HappyAgain Posted February 10, 2009 Share Posted February 10, 2009 Just a question: doesn't anyone on this thread have friends? Even work associates are a great source of meeting new people. It's a lot safer to be introduced via someone in common as most times you can trust the person introducing you. Why has meeting people been relegated to clubs, bars, and online only? It almost appears like people don't interact with people anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted February 10, 2009 Share Posted February 10, 2009 Just a question: doesn't anyone on this thread have friends? Even work associates are a great source of meeting new people. It's a lot safer to be introduced via someone in common as most times you can trust the person introducing you. Why has meeting people been relegated to clubs, bars, and online only? It almost appears like people don't interact with people anymore. This is what confuses me. If you're lacking a dating pool, time to start expanding your social network, including people at work who might have friends who are single. House parties and social events are great places to meet relationship style people. I'm not suggesting that clubs, bars and online dating are for terrible people but I don't feel they should be relied on, as sole avenues to meet the opposite gender. Link to post Share on other sites
eclipseIDE Posted February 10, 2009 Share Posted February 10, 2009 The point is there are 5 times as many single men than single women. Do the maths yourself. Women DO NOT need to try. It all falls in their lap. This makes them more incluined to play the field and dump as soon as the going gets tough as they know there will be a queue around the block to take the dumped mans place. You women have it so good and do not realise. No they realize it, they just like to act like they dont know. Notice how women want to be equal until it comes to actually putting themselves out there and risk rejection. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted February 10, 2009 Share Posted February 10, 2009 No they realize it, they just like to act like they dont know. Notice how women want to be equal until it comes to actually putting themselves out there and risk rejection. If it offends you to pursue, why not stop pursuing? No one is holding a gun to your head. Link to post Share on other sites
eclipseIDE Posted February 10, 2009 Share Posted February 10, 2009 So you actually have no real evidence to support your case. Thought so. I hope youre joking. Please dont act naive Link to post Share on other sites
clv0116 Posted February 10, 2009 Share Posted February 10, 2009 The point is there are 5 times as many single men than single women. Do the maths yourself. I was unaware of this huge explosion in the male population. Or are the women dying? Do the maths indeed. Link to post Share on other sites
eclipseIDE Posted February 10, 2009 Share Posted February 10, 2009 I was not the one making the statement. It was you and I asked you for genuine evidence as opposed to subjective personal experience. Are you really telling me that when you go to any bar or club that there are 5 single men to every single woman? So if there are 200 people in there, only 33(ish) will be women and 167 will be men? I have 2 words for you "ladies night" Link to post Share on other sites
eclipseIDE Posted February 10, 2009 Share Posted February 10, 2009 If it offends you to pursue, why not stop pursuing? No one is holding a gun to your head. ugh, I am referring to the original post in this thread about how its easier for a woman to move on after a relationship. Do you disagree that its more of an ego boost to get hit on than to hit on someone and get rejected? Also, I try to treat women as equals so instead of hitting on them I just like to talk to them and show Im interested and see if they respond. I dont have game. Too bad women are too into games to just sit down on and talk like a human being. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted February 10, 2009 Share Posted February 10, 2009 ugh, I am referring to the original post in this thread about how its easier for a woman to move on after a relationship. Do you disagree that its more of an ego boost to get hit on than to hit on someone and get rejected? Instead of focusing on how easy it is for women, Brad Pitt or Jennifer Aniston to move on, how about focusing on moving on without bitterness, so you're emotionally healthy for the next go-around? To run around and say, things are bad for me because you're able to move on faster and get laid easier, makes no sense to me. Wouldn't it make more sense to say to yourself "okay, time to stop wasting energy on the negative and start putting that energy towards something positive such as me time because I've got a lot to offer someone who's willing to put into a relationship, like I am". Link to post Share on other sites
anne1707 Posted February 10, 2009 Share Posted February 10, 2009 I hope youre joking. Please dont act naive Can you please explain what you mean by this comment? Link to post Share on other sites
eclipseIDE Posted February 10, 2009 Share Posted February 10, 2009 Can you please explain what you mean by this comment? So you actually have no real evidence to support your case. Thought so. Oops sorry, I was referring to what you said about evidence that women dont have to put in any effort to meet someone. My ex would gladly tell me how she was approached at malls, work, etc. Link to post Share on other sites
anne1707 Posted February 10, 2009 Share Posted February 10, 2009 I am still not sure what you mean. I was not making bold, sweeping statements - that was all down to Zammo and I just asked for evidence for his view that there are 5 times as many single men then there are single women. The maths just does not work. Link to post Share on other sites
eclipseIDE Posted February 10, 2009 Share Posted February 10, 2009 Instead of focusing on how easy it is for women, Brad Pitt or Jennifer Aniston to move on, how about focusing on moving on without bitterness, so you're emotionally healthy for the next go-around? To run around and say, things are bad for me because you're able to move on faster and get laid easier, makes no sense to me. Wouldn't it make more sense to say to yourself "okay, time to stop wasting energy on the negative and start putting that energy towards something positive such as me time because I've got a lot to offer someone who's willing to put into a relationship, like I am". Yes, this is all fine and dandy but call me shallow whatever but when youre down the last thing you need in your life is more rejection. As a woman who probably wont understand this but confidence makes you emotionally healthy. So no confidence=not emotionally healthy. Women=reject most of the time men=less likely to reject So it takes longer to get emotionally healthy for men=easier for women make sense make sense Link to post Share on other sites
