How to Handle an Ex-friend

[Touche]

hmm... I remember them. What I've done in the past was to feed false information thru their sources. It is not easy to being a private person at times and keeping vulnerabilities semi-private.

 

I can see what you meant by double edged sword. I would have to caution on getting into an pissing contest with your ex-friend by trading jabs. Another thing was to address their behavior in public at the time it happens and really putting them on the spot then. They will get upset/pissy but sometimes it has to be done.

 

There was a saying, never get into a pissing contest with a skunk, and she IMO smells like a skunk.

 

It seems like your some of your civil options with your ex-friend is exhausted.

 

Not sure where you're going with all of that but, if there's a thread posted and I feel like responding I will. That simple.

 

The OP is acting like the ex-friend won't stop contacting her in private or something. Not the case at all. The ex-friend has no interest in starting up a friendship. It's too late for that.

 

So the ONLY issue here is the posting. Again, put me on ignore then. I'll post when and if I feel like it. Period and end of story.

 

And again, I've NEVER posted anything that wasn't already revealed by the OP herself....never have and never will.

[Touche]

jerbear, that's what I'm doing at present. Addressing the issue. I wanted to keep everything at a civil distance and will do so, if it's maintained. Where I think it will fall down is through confidential correspondence. This person needs to win at all costs.

 

As for feeding false information, I strongly agree that red herrings help to expose sources.

 

Win what? My right to post when and where I please? Sheesh.

 

Can we please drop this? It's juvenile and this thread should have never been started.

 

For the millionth time, please read my lips...PUT ME ON IGNORE. I implore you.

 

Can we stop this ridiculous public display now?

[pandagirl]

TBF, I don't know all the specifics of this situation, but depending on how she is acting, I would either 1) Ignore her, or 2) Write her a sincere letter explaining your stance, that is neither passive or aggressive, saying you care about her, but can't deal with how things currently are.

[Art_Critic]

This thread makes me sad.

 

I agree.....

[Touche]

TBF, I don't know all the specifics of this situation, but depending on how she is acting, I would either 1) Ignore her, or 2) Write her a sincere letter explaining your stance, that is neither passive or aggressive, saying you care about her, but can't deal with how things currently are.

 

I'd opt for number 1. The parties are already clear on where they stand so number 2 would be a total waste of time.

[Ocean-Blue]

Both of you are posters I happen to like on here. This thread is unfortunate.

 

Whatever your issues are, it should be kept to PMs, I think. It's not fair to either of you to hash it out in public like this.

 

It's usually when someone cares that they keep arguing, back and forth. Whatever happened, can't you work it out? I mean, this is LS after all.

[Art_Critic]

Even in life for whatever reason there are people out there that we can't get along with..

 

We can't be friends with everyone and if we try and the friendship falls apart then we have no choice but to walk away..

 

Online the equivalent to walking away would be ignore..

 

It sounds to me that feelings on both sides are hurt..

Maybe time will fix this..

 

I have been at odds with someone on LS before and today that person and I are friends..

[Touche]

OB, thanks for that.

 

Unfortunately, the friendship is beyond repair. I mean I could start a thread about what led to this but what's the point? Some will say I was wrong, I'm sure. Others will say TBF is.

 

There's no point because neither one of us will be swayed in our positions.

 

We're not at odds about whether the friendship is over with. Not at all. That's a given. And there's been no contact in private on either side for some time now.

 

We're at odds about whether I should be posting on her threads I guess. Had I been revealing things told to me in confidence, I could understand this over-reaction. But that is simply not the case AT ALL.

 

So where we do we go from here? She can either ignore my posts or not let them get to her. Those are her choices plain and simple.

 

No one can control another person. You can only control your reactions to that person.

[jerbear]

I agree.....

 

yeah...

 

Serious side:

I would suggest friend and ex-friend go to their time out chairs and just cool it for a few hour or days. Friend and ex-friend are both adults and honestly, I do believe that they can handle their differences in an amicable way.

[Trialbyfire]

yeah...

 

Serious side:

I would suggest friend and ex-friend go to their time out chairs and just cool it for a few hour or days. Friend and ex-friend are both adults and honestly, I do believe that they can handle their differences in an amicable way.

