Revenge is a dish best served cold!!!!!!!

[kashmir]

There are different levels of revenge. Posting x-rated pics of exes or putting sugar in the gas tank, are juvenile acts of revenge.

 

Having said that, exactly what did Dollie do, that wasn't already going to happen? She just sped up the process and through it, got some honest answers.

 

If Dollie had punched him, attacked the other woman, slashed tires or even revenge cheated, my response would have been different.

 

She still shouldn't have gotten involved, for her own sake. There's something wrong if you feel as though you need to go through such trouble to pay someone back for wrong they caused you.

[Trialbyfire]

She still shouldn't have gotten involved, for her own sake. There's something wrong if you feel as though you need to go through such trouble to pay someone back for wrong they caused you.

kashmir, have you ever been cheated on, within a serious long-term relationship of years?

[kashmir]

kashmir, have you ever been cheated on, within a serious long-term relationship of years?

 

You know I haven't, but I've certainly had wrong done to me, and I didn't go out of my way to get someone back.

 

Your distinction between immature revenge like slashing tires and "speeding up the process" are just excuses to support this woman. To me, making a fake facebook account and convincing the other woman to dump him is just as immature.

[Trialbyfire]

You know I haven't, but I've certainly had wrong done to me, and I didn't go out of my way to get someone back.

 

Your distinction between immature revenge like slashing tires and "speeding up the process" are just excuses to support this woman. To me, making a fake facebook account and convincing the other woman to dump him is just as immature.

Being cheated on has many, many complex emotions involved. You'll find that different people react in different ways.

 

And that's your opinion, which you're welcome to believe. After you've been cheated on, I'd like to see if your response changes.

 

There are many different ways to process anger. I can and will say that helping karma out in my situation, not only sped up my process for healing, since I took everything back plus more, I also feel no guilt or remorse. Nothing, nada, zippo.

 

Revenge is definitely best served cold. If you can't live with it, don't do it.

[Star Gazer]

Most of us dumpees have felt exactly the same, but now you have given yourself the label of "the nutter ex" and so do you think he will be sorry that he isn't with you, the nutter ex? Or do you think that if you had got a great life, was full of life and beans, happy, looking fabulous then he would be sorry he wasn't with you?? Now your just a nutter in his eyes maybe not right now but when he finds out, and he will, am sure of that.

 

If you felt sorry for the next chump then why did you play your hand in the fate of the downfall of this one?

 

I really do agree with this. IMO, the best revenge is a life well lived. I'd rather instill regret and jealousy in an ex, than have him think me a crazy person.

[manugeorge]

You know I haven't, but I've certainly had wrong done to me, and I didn't go out of my way to get someone back.

 

Your distinction between immature revenge like slashing tires and "speeding up the process" are just excuses to support this woman. To me, making a fake facebook account and convincing the other woman to dump him is just as immature.

 

I agree, the way she went about it is kind of immature. The whole sneakiness behind it, I feel is utterly unnecesary. Why not just present the new girl with the facts of the case as it stands?. As in, "your boyfriend of 7 months was my boyfriend until last month, here's proof if you want it". AND MAKE SURE THE EX/BOYFRIEND KNOWS WHAT YOU SAID. Let the new girl then decide what she wants to do with that information. Chances are, the new girl will tell her to eff off but at least she knows.

 

Like I said earlier, none of these actions will make you feel better, nothing but the passing of time does. Karma didn't bite my cheating ex in the ass until 2 years later when he came crawling back to me with his life's problems, mostly about women who cheated on him. I promptly told him to kiss my ass and drop dead...what goes around...

[kashmir]

Being cheated on has many, many complex emotions involved. You'll find that different people react in different ways.

 

And that's your opinion, which you're welcome to believe. After you've been cheated on, I'd like to see if your response changes.

 

There are many different ways to process anger. I can and will say that helping karma out in my situation, not only sped up my process for healing, since I took everything back plus more, I also feel no guilt or remorse. Nothing, nada, zippo.

 

Revenge is definitely best served cold. If you can't live with it, don't do it.

 

The best revenge comes when you don't put your hand it at all, especially not as a quick angry reaction to the hurtful event. It will take longer, but its effect will be substantially better. The best revenge is to live on. It's to let the words and actions of the scum bounce off you as though you're invulnerable. It's to put the wrongs done against you far below you, to the point where you don't respond to them because they don't do anything to you.

 

And I've been hurt in ways with many emotions involved (including sexual emotions), so don't tell me I haven't been hurt in a emotionally-complex way because I didn't get dumped by some stupid girl who decided to cheat on me. There are more f'd up things happening in this world than cheating in a relationship. But as I said, I learned to take the actions of a lot of scumbags and put them far below be. I learned to be (and am still learning) to be immune to them.

