My journal of trying to imrove my life (watch how things always go wrong for me)

[Ross PK]

Hi Eve, the doctor wont let me have any more therapy, he says I need to wait 6 months.

 

I wish I could play music in the car, but it really puts me off my driving.

 

All I know is is that I can't face going to town again, or anywhere which is more complicated than just going down the road and back for that matter. There's only so many knocks I can take.

 

I'm thinking of selling the car, but I'd rather wait until I have therapy first, in case it will enable me to be able to cope with driving.

[headlesschicken]

Are you saying I should accept that life is in control of me?

 

yes

 

I think what Headless is trying to say is that constantly worrying and obsessing about all the possible bad things that can happen does nothing to prevent bad things from happening. Bad things can happen that are outside of your control--thinking you can control the world, and then discovering that you cannot, only causes anxiety and makes you miserable. These obsessions also can end up causing the very things to happen that you fear the most.

 

and yes

[Eve]

Ross, what did you think to the other suggestions I made? In particular the point I reiterated from another poster...

 

Take care,

Eve xx

[Ross PK]

Well, getting an automatic wont make any difference since I'd still have the same problems I have when driving a manual.

 

Sat Nav is a good idea but I'm thinking it might be distracting how the woman is telling me when to turn right and whatever, plus it may take me onto a part that I'm not comfortable with/can't cope with.

 

I'm not up to doing voluntary work, and I don't want to drive on a regular basis because of the reasons I've given in my other posts.

 

As for the meds I don't really see much of a problem about changing the doses.

 

I've not kept a journal about postive experiences, as I'm not sure how positive an experience needs to be for me to write it down, and I'm not sure if it'd make any difference to how I'm feeling anyway.

 

Too socialy anxious to be going to a college to see if any students will give me any therapy.

 

I think I've already got the cockpit enviroment just right for me.

 

I'm not sure if I can give myself any time to settle into driving.

[Eve]

You are very stuck Ross. Gosh, I really feel for you...

 

Have you tried educating yourself on the diagnosis you have been given? I personally know of someone with social anxiety disorder and he educated himself .. which really seemed to help him cope with the symptoms etc.

 

Maybe you could take time with the following exercise?..

 

Ok, imagine that you are 5 years ahead from now Ross. You know how old you will be. No buts here.. you are precisely where you want to be in life. Take time and write down precisely how you got there. So, you are living your ideal life in every respect.. jot down what that is and then detail precisely what you have done in terms of friendships, how you have generated income, how you overcame obstacles that got in the way such as driving. (Yes, imagine that you are driving 5 years from now) The whole hog. Everything that comes to mind Ross.

 

Hope this helps.

 

Take care,

Eve xx

[Ross PK]

Thanks Eve, I'll try that out.

[Eve]

Oh, BTW.. I dont want an immediate response. Mainly this is because the exercise is quite intense. If you would like to respond, please allow at very least 3 days of careful thought.

 

Take care,

Eve xx

[Eve]

I know that I dont know you personally Ross.. but I just wanted to say that I really do care, ok?

 

*Hugs*

 

Take care,

Eve xx

[Ross PK]

Thanks Eve.

 

*Hugs back*

 

Once I've written it down I'll post it on here.

[josie54]

BTW, you mentioned previously that you did not know what you would write in a journal about the positive things that happened to you, because you didn't know what qualified as positive. Here's a guideline:

 

Eve's caring response and the existence of this forum are among the positive things that you should write in a journal about the positive things that happen to you! The fact that strangers on the Internet are willing to talk with you about ways to make your life better is a very positive thing and could go into that journal.

 

Also, the fact that you did NOT have accidents in the two times you've described here, and that you made it home safely are also among the positive things that have happened to you and could go into that journal. The fact that you HAVE a car to get around in is a positive thing in your life and could go into that journal. The fact that a friend called to say hello or that you had a tasty lunch should go into that journal.

 

Also, you only tell us when something irritating happens while you're driving. How often do you get into the car, get to your destination, and then come back home with no problem whatsoever? Put those times in your journal.

 

You can repeat the positive things that happen to you every day--write them down every day.

 

I read a story once that sums up how humans are wired to perceive the world. It offers this example: A man walks under the same bridge every day to go to work, for a year. Then, one day, he walks under the bridge and a bird sitting on the bridge chose that moment to relieve itself on the man's clean shirt. The man looks up and says, "#@*!, why do these things always happen to ME?"

 

The moral of the story is that humans are wired to see only the presence of negative things, but we are not wired to see their ABSENCE. The man saw only the one time something bad happened, not the 364 times it didn't.

 

So, you also could write about all the bad things that DID NOT HAPPEN TO YOU that day. The fact that you were not in pain, that your friends and family are with you, that you did not have an accident, that you were not hungry or cold....all of these absences of the negative are actually POSITIVE and could go into that journal.

 

Here's a link to an article that you might find interesting. It's in a magazine targeted to women, but I think the message applies to everyone:

 

http://www.redbookmag.com/health-wellness/advice/be-an-optimist

 

 

Still thinking about you....good luck!

[Ross PK]

Something bad always happens whenever I drive anywhere that is more further and more complicated than just down the road.

 

Not sure if this is the best way to explain it, but I'm all for noting positive things that happen, but I don't want to clutch at straws (like how my arm hasn't been chopped off today) as it doesn't give a realistic view of whether bad things always happen to you and not many good things. If I was going to clutch at straws for postive things then for it to be fair and to have a realistic view on things, I'd have to clutch at straws for bad things (like how a random stranger never came up to me today and gave me £500).

[josie54]

Then I will have to concede to your perceptions....you must truly never have anything good happen to you. Or, what is more likely is that you are somehow not capable of seeing them when they do.

 

I am sorry for you that that's the way it is. I hope you find some peace somehow.

[Ross PK]

I think the only peace I'll ever have is if I'm dead. I'm just hoping I'll catch swine flu.

[Ross PK]

You are very stuck Ross. Gosh, I really feel for you...

 

Have you tried educating yourself on the diagnosis you have been given? I personally know of someone with social anxiety disorder and he educated himself .. which really seemed to help him cope with the symptoms etc.

 

Maybe you could take time with the following exercise?..

 

Ok, imagine that you are 5 years ahead from now Ross. You know how old you will be. No buts here.. you are precisely where you want to be in life. Take time and write down precisely how you got there. So, you are living your ideal life in every respect.. jot down what that is and then detail precisely what you have done in terms of friendships, how you have generated income, how you overcame obstacles that got in the way such as driving. (Yes, imagine that you are driving 5 years from now) The whole hog. Everything that comes to mind Ross.

 

Hope this helps.

 

Take care,

Eve xx

 

Hey, Eve. I was wondering, does it actually have to be realistic?

[Eve]

Hey, Eve. I was wondering, does it actually have to be realistic?

 

 

It is entirely based on your version of what your life would look like if it were to be perfect five years from now... no limitations whatsoever. The practical aspects of how you got there will need to be realistic in terms of how you identified problems and overcame them in order to reach any described experience.

 

Remember to have fun with it too.

 

Hope it is going well.

 

 

Take care,

Eve xx

[lino]

I don't know anyone who's experienced.

 

How about one of your parents? Do you have any friends or know of any other people that can drive who could help you with it?

 

Sat Nav is a good idea but I'm thinking it might be distracting how the woman is telling me when to turn right and whatever, plus it may take me onto a part that I'm not comfortable with/can't cope with.

 

I wouldn't bother with a sat nav if I were you. People were fine with driving and navigating before they existed.

I personally believe sat navs breed more incompetant drivers and as you said, can be distracting. I don't own one myself and I can get around fine

[Ross PK]

Well, my dad died a long time ago. My mum doesn't drive, and I don't know anyone where I live.

[Ross PK]

One positive thing I've noticed about driving though is that a lot of people always flash me and let me through, it seems to happen nearly every single time I go out.

 

I wonder why?

[Ross PK]

I've just had a really horrific experience today, i was on a hill waiting to come out onto the main road and there was a car behind me, I tried moving forwards but my car went back and went really close to him.

 

I was paniking thinking that if I try to move forwards again I may go further back and crash into him. So while I was waiting I had my revs on really high, I was waiting for a gap in the traffic, I think there were a few opertunities for me to go but I wasn't entirely sure, so I was sat there for ages with my revs on high.

 

The car behind me starts beeping me, which just made me feel even more paniky.

 

I end up seeing a lot of smoke swirling around in front of me and I thought it was dust blowing about.

 

Eventually I was able to go and I realised that it was my engine, I over heated it with having the revs on so high for so long. There I was sat there with loads of smoke coming out of my engine with my revs on really high and I was completely oblivious, I feel like a complete idiot.

 

I now know that driving is just definatley not for me and I'm going to sell the car, I just can't take this stuff anymore.

[Ross PK]

I was just wondering what you guys thought of the above post? How would it have made you feel if it happened to you (and all the other stuff)?

[Ross PK]

You know right now I feel like killing myself, I just feel that nothing can ever go right for me.

 

I can't even kill myself though because I'm too scared and I know it will upset my mum.

[josie54]

I was just wondering what you guys thought of the above post? How would it have made you feel if it happened to you (and all the other stuff)?

 

I really can't answer that question Ross....your reaction in that situation was not one that suited the situation. I wouldn't have had it, nor would most other drivers. When a car honks at you, you either ignore it or curse them (if you cannot go and they're being stupid), or you accept it (if you could go but didn't, consider the honk a friendly reminder to get moving).

 

I definitely would not have laid on the gas so much that it would have overheated the engine. I would have ignored the honking, waited for traffic to clear, and then driven on.

 

You say "you tried moving forwards, but went back." There's only two reasons this could happen. The first reason: You're driving a manual transmission with a stick shift; first gear failed to catch and you rolled back. That's a natural mistake for beginning drivers. That said, beginning drivers who are nervous about being on the road should NOT be driving a stick shift on busy streets without supervision! if that's the case, you need an automatic transmission, so your foot's either on the gas or the brake and you only move backwards when you're in reverse and intend it.

 

The second reason: You went backwards on purpose. You took your foot of the brake or you had the car in reverse (which would have made no sense in the situation you describe). Yes, you may have panicked and hit the wrong pedal, but it doesn't sound like that's what happened from you description.

 

You also say that your engine overheated because you purposefully placed your foot on the gas, rather than just leaving it on the brake. There's really no explaining that with logic.

 

Others have suggested to you that you practice driving--try driving on quiet streets and parking lots--until you understand the car and gain your confidence. That should be your limit for the time being. If you're not willing to practice driving in very quiet neighborhoods, in non-threatening situations, then yes, you should definitely stop driving altogether.

 

You also need to seek professional help--I'm not kidding. A therapist would be better equipped than this forum to help you control and redirect your thinking, so that you don't focus on bad things and then CAUSE bad things to happen. You need a professional to help you determine what causes you to do such things and how you can avoid doing them in the future.

 

If you can't afford a therapist, you should try to save money until you can afford to go to one, or find a clinic that charges on a sliding scale according to what you can afford. It's the only way for you to work through your demons and escape the situation you're in. With the help of a professional therapist, you'll be better equipped to avoid irrational anxiety and embrace more positive activities and thought patterns, as Eve, myself, and others are trying to encourage you to do.

[Star Gazer]

It's a bit like when you're learning to ski. You struggle with the nursery slopes, then head off to the black runs. After tumbling down those a couple of times, you go back to the nursery slopes and they suddenly seem very simple.

 

Or boring, even!

 

(Great example, BTW.)

 

"If you think you can do a thing or think you can't do a thing, you're right."

[Ross PK]

Josie, I think the reason why I went back was because I may have not had the clutch at biting point, or may have not been giving it enough gas.

 

That's why I ended up trying to get the clutch at biting point, and gave it a lot more gas so I'd be ready to go and hopefully wouldn't roll back as soon as there was an opportunity to go onto the road.

[josie54]

And what do you think about practicing your driving on quiet streets and parking lots, until you really know the feel of your clutch and get really, really comfortable driving a manual transmission? Once you're at that point, it's second nature and it's unlikely you'll stall the car again.