My preference is that we both go to our corners permanently.

[Star Gazer]

Touche, here's the thing. If Trial is posting about an issue that is clearly personal to her (as opposed to a general discussion), it doesn't make any sense to put any energy into responding to her knowing she's not going to listen to you. Right?

 

Perhaps it would be best to respond to threads where you know that your advice is appreciated. That way, you'll be able to keep the peace.

 

(I'm not taking sides! Not taking sides!)

[Touche]

Touche, here's the thing. If Trial is posting about an issue that is clearly personal to her (as opposed to a general discussion), it doesn't make any sense to put any energy into responding to her knowing she's not going to listen to you. Right?

 

Perhaps it would be best to respond to threads where you know that your advice is appreciated. That way, you'll be able to keep the peace.

 

(I'm not taking sides! Not taking sides!)

 

I get what you're saying, I really do. This same theme has come up again and again on here. I mean remember that whole thing recently with LB's threads?

 

But many on here agreed that even if the OP doesn't want to listen to the advice given, it's still a public forum and others might appreciate said advice.

 

You say if I stay off, I'll help "keep the peace." I dunno. I'm not the one who started a thread here about this. The person who has control over "keeping the peace" is the one who controls their reaction. I mean we can argue both sides here.

 

Despite what TBF thinks, I was coming from a good place in my advice. God knows, I would never want to see her get hurt yet again. Never.

 

I mean you yourself, and others who know her pretty well by now, we're giving her similar advice.

 

Should they also stop posting because TBF doesn't agree with it?

 

She's the one making this personal, not me. Because she has an issue with the fact that the advice is coming from ME...not really with the advice itself.

 

Let's be honest here.

 

I sincerely appreciate what you're trying to do though, SG.

[Trialbyfire]

In order to provide insightful truths, you have to have an accurate understanding of the person. When the fundamentals are inaccurate, you end up with a Fantasy Island situation.

[Touche]

In order to provide insightful truths, you have to have an accurate understanding of the person. When the fundamentals are inaccurate, you end up with a Fantasy Island situation.

 

That's your opinion. I think I have a very accurate understanding of "the person."

 

So yet again, we have to agree to disagree.

[Trialbyfire]

Touche, why do you suppose all your advice has been to mine and others' detriment, from day 1? Is it that you understand people or is it that you've always believed what you wanted to believe?

 

That's not saying that your advice isn't valid for other people or that your intent was what you believed was in peoples' best interests.

 

I doubt anything will change your mind about anything. I truly hope that one day you realize that you don't have a crystal ball, only personal opinion based on sometimes accurate and sometimes flawed perception of others. Your perception is flavoured by your emotion of the moment towards the individual.

[Touche]

Touche, why do you suppose all your advice has been to mine and others' detriment, from day 1?

 

Wow, ALL of my advice and from DAY 1 too! Where are you getting that from? How has any of my advice been detrimental to anyone...and all of it too? Hell even a broken clock is right twice a day right? I guess I should just stop giving advice altogether then, huh? I mean I never figured out things in my own life, right? Interesting.

 

Is it that you understand people or is it that you've always believed what you wanted to believe?

 

Uhm, well you don't live to be almost 50 without SOME understanding of people, ya know?

 

That's not saying that your advice isn't valid for other people or that your intent was what you believed was in peoples' best interests.

 

Then I'll continue to advise those "other" people then.

 

I doubt anything will change your mind about anything. I truly hope that one day you realize that you don't have a crystal ball, only personal opinion based on sometimes accurate and sometimes flawed perception of others. Your perception is flavoured by your emotion of the moment towards the individual.

 

TBF, we were close friends for a year and a half. If during that time, and all that we shared as friends, you still think I have a totally inaccurate perception of you, then I would have to assert that's because you put up as much of a front with me in private, as you do of yourself on the forums.

 

Maybe if you showed me who you really were, then I guess I wouldn't be so wrong in my assessment.

 

You're right, I guess I really didn't know you. But, whose fault is that?

[Nemo]

This thread makes me sad.

This thread makes me laugh. But then, I was always something of a psychopath.