[Trialbyfire]

I'm not even going to crap on her for her methodology. That's her life to do what she will with it.

 

I took a more direct approach and as previously specified, feel nothing. No guilt, remorse or shame. It helped me to move on quickly.

 

Having said this, I don't feel that revenge for everything, is wanted or necessary. Cessations of relationships, whether romantic or friendships happen and life goes on.

 

When someone cheats, that's abusive behaviour. When someone enables a cheater, that's predatory behaviour. In either scenario, they get what they deserve.

[Stockalone]

She still shouldn't have gotten involved, for her own sake. There's something wrong if you feel as though you need to go through such trouble to pay someone back for wrong they caused you.

 

If the guilty are not punished, justice is not done. Having to take the time to do this is unfortunate, but he cheated on her, now he has to live with the consequences.

 

Many cheaters at least rely on or probably even expect the silent indifference of those they betrayed. Dollie decided to not let her ex get away with what he did. Getting even and then moving on is better than holding a grudge for the rest of your life.

 

And all she did was exposing her ex for the scumbag that he is. That is a proportionate response. Should we really feel bad for that guy? I don't.

[Trialbyfire]

The best revenge comes when you don't put your hand it at all, especially not as a quick angry reaction to the hurtful event. It will take longer, but its effect will be substantially better. The best revenge is to live on. It's to let the words and actions of the scum bounce off you as though you're invulnerable. It's to put the wrongs done against you far below you, to the point where you don't respond to them because they don't do anything to you.

 

And I've been hurt in ways with many emotions involved (including sexual emotions), so don't tell me I haven't been hurt in a emotionally-complex way because I didn't get dumped by some stupid girl who decided to cheat on me. There are more f'd up things happening in this world than cheating in a relationship. But as I said, I learned to take the actions of a lot of scumbags and put them far below be. I learned to be (and am still learning) to be immune to them.

I've been hurt through different situations and have felt no need for revenge. The one and only time I've taken revenge is with my ex-H and his OW.

 

Once again Kashmir, wait until you've experienced cheating, better yet, infidelity in a marriage.

 

Let's pretend there's a next time and for some reason my current fiancé cheats on me. I would handle it a different way in that I would immediately shut down the anger, hurt and pain. Then, I would castrate him and walk away. All done.

[BCCA]

Here is my issue with what you did, Dollie.

 

First let me say, everyone knows how you felt. Everyone of us, at one time or another, has thought about revenge.

 

The problem is that this guy had a lot of bad karma coming his way from what he had done, while you were due to get some good coming your way for what you went through.

 

You just evened the score.

 

How can anyone feel that you were any more slighted than him AND this other woman, who you basically used as a pawn? She confided in you because you PRETENDED to be someone else, and you betrayed her trust. Regardless of whether she was using him or not, its not your business and you really dont know what her intentions WERE all along, you used deception to cause pain to another human being. Bad Karma.

 

Even if you feel vindicated, it still wasnt the right thing to do. At the end of the day, doing the wrong thing is always wrong. Negativity only brings about more negativity.

[Dollie]

Ok let me get this right, I am evil and psycho and neurotic?

 

Actually I am none of the above. I did plan this carefully and I have not done a thing to harm the girl involved. I have not lied nor bullied her, I have simply listened to her and given sound advice. The difference is that unbeknown to her I know the man involved (quite intimately after a 2 yr relationship) and the man in question declared his undying love for me and asked me to have a baby with him, whilst seeing her!

 

I done this for my own benefit, to get questions answered in which he would never have been honest about. I could not move from the sofa for days because my head was spinning with unanswered questions. So I put my plan into motion.

 

I knew the girls name so I went onto friends reunited and found a name of a girl she went to school with and I made that name on Facebook and asked to add her. She added me and we began to talk. She is a really nice girl actually.

 

When she mentioned my ex I would stick the nail in the coffin a little bit more until she decided that enough is enough with him. I do not feel ashamed, I do not regret it and I never will as I have done her no harm. I could have gone to the place were she works and hit her and told her what was what but I didn't!

 

Then I debated printing out all of the awful things she said about my ex, and remember her picture comes up next to the text and info I would never know was there, and post it through his door just to show him what she thought of him and to let him know that I know this too, but I di not do that and I won't. After careful consideration I realised that this would not make me feel good.

 

This is not about hurting anyone, it is about a bit of retribution for me and I will not get caught out as I am too careful.

