Trialbyfire Posted February 9, 2009 Share Posted February 9, 2009 Sedgewick, my experience with men after break ups is that they project self, into women. You'll find A LOT of guys do this because they lack the ability to empathisize with the other gender, ascribing actions that are far from reality. Most often it's about ego and pride. Women: I loved him so much and it hurts that he didn't love me back enough. Men: That bitch. Eff her. I can do better. She used me. Eff, I feel like crap. Notice the difference? Link to post Share on other sites
Zammo25 Posted February 9, 2009 Share Posted February 9, 2009 Sedgewick, my experience with men after break ups is that they project self, into women. You'll find A LOT of guys do this because they lack the ability to empathisize with the other gender, ascribing actions that are far from reality. Most often it's about ego and pride. Women: I loved him so much and it hurts that he didn't love me back enough. Men: That bitch. Eff her. I can do better. She used me. Eff, I feel like crap. Notice the difference? That does not make sense On the one hand you are talking about a woman who was dumped by a man and the other is a man dumped by a woman. What about what a woman would say who dumped the man. Next day - I have forgotten about him and moved on already, what was his name again ?. Link to post Share on other sites
Meaplus3 Posted February 9, 2009 Share Posted February 9, 2009 Hi All, Its a question which comes into my mind. I have also asked this question to few female friends of mine. They have told me for girls it is easy to move on from a relation than boys. The reason they gave me were quite logical and practical. 1. Women are emotionally more strong to kill their feelings for somebody than men. S0 do I believe, although few exceptions are always there. 2. They have strong emotional support and tend to listen to their close peers and once they make up their mind they never look back. I strongly agree this as lot of men including on LS are facing these kind of problem more often than women. 3. Third but most important which I found.... It is easy for women to hook up with a men than for men with women. Most of us do believe that its a emotional hook up with a person of opposite sex which can act as catalyst to heal up the process of getting over ex. Please provide ur inputs.. I happen to disagree with all three of your examples here. I tend to think is most cases, it's the male that can move past a Relationship quicker and with much less of an emotional struggle than a Woman. Women tend to have much more difficult time with their emotions during a break up atleast from what I've seen and been through myself. Women and Men are wired different ...period!! Mea:) Link to post Share on other sites
clv0116 Posted February 9, 2009 Share Posted February 9, 2009 Where's your evidence for this claim? I think that you think, because it happened to you, that women do this more. Take a look around and you'll see plenty of men screwing over women, too. Men screw women over in (for the most part) completely different ways. The LJBF emotional tampon is pretty popular among women but seldom used by men. Link to post Share on other sites
sedgwick Posted February 9, 2009 Share Posted February 9, 2009 What on earth is an "LJBF emotional tampon?" Methinks this whole thread is becoming entirely too complicated. I loved him with all my heart. He told me I wasn't good enough, had sex with me one last time, got up, put on his pants, took my keys off his keychain and laid them on my desk, and walked out the door and I never saw him again. The ONLY reason I EVER got was that I am not an old-time fiddle player. I just spent an hour in my shrink's office f*cking crying my eyes out over how much I need his forgiveness. Anyone who thinks women screw men over more than men do women...well, I hope you can see that there's at least one woman out here who's so torn up over not being good enough for the man she loved that she's spent 19 months going to therapy three days a week and, more days than not, sobbing. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted February 9, 2009 Share Posted February 9, 2009 A man is not neutered for loving and caring for a woman as along as she appreciates it and is willing to do the same for a man. The problem is that so few women these days appreciate it and are willing to do the same for a man. I apologize if it this is not true sedwick but if this guy stayed with you and gave you his heart you probably would left him or cheated on him by now. The fact that he dumped you instead of the other way around is what has you pining after him. Link to post Share on other sites
wowIlose Posted February 9, 2009 Share Posted February 9, 2009 Obviously its not only women that cheat, sleep around, lie, become dishonest and cold-hearted... men are just as bad, otherwise we wouldn't have any female posters here. That being said, I will agree that women definitely have an upper hand when it comes to moving on. Perhaps not all women but a woman usually can find another man very quickly and effortlessly - it doesn't mean she feels no pain or is a witch for doing so, nor does it mean that its the healthiest of decisions to get in another relationship, however it can definitely be used advantageously to get over a break up. This is an advantage that most men don't have. When a girl breaks up with a guy he is heart broken. The first thing that this effects is a mans confidence. A mans confidence is KEY to getting another girl in his life. Most men don't have female friends so when the break up happens he is either forced to be alone or to jump back into the dating scene and though its not very healthy to do so right away for either sex its a very different game for