sally4sara Posted January 7, 2009 Share Posted January 7, 2009 I think the first like 3-4 dates the guy should pay I don't understand why. They just met you, you just met them. Neither of you really know yet if the other is even worth your time. Why should he have to pay for you both to figure this out? You both have something to prove initially. Why do they have to prove it with money? The OP did get paid for on the first date, but the gesture wasn't expensive enough for HER? ewww! I'm not saying a guy or anyone for that matter should never pay for the date expense if they want to. But I've always had a bad experience with the ones who would drop $300 or so to take me out. I'm a complete stranger at that point. I'm sure many people have had bad experiences with others who expect that out of them at that stage as well. Link to post Share on other sites
Lauriebell82 Posted January 7, 2009 Share Posted January 7, 2009 Of course you like a guy to pay... it's a free meal for you without any requirements. If the guy isnt worth paying for yourself on a date... why would you accept? Well, before it was more about money too. I couldn't afford to pay for myself because I was so poor. Now I have a ton of money so I totally share the wealth. Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted January 7, 2009 Share Posted January 7, 2009 Yeah, that's what my BF said. He feels like girls are entitled to something guys are not. That's not really how I feel, I don't feel entitled, it's just like I said I am traditional. The man is the breadwinner, the woman is the housewife. Holy incompatibility!!! Holy Dinah! Talk about a eureka moment. No wonder the two of you clash so much. So your b/f wants an equal relationship and you want a traditional one. Are the two of you aware of each others' wants and needs? No kidding... Wow. Major problem there. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted January 7, 2009 Share Posted January 7, 2009 I will admit to having the "attitude" for the first date. I expect a guy to pay that first time unless I don't want to see him again. Then I pay for the entire date so there's no expectation from him of entitlement for a second date. There are a number of reasons why. One is to see if he begrudges it, another to see if he's courteous and the last, to not hurt his pride. After that first date, the attitude goes away! Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted January 7, 2009 Share Posted January 7, 2009 Well, before it was more about money too. I couldn't afford to pay for myself because I was so poor. Now I have a ton of money so I totally share the wealth. You have "a ton of money" making under $30K compared to your BF accountant's salary? It's not really just about money, LB. You're fundamentally looking for different relationships. Does he know you want to stay home and be a housewife?????? Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted January 7, 2009 Share Posted January 7, 2009 I will admit to having the "attitude" for the first date. I expect a guy to pay that first time unless I don't want to see him again. Then I pay for the entire date so there's no expectation from him of entitlement for a second date. There are a number of reasons why. One is to see if he begrudges it, another to see if he's courteous and the last, to not hurt his pride. After that first date, the attitude goes away! I'm totally this way too. My new guy has admittedly paid for everything so far, but he makes about twice what I do (never experienced that before!). However, he's expressed several times that he enjoys spending money on nice meals. I will be paying for a significant portion of our next date though. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lucky555 Posted January 7, 2009 Author Share Posted January 7, 2009 Also with Guy B: We went into a store on a different occasion because i needed to pick up somethings. HE asked me to buy him candy and if i had money to do that. What the hell. We are not a couple nor was it a date, we just met up to see each other while i was in the area. OH by the way Our last date he SLEPT THROUGH THE MOVIE! And Since i drove and have been driving for the dates.....I thought it was inappropriate for him TO ASK ME for MONEY! Did i mention i had to pay for fuel, parking, movie tickets, so really its probably more than 35 dollars "then he wanted snack money!"