 

My ex rang me today with some lame excuse and I told him not to call me and replaced the handset. A mutual friend of ours then called me to say that my ex still loves me. I told him that I know my ex was seeing her when seeing me and that I would go to the bar that she works at to ask her, I have no intention of doing this but I know from our convos that she knows nothing about me and I knew it would put the wind up him! It worked

 

He told his friend that if I want to call him he will answer all questions honestly and I told his friend that I do not trust what he says so I will ask her myself!!

 

I would not embarress myself by doing this but I want to give him food or thought

 

So to all of you calling me names, I do not care! I do not regret it and he got less than he deserves!! I can now move on gracefully and live the life I want without a lying cheating scumbag in it!!

[manugeorge]

I've been hurt through different situations and have felt no need for revenge. The one and only time I've taken revenge is with my ex-H and his OW.

 

Once again Kashmir, wait until you've experienced cheating, better yet, infidelity in a marriage.

 

Let's pretend there's a next time and for some reason my current fiancé cheats on me. I would handle it a different way in that I would immediately shut down the anger, hurt and pain. Then, I would castrate him and walk away. All done.

 

No kidding:laugh: Cheating hurts like a son of a bitch. The longer you were with the person and the more loyal you were to them, the worse the betrayal feels.

 

The night I found out about my cheating ex. I was so calm and so relaxed, even laughed because it was so surreal. I cleaned the house, showered, went to bed like nothing happened because I didn't feel a thing. I woke up at 2am that morning bawling my eyes out. I actually woke up crying and I cried like I had never cried before. You know the kind of snot nose sobbing of a child where they can't even form coherent sentences...that was it.

 

I had those crying jags for months to come, totally unprovoked too. I could be watching the Simpsons and will suddenly start sobbing uncontrollably. Laughing one moment and crying the next. I ended up having to go see a shrink.

 

The point is, you never know how being betrayed will affect you. Each person responds differently to the situation and until you've been there? I wouldn't judge.

[Dollie]

No kidding:laugh: Cheating hurts like a son of a bitch. The longer you were with the person and the more loyal you were to them, the worse the betrayal feels.

 

The night I found out about my cheating ex. I was so calm and so relaxed, even laughed because it was so surreal. I cleaned the house, showered, went to bed like nothing happened because I didn't feel a thing. I woke up at 2am that morning bawling my eyes out. I actually woke up crying and I cried like I had never cried before. You know the kind of snot nose sobbing of a child where they can't even form coherent sentences...that was it.

 

I had those crying jags for months to come, totally unprovoked too. I could be watching the Simpsons and will suddenly start sobbing uncontrollably. Laughing one moment and crying the next. I ended up having to go see a shrink.

 

The point is, you never know how being betrayed will affect you. Each person responds differently to the situation and until you've been there? I wouldn't judge.

 

That was exactly how i reacted!!

 

I may, if called for, email the girl in question in my real name and tell her about him. I will see how it goes. I have no qualms in doing this in my own name I just knew I would not get honest answers that way.

 

Call me devious, conniving or anything you want and I will say that I have done the right thing for ME! He is not getting away with this, no one treats me like this and gets away with it, I did not deserve it!

[Trialbyfire]

The night I found out about my cheating ex. I was so calm and so relaxed, even laughed because it was so surreal. I cleaned the house, showered, went to bed like nothing happened because I didn't feel a thing. I woke up at 2am that morning bawling my eyes out. I actually woke up crying and I cried like I had never cried before. You know the kind of snot nose sobbing of a child where they can't even form coherent sentences...that was it.

 

I had those crying jags for months to come, totally unprovoked too. I could be watching the Simpsons and will suddenly start sobbing uncontrollably. Laughing one moment and crying the next. I ended up having to go see a shrink.

I'm sorry to hear this. It does hurt like nothing else and comes back to haunt you. While I was over the ex, post-haste and got my moxy back pretty quickly, the residual trust issues took over two years to completely dispell. I can now finally shrug my shoulders and not watch for signs of cheating. If it happens, it happens. *snip, snip*

 

The point is, you never know how being betrayed will affect you. Each person responds differently to the situation and until you've been there? I wouldn't judge.

Totally agree!!

[not_a_happy_camper]

This is so wrong on so many levels. I can't see how you can try and justify your actions Dollie. What you did was morally wrong, with selfish motives. and the minute anyone here has pointed it out, you try to defend yourself. There is no way what you did is right. For anyone involved in this.

[dreamergrl]

OP perhaps the guy saw some of this behavior in other forms prior, and that is why he did what he did. Not that it makes it right, but it's not normal to lash out like you did, and it wouldn't surprise me if this wasn't the first time you've done such a thing.

