why girls find easy to move on than boys

[Trialbyfire]

sedgewick, this thread is a great indicator of what kinds of guys to avoid, if you're looking for a viable, long-term relationship. All men aren't like this, regardless of what the ones in this thread are trying to make it appear. Don't let these guys get you worked up.

 

The man I'm with right now isn't like this at all. I don't think he's got a bitter bone in his body. He's all about taking initiative and responsibility in/for his life. He knows he's got control over his life.

[Zammo25]

sedgewick, this thread is a great indicator of what kinds of guys to avoid, if you're looking for a viable, long-term relationship. All men aren't like this, regardless of what the ones in this thread are trying to make it appear. Don't let these guys get you worked up.

 

The man I'm with right now isn't like this at all. I don't think he's got a bitter bone in his body. He's all about taking initiative and responsibility in/for his life. He knows he's got control over his life.

 

Would he be the same wonderful Man if you dumped him ?.

[sedgwick]

sedgewick, this thread is a great indicator of what kinds of guys to avoid, if you're looking for a viable, long-term relationship.

 

This thread is a great indicator of why I've stayed the hell away from men for the last 19 months. Let's hope (for once) that the ever-zealous mods close it soon.

[Zammo25]

Mods, this is the same user who said in another thread that all women are bitches. I alerted you there too. Please don't let this kind of misogyny be perpetuated on LS.

 

This is a forum for open debate and free speech or is this not allowed. I thought the good old US of A stood and died for that. Thats what George Bush used as a rationale for raping and murdering Iraq for 5 years as they could not do this. You cannot change what people think and the World is NOT all rainbows and flowers ( Rocky Balboa ).

[sedgwick]

This is a forum for open debate and free speech

 

There is a profound difference between free speech and hate speech. Statements like "all women are bitches" does not -- call me crazy -- sound like "debate."

 

That's all I have to say. Hopefully the mods will descend on this one soon.

[Trialbyfire]

Would he be the same wonderful Man if you dumped him ?.

Totally. He's not even bitter about his ex-wife and speaks highly about her in some ways but also sees her bad traits. His perspective on relationships is awesome because it's so real. He's also willing to own his portion of the cessation of his past relationships.

 

I was talking to him about incompatibilities in general, not in reference to us, just last night. He agreed in some ways, disagreed in other ways. We had a very solid and respectful discussion about it.

 

He's an excellent communicator, far more interested in resolution, rather than winning or losing.

[Zammo25]

Totally. He's not even bitter about his ex-wife and speaks highly about her in some ways but also sees her bad traits. His perspective on relationships is awesome because it's so real. He's also willing to own his portion of the cessation of his past relationships.

 

I was talking to him about incompatibilities in general, not in reference to us, just last night. He agreed in some ways, disagreed in other ways. We had a very solid and respectful discussion about it.

 

He's an excellent communicator, far more interested in resolution, rather than winning or losing.

 

He sound like a great guy. Keep hold of him. I would like to be like him but I cannot, certainly not at the moment. My hate and bitterness is too much. Why should I not hate Women after all the sh*t that have give me ?.

[Zammo25]

There is a profound difference between free speech and hate speech. Statements like "all women are bitches" does not -- call me crazy -- sound like "debate."

 

That's all I have to say. Hopefully the mods will descend on this one soon.

 

Just chill out and get off your soap box. People have the right to express themselves in any way they wish. You may not agree with it but to banned free speech will be the end of LS. It will just be a load of sappy threads with everyone saying nice things all the time. Well it aint like that and life aint like that. Life is sh*t sometimes.

[sedgwick]

Mods, again I would like to ask that you take a look at this thread. Let's keep speech free, debate open, and blanket statements of hatred for any group (based on gender, sex, race, religion, etc) out of it! Thanks for helping us keep LS a place where EVERYONE feels comfortable and supported!

[Trialbyfire]

He sound like a great guy. Keep hold of him. I would like to be like him but I cannot, certainly not at the moment. My hate and bitterness is too much. Why should I not hate Women after all the sh*t that have give me ?.

Because the only person you're hurting is you. In holding onto the belief that every woman is going to do you wrong, every woman will do you wrong because your mind will make it so, in essence self-prophesizing sabotage.

 

If you need to focus your hatred, focus it on the person who did you wrong. Even then, sooner or later you have to let that hatred go. You're giving way too much power to someone who doesn't have your best interests at heart. Indifference is the ultimate goal.

 

You've also tied your self-esteem up with this girl. You're not looking to your own positive traits and realizing that she can't and shouldn't have any impact on who you are as a person. Once you realize this and also forgive yourself for choosing this person, you're going to draw on your internal strength, maybe even learn what you did wrong in the last relationship and start looking for someone who appreciates what you have to offer.

