The Collector Posted January 7, 2009 Share Posted January 7, 2009 The woman should pay for the man. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted January 7, 2009 Share Posted January 7, 2009 Neither of these guys FEED ME! If they didn't feed you, it wasn't a date, so they aren't obliged to pay Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted January 7, 2009 Share Posted January 7, 2009 In your other thread, Lucky, you broke out the differences between Guy A and B. It appears that you're not that enamoured with either guy. If a woman wants a traditional-style relationship, there's a price to pay for a traditional kind of guy who dominates the relationship. If a woman wants equality, there's also a price to pay, which can be monetary and/or otherwise. As long as you keep it relatively balanced with give and take, it's all good. If a woman expects the best of both worlds, then they're going to want the doormat guy who will cower before their wrath. In my minds eye, I see the towering, overweight woman and the tiny and timid man, where she's fully capable of breaking him over her knee. Having said all that, there's a fine line between being cheap and fiscally responsible. A cheap guy who will only selfishly spend on himself, will lack generosity in many other areas. BTDT, dumped him, won't do it again. Both parties should be generous to each other in all ways, while remaining fiscally responsible. In your previous thread, Guy B pretty much drinks all his money away at the bar. Guy A, doesn't make much effort. I think you're settling for either one of these guys. Time to move on to what could potentially be behind door #3. Link to post Share on other sites
Lauriebell82 Posted January 7, 2009 Share Posted January 7, 2009 I used to think that the man should pay for the dates. I guess I was raised that way, my dad was the sole breadwinner and my mom was a housewife. There are 3 types of men: a) traditional men who pay for anything and everything, even if she offers b) men who like to take turns paying for things and treat each other c) men who are just cheap and ask you to pay for everything in a rude way The comment about the guy asking for money for a snack was funny. That's okay if you like live together or are married or something, but on the first few dates? My boyfriend and I had this issue, he is a "Type B" man and I was raised traditional. My boyfriends have always paid for everything for me. He is the first one who questioned why I didn't offer to pay. Part of the reason I didn't offer though was because I didn't have the money! I was a student for the first 1.5 years or our relationship so he didn't understand that I wasn't trying to take advantage of him, I was just broke. Well we worked it out, I FINALLY made him realize that I just couldn't pay for things. So now I have a full time job and we live together. The irony is that I have more money than he does now!! We don't fight over money and we both treat each other to dinners, movies, ect. We are both very generous with each other and it is nice. Moral: you have to work out a way of spending that is good for both of you. Since these guys are doing this on the first few dates, I can see it as a turn off. I think the first like 3-4 dates the guy should pay, and then after that the girl can offer to pay for dates also. I'm realizing that it's nice to treat my boyfriend, it feels really good. And it's nice to treat him. So it's interesting that I went from traditional to modern. Link to post Share on other sites
tanbark813 Posted January 7, 2009 Share Posted January 7, 2009 If a woman wants a traditional-style relationship, there's a price to pay for a traditional kind of guy who dominates the relationship. If a woman wants equality, there's also a price to pay, which can be monetary and/or otherwise. As long as you keep it relatively balanced with give and take, it's all good. If a woman expects the best of both worlds, then they're going to want the doormat guy who will cower before their wrath. In my minds eye, I see the towering, overweight woman and the tiny and timid man, where she's fully capable of breaking him over her knee. Hey, a TBF post with which I agree. Look at that. Link to post Share on other sites
The Collector Posted January 7, 2009 Share Posted January 7, 2009 I think the first like 3-4 dates the guy should pay, Why? (Message too short but that's all I want to ask.) Link to post Share on other sites
Untouchable_Fire Posted January 7, 2009 Share Posted January 7, 2009 If a woman expects the best of both worlds, then they're going to want the doormat guy who will cower before their wrath. In my minds eye, I see the towering, overweight woman and the tiny and timid man, where she's fully capable of breaking him over her knee. LOL... that is hilarious! Your statement is spot on! Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted January 7, 2009 Share Posted January 7, 2009 Guy A: First date he paid ($20) second date: i paid for my own. He never offered. I felt as though he should have paid. ($40) Why? Guy B: First date he paid ($25) Second date he paid ($15) Third time i saw him he asked me if i had money so he could buy a snack while at the movies. I also drove and paid for the movie. ($35) Or maybe, like me, I ran out of money, didn't get to the bank in time, so a wonderful woman agreed to pay for a spur of the moment outing understanding that I'd make it up to her. I need to feel like he can be "the man" seems like i might be dating some cheap guys? Or it seems that you have a sense of entitlement and it would be good if somehow you let the guys you date know that. sorry, this smacks a bit of gold-diggery. Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted January 7, 2009 Share Posted January 7, 2009 oh just to add Guy A actually thought he was going to get ME spending the night with him!!! hahahahaha after i paid for my own dinner and drink Ah, so if he had paid, then you would have slept with him. So money makes the difference in whether you sleep with a guy? Well ya know what that is the very definition of dontcha? And if a guy pays, as he should because I feel its the right thing to do, then what is your part of the bargain? And no, I'm not talking about sex. What value is he getting for his money? And don't say he gets you as company, because you are getting that from him as well. So what really is the value for a man that pays all the time? Don't get me wrong, I always pay. but if I feel a woman has a sense of entitlement, she has no value to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Untouchable_Fire Posted January 7, 2009 Share Posted January 7, 2009 I think the first like 3-4 dates the guy should pay, and then after that the girl can offer to pay for dates also. That is stupid! Why should a guy pay? Would it not make more sense to have both people pay for themselves until there was mutual interest in a relationship? Link to post Share on other sites