a man. Man need to be pro-active, man need to approach AND most importantly man get rejected far more often than women. This is all hard enough to do when your not suffering from a break up let alone when your confidence is at an all time low. This is where I strongly feel women have the advantage, because even if a woman is not feeling very confident and going through a bad breakup she can go out to a club, bar or whatever social setting and build up her confidence from man either approaching or showing strong signs of interest - BUT I do not hold this against woman. I think its great for them, and its just how the whole dating game works. If I was in a womans shoes I would take full advantage of this and so I can not blame one or even be mad at one for doing so. Of course there is always exceptions to these rules. There are women who do not get any interest or never get approached and there are guys who women gravitate towards - but for the most part it doesn't work that way. All in all I think both men and women can suffer equally when it comes to break ups so at the end its all situational. Link to post Share on other sites
sedgwick Posted February 9, 2009 Share Posted February 9, 2009 I apologize if it this is not true sedwick but if this guy stayed with you and gave you his heart you probably would left him or cheated on him by now. That is the most offensive f*cking thing I think anyone has ever said to me on LS. I have never once in my entire life EVER cheated on anyone, and I am almost always the one left sobbing. Please do not ever respond to me or even acknowledge my presence on these boards again. Thanks, and f*ck you, idiot. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted February 9, 2009 Share Posted February 9, 2009 That is the most offensive f*cking thing I think anyone has ever said to me on LS. Please do not ever respond to me or even acknowledge my presence on these boards again. Thanks, and f*ck you, idiot. I said I apologize if you are the exception but this is the typical pattern that females follow. Link to post Share on other sites
sedgwick Posted February 9, 2009 Share Posted February 9, 2009 I said I apologize if you are the exception but this is the typical pattern that females follow. And I said something about, oh, not acknowledging or speaking to me again? You couldn't be less informed. So please go away now, kthxbai. Oh, and it's SedGwick. With a G. It is not "Sedwick" or "Sedgewick." It's like EDIE, for the love of god. Am I the only person left on the planet who knows how to read? (Please see the above statement, everybody, for exactly the kind of blanket bullsh*t it is. Obviously I am not the only literate person on the planet, but the people I talk to on LS often make me FEEL that way. Could that be anything like, oh, say, FEELING that all women are b*tches, based on limited experience? Hmmmmmmmmm! Extrapolation based on actual fact -- it's a beautiful thing.) Link to post Share on other sites
clv0116 Posted February 9, 2009 Share Posted February 9, 2009 What on earth is an "LJBF emotional tampon?" .... I loved him with all my heart. He told me I wasn't good enough, had sex with me one last time, got up, put on his pants, took my keys off his keychain and laid them on my desk, and walked out the door and I never saw him again. The ONLY reason I EVER got was that I am not an old-time fiddle player. Why would he need you to play violin? LJBF (let's just be friends) is what a woman will often say to a guy who she wants to continue to use emotionally without any intention of becoming physical with him. She gets the emotional and often to a small degree financial help she likes to receive in the form of dates and a shoulder to cry on but without him getting anything he wants out of it. The clean break is more a man thing, we tend to simply just say next and really mean it. Link to post Share on other sites
Zammo25 Posted February 9, 2009 Share Posted February 9, 2009 A man is not neutered for loving and caring for a woman as along as she appreciates it and is willing to do the same for a man. The problem is that so few women these days appreciate it and are willing to do the same for a man. I apologize if it this is not true sedwick but if this guy stayed with you and gave you his heart you probably would left him or cheated on him by now. The fact that he dumped you instead of the other way around is what has you pining after him. Thats not on Woggle and I think you need to apologise. This lady is heartbroken and that was incredibly insensitive not to say incorrect about her. I have made genralised statement about Women she has not appreciated but you have over stepped the mark with that. Link to post Share on other sites
Treasa Posted February 9, 2009 Share Posted February 9, 2009 I loved him with all my heart. He told me I wasn't good enough, had sex with me one last time, got up, put on his pants, took my keys off his keychain and laid them on my desk, and walked out the door and I never saw him again. The ONLY reason I EVER got was that I am not an old-time fiddle player. Is that seriously how he broke up with you? Not to hijack the thread, but no wonder you're angry. And yes, I think you're angry at him. You even said "the ONLY reason I ever got", indicating that you think that his reason was crap, too. Man, I know you say you love him and all, but what a jag. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted February 9, 2009 Share Posted February 9, 2009 LJBF (let's just be friends) is what a woman will often say to a guy who she wants to continue to use emotionally without any intention of becoming physical with him. She gets the emotional and often to a small degree financial help she likes to receive in the form of dates and a shoulder to cry on but without him getting anything he wants out of it. Nice. I like that. Very true. I'd like to license the phrase "emotional tampon" from you. Very apt An old boyfriend of my wife's is well known for saying a man's needs are very simple. "Helmet (meaning a blow job) and a little understanding" is all a man needs. My needs are a bit more complex than that but I do see the wisdom in his words. If a woman can't provide those very basic needs, then, IME, it's pretty easy for a man to disconnect and move on quickly and cleanly. Personally, once I emotionally disconnect, I don't care how long or who the love was for, it's then just a matter of the paperwork catching up with my decision. I don't make such decisions or take their ramifications lightly. Link to post Share on other sites