[Zammo25]

Mods, again I would like to ask that you take a look at this thread. Let's keep speech free, debate open, and blanket statements of hatred for any group (based on gender, sex, race, religion, etc) out of it! Thanks for helping us keep LS a place where EVERYONE feels comfortable and supported!

 

Ban me then. I feel as I feel. I have not said anything against you just Women in general. I feel for you pain but I am not going to change how I feel to meet your agenda. Sorry.

[Montie]

I agree. If a Woman has treated you like a piece of garbage and carried on with her life as if nothing has happened it is oing to make you angry and I dare say HATE women. Thats where I am now. I HATE all Women and I hate her for screwing up my head, taking away all my self worth and self respect, leaving me barely able to function daily or do my job and consider ending it. So understand this. The pain now is not worth the good times we had. I wish I NEVER met her.

 

Zammo - I'm sorry you're hurting so much; believe me, I know how you feel. However, hating all women isn't the solution. Do you really think that ALL women are bad because things didn't work out with your ex? Do you think that she's even bad? You loved her and from what I read about your situation, things didn't work out because you both had different timelines for commitment. Haven't you ever been hurt by a man (non-romantically)? How about someone from another country? How about someone from your own country? Do you hate all men now or all Britons? Right now, you're hurting and are in an angry stage. When you start to feel better (I hope soon!), you will see that hate isn't a solution and is, in fact, delaying your healing.

I'm a woman and I just had my heart broken by a man, but I don't hate all men. But, I know the anger you face. It's hell!

Good luck!

[clv0116]

I agree. If a Woman has treated you like a piece of garbage and carried on with her life as if nothing has happened it is oing to make you angry and I dare say HATE women. Thats where I am now. I HATE all Women and I hate her for screwing up my head, taking away all my self worth and self respect, leaving me barely able to function daily or do my job and consider ending it. So understand this. The pain now is not worth the good times we had. I wish I NEVER met her.

 

To let a woman do this to you, you must either be really young or a fuckwit. or both. Get a grip and start acting like a man.

[Montie]

That is Women for you. They are USERS. Pure and simple. Manipulative, cold anc cruel.

 

Yeah, well, I guess all men are so much better because they never do this - ever! No man on the planet has ever used a woman, beat her, raped her, broken her heart, abandoned her and the kids, or anything. It's only women who are bad.

Seriously take a look at this and see the absurdity.

And I hate to come across as harsh (you, I hope, have seen my above statements directed at you - wishing you healing), but what did your girlfriend do that makes you go from loving her with all of your heart to hating her?

From what I have read, she was ready to move the relationship forward and you weren't. Does that make either of you bad people? Nope. What was she supposed to do, wait around indefinitely?

This is not to defend your ex, but to get you to see this situation more productively.

From your previous posts, I gathered that your ex was a good person with whom you shared a special love. So why the hatred?

By the way, haven't you ever ended a relationship with someone?? Does that make you a bad person?

[Montie]

Many women keep male 'friends' around and in times like a breakup or even heated argument they will let themselves be taken to coffee and proceed to use those friends as emotional tampons.

 

Nature of the cute little beasts.

 

You do know that (some) men do this, too, right? People are people!

[sedgwick]

Ban me then. I feel as I feel. I have not said anything against you just Women in general. I feel for you pain but I am not going to change how I feel to meet your agenda. Sorry.

 

Ah yes, my "agenda" of people being nice to one another and attempting compassion for all. I'm so dastardly! If you need me, I'll be off in the corner cackling and twisting my mustache.

[Montie]

We're speaking in generalizations, your assuming I hate women and you don't know me. Your picking a fight with somebody you don't know sisy-boy.

 

Actually, I'm a woman! And to address your comments that I'm "assuming," what other conclusions can I draw from your blanket insults against women. In terms of speaking in generalizations, that was my point: you're generalizing that all women have bad traits. I think it's dangerous when we make generalizations about any group.

And a word of advice given to me by a loved one: having hate in your heart will only push worthy folks (friends, family, romantic partners) away. People can feel that a mile away. It's better to work on yourself than to sit and blame all women for your heartbreak.

And, believe me, my heart got broken by a man, but I won't allow myself to demonize him or any other man - it's harmful to healing and only pushes others away.

Good luck.

[Montie]

Okay, let's examine this. Three times in my life I have broken up with others. Never once did I have another lined up. Here are some real-life examples:

 

Boyfriend #1: Broke up with him because he became a born-again zealot and would no longer have sex with me because it was a sin against Jesus.

