up to bad luck. And then guess what we'd tell you?

 

I'd be worse off because right now I have a home, and all my belongings that I've looked after and mean a lot to me.

 

I tried with the driving, but I feel like **** because of the whole bad experience I've had with it. And it's what has made me feel even more unconfident about doing other things, including moving out.

 

We'd tell you to TRY AGAIN!!! Just like the rest of us do.

 

The same crap would just happen again, it's like it's my destiny.

 

You're not any more special than the rest of us, Ross. Bad things don't happen to you because you're you. The happen to you because you make them happen. Think of the night you left your friend's rucksack--you LEFT it and went into unfamiliar territory. That's all you. And then you weren't even grateful for that last cab driver who gave you a ride! You didn't even note that as something you should have been grateful for...because admit it: You were probably a bit drunk and you may have just scared most people off. And you WERE 23--police have better things to do!

 

Well, yeah, like I said it could very well be because of the way I am, wish I could be normal.

 

Or think of the fact that you got on the wrong plane because you didn't take the simple step of checking the flight before you got on--or asking a friend or family member to help you make sure you had all that information before you left. You've got something that's terribly wrong in the way you think--you need to get help for that.

 

I guess. Where do I start though? I'm not even sure what I should explain to my doctor.

 

And just the same, good things don't happen to you because you DON'T make them happen (like the rest of us do).

 

Not sure what to say to that. Some good things have happened, like passing my theory test and driving test first time, but then does it even count when we all know what a disaster driving has turned out for me?

 

You can't have a life that you're not willing to work for. You do nothing, you get nothing. If you won't do anything for yourself, no one else will. I hope you get that apartment, and get chucked right on out. I'd be incredibly proud of you for getting chucked--you'd have tried. That's a good thing.

 

Now that's just messed up.

 

Good luck, though! Enjoy the life you have. And if something bad happens to you in the process, thank your lucky stars that it did. Because that would mean that you did SOMETHING, that you made something different. That's a whole lot better than staying put and waiting for .....well, nothing. That's a whole lot of boring.

 

I don't agree. Okay I did something, big deal, if it just turns out to be a disaster than there's nothing to be happy about. Only pain and suffering. And there'll be no point in trying again because I know the same thing or another disaster will happen.

[josie54]

I do love a challenge! In my life, let's see:

 

My mom died.

My dad died.

My best friend died of breast cancer.

I've totaled my car.

I've had two other car accidents (one my fault, one not)

I've run my car into my garage--TWICE--denting it.

I've had FOUR traffic tickets, and as a result, the cost of my insurance tripled.

I've sprained my ankle running in heels that were too high for me, sending me to the emergency room and costing me $600.

I've torn ligaments in my knee, so I couldn't run track anymore, which I loved.

I've suffered a fracture in my back, which was the most painful thing I've ever had. Couldn't even move for weeks.

My cat, which I loved, died.

My landlord sold my apartment, which I also loved, and gave me 30 days to leave.

Then there was the aforementioned New York City mess-up.

I've missed an important flight (because I didn't get to the airport on time), and had to sit in the airport for HOURS waiting for the next one.

 

Among my friends:

 

Two have had babies, less than six months old, die of SIDS.

One had his wife run up thousands of dollars in credit card debt without his knowing--now they're divorcing.

Another had a child with cerebral palsy.

Another lost his job because he was an alcoholic; had to go to rehab.

Another has to take care of his wife, baby, and mom, AFTER he lost his job.

 

I could go on and on. And yet, the rest of us live our lives.

 

Hmmmm.....Ross, why are your problems so special?

 

When I told you I hoped you got your apartment AND got chucked out, I was simply saying that I hoped you actually LIVED for a change. I meant to say that if you actually took a step in that direction, you'd find that if you paid your rent, you'd be just fine. I'm not sure why you think you can't pay your rent.

 

I'm also not sure why you're worrying about an apartment at all. If you can't pay rent, you can't afford an apartment, period. You shouldn't even be thinking about it.

 

I've asked you to save money, so you CAN pay your rent. I'm not sure why you think that's such a crazy idea.

 

If you are unable to save money or pay your rent, back to start: You have no business getting an apartment.

 

Here's the equation: Money+therapy=freedom. Money helps you afford an apartment. Therapy helps you realize that your thoughts are "just messed up." You tell your doctor you think all these bad things will happen to you for no reason. Heck, just print off this thread and give it to your doctor to read. You wouldn't have to say a word. He'll tell you bad things happen to everybody, and often with great regularity. And then he'll help you get over it.

