How can I let Him Know i'm interested?

[dcgirl33]

No, Darren. I didn’t call either of those. I didn’t call anywhere really. For reasons that are my own, I afraid I'm going to have to strongly object to the over-night thing. Would you like to do something else, if you don’t want to drive there and back in the same day?

Jane

 

His Reply.....

 

No, Jane. I really want to see the Caverns. We can leave very early Saturday morning to get there by 9am. I can rest in the motel in the afternoon and be ready to drive back by 5 or 6pm.

 

Darren

[2sunny]

His Reply.....

[sIZE=2]

No, Jane. I really want to see the Caverns. We can leave very early Saturday morning to get there by 9am. I can rest in the motel in the afternoon and be ready to drive back by 5 or 6pm.

Darren

[/sIZE]

 

grrrr - when someone pushes me tooooo hard knowing that i've made myself clear - it makes me want to bail altogether.

 

that said-

 

tell him to go on for the day without you... Maybe add something like "this just isn't going to work for me."

[The Collector]

First I thought he was a wuss. Now I think he's scary.

[dcgirl33]

NO MOTEL! It's English!

 

JANE!

[DaisyBelle]

<< I don't have to hit a man over the head wiith the REAL Jane right off the bat. Some things are negotiable. I wouldn't want anyone that doesn't bend from their original position ever. I'm flexiable on some things. I stick to the real stuff, however. >>

 

Huh? I have no idea what that all means. Sounds like you're trying to convince yourself his behavior is acceptable, IMHO.

 

It seems there is a tendency here to get caught up in what you WANT him to be, not what he IS. And so far, in the brief, brief time you've known him, he's (in your own words) "made you" lie, overridden your objections twice, shown controlling tendencies (e.g., the intial "call the hotels" and the follow up "did you call this one? I did and it's available"), and possibly some manipulative ones (e.g., asking you to drive when he's aware you don't drive, etc.). I'm just pointing out patterns that are emerging already. I don't know the guy. He might be having an off week and really be Prince Charming. But I go with Maya Angelou on this one: When somebody shows you who they are, believe them.

 

I know it's easy to be smitten with an image of what you want someone to be. (Sh_t, I've done it!) But it's not taking a whole lot of archaeological digging here to see a pattern of control from his end. Again, maybe it's an off week for him. Maybe he's so damn nervous around you that he's acting macho. But if your response to this continues to be to lie or capitulate instead of honestly establishing your parameters, you're setting the stage for him to continue this behavior.

 

I've said this before and I'll say it again: I hope I'm wrong. But there are - ahoy! - red flags pasted all over this guy.

[2sunny]

NO MOTEL! It's English!

 

JANE!

 

oh my! well that's being perfectly clear! :lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao:

 

let's see how he responds... yikes!

 

IMO he is acting a bit spoiled and like a child wanting to just get his way. stand your ground honey, you are doing fine.

[Lucky_One]

He needs to be told firmly what your boundaries are. And you did.

 

And he STILL insisted on something that you were firm and straight forward on.

 

Something is OFF here.

 

You fall on the ground, and he walks over you and leaves.

 

My KID gives a hand up to his opponents on the soccer field when he knocks them over, and he is aggressive in his game yet keeps a line between the game and his belief in his own actions. You give a good clean tackle in an all-out attempt to score, but you always check on the well-being of the person you interact with.

 

This guy is attempting to score, but there aren't good clean tackles here. And your well-being is not his primary (or secondary) concern.

[dcgirl33]

[sIZE=2]Jane,

I was just teasing you. I knew what you meant. We will go there and back Saturday unless…..YOU want to rest in a motel.

Who are you trying to fool anyway? We both know you want to get me alone. What about your hand on my leg last night?

Did I scream and run or tell you that I strongly object? Well, I did. I was that close to calling the cops on you. So let's everyone

take it easy and have a nice time Saturday.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXO,

Darren

[/sIZE]

[2sunny]

[sIZE=2]Jane,

I was just teasing you. I knew what you meant. We will go there and back Saturday unless…..YOU want to rest in a motel.

Who are you trying to fool anyway? We both know you want to get me alone. What about your hand on my leg last night?

Did I scream and run or tell you that I strongly object? Well, I did. I was that close to calling the cops on you. So let's everyone

take it easy and have a nice time Saturday.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXO,

Darren

[/sIZE]

 

oh no... he's bordering on creepy now.

 

i was really excited originally - but something is a bit "off"

 

dc - what is your take on all this at the moment?

[DaisyBelle]

<< He needs to be told firmly what your boundaries are. And you did. And he STILL insisted on something that you were firm and straight forward on. Something is OFF here. >>

 

::high fiving Lucky One:: Uh-huh.

 

And the latest email?! Are you friggin' kidding me?! Run, Jane, run like the wind!

[rod_in_gtown]

Jane,

I was just teasing you. I knew what you meant. We will go there and back Saturday unless…..YOU want to rest in a motel.

Who are you trying to fool anyway? We both know you want to get me alone. What about your hand on my leg last night?

Did I scream and run or tell you that I strongly object? Well, I did. I was that close to calling the cops on you. So let's everyone

take it easy and have a nice time Saturday.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXO,

Darren

 

Ok, THAT was funny

[DaisyBelle]

PS-productivity has plummeted in DC as all we local folk watch this unfold and post on LS!

[rod_in_gtown]

PS-productivity has plummeted in DC as all we local folk watch this unfold and post on LS!