 

Boyfriend #2: Broke up with him because he lied to me about more things than I can count, got angry with me when I threatened to leave, and attempted to stab me with a screwdriver. Had to sneak out of our apartment in the middle of the night. Was so traumatized I wanted nothing to do with dating for over a year.

 

Boyfriend #3: Adored him. Absolutely loved the heck outta him. However, he has a life in Texas, I have a life in NYC, and we got tired of the long-distance thing. I cried all the way home after the trip on which I finally decided to end it. I mourned that relationship for a long time -- in some ways, I still do.

 

Now, can you fill me in on where those other branches are on which I had a "firm hold?" Because I seem to have missed them. Your conception of women and what we do sounds like WAY more fun than the way it has actually played out in my own personal experience. According to your logic, I should have had three extra boyfriends in there! Can I cash in one of them now?

 

 

 

Dude, seriously, have you ever MET a woman??

 

Amen!!! And I'm sorry for your heartbreaks . Thanks for trying to talk reason into folks who are focused on hating - sadly, I think no matter what either of us says, they're determined to stick to their ideology (woman dumped them + they're heartbroken = all women are monkey-like evil creatures).

It's too bad when people choose to take this route instead of taking an honest look at things. Sadly, this is the type of crap that turns into baggage and ruins the next relationship(s).

[Montie]

sedgewick, this thread is a great indicator of what kinds of guys to avoid, if you're looking for a viable, long-term relationship. All men aren't like this, regardless of what the ones in this thread are trying to make it appear. Don't let these guys get you worked up.

 

The man I'm with right now isn't like this at all. I don't think he's got a bitter bone in his body. He's all about taking initiative and responsibility in/for his life. He knows he's got control over his life.

 

Thank God! Praise random chance/the Universe/God that I've never met men like this before. Fortunately, the men in my life (even my ex) respect women and would never make such nasty comments about any one group (including women). WOW! That type of hateful attitude will push even the most patient of romantic partners away.

[clv0116]

You do know that (some) men do this, too, right? People are people!

 

People are people but women tend to do this a lot more. More often and just more more.

[Montie]

People are people but women tend to do this a lot more. More often and just more more.

 

Where's your evidence for this claim? I think that you think, because it happened to you, that women do this more. Take a look around and you'll see plenty of men screwing over women, too.

[DJMarky]

This is a very hot topic.

 

I was out all night, just had two cups of coffee and am sitting at my computer at work not planning on doing much work since I am in Japan tomorrow! Helllllllll yeahhhh .. hmm ADD + coffee .. ok I will get into it.

 

I think it is a matter of personality, rather than gender.

 

My best mate has never been single. He always has one girl after another. Just a long string. Since he was 15. Most of the relationships lasting over a year. Not once have I seen him cry or upset over any of these break ups.

 

I have had 5 girlfriends, all of which I have ended. Only my most recent one has actually affected me, which is what lead me to these forums. I never thought I could actually feel 'heartbroken', I truly though it was a myth. Everytime it came up in a movie, or I was talking to a female friend and she was upset over a break up I really had no compassion, cause I had gone through them before and never felt a thing, til recently.

 

My ex, who said she would marry me no matter what, I was her first love etc etc all that jazz, moved on within a day! A DAY! Literally.

 

It all depends on the situation, and the personalities involved. Some people are wired to always be with someone so will swing from relationship to relationship. Others, like me, go about half half. Half of the time (since I was 15) I have had a girlfriend, half of the time I have been single. I have never broken up with someone, to jump into a relationship with someone else. Anyways, being single and in a relationship both have their benefits. I realise that I can be happy being single. Which I guess is good to know right now. I don't need someone else to be happy.

 

Basically, this thread is leading to some very biased opinions. Some appear to be in a 'I hate women' mood and others are in a 'I hate men' mood, which is fine, that is their way of dealing with what has happened.

 

I tend to believe not all women have the same characteristics, and yes my ex was a bitch but my ex ex was amazing in the way she respected and loved me, I just don't think I really really loved her. I took her for granted. She would have done anything for me, but sadly, you can't choose who you fall for.

 

[EDIT]

 

I forgot to say that my best mate has cheated on every single one of his girlfriends, multiple times. It doesn't seem to bother him in anyway. This thread has produced more female bashing than necessary. Seriously, not all women sleep around, men do it as well. Talk about generalisations. I think you guys have just been with too many women that have disrespected you that it has blurred your vision.

 

Also, you aren't a female, so you have one perspective, you don't see it from the other side. I am sure there are females out there who have dated bad men one after another. They probably have the same opinions as you regarding men.

[gutted1]

Zammo,

 

I feel your bitterness and from what i've seen lately and from how i've been treated by my ex i can see why its easy for you to feel the way you do about women. . .