rod_in_gtown Posted January 7, 2009 Share Posted January 7, 2009 I like your offer rich guy! sounds like you know how to treat the ladies! Yeah! like commodities! Link to post Share on other sites
ella23 Posted January 7, 2009 Share Posted January 7, 2009 Sounds fine to me. But that's because I prefer paying for myself. Link to post Share on other sites
Lauriebell82 Posted January 7, 2009 Share Posted January 7, 2009 That is stupid! Why should a guy pay? Would it not make more sense to have both people pay for themselves until there was mutual interest in a relationship? Why is stupid? Maybe it's stupid to YOU. The reason is that he is the one asking for the dates (well if he is). If the girl suggests she should come prepared to pay for herself or offer to pay for herself. I'm not big on going dutch, I'm not sure why. It feels weird to me, it doesn't feel like dating, it just feels like going out with friends. When you are dating it's nice to treat each other to things because you like each other. Link to post Share on other sites
tanbark813 Posted January 7, 2009 Share Posted January 7, 2009 When you are dating it's nice to treat each other to things because you like each other. This contradicts you saying the guy should pay for the first 3 - 4 dates. Link to post Share on other sites
Lauriebell82 Posted January 7, 2009 Share Posted January 7, 2009 This contradicts you saying the guy should pay for the first 3 - 4 dates. I meant once you start seriously dating, like boyfriend/girlfriend. More than a few dates. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted January 7, 2009 Share Posted January 7, 2009 If I can inject something, is it possible that it's not as much the paying portion that disturbs some men but the expectation of it and the "attitude" of entitlement? Link to post Share on other sites
ella23 Posted January 7, 2009 Share Posted January 7, 2009 I find it strange that some women want to be treated as equals but want the men to pay for them on dates. Make up your minds. Link to post Share on other sites
Lauriebell82 Posted January 7, 2009 Share Posted January 7, 2009 If I can inject something, is it possible that it's not as much the paying portion that disturbs some men but the expectation of it and the "attitude" of entitlement? Yeah, that's what my BF said. He feels like girls are entitled to something guys are not. That's not really how I feel, I don't feel entitled, it's just like I said I am traditional. The man is the breadwinner, the woman is the housewife. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted January 7, 2009 Share Posted January 7, 2009 Yeah, that's what my BF said. He feels like girls are entitled to something guys are not. That's not really how I feel, I don't feel entitled, it's just like I said I am traditional. The man is the breadwinner, the woman is the housewife. Holy Dinah! Talk about a eureka moment. No wonder the two of you clash so much. So your b/f wants an equal relationship and you want a traditional one. Are the two of you aware of each others' wants and needs? Link to post Share on other sites
fral945 Posted January 7, 2009 Share Posted January 7, 2009 I used to think that the man should pay for the dates. I guess I was raised that way, my dad was the sole breadwinner and my mom was a housewife. Funny, that’s the excuse my brother used with his wife when asked why he didn’t help clean the house. He told her he was raised to believe that was “a woman’s job”. That didn’t go over too well with his wife, unfortunately for him. Of course, it's not surprising because he payed for everything and she didn't work. So I think he was under the impression she was old-fashioned. Link to post Share on other sites
tanbark813 Posted January 7, 2009 Share Posted January 7, 2009 If I can inject something, is it possible that it's not as much the paying portion that disturbs some men but the expectation of it and the "attitude" of entitlement? Yes, that's exactly it. I don't mind paying but she better at least feign offering. Link to post Share on other sites
dannydrifter Posted January 7, 2009 Share Posted January 7, 2009 If I can inject something, is it possible that it's not as much the paying portion that disturbs some men but the expectation of it and the "attitude" of entitlement? You nailed it. Link to post Share on other sites
Untouchable_Fire Posted January 7, 2009 Share Posted January 7, 2009 Why is stupid? Maybe it's stupid to YOU. The reason is that he is the one asking for the dates (well if he is). If the girl suggests she should come prepared to pay for herself or offer to pay for herself. I'm not big on going dutch, I'm not sure why. It feels weird to me, it doesn't feel like dating, it just feels like going out with friends. When you are dating it's nice to treat each other to things because you like each other. Of course you like a guy to pay... it's a free meal for you without any requirements. If the guy isnt worth paying for yourself on a date... why would you accept? Link to post Share on other sites
rod_in_gtown Posted January 7, 2009 Share Posted January 7, 2009 If I can inject something, is it possible that it's not as much the paying portion that disturbs some men but the expectation of it and the "attitude" of entitlement? That's exactly it. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy to pay, but it shouldn't be an expectation, it should be a gesture that's appreciated. Link to post Share on other sites
sweetbrokensoul Posted January 7, 2009 Share Posted January 7, 2009 another thing. Women are not romantic. Who asks for dates? Who asks for numbers? Who buys gifts? Exactly, women who have this femnist strong woman attitude saying they are leaders fail to completely see that their existence is to reproduce. It is too bad that TV culture has taught them the sex and the city cheesecake, olive garden lifestyle that it's okay to be a NON-WOMAN. They get in a hissy fit when they have to wear makeup or look pretty. Look honey you get the attention that ou want, YOU WANT THE ATTENTION. Loser women. Excuse me, we are not "just here" to reproduce like a bunch of baby making machines. This is not a 3rd world country and we have grown and are much more more advanced in this day and age....why women also hold many of the same high paying jobs as men do..I dont appreciate this attitude u have and I certainly dont expect men to pay for everything if we go out. If they offer, fine, but I always offer too. Lets be realistic, you are friends and getting to know each other so whynot both pay or at least offer? It is tough times right now, and if women want equality then lets start trating each other with equality...yes, it is nice to buy, pay for some things for your SO but when ur just getting to know each other then WTF? Link to post Share on other sites
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