EmperorR Posted February 10, 2009 Share Posted February 10, 2009 In my opinion, it is so much easier for a women to move on than a man. Women emotionally detach months in advance and already prepare to drop the bomb. Plus as a women if your even average its so easy to get a guy, you can be shy, quiet, and just go to the mall, bar library grocery shopping out for a walk and get picked up. Guys on the other hand eh. In my case my ex fiance cheated on me with a guy in another country came back dumped me a week later already found a new man after saying she "wanted to be alone". Again this is my opinion, but im sure its the same for both sexes these type of scum can easily hop from branch to branch like its nothing. Link to post Share on other sites
EmperorR Posted February 10, 2009 Share Posted February 10, 2009 Obviously its not only women that cheat, sleep around, lie, become dishonest and cold-hearted... men are just as bad, otherwise we wouldn't have any female posters here. That being said, I will agree that women definitely have an upper hand when it comes to moving on. Perhaps not all women but a woman usually can find another man very quickly and effortlessly - it doesn't mean she feels no pain or is a witch for doing so, nor does it mean that its the healthiest of decisions to get in another relationship, however it can definitely be used advantageously to get over a break up. This is an advantage that most men don't have. When a girl breaks up with a guy he is heart broken. The first thing that this effects is a mans confidence. A mans confidence is KEY to getting another girl in his life. Most men don't have female friends so when the break up happens he is either forced to be alone or to jump back into the dating scene and though its not very healthy to do so right away for either sex its a very different game for a man. Man need to be pro-active, man need to approach AND most importantly man get rejected far more often than women. This is all hard enough to do when your not suffering from a break up let alone when your confidence is at an all time low. This is where I strongly feel women have the advantage, because even if a woman is not feeling very confident and going through a bad breakup she can go out to a club, bar or whatever social setting and build up her confidence from man either approaching or showing strong signs of interest - BUT I do not hold this against woman. I think its great for them, and its just how the whole dating game works. If I was in a womans shoes I would take full advantage of this and so I can not blame one or even be mad at one for doing so. Of course there is always exceptions to these rules. There are women who do not get any interest or never get approached and there are guys who women gravitate towards - but for the most part it doesn't work that way. All in all I think both men and women can suffer equally when it comes to break ups so at the end its all situational. Nice Post, I agree with it, also for men maybe it was just my ex, but she was extremely jealous and all my female friends that I did have were pushed to the back burner. Which in turn when she left me I had really no one, and as a man yes I lost my confidence, I haven't been on the dating scene in 3 years and being a man you have to pursue women unless your some brad pitt denzel washington or london model type it sucked. I had no idea what to say to a women how to start a converstation because it was like I was a baby again in this dating game. Well as a women as i stated about just put on some makeup go out and the wolves attack. Link to post Share on other sites
clv0116 Posted February 10, 2009 Share Posted February 10, 2009 .... I do not hold this against woman. I think its great for them, and its just how the whole dating game works. If I was in a womans shoes I would take full advantage of this and so I can not blame one or even be mad at one for doing so. Of course you're right here. Again it's just the way it is; the upside is we're not gonna take Prozac and our bodies process alcohol better. Link to post Share on other sites
Narf Posted February 10, 2009 Share Posted February 10, 2009 Generalisations :/ everyone has a story and in it the other person is usually the bad guy... Would you prefer for the dumper to keep talking to you? Saying they miss you and they care for you but not in that way?? Isnt that worse then them moving on? At least hope is gone and you can hit the pain head on then get over it... Instead of the grey area :/ I HATE the grey area... I say bring on the ignore so i can disconnect faster... nothing they can say will help me...Unless it is i made a mistake! i love you so much! Then there actions match there words... Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted February 10, 2009 Share Posted February 10, 2009 Thats not on Woggle and I think you need to apologise. This lady is heartbroken and that was incredibly insensitive not to say incorrect about her. I have made genralised statement about Women she has not appreciated but you have over stepped the mark with that. I said that if this doesn't apply to her then she should not take offense but 9 times out of 10 the only reason a woman is heartbroken is because a man does not desire her. It has nothing to do with love. If she is in that 10% I apologize to her. Link to post Share on other sites