[not_a_happy_camper]

ok, cheater certainly had no morals..................but that doesn't justify dollie's behaviour. what goes around comes around. let it happen itself, seeking revenge is wrong. just wrong! no point stooping to his level, where's the dignity in that? just walk away and don't look back

[clv0116]

Most of us dumpees have felt exactly the same, but now you have given yourself the label of "the nutter ex" and so do you think he will be sorry that he isn't with you, the nutter ex? Or do you think that if you had got a great life, was full of life and beans, happy, looking fabulous then he would be sorry he wasn't with you?? Now your just a nutter in his eyes maybe not right now but when he finds out, and he will, am sure of that.

 

If you felt sorry for the next chump then why did you play your hand in the fate of the downfall of this one?

 

Exactly. Not only has she lowered herself, she's also let him and the whole world know that she's just not quite over him and the whole deal yet. Nice way to fluff his ego.

 

The best revenge is to live well.

[Surfer Dude]

Well, good for you, Mahatma. I have absolutely NO problem with someone helping karma find its way to a deserving target.

 

I hope I never meet anyone like you. It's PSYCHO and STALKER stuff, it's scary to even imagine dating someone psycho and vengeful enough to do this kind of thing.

 

You are NO ONE to dish out justice at your discretion and throw around words you don't understand.

 

Doing this kind of thing (and condoning it) clearly says something about your characters.

[fishtaco]

If anything should be done about Dollie's ex, I think it was manugeorge that suggested why not just present the facts to the other girl. If Dollie didn't go as far as faking to be someone else, and faking a friendship for the sole purpose of causing damage to another person, and just talked to the other girl and told her the truth and let her make the decision, then I'd say yeah, okay, that's not what I would do, but that's not bad either. After all, he's a douche, it would feel good to anyone to see justice served (if done the right way).

 

Again, as my last post, not much damage was done, that relationship sounded like it was going down the drain anyway. Plus Dollie's ex IS a piece of crap, there's no denying that, I can't really feel sorry for him if something bad happened to him. But it was the effort and the length Dollie went through to exact her revenge that creeps me out. No, she's not evil, but like another poster said, she is now a fully certified psycho ex. Knowing that, I would chew my own arm off to get away from her. I've had my run-ins with psycho women, I'm allergic to them, sorry. So I would recommend Dollie not to mention this revenge thing to anyone. Pretend it never happened.

 

But seems surprisingly quite a few people condone her behavior. Now women get all mad at men when they use "friendship" as a way in to get romance or even sex. Dollie used "friendship" as a stepping stone for her revenge plot. I don't think I can ever do that, but if friendship can be used this way, well, first stop complaining about men that use friendship to reach their goal. Second, that opens up quite a few possibilities doesn't it? If Dollie can use it for her own purpose, then so can fishtaco.

 

Personally I hold friendship in high regards, since my family blows chunks, my friends are my family. But to the people that condone this behavior, I guess the moral of the story is that it's always good to have the option of using friendship as a tool like Jackie Chan using chairs to beat people down?

[Trialbyfire]

Geez, get a grip wouldja? It's not like the gal went and torched his car or strung him up or had an old fashioned western shootout with him. For gawd's sake, get a perspective.

Tombstone, 12:00 Noon, O.K. Corral. Be there!

[fishtaco]

If you, on the other hand, are going to use INNOCENT people and hurt them, then you would be an arsewipe now wouldn't you?

 

The gal she befriended on facebook? Didn't hurt her one bit. In fact, did her a favor. The guy? He was a guilty jackass who needed a little comeuppance.

 

Yeah, but the right way to do it would have been to confront the new girl and let her know all the facts, instead of faking a friendship.

 

You scare me too. I surrender, I will run away and hide now.

[Dollie]

The responses are making me laugh!

 

I am picturing all of these nuns and priests typing wildly hahahha

 

I did not actually DO anything to anyone, I got some answers which I will keep in my head as knowledge and say goodbye to the girl and goodbye to him forever. I have facts to work on and can forget things and move on. How was that bad?

 

Me and her really get on actually, in differen't circumstances we could have been friends!

[kashmir]

I hope I never meet anyone like you. It's PSYCHO and STALKER stuff, it's scary to even imagine dating someone psycho and vengeful enough to do this kind of thing.

 

You are NO ONE to dish out justice at your discretion and throw around words you don't understand.

 

Doing this kind of thing (and condoning it) clearly says something about your characters.

 

Yeah, that's the thing - all this is stalker-like. I'm sure if the roles were reversed and it was a guy on here saying how he was going to expose his cheating girlfriend, people wouldn't approve of his revenge. Heck, they'd probably be defending her for cheating and making her a victim. Seen it too many times on here.