[josie54]

I forgot these gems:

 

-I broke my nose trying to fix something in my house. I had to have surgery.

-My car broke down IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FREEWAY, 15 miles from the nearest town. I waited for two and a half hours until someone was kind enough to stop and help.

-I locked my keys in my car WHILE IT WAS RUNNING, also on the freeway (different occasion, of course), WHILE IT WAS SLEETING. I had gotten out of the car to wipe the ice of my windshield, because my wipers weren't working. Had to walk to the next gas station to call someone to help me unlock my car.

-I locked my keys in my car on various other occasions, before I had my fancy key chain that now makes it impossible to lock my keys in the car (thank goodness). That had me walking to get home, or waiting for a locksmith.

-I locked myself out of my HOUSE once, and had to walk to the next house to call a locksmith. (You can see, I was a real space-case about my stupid keys)

-Oh, and I got FIRED from my first job because I got mad at my boss!

 

 

Good grief, everything goes wrong for me too....All this, and I'm only in my 30s! My life really sucks!

 

Kidding....I'm good.

 

Josie

[Ross PK]

I don't think you inderstand Josie. Those thngs that happened to you seem understandable and can happen to anyone and everyone, the things that happen to me aren't.

 

I was wondering, how did you feel after the getting stranded in New York incident?

[Touche]

How is that going to stop bad things from happening? The last thing I want to do is become complacent.

 

I didn't say it would but maybe if you didn't go around EXPECTING that everything in life will turn to shyt, just maybe you'll have less bad things happen. What have you got to lose to just try to change your thinking?

 

Please, you're no different than any of us. I can also give you a list of bad things that have happened to me. We ALL can. So what? Plenty of good things have happened too...same goes for you if you would ever stop to really think about it.

[josie54]

I don't think you inderstand Josie. Those thngs that happened to you seem understandable and can happen to anyone and everyone, the things that happen to me aren't.

 

I understand perfectly. Except for your panicking when bad things happen, NOTHING you've described doesn't happen to EVERYONE. Not a single thing. We all mess up at the airport, we all get nervous in traffic, we all feel uncomfortable in crowds, we've all had accidents that we've caused because we've done something stupid.

 

The only difference between you and us is that you have a treatable mental disorder--most likely social anxiety and panic disorder, topped off with some kind of depression--which causes you to wig out when you perceive trouble, rather than just deal with it on the spot. The rest of us realize we have a problem--we curse it for a second. Then, we look around for an answer. We find the answer and fix the problem. If we can't fix it, we accept it and move on with life.

 

You realize you have a problem. And you panic. Immediately. Actually, you start panicking BEFORE you have the problem. Your anxiety builds up and then you do something silly. Then you panic more and make things worse. You don't take common sense precautions to avoid disaster--you just steamroll right into it.

 

Social anxiety and panic disorders cause this kind of behavior. They need therapeutic attention. They make you think the worst is going to happen. And because you panic, you make the worst happen.

 

Other people are like you, in that they do things the rest of us don't: People with obsessive compulsive disorder wash their hands 100s of times a day, or worry that their stoves and irons aren't turned off, so they have to check them multiple times. People with attention deficit disorder often can't focus to finish a task or follow a series of directions. Once they get help, however, they can fix--or at least lessen the effects of--the problems.

 

Until you realize that, though, you're just going to spin your wheels. And come to us on this thread and ask us what's wrong with you--and then not believe us when we tell you.

 

I was wondering, how did you feel after the getting stranded in New York incident?

 

I was scared to death. Most of all, I was mad at myself for being so stupid. And then, after I realized how stupid I'd been, I knew I had to DO something. So I just started walking so I could figure out how to get back to the hotel. Never for a minute did I think I wasn't going to get home again--I didn't act like this was the end of my life as I knew it. I realized I had a problem, and I had to fix it. And I DID NOT PANIC. That's it.

 

First, I knew that eventually traffic would clear and I would be able to get a cab. It might take a couple hours, but it would happen. But I didn't like that option, because it was freakin' cold. I also knew I could buy a map of the city and find my way back to the hotel--also not a great option, because I knew it was a really long way to walk. I could ask yet a third person to TAKE me to a subway stop, so I could finally find one. I had lots of options. And then I saw the cab driver, and decided to ask him. If nothing else, he could give me another set of directions to a subway stop. That cab driver helped me, just as a cab driver helped you that one night, I was able to get home within an hour or so. Now I have a story to tell that I find HILARIOUS--it's also an experience that I always think of to remind me that in any crowd, there will always someone willing to help a stranger. That makes me happy.