wowIlose Posted February 10, 2009 Share Posted February 10, 2009 Nice Post, I agree with it, also for men maybe it was just my ex, but she was extremely jealous and all my female friends that I did have were pushed to the back burner. Which in turn when she left me I had really no one, and as a man yes I lost my confidence, I haven't been on the dating scene in 3 years and being a man you have to pursue women unless your some brad pitt denzel washington or london model type it sucked. I had no idea what to say to a women how to start a converstation because it was like I was a baby again in this dating game. Well as a women as i stated about just put on some makeup go out and the wolves attack. Not only do men have to pursue women but they also have to out do the other men constantly pursuing her as well. They have to be able to build more attraction then the next guy. This is the ultimate disadvantage for any guy after a breakup - women will at the very least have guy friends that would be willing to fill the spot... most guys won't admit this to the girl but guys would not be friends with a girl and hang out with her regularly if they didn't find her attractive. My ex jumped into bed with her "friend" pretty much right after our break up. This guy hovered around her like a fly on **** waiting for his chance. She got to sleep with someone immediately after our break up - while there I was just trying pick myself up, fighting through nights and weekends of complete loneliness just trying to find someone that I could talk to. Of course sex would have been a great crutch but I didn't have that luxury. Men have advantages in other areas of life and so I wont complain to much... thats just how the world rolls. Live and learn. I think anyone who gets past that loneliness/I feel worthless stage after a break up without any crutches like sex and rebound relationships ends up a stronger person though... so I think if you look at it right it can be a good thing long term, though when your going through it all it just doesn't feel like it. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted February 10, 2009 Share Posted February 10, 2009 You know the saying about women pursuing the top 10% of men? It sounds to me like a few of you guys are doing the same, genders reversed. There are plenty of girls out there, looking for guys who care about them and for them to care about. Maybe they're not in the top 10 percentile in looks but many are really cute and fun. Maybe it's time to back off from pursuing the looks v. the person. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted February 10, 2009 Share Posted February 10, 2009 Only 10% of women are worth any type of commitment whatsoever. The rest will just crush a man's heart the minute he cares about her. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted February 10, 2009 Share Posted February 10, 2009 Only 10% of men are worth the effort of committing to. The rest will just crush a woman's heart the minute she cares about him... Link to post Share on other sites
wowIlose Posted February 10, 2009 Share Posted February 10, 2009 You know the saying about women pursuing the top 10% of men? It sounds to me like a few of you guys are doing the same, genders reversed. There are plenty of girls out there, looking for guys who care about them and for them to care about. Maybe they're not in the top 10 percentile in looks but many are really cute and fun. Maybe it's time to back off from pursuing the looks v. the person. I don't think I look at the top 10 percent at all. My only real physical requirement in a woman is that she is healthy and fit and by fit I mean not overweight. I work out, keep myself in shape and so I think its only fair. I could care less about how big her boobs are or how she doesn't have the nicest legs, of course those things help but I'll take a normal girl over a girl with a big rack and nice ass if the normal girl has personality and is smart - and is at least a little bit cute, there has to be a degree of physical attraction, everyone knows that. The problem is meeting women... any women. If your no longer in school and your job is in an office where you only interact with the same people then your just not going to meet anyone. A guy can't simply go out and be approached - it just doesn't happen for guys like that. So basically your left with clubs, bars and online dating. Unless chatting up strangers in stores or on the street is something your good at - not my style. I think the biggest problem is society and the way we are conditioned. If everyone just dropped their bitch shield and egos then meeting people wouldn't be this hard. Everyone puts on this fake persona - girls will ignore guys and play hard to get even though they like them - guys being scared to get blown out or be considered creepy just for trying to say hello. Everyone wants to find someone but we let stupid conditioning limit us. Anywho, I am going of topic a bit.. ranting.. I think I'll stop here Conclusion: Looks are not everything but a setting where you can meet a lot of people and people are willing to interact is... if you don't have a good setting then your screwed. Link to post Share on other sites
clv0116 Posted February 10, 2009 Share Posted February 10, 2009 Grocery stores are a meat market in more ways than one. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts