I Cheated Today

[InLimbo2]

Know much about date-rape? her reaction is pretty much text book

 

 

oh, yes i just read the EXTRA "pity me" details.. sounds like a load of bS to me. if it was rape, she wouldn't have even made the original post (makes ABSOLUTELY NO SENSE)-- sounds like a kid to me honestly.

[MrsHellnofires]

Know much about date-rape? her reaction is pretty much text book

 

BTW, did she say "NO" before he started intercourse!?? it's always rape when there is guilt involved.. this is pathetic. out of her own free will, she was able to STOP IT and she EVENTUALLY did and left... thats not rape.

 

and what are you insinuating? SHE WAS DRUGGED? she herself said she