HappyAgain Posted February 10, 2009 Share Posted February 10, 2009 ugh, I am referring to the original post in this thread about how its easier for a woman to move on after a relationship. Do you disagree that its more of an ego boost to get hit on than to hit on someone and get rejected? Also, I try to treat women as equals so instead of hitting on them I just like to talk to them and show Im interested and see if they respond. I dont have game. Too bad women are too into games to just sit down on and talk like a human being. That may be true for your situation but I asked my sales rep out once. We continued to see each other for a few dates until we realized that it wasn't working but there are women out there who know take chances on rejection too. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted February 10, 2009 Share Posted February 10, 2009 Yes, this is all fine and dandy but call me shallow whatever but when youre down the last thing you need in your life is more rejection. As a woman who probably wont understand this but confidence makes you emotionally healthy. So no confidence=not emotionally healthy. Women=reject most of the time men=less likely to reject So it takes longer to get emotionally healthy for men=easier for women make sense make sense What has statistics got to do with your personal situation? You haven't been rejected by all women. Also, no one NEEDS external validation to move on. Why play the gender blame game? Are you a victim or are you a man? Link to post Share on other sites
eclipseIDE Posted February 10, 2009 Share Posted February 10, 2009 That may be true for your situation but I asked my sales rep out once. We continued to see each other for a few dates until we realized that it wasn't working but there are women out there who know take chances on rejection too. Whats the ratio though? Would you say youre approached more than approach? Have you ever had someone turn there back to you mid sentence? On top of that I was just trying to make small talk. Would that make you not want to talk to people any less? Not bragging but I dont exactly have to beg for sex either so I dont come across as some horny pervert. Link to post Share on other sites
HappyAgain Posted February 10, 2009 Share Posted February 10, 2009 Whats the ratio though? Would you say youre approached more than approach? Have you ever had someone turn there back to you mid sentence? On top of that I was just trying to make small talk. Would that make you not want to talk to people any less? Not bragging but I dont exactly have to beg for sex either so I dont come across as some horny pervert. You may be right that not many women approach men but not all women are bitches either. Maybe it's who you're approaching that is the problem. I have never approached a man in a club or bar but I have approached those that I've started a conversation with. BTW, yes, I have felt like **** when a man I'm interested in shows that he's not interested but then I realize that guy wasn't right for me and move on. And I'm not talking about hooking up for sex, if you are, then that's another story because I don't do that and have nothing to contribute. I'm talking about getting together for dates with the possibility of a relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
eclipseIDE Posted February 10, 2009 Share Posted February 10, 2009 What has statistics got to do with your personal situation? You haven't been rejected by all women. Also, no one NEEDS external validation to move on. Why play the gender blame game? Are you a victim or are you a man? Its not a gender blame game, I just call women out when they act naive and claim there is no difference. If there is no difference why do women feel like men have to make the first move? I am truly a man. Women claim they are but I actually am a true feminist too, I do not feel threatened by strong women. I would have no problem staying home and rasing my children if my wife made more money(women have a big problem with this too) than me. I would want my gf/wife to be my equal. Also I disagree about external validation to move on. If we didnt we wouldnt care about fashion, appearance etc.. I know I need external validation, call me shallow but I can admit that I want women to find me attractive. Especially after getting dumped. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted February 10, 2009 Share Posted February 10, 2009 Also I disagree about external validation to move on. If we didnt we wouldnt care about fashion, appearance etc.. I know I need external validation, call me shallow but I can admit that I want women to find me attractive. Especially after getting dumped. This is the crux of it and a vicious circle. If you rely on external validation while feeling like crap, more times than not, you're not going to draw the crowd you normally would when feeling positive and confident. This is a trap. Don't fall into it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
wowIlose Posted February 10, 2009 Share Posted February 10, 2009 Just a question: doesn't anyone on this thread have friends? Even work associates are a great source of meeting new people. It's a lot safer to be introduced via someone in common as most times you can trust the person introducing you. Why has meeting people been relegated to clubs, bars, and online only? It almost appears like people don't interact with people anymore. Let me put things into perspective for you. My personal situation is something like this. Yes I have friends. Mostly guy friends - friends I have acquired from high school. I never went to college or university. I jumped right into my career job shortly after high school and worked my way up to a management position. I am the youngest guy in my office (22 years old). The average age is about 30 years old. Most of the people here are already married - its the worst possible area for me to expand my social network, unless I want my next girlfriend to be a good decade older than me. Now back to my friends. I have 4 close guy friends and some female acquaintances(girls I see at clubs once in a while or girls I used to go to school with). Of course I have a lot more friends than 4, but there are 4 that I hang out with regularly. One of my good friends recently left town to live with his girlfriend and to get work, another just left 2-3 weeks ago for work as well. That leaves two... one I hang out all the time(the other is full time school and basically a hermit at this time) but like most guys he doesn't have a ton of female friends and if he did hes not exactly going to start throwing them my way... let me tell you ladies a secret, guys are friends with girls for one reason and one reason only - so they can at one point hopefully hook up with her. I know some here will disagree with that statement but if you have guy friends that you hang out with on a regular basis and I am talking 1 on 1 time(like you would with a same sex close friend) then you can bet your ass he wants to be more than just friends. I don't think its fair to throw assumptions around like "doesn't anyone have friends". You can have all the friends in the world but that doesn't mean that they are necessarily going to start throwing women your way. Of course the more friends you have the more likely one of them will have a lot of female friends/parties/outings that you can join and you'll catch a break but not everyone has these type of friends. That being said I am really not here for sympathy - I realize I need to work on expanding my social circle but my circumstances make it very difficult. I almost joined a night time class for photography (one of my new hobbies) earlier in the year to try and expand my social circle but it was a bit to expensive. I do plan to join a sports team this year and I think that will greatly expand my social circle but please realize some of us here have full time jobs and responsibilities that limit our contact with people and even if your a social person (which I am ) it doesn't mean squat because if the setting isn't there then it won't matter. Link to post Share on other sites
eclipseIDE Posted February 10, 2009 Share Posted February 10, 2009 You may be right that not many women approach men but not all women are bitches either. Maybe it's who you're approaching that is the problem. I have never approached a man in a club or bar but I have approached those that I've started a conversation with. BTW, yes, I have felt like **** when a man I'm interested in shows that he's not interested but then I realize that guy wasn't right for me and move on. And I'm not talking about hooking up for sex, if you are, then that's another story because I don't do that and have nothing to contribute. I'm talking about getting together for dates with the possibility of a relationship. This sounds bad, but there are a lot more bitches out there today than there were before. It seems like its society rather than the people I approach. How could I of made so many female friends back then as opposed to today when my tastes are pretty much the same. As far as hooking up for sex, No not at all. Its either I just try to start a coversation as a person only to be ignored or some rude reply when I think I come off as very geniune. Or, I was actually very attracted to this one woman and tried to get to know (we kissed, held hands etc...) her only to have her lose interest because I didnt try and sleep with her on the first night. Link to post Share on other sites
eclipseIDE Posted February 10, 2009 Share Posted February 10, 2009 This is the crux of it and a vicious circle. If you rely on external validation while feeling like crap, more times than not, you're not going to draw the crowd you normally would when feeling positive and confident. This is a trap. Don't fall into it. As a woman this is where you will fail to understand. Listen very carefully Most of the things men do are for external validation from women. While on the other hand from what it seems like women get external validation from other women. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted February 10, 2009 Share Posted February 10, 2009 As a woman this is where you will fail to understand. Listen very carefully Most of the things men do are for external validation from women. While on the other hand from what it seems like women get external validation from other women. This sounds like a good thread. I'm going to post it. So if you're the perfect equalist, why would you subscribe to what you feel are gender-based assumptions of what you should or shouldn't do or feel? Link to post Share on other sites
eclipseIDE Posted February 10, 2009 Share Posted February 10, 2009 This sounds like a good thread. I'm going to post it. So if you're the perfect equalist, why would you subscribe to what you feel are gender-based assumptions of what you should or shouldn't do or feel? Very good question, the thing is I do not subscribe to them but the deck(evolution/nature/society) is stacked against me and thats why I have accepted the fact that I may be single for the rest of my life. In the meantime I try to accept this new world and follow the latest fashion trends etc... and pretend Im happy I thought I found that with my ex. She was the closest to being my equal. More than I have ever seen. Then as fate would have it she changed (after 10 years). So Im sure I may come across as bitter on here and maybe I am but it kind of frustrates me that I may never find this again. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted February 10, 2009 Share Posted February 10, 2009 Very good question, the thing is I do not subscribe to them but the deck(evolution/nature/society) is stacked against me and thats why I have accepted the fact that I may be single for the rest of my life. I thought I found that with my ex. She was the closest to being my equal. More than I have ever seen. Then as fate would have it she changed (after 10 years). So Im sure I may come across as bitter on here and maybe I am but it kind of frustrates me that I may never find this again. While you'll never have the identical relationship with another woman, you could easily have just as rewarding, if not more rewarding relationship. I know that each time I've fallen in love, it's been different. In many ways, it's been a progression, in that each man has been better than the last, in compatibility. This doesn't make my exes terrible men, just incompatible. Some of my exes have been amazing men, potentially the perfect mate...for someone else. Sure, I can point out all their negative traits but I'd rather not. I'd rather see them as they are, both negative and positive. It's too easy to play the victim, for me no less than anyone else. I'd rather look back at the good times and know that it wasn't a waste of time. How can you view it as a waste of time when you were able to share love and laughter? Link to post Share on other sites
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