 

HOWEVER. . .

 

I think its just certain types of women that are the way you suggest, i unfortunately have a habit of getting involved with this type of woman.

 

Yeah women can be the way you say but men can also be this way too.

 

I think the responsibility is with us to chose more wisely when getting involved with a women in future, i know i will.

 

Your bitterness will fade with time mate and you'll meet a woman that will change your way of thinking.

 

To everyone else. . . .

 

I think we should recognise that zammo is just hurt and venting and offer him support, i too have felt the way he has and although what he is saying isn't very PC it says to me that he is a very hurt individual that could probably do with some help, one of the advantages of this forum is that it has women members as well, maybe some of thease members could help zammo realise the errors of his ways and show him there are nice women out there.

 

 

In reply to the original question, i really think its to do with being the dumped or the dumper, the dumper, male or female moves on quicker because they retain their power, the dumped has a number of rejection issues and self esteem issues to deal with, its a great test of character!! IMO the best way to show power after being dumped is go NC and stay there, which is what i'm doing !!

[Woggle]

It wasn't always this way but men today have become so neutered that they place all their identity in a woman. More old fashioned kind of men who focus their energy in other pursuits are more likely to bounce back after a breakup. When a man dumps a woman though and can truly care less about her it tears her up inside though not because she loves him but because her ego is damaged by being rejected. Women like to feel they are hot stuff and when a man doesn't want them that image is shattered.

 

Zammo is a bit harsh but there is much truth to what he says. Good women do exist but for the most part women these days are pretty much incapable of truly loving a man. The minute you truly care about them they take your heart and crush it. I am ladies but it is the truth and if you are not like this be glad you are one of the exceptions.

[sedgwick]

It wasn't always this way but men today have become so neutered that they place all their identity in a woman.

 

When a man dumps a woman though and can truly care less about her it tears her up inside though not because she loves him but because her ego is damaged by being rejected. Women like to feel they are hot stuff and when a man doesn't want them that image is shattered.

 

Okay...first of all, I just have to say that it's "COULDN'T" care less, not "COULD" or "CAN" care less. If you couldn't care less, it means you care as little as you possibly can. If you could care less, it means you still care and it would be possible to care less than you currently do.

 

Whew. That said...

 

How have these men become "neutered?" I can honestly say that I have never seen a man be kind and caring to a woman and thought, "Wow, he must have had his genitalia removed!" I think, "Where can I find one of those?"

 

I have also never needed to feel like "hot stuff." Why was my ego/self-image shattered when he left? Because he dumped me for not having a good enough career. He dumped me for not being the exact same kind of artist he is. So I have spent 19 months now thinking, "Well, it's just dance/writing/knitting/filmmaking, it's not MUSIC." My faith in my career and the art forms to which I have dedicated my life has been shattered, and I am slowly trying to build back up to believing that what I do is worth anything. I have literally spent the last year and a half tormenting myself with such questions as, "Is writing as good as music?" Every time I perform solo as a dancer, I question whether it's as good as being a bass player in an old-time band. My ex spends every day playing songs someone else wrote a century ago. I spend every day working on the book I'm writing, and the choreographies I make, and the knitting and crochet patterns I design, and the documentary I'm flying off to shoot in August -- and with every step I take, on every project, I question whether or not it's as good as playing the bass. This breakup shook me to the very core of who I am and what I love. It has nothing whatsoever, not even a little bit, to do with my needing to be "hot stuff."

 

I wish the men on this thread would stop TELLING women what we think and perhaps -- just go with me here -- start ASKING us what we think. It seems that would be a far more productive and enlightening conversation -- or, hell, a conversation AT ALL and not just a bunch of guys who have been dumped throwing the bitch blanket over everyone with a vagina.

 

my ex ex was amazing in the way she respected and loved me, I just don't think I really really loved her. I took her for granted. She would have done anything for me, but sadly, you can't choose who you fall for.

 

That rips my heart out. It tells me that the whole time I was loving my ex more than I've ever loved anyone, he just didn't give a sh*t because I wasn't a girl he could fall for (which, in this case, means "a girl who plays old-time fiddle.") I have never given so much, so selflessly, to anyone, and your post makes me think that he's probably sitting somewhere now either laughing at me or just thinking how pathetic and worthless I was. Or, more likely, he hasn't given me a thought since he left, it didn't hurt him at all, and he just flitted off and played the bass and went on his merry way while I've spent the past year and a half in the worst hell I've ever experienced.

 

Not good enough, not good enough. Never, ever good enough. I don't want to be "hot stuff," I just want to be PASSABLE.