...I just didn't feel like i was the one being COURTED!!!!!! SO the conclusion when he asked me for snack money I said I only had enough cash to pay for Parking. SNACK money! hahahaha If you are going on any date even if it is the first date you should bring money especially if its been planned! I always do and i always say i can pay for my own EVEN ON FIRST DATES because I can. Its just etiquette for the guy to pay in the early stages of dating. For me it shows me he is "the man." It also makes me feel more inclined to date him again and see how things go, it gives me those warm feelings. Its not so much the money its the initiative to "care for the lady." OH surprisingly HE did have money to buy a snack because he had me wait for him. Guy A: IT WAS THE SECOND DATE!!! HE asked me out. I also thought him trying to get laid was pretty cheesy too. I've been thinking all week on how I'm going to break up with GUY B. He is the one i have seen the most. He has also been trying to get me to commit to him obviously and I AM NOT. lol I also know that HE DOES NOT HAVE FUTURE GOALS...because i asked him and he said, i have not thought about it. These guys are cheapskates to say it bluntly. I was not after their money or a free meal.I would not waste my time to do this. I was looking for a potential relationship and obviously I wouldn't be happy with either one of them. Link to post Share on other sites
The Collector Posted January 7, 2009 Share Posted January 7, 2009 Lucky555, you called your thread 'guys who don't pay' not 'guys who don't pay their fair share.' Why do you think guys should pay? Because you like to feel special? Hey so do I, buy me a snack. Link to post Share on other sites
Untouchable_Fire Posted January 7, 2009 Share Posted January 7, 2009 Well, before it was more about money too. I couldn't afford to pay for myself because I was so poor. Now I have a ton of money so I totally share the wealth. Before this thread becomes all about you and your relationship issues... there in an important point to make here. You are asking a guy to pay because it does two primary things. First it shows he has money to support you, second it lets you know that he thinks your worth spending that money on. However, there is an implicit social contract involved in that. That is something you seek in a relationship... and I hope you are understanding all that it entails! What makes Lucky such a superficial ho-bag is that she judges men not based on quality or character traits, but instead on willingness to give her money. It would be similar if I put up a thread about these two women I was dating and how I was unhappy with their breast sizes once they took their shirts off. Damn! That was all padding? What a rip off! Link to post Share on other sites
rod_in_gtown Posted January 7, 2009 Share Posted January 7, 2009 SNACK money! hahahaha You mean you're not up for being his sugar momma? honestly! how selfish!!! Link to post Share on other sites
The Collector Posted January 7, 2009 Share Posted January 7, 2009 His sense of entitlement is apparently laughable, while hers is apparently unquestionable. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Untouchable_Fire Posted January 7, 2009 Share Posted January 7, 2009 If you are going on any date even if it is the first date you should bring money especially if its been planned! I always do and i always say i can pay for my own EVEN ON FIRST DATES because I can. Its just etiquette for the guy to pay in the early stages of dating. For me it shows me he is "the man." It also makes me feel more inclined to date him again and see how things go, it gives me those warm feelings. Its not so much the money its the initiative to "care for the lady." Your notions of etiquette are antiquated. Because you have the money to pay for yourself... you should already know this. Also, when you say it's not about the money... you are not truthful. Otherwise you would appreciate him buying dinner more because he has less to give. Perhaps you date brokedown chumps because only they will put up with your entitled attitude? Link to post Share on other sites
sugar_and_spice Posted January 7, 2009 Share Posted January 7, 2009 so why can't you pay? They have both paid at least once right? I'm assuming you have a job? Link to post Share on other sites
Lauriebell82 Posted January 7, 2009 Share Posted January 7, 2009 You have "a ton of money" making under $30K compared to your BF accountant's salary? Yes. I don't have any debt, or that many bills because I don't have loans or a car payment. Our apartment bills are all I really have. He on the other hand has a car payment and a lot of debt. So even though he makes more, I have a ton more extra cash then he does. That's why I love to be generous and treat him. It's not really just about money, LB. You're fundamentally looking for different relationships. Does he know you want to stay home and be a housewife?????? Yes, and he is okay with it. Plus, I don't want to be a housewife forever, I like my job and I like working. I would just like to stay home for a few years while they are babies. Then it's right back to work! Believe me I did not get a Masters degree to become a housewife! And actually no we are looking for the same relationship. It's wonderful right now, we treat each other and we both support each other. It's funny he asked me for a dollar last night to buy a candy bar while we were at a gas station becuase he didn't have cash. Of course I gave it to him, we do that all the time. Link to post Share on other sites
Tomcat33 Posted January 7, 2009 Share Posted January 7, 2009 What makes Lucky such a superficial ho-bag is that she judges men not based on quality or character traits, but instead on willingness to give her money. It would be similar if I put up a thread about these two women I was dating and how I was unhappy with their breast sizes once they took their shirts off. Damn! That was all padding? What a rip off! Making a woman pay or pay for half on the first few dates is a character trait it denotes CHEAPNESS, something that is awfully unattractive to most people. Just like seeing excessive fat on a woman is unattractive because it denotes laziness. Men's demands and likes or dislikes are not that different than women's. But most women just get their asses to the gym and work at it all they can, because we know we have a lot better chance being found "hot" if we take care of ourselves and make ourselves more attractive for men, than doing otherwise. And let me tell you sitting around watching The Hills all afternoon eating chocolate is pretty damned attractive to me but I know it ain't gonna get me far in life. No one likes to be mislead, if you were to start off a thread about a woman who wears padding and you find out she is flat as a board you have every right to be pissed off at that, you were sold the idea that you were getting a hefty chested woman why now should you put up with making love to a woman who is built like a little boy? I don't see anything wrong with saying you are being ripped off at ALL. I am in a point in my life where I have all my finances in order, I have a good career, my home, savings and I love to splurge on little luxuries PLUS I will travel at least 2x a year, that is my passion. NOW I do this ALL on my own and built my teeny tiny little empire with years of my own hard work. If I go out with a man who has potential in sharing my life I want him to also have the same sort of ease in his life to be sure we are on the same page, because in a few months down the road when things start to get heavy I will say, "take two weeks off let's take off to Morocco" or let's go to NY for the weekend. WHATEVER. A man who says "here let me get that on a first date" not only shows me he is financially at ease it also shows me he is generous and willing to part with a few bucks when he sees there is potential for more. Not to mention it shows he is willing to go the extra mile to impress me and WHO doesn't like that? I'm sorry some of you men see this as a gold digger's means to abuse, but it has NOTHING to do with that and everything to do with being selective in who you choose for long term. The man I will be long term involved with will be a man who is not pinching his pennies at the turn of every corner, if I want orchids at my wedding an open bar for guests, or I want to send our daughter to piano lessons, I want to know he won't cheap out and this will be a point of contentio. I also want to know he is happy with his career and financially stable because all those things bring health to the relationship, they add balance and stability. So it's a LOT deeper than just "he wanted to pay to make me feel special" I have NO time for bull****, and that's what I expect from my partner at this point in my life. You can't meet that then we are not for each other. Apropos, and off topic what is Untouchable Fire? Is that like "watery water"? Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted January 7, 2009 Share Posted January 7, 2009 Whoah guys, hold on a second! Any guy asking for snack money would be "Sayonara, baby!". I would never stoop to asking someone for that. It's embarrassing to ask or be asked for that. Next thing you know, be it guy or girl, they'll be asking for an allowance! If that's the case, I guess they can be grounded too. Lucky, Are you looking for a traditional guy?Do you want an equal relationship?Do you want to be wined and dined?Are you prepared to wine and dine? Link to post Share on other sites
Lauriebell82 Posted January 7, 2009 Share Posted January 7, 2009 Before this thread becomes all about you and your relationship issues... there in an important point to make here. You are asking a guy to pay because it does two primary things. First it shows he has money to support you, second it lets you know that he thinks your worth spending that money on. However, there is an implicit social contract involved in that. That is something you seek in a relationship... and I hope you are understanding all that it entails! What makes Lucky such a superficial ho-bag is that she judges men not based on quality or character traits, but instead on willingness to give her money. It would be similar if I put up a thread about these two women I was dating and how I was unhappy with their breast sizes once they took their shirts off. Damn! That was all padding? What a rip off! Wow, could you be any meaner? Sheesh. It's fine to state your opinion, but with all due respect, YOU started bringing me into this thread by saying what I said was stupid. You shouldn't have said anything at all. Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted January 7, 2009 Share Posted January 7, 2009 UF - This has so little to do with dating etiquette, morals, or standards. This guy wanted snack money. It sounds funny, but thats what it comes down to. I make sure my daughter - when she goes somewhere, has snack money. When I leave the house, alone, intending to meet someone or NOT , I have snack money. This guy just wanted, on principal, for someone else to provide the snack money. The original poster sounds intelligent, insightful, and at least experienced enough to know whether the man she went out with is literally homeless and broke , just cheap, or being rude. As most people leave the house with some sort of SNACK MONEY, he is ignorant. Sometimes you have to go out with a guy to find out these details. In the future, I believe OP should make snack money the bar and then move on from there. Link to post Share on other sites
Lauriebell82 Posted January 7, 2009 Share Posted January 7, 2009 Whoah guys, hold on a second! Any guy asking for snack money would be "Sayonara, baby!". I would never stoop to asking someone for that. It's embarrassing to ask or be asked for that. Next thing you know, be it guy or girl, they'll be asking for an allowance! If that's the case, I guess they can be grounded too. Lucky, Are you looking for a traditional guy?Do you want an equal relationship?Do you want to be wined and dined?Are you prepared to wine and dine? On the first few dates it might be a little weird. In my case my BF and I do that all the time, ask each other for case if we don't have it. So it works out. Anyway, the gas station we were at had a $3 minimum to use a credit card and his candy bar was only a buck, so that's why I gave it to him. I didn't care though it's only a dollar. We share money all the time. In Lucky's case though, that would def. be a turn off. If he would have done that on like our 2nd date I would have found that odd. Link to post Share on other sites
sugar_and_spice Posted January 7, 2009 Share Posted January 7, 2009 no, it has nothing to do with etiquettes and morals. If the guy wants to pay, fine. But it is wrong to expect it from him. Link to post Share on other sites
Tomcat33 Posted January 7, 2009 Share Posted January 7, 2009 I don't expect it I just prefer it. Just like a guy might prefer the stuffing in a girl's bra is real rather than an enhancement. He has every right to say "nah this ain't for me" when he finds out otherwise. They are just personal preferences which there are no right or wrongs when it comes to dating, you just match your needs, quit whining and away you go. I am quite happy with my needs and to this day have NEVER had to settle in this sense. Lucky me I guess. Link to post Share on other sites
Lauriebell82 Posted January 7, 2009 Share Posted January 7, 2009 I'm totally this way too. My new guy has admittedly paid for everything so far, but he makes about twice what I do (never experienced that before!). However, he's expressed several times that he enjoys spending money on nice meals. I will be paying for a significant portion of our next date though. So if the guy makes more money then the girl it stands to reason that he can afford to pay for more dates then. Link to post Share on other sites
Lauriebell82 Posted January 7, 2009 Share Posted January 7, 2009 I don't expect it I just prefer it. Just like a guy might prefer the stuffing in a girl's bra is real rather than an enhancement. He has every right to say "nah this ain't for me" when he finds out otherwise. They are just personal preferences which there are no right or wrongs when it comes to dating, you just match your needs, quit whining and away you go. I am quite happy with my needs and to this day have NEVER had to settle in this sense. Lucky me I guess. I agree that there is no "right way or wrong way" to date somebody. Of course the preferences have to match. If Lucky feels that these guys don't match her preferences than she shouldn't date them and find a guy who does. Simple as that. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted January 7, 2009 Share Posted January 7, 2009 So if the guy makes more money then the girl it stands to reason that he can afford to pay for more dates then. I disagree. What's his is his, not his is hers. SG's guy wants to pay. That's his thing. She's not expecting him to pay because he makes more money. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted January 7, 2009 Share Posted January 7, 2009 Yeah, the "his is hers" part is for after the ink is dry on the marriage license They get you coming and going Man, I wish this cat next to me would live forever. She's got 20 switchblades and all the snack money she needs Link to post Share on other sites
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