My journal of trying to imrove my life (watch how things always go wrong for me)

[josie54]

But when you think it just happens to you...

 

That's the only sentence you need to tell your doctor, Ross. That you think these bad things just happen to you. He or she will see that problem immediately and help you work through it.

 

Because you need to add another "Just" to your sentence: You JUST think these things just happen to you." You're wrong. Worse than that, it's self-fulfilling thinking. That means when ANYTHING even mildly inconvenient happens to you, you'll manage to turn it into something bad, even if it's not.

 

Quite frankly, most of the stuff you've described here, I've had to laugh. You've not described a single thing that most of the rest of us would classify as "bad" (a death, an injury, a fire, an eviction, an illness, a job loss, etc.). What you've described are things we all go through: I've panicked in traffic (what do you think caused one of my accidents?), I've gotten nervous in crowds. I've been confused in the airport. I've had to walk around a strange place and try to find a ride home.

 

In fact, unless you haven't told us something, nothing TRULY bad has happened to you! Mildly inconvenient or slightly irritating, maybe, but not bad.

 

That's the part you must work on with your therapist or therapy group--you need to realize that you're not special where this is concerned. You don't get a pass on experiencing these things--stalling in traffic, getting on the wrong plane, not knowing exactly what's going on at all times. We all have to go through these things. And you don't get a pass on REALLY bad things happening to you (death, injury, etc.). YOU just need to learn how to handle them.

 

A therapist or therapy group can help you control your anxiety, conquer your fears, and change your thinking. Once you've changed your reactions, you'll be able to plan ahead (save money, check your flight number, arrange a ride home) to avoid all these disasters you seem to attract (cause). You'll be able to pursue the good things in life, handle the bad things when they come, and live the life you want.

[Ross PK]

Well, it's time to make an appointment with my doctor.

[Ross PK]

Well, the appointment is next Friday, that's about 2 weeks I'll have to wait.

[josie54]

Well, the appointment is next Friday, that's about 2 weeks I'll have to wait.

 

Actually, it's only 9 days, which, counting from July 15th, is closer to ONE week. That's you making things worse than they actually are again. I mean that in good fun, but also as an example to show you how you think--you've turned 9 days of waiting into 14. Not so. You could have said, "that's only a little more than a week I'll have to wait." That's a big difference in approach and mindset.

 

However, that is GREAT news, Ross. A wonderful step in the right direction. Good luck with your appointment!

[Ross PK]

Actually, it's only 9 days, which, counting from July 15th, is closer to ONE week. That's you making things worse than they actually are again. I mean that in good fun, but also as an example to show you how you think--you've turned 9 days of waiting into 14. Not so. You could have said, "that's only a little more than a week I'll have to wait." That's a big difference in approach and mindset.

 

However, that is GREAT news, Ross. A wonderful step in the right direction. Good luck with your appointment!

 

I don't have any hope. I'm not even sure if I'll be able to explain things in the best way.

[Ross PK]

I feel that the way I'll explain things once I'm there will make it sound as though things aren't that serious, and the doctor will just tell me to see him in another 6 months, or maybe just change my medication onto something that I already used to take which didn't help much. I'll end up walking away no better off than I am now.

[josie54]

I feel that the way I'll explain things once I'm there will make it sound as though things aren't that serious, and the doctor will just tell me to see him in another 6 months, or maybe just change my medication onto something that I already used to take which didn't help much. I'll end up walking away no better off than I am now.

 

Just give your doctor the link to this thread, Ross. It's all here, in writing (which can be much clearer than trying to describe things verbally). If your doctor has an e-mail address, you should send him/her the link to this thread BEFORE your appointment with a polite explanation of why you think it would be helpful if he/she read through it before the appointment, so you don't have to re-explain everything when you get there. If your doctor doesn't offer e-mail communication to patients, print every last item on this thread out and hand it over when you get there.

 

The doctor should be capable of scanning the information and reading the most important areas quickly.

 

If you don't want to print out the whole thing, then print out the items that you think are most relevant to your problem, where you describe it in the most detail and hand THAT over.

 

And yes, you CAN expect your doctor to read this thread....that's what he or she is there for. The doctor probably will appreciate having the record, because it will save time for both of you and get your worries across clearly and comprehensively. When you get there, you can just elaborate on what's here, rather than start from scratch.

 

If you don't want to do THAT, then put SOMETHING in writing before you get there, at a time when you're not nervous, so that you can have everything you want to say down on paper. You can just hand it over during the appointment and explain that the reason that you put it in writing was that you were afraid you wouldn't be able to explain it clearly otherwise.

 

Don't leave this up to chance, Ross. Give it some thought and take charge of it a little. Make sure your doctor hears you and understands what you're going through. Again, you've made us understand through your postings on this thread--these postings would be invaluable to your doctor as well.

[Ross PK]

I don't have a printer and I don't have his email.

 

Maybe I should just write down the link to this topic and give it to him when I see him?

 

Should I just say 'this will explain everything, i really need help' and then give him the piece of paper with the link on it?

 

Or should I try explaining my situation first, and then give him the link?

[josie54]

I don't have a printer and I don't have his email.

 

Maybe I should just write down the link to this topic and give it to him when I see him?

 

Should I just say 'this will explain everything, i really need help' and then give him the piece of paper with the link on it?

 

Or should I try explaining my situation first, and then give him the link?

 

Option No. 1: You can call his office to see if he or his office has an e-mail address that patients can use to contact him with information that might be useful to him to have before your appointment. I'd do that first.

 

Option No. 2: If No. 1 is not possible, if you have a local library, there will be Internet-linked computers with printers available there. If libraries in the U.K. work like those in the U.S., you'll just have to pay a small amount per page.

 

Option No. 3: If No. 2 is not possible, send him the link, written on a note, by regular mail (on Monday, so he'll be sure to receive it before Friday) or call it in by phone BEFORE you see him. Send it with a note that explains that the link is to a thread in a forum that you visit to share your concerns with others, and that it might provide some insight before your appointment. He should have access to the information before the appointment if at all possible.

 

Option No. 4: If THAT'S not an option, then yes, bring the link with you to your appointment, and just let him know that it probably explains your situation better than you can verbally in a brief face-to-face appointment. Then, explain your situation as best as you can, and ask if he could read the link after.

 

Option No. 5: And you can also write down your thoughts beforehand, using this thread as a way to organize your thoughts. In a page or two, describe your challenges, offer examples, note that you realize that your reactions aren't the way other people react and that you desperately want to change. Write down what you've tried before and explain that your biggest fear is that you won't be able to find the help you need. (all things you've noted here).

 

You can then give him that written description that he can read at the beginning of your appointment, and then you can discuss it after. You could include the link in this written document, and just ask him if he could read the thread after your appointment to get the full picture of how you're feeling.

 

If you follow one or more of the options above, you'll know he has ALL the information and a full picture of your situation. Hopefully, with that information, he'll be able to make the best assessment of your situation and give you the help you're hoping for.

[Ross PK]

I just need to point something out (I thought I had already explained this in this topic, but I've just looked through it all and I haven't).

 

I know that if I never move out of my house, since my mum is old, that sooner or later she is going to die, and I'll be here when that happens, and there is NO WAY I'd be able to cope with her dieing. That's the main reason why I want to move out and get my own place.

 

So you can see the situation I'm in, I feel that if I get my own place, I'll become homeless and it'll all end up in a disaster, but if I don't bother I will have to face my mum dieing while I'm still living with her, it'd be TOO TOO upsetting for me, I wouldn't be able to cope with it.

 

So I feel like there's absoloutley no escape for me, apart from killing myself, that's why I've been feeling so suicidal.

[Ross PK]

And the car was my last hope, to be able to get onto bigger and better things and get my own place with a steady job so there'd be no fear of becoming homeless, and I wouldn't be having to live in a crappy flat in a rough area where I'd feel very undomfortable.

 

Even if I was made homeless, at least having a car would mean that I'd be able to put my belongings in it so they're safe (instead of them being left on the pavement).

[josie54]

You are facing a mental disorder, Ross. It's making your view of the world illogical and wrong. It's far beyond the scope of this forum.

 

Show your new doctor the content of this thread and start from there. If you just tell him you get nervous when you drive, then yes, he will dismiss your concerns. Do not sabotage your appointment by not sharing all of this information. Perhaps he'll prescribe psychotherapy, as well as medication.

 

Good luck!

 

Josie

[Ross PK]

Things have gone really well. After having a chat it seems that everything is more about my perception, and the things that I've been experiencing while driving are normal and everyone else experiences them. The doc told me about some of the things he's experienced which sounded like really similar things that I have experienced.

 

I think I did forget to say that I experience these things nearly everytime I went out in the car though, so I'm not sure if that is still normal or not.

 

I'm also going to be able to see a CBT therapist again.

 

So I guess it's my distorted view of reality that I need to work on, among other things.

 

I'm going to start to take the car out again once or twice a week, later on in the day when it's not too busy, I still feel very unconfident about it though, but better than I did before.

 

So yeah, I'm feeling better, I've got hope again now.

[Ross PK]

Well, went out in the car today, the only way I had enough confidence to do so was for my mum to come with me.

 

A few things happened which bothered me, which is what I expected, but I have to keep reminding myself that these things are normal and happen to everyone and that it's nothing to be concerned about. Still doesn't really feel that way though, and I did feel quite shaken up afterwards for a while.

[Ariadne]

Well, went out in the car today, the only way I had enough confidence to do so was for my mum to come with me.

 

A few things happened which bothered me, which is what I expected, but I have to keep reminding myself that these things are normal and happen to everyone and that it's nothing to be concerned about. Still doesn't really feel that way though, and I did feel quite shaken up afterwards for a while.

 

I'm glad you took the car again Ross.

 

Just drive carefully and you'll be fine.

 

Glad you were able to take your mom for a ride also.

 

Good luck!

 

(Btw, I don't think you have a distorted image of reality, you think so clearly, I just find you incredibly intense so you worry more, you think more etc)

[Ross PK]

I'm glad you took the car again Ross.

 

Just drive carefully and you'll be fine.

 

Glad you were able to take your mom for a ride also.

 

Good luck!

 

(Btw, I don't think you have a distorted image of reality, you think so clearly, I just find you incredibly intense so you worry more, you think more etc)

 

Yeah, maybe it's me that's too intense, not the things that happen to me.

[GorillaTheater]

Yeah, maybe it's me that's too intense, not the things that happen to me.

 

I suspect that's it exactly. Good insight.

 

I'm constantly amazed at how far my unthinking, thoughtless attitude has taken me.

[Ariadne]

Yeah, maybe it's me that's too intense, not the things that happen to me.

 

Yeah, the things that happen to everybody, but your intense reaction creates your problems.

 

Is ok though, you've lived with it all your life.

 

Now you just need to not be so afraid of the car, little by little.

 

At least you tried, maybe going with your mom will give you the comfort that you need.

 

(And you'll have two more eyes looking at the road as well)

[josie54]

That's great, Ross. I was glad to hear that your new doctor gave you a plan and hope for the future....just keep working and trying, and you'll be able to live the life that you want.

[Ross PK]

Update.

 

Because of only taking half the medication everyday, my mind is more sharper and my driving feels better, I feel like I can make better judgements.

 

But, because I'm only taking half everyday and the medication is for my anxiety and depression, I'm now way more scared to drive. I can only manage to go out just once a week and only down the road, and I have to have my mum with me otherwise I just wouldn't have enough confidence to go on my own. Even though I now realise that my mistakes are probably normal and there's nothing for me to worry about.

 

Only today did I feel that I could just about go on my own, but my mum needed to go shopping so I let her come with me.

 

I guess I'm just really scared of ending up in a really embarrassing situation which I can't get out of, like getting my car trapped (it has nearly happened on 2 occasions and did happen on one occasion, but luckily on the occasion when it happened I wasn't trapped permenantly) with no hope of moving it and not knowing what to do and having all the traffic behind me beeping with pedastrians staring at me. I could see myself paniking so bad and feeling so embarrased, that I'd probably just run away and leave my car in the street.

[Ross PK]

Oh I forgot, I am trying to work on myself, I've started reading a site called moodgym, and I've written down the fact that the experiences I have in the car are probably normal and that everyone makes similar mistakes, and I read that to myself everyday, I'm not really sure if any of it has helped though, maybe a little.

[Ross PK]

The latest incidents (just in case any of you might be interested)

 

http://www.rac.co.uk/forum/showthread.php?t=8752

 

http://www.rac.co.uk/forum/showthread.php?t=8766

[josie54]

Sounds like you're going through the very normal process of learning to drive and getting your bearings on the road. We all go through that, and it sounds as if you're doing very well to look back at each difficulty and realize what you can do differently next time to make it easier.

 

You're doing great--just keep going! The more you experience these situations, the better you'll get and the more you'll know just what to do.

 

Josie

[deux ex machina]

How has everything been recently as far as getting used to lower levels of medication?

[Ross PK]

How has everything been recently as far as getting used to lower levels of medication?

 

It's made my mind feel a lot more sharper and alert for driving, before when I was taking full medication it made my mind feel more 'cloudy' when driving like it was more harder to make judgements.

 

But since I'm on less medication I feel way more scared to drive than I did before.