 

I was thinking the exact same thing... I need to focus on my work

[dcgirl33]

oh no... he's bordering on creepy now.

 

i was really excited originally - but something is a bit "off"

 

dc - what is your take on all this at the moment?

 

 

He's a jokester. I think he was just pulling my leg like he said.

You guys made me make a fool out of myself with that NO MOTEL line.

[Lucky_One]

Look at yourself.

 

1 - He won't talk to you after he claims he "lost money" for months waiting and watching you on the Metro.l You have to make the first move. You say he is a wuss.

2 - You call and hang up when he answers. He calls insistently until you answer. You say that now you know he is not a player.

3 - First meeting. He SUCKS your fingers in a restaurant. He steps over you and doesn't help you up nor inquires if you are ok, after you fall down after he kisses you. You realize he is not such a wuss.

4 - He insists you bring your child to his place, after you emphatically say you will not introduce your son to anyone yet, and after you tell him "No Thank You". You do it anyway, on a school night, with a ADHD kindergartener.

5 - He insists you stay in a hotel for a short day trip. He tells YOU to make the arrangements. You lie "but he is forcing you to lie". He calls you on your lie, but you don't like it that he is calling you a liar (and you are one). He tells you that the oh-so-quaint-and-cheap motel is free. You tell him in a straightforward manner that you won't spend the night. He replies that Oh Yes You Will. You reply NO HOTEL! He comes back with the most passive-aggressive thing he can possibly say - oh you know you want it, and I was ONLY kidding.

 

This guy has issues. Big control issues. And a fabulous way of turning the blame on you.

 

It's all your fault, Jane; you made him behave like that. And don't you forget it.

[DaisyBelle]

So he "made you" lie and we "made you" say no about the motel? I thought you were an independent woman whom no one forces into anything? At the very least, please acknowledge these moves are your own and only your own.

 

You seem to really, really want this guy to be what you think he is. Personally, I wouldn't want to be treated like that but we all have different thresholds. I'm seeing a lot of words that are at variance with actions, on both of your parts.

[dcgirl33]

You asked for it and you got it ba$tards. He just called me and said he MAY have to work this Saturday. The FEDS don’t work on Saturday!

 

He thinks I'm ignorant now because of you all pressured me into sending him that junk about NO MOTEL when he was only kidding with the second email.

 

All of ya'll need to take a good look at yourselves and try to figure out why you did this.

[DaisyBelle]

What? Why is this what "we" did? You asked for advice here, we gave it, and you were free to do what you wanted, as the independent woman you repeatedly claim you are. I'm not following you here, Jane - what do you mean, what we did? Huh?

[IfWishesWereHorses]

If he has to work on Saturday, then its because you didn't want to get the motel, not because he was joking around. Besides, who is to say that he WAS joking around and not just trying to save face????

 

And as a strong woman who can take care of herself, how are you pressured by complete strangers on a forum? Please tell me you are kidding!

[2sunny]

You asked for it and you got it ba$tards. He just called me and said he MAY have to work this Saturday. The FEDS don’t work on Saturday!

 

He thinks I'm ignorant now because of you all pressured me into sending him that junk about NO MOTEL when he was only kidding with the second email.

 

All of ya'll need to take a good look at yourselves and try to figure out why you did this.

 

we pressured you? we did this?

 

i'm wondering where the level headed, strong, independent woman went? the one that always made the right decisions and didn't compromise her integrity????

 

i'm thinking troll at the moment! have a good weekend - by yourself! and be grateful that mr. controlling is seen for what he actually is... as for you? i'm sure you are not even sure of what or who you are anymore...

 

ps - and isn't it interesting that he bails as soon as he understands clearly that he's not gonna get laid saturday. hmmmm

 

i bet money she reconsiders the motel just to keep him now...

[Lucky_One]

Anyone want to take bets on why she hasn't been laid in 6 years?

[DaisyBelle]

<<i bet money she reconsiders the motel just to keep him now...>>

 

Playing right into his psycho hands. Then there will be self-justifying posts.

 

We all know how this whole thing ends.

[2sunny]

<<i bet money she reconsiders the motel just to keep him now...>>

 

Playing right into his psycho hands. Then there will be self-justifying posts.

 

We all know how this whole thing ends.

 

ya - with the troll running off to hide now that she has been found out!

[rod_in_gtown]

You asked for it and you got it ba$tards. He just called me and said he MAY have to work this Saturday. The FEDS don’t work on Saturday!

 

He thinks I'm ignorant now because of you all pressured me into sending him that junk about NO MOTEL when he was only kidding with the second email.

 

All of ya'll need to take a good look at yourselves and try to figure out why you did this.

 

DoD works in shifts. they don't really ever close.

[dcgirl33]

we pressured you? we did this?

 

ps - and isn't it interesting that he bails as soon as he understands clearly that he's not gonna get laid saturday. hmmmm

 

i bet money she reconsiders the motel just to keep him now...

 

 

Daisy, Sunny and Horsey - At this point, I may just have to go to his house tonight at midnight wearing only a slip. I am going to get him back however. You can count on that. He's not a creep or controlling. He's a Lawyer for God sakes. You don't get to be General Counsel for an Armed Forces command by being passive. Of course, he's persuasive and aggressive. He's not over bearing, however. He's actually quite funny and easy going. I like him. I'm going to call him and fix this mess you all made shortly.