 

Plus, it was a very good learning experience. I know never to do that again! I'll always travel a strange city with a plan of how I'm going to get home. Because I learned from it, it hasn't happened again.

 

Your mind blocks out all of those common sense reactions with only one primal pattern: You panic, you run, you wig out, you gun your motor, you get on the wrong plane. You don't just stop and THINK. And then, even worse, you don't learn anything to apply to the next set of problems. You just say, "Oh, I can't do anything to help myself. I'm going to fail." That's a cop-out. You act as if you should somehow have all these good things happen to you without working for any of them.

 

Now I have a question for you: What steps have you taken AT ALL to solve your problems? Besides coming to this board, what have you DONE?

 

I'll already say what you're going to say, to save you the trouble:

"It's no point doing anything. It'll just turn out wrong anyway."

 

And that response makes no sense.

[Ariadne]

Those thngs that happened to you seem understandable and can happen to anyone and everyone, the things that happen to me aren't.

 

Hey Ross

 

There you are again...

 

Seems like the anxiety is interfering with your driving big time, as far as that smoking episode and the rest.

 

I'd guess the best would be to sort of memorize your way here and there, so that you'd know what lane and so on.

 

(And the other things are practice I'd say, seems like you haven't really driven very much.)

 

But you are doing really well, I'd say. I see a lot of progress, hopefully soon you'll make some friends and eventually find a girlfriend.

 

Maybe talking to the people in the therapy group wouldn't be so bad. At least they also have troubles and will be able to relate, and you will get to meet some people.

 

People seem to like you and find you interesting, to judge by the number of responses you get.

[Ross PK]

I understand perfectly. Except for your panicking when bad things happen, NOTHING you've described doesn't happen to EVERYONE. Not a single thing. We all mess up at the airport, we all get nervous in traffic, we all feel uncomfortable in crowds, we've all had accidents that we've caused because we've done something stupid.

 

The only difference between you and us is that you have a treatable mental disorder--most likely social anxiety and panic disorder, topped off with some kind of depression--which causes you to wig out when you perceive trouble, rather than just deal with it on the spot. The rest of us realize we have a problem--we curse it for a second. Then, we look around for an answer. We find the answer and fix the problem. If we can't fix it, we accept it and move on with life.

 

You realize you have a problem. And you panic. Immediately. Actually, you start panicking BEFORE you have the problem. Your anxiety builds up and then you do something silly. Then you panic more and make things worse. You don't take common sense precautions to avoid disaster--you just steamroll right into it.

 

Social anxiety and panic disorders cause this kind of behavior. They need therapeutic attention. They make you think the worst is going to happen. And because you panic, you make the worst happen.

 

Other people are like you, in that they do things the rest of us don't: People with obsessive compulsive disorder wash their hands 100s of times a day, or worry that their stoves and irons aren't turned off, so they have to check them multiple times. People with attention deficit disorder often can't focus to finish a task or follow a series of directions. Once they get help, however, they can fix--or at least lessen the effects of--the problems.

 

Until you realize that, though, you're just going to spin your wheels. And come to us on this thread and ask us what's wrong with you--and then not believe us when we tell you.

 

 

 

I was scared to death. Most of all, I was mad at myself for being so stupid. And then, after I realized how stupid I'd been, I knew I had to DO something. So I just started walking so I could figure out how to get back to the hotel. Never for a minute did I think I wasn't going to get home again--I didn't act like this was the end of my life as I knew it. I realized I had a problem, and I had to fix it. And I DID NOT PANIC. That's it.

 

First, I knew that eventually traffic would clear and I would be able to get a cab. It might take a couple hours, but it would happen. But I didn't like that option, because it was freakin' cold. I also knew I could buy a map of the city and find my way back to the hotel--also not a great option, because I knew it was a really long way to walk. I could ask yet a third person to TAKE me to a subway stop, so I could finally find one. I had lots of options. And then I saw the cab driver, and decided to ask him. If nothing else, he could give me another set of directions to a subway stop. That cab driver helped me, just as a cab driver helped you that one night, I was able to get home within an hour or so. Now I have a story to tell that I find HILARIOUS--it's also an experience that I always think of to remind me that in any crowd, there will always someone willing to help a stranger. That makes me happy.

 

Plus, it was a very good learning experience. I know never to do that again! I'll always travel a strange city with a plan of how I'm going to get home. Because I learned from it, it hasn't happened again.

 

Your mind blocks out all of those common sense reactions with only one primal pattern: You panic, you run, you wig out, you gun your motor, you get on the wrong plane. You don't just stop and THINK. And then, even worse, you don't learn anything to apply to the next set of problems. You just say, "Oh, I can't do anything to help myself. I'm going to fail." That's a cop-out. You act as if you should somehow have all these good things happen to you without working for any of them.

 

Now I have a question for you: What steps have you taken AT ALL to solve your problems? Besides coming to this board, what have you DONE?

 

I'll already say what you're going to say, to save you the trouble:

"It's no point doing anything. It'll just turn out wrong anyway."

 

And that response makes no sense.

 

I haven't taken any steps. I need to wait until it's been 6 months since I last saw the doctor before I can see him again. I want to try and approach this from the angle of my problems not coming from an external source, but from me. If that is actually true, then it could help me, and there's no harm in trying right?

 

Not sure about what exactly I should say to my doctor. I don't have a printer, but I could give him the web address of this topic. But then, I really can't expect him to read through every single post of this topic, maybe from where I posted the smoking incident until now.

 

I'd like to try what Touche advised me, but I do feel scared of trying to expect good things to happen, because when they don't and something bad happens it'll be even more crushing. I did try and exersise several times a few months ago, and it was to not hold on to negative thoughts for seven days, it's suposed to turn you into a new person, make you feel better. Now this sounds crazy, but it was as though doing this exersise actually made bad things happen more, like I was tempting fate, and when something bad happened, it was really really bad. And this seemed to happen everytime I tried it, so I don't try it anymore.

[Ross PK]

Hey Ross

 

There you are again...

 

Seems like the anxiety is interfering with your driving big time, as far as that smoking episode and the rest.

 

I'd guess the best would be to sort of memorize your way here and there, so that you'd know what lane and so on.

 

(And the other things are practice I'd say, seems like you haven't really driven very much.)

 

But you are doing really well, I'd say. I see a lot of progress, hopefully soon you'll make some friends and eventually find a girlfriend.

 

Maybe talking to the people in the therapy group wouldn't be so bad. At least they also have troubles and will be able to relate, and you will get to meet some people.

 

People seem to like you and find you interesting, to judge by the number of responses you get.

 

Hey Ariadne , I've not seen you for ages.

[Touche]

Please try it (again), Ross. It will only be worse when something bad happens if you let it be worse. YOU control your mind and thoughts you know.

 

Please. Just make up your mind that starting Monday, good things will happen to you, ok? Just try it. I want to see this turn around for you.

[Ross PK]

Please try it (again), Ross. It will only be worse when something bad happens if you let it be worse. YOU control your mind and thoughts you know.

 

Please. Just make up your mind that starting Monday, good things will happen to you, ok? Just try it. I want to see this turn around for you.

 

I'll try, Touche.

[Ariadne]

Hey Ariadne , I've not seen you for ages.

 

Yeah, I'm still here. Good to see you drop by and hear about all these changes, getting an apartment was pretty big as well as the car.

 

Hey, don't feel too shabby about that, getting there.

[josie54]

I'd like to try what Touche advised me, but I do feel scared of trying to expect good things to happen, because when they don't and something bad happens it'll be even more crushing.

 

That's another difference....we don't all go around "expecting good things to happen." We simply don't go around expecting bad things to happen. We expect that life will happen, good things and bad things.

 

We also all accept that bad things WILL happen eventually. And when they happen--whether they happen outside our control or because of our own stupidity--we just deal with them and move on. We definitely don't let the mere possibility of bad things keep us from striving for and planning for good things.

 

When you can learn to shrug off the bad things that happen, and just deal with them and move on without obsessing about them (or about the possibility of them), you'll know you're living your life in a much better frame of mind. You'll be able to move out of your mum's house and live the life that you told Eve about.

[Ross PK]

When you can learn to shrug off the bad things that happen, and just deal with them and move on without obsessing about them (or about the possibility of them

 

You don't know how much I'd love to be able to do that. But when you think it just happens to you, that makes it near enough impossible to shrug off.