[Trialbyfire]

My personal take is that you projected a lot of yourself into me or what you wanted to believe was me. We're different people with different reactions, emotions and complexities/simplicities.

 

Friendship isn't a consumption of the other individual, no matter how close a friendship it is. Expectations have to be kept at a balanced level of what works for both individuals. If I give my word to someone, I won't ever break it for anyone.

 

If there's no room for compromise, it's best that the two individuals part ways and remain at a civil distance.

[Touche]

My personal take is that you projected a lot of yourself into me or what you wanted to believe was me. We're different people with different reactions, emotions and complexities/simplicities.

 

Friendship isn't a consumption of the other individual, no matter how close a friendship it is. Expectations have to be kept at a balanced level of what works for both individuals. If I give my word to someone, I won't ever break it for anyone.

 

If there's no room for compromise, it's best that the two individuals part ways and remain at a civil distance.

 

I agree with everything that you've said here. All of it.

 

I guess where we are disagreeing is the definition of what a "civil distance" is.

 

I mean I think we are keeping a civil distance and you don't. So now what?

[Nemo]

I have been at odds with someone on LS before and today that person and I are friends..

Yeah, I loves ya. Mr Wiggles is the best!

[Trialbyfire]

I agree with everything that you've said here. All of it.

 

I guess where we are disagreeing is the definition of what a "civil distance" is.

 

I mean I think we are keeping a civil distance and you don't. So now what?

In agreeing with it, how do you feel you have an unbiased opinion on advice given?

[shadowplay]

This thread is silly and immature. You should address the person directly rather than airing your personal drama publicly. It reminds me of some of the catty games that would go on with girls in middle school.

[Touche]

In agreeing with it, how do you feel you have an unbiased opinion on advice given?

 

Huh? What does that have to do with the civil distance question?

 

And who said I was unbiased? Did I? I don't recall ever saying such a thing.

 

By the way, "biased" advice doesn't equal bad advice, you know?

 

We all have our perspectives and they're all colored in some way or another. Still doesn't mean the advice given is bad. But you claim that ALL of my advice is wrong/bad ALL of the time! Sheesh..talk about a biased view!

 

Look, the advice/commentary given on your thread was the exact same advice/opinions I'd have given to anyone else who posted with the same thread and who held similar views about relationships as you do.

 

I mean I don't get why you're so focused on this. Others were calling you out on your slippery slope behavior where this "relationship" goes as well. Wasn't just me.

 

Maybe none of we regulars know you as well as we thought we did then.

 

Hey, be happy. Have at it. Live and be well!

[Touche]

This thread is silly and immature. You should address the person directly rather than airing your personal drama publicly. It reminds me of some of the catty games that would go on with girls in middle school.

 

You know. Even though I'm a full participant here, I have to agree with you. So silly.

 

"Stay out of my sandbox because I don't like you."

 

"No. Make me. I don't see your name written on this sandbox anywhere."

 

[Trialbyfire]

Huh? What does that have to do with the civil distance question?

 

And who said I was unbiased? Did I? I don't recall ever saying such a thing.

 

By the way, "biased" advice doesn't equal bad advice, you know?

 

We all have our perspectives and they're all colored in some way or another. Still doesn't mean the advice given is bad. But you claim that ALL of my advice is wrong/bad ALL of the time! Sheesh..talk about a biased view!

 

Look, the advice/commentary given on your thread was the exact same advice/opinions I'd have given to anyone else who posted with the same thread and who held similar views about relationships as you do.

 

I mean I don't get why you're so focused on this. Others were calling you out on your slippery slope behavior where this "relationship" goes as well. Wasn't just me.

 

Maybe none of we regulars know you as well as we thought we did then.

 

Hey, be happy. Have at it. Live and be well!

Your advice to me is flavoured by your projection of self and misunderstanding of who I am. In this, your advice/opinion is totally biased by your emotion of the moment, regardless of what is reality.

 

Your emotions tend to paint people who you like at the moment as Gods or Goddesses, who can do no wrong. When you have a falling out with people, your opinion moves conversely, towards whatever negative perception that person is cast in, demonized horns and all. This is what I question and have issues with. To me this results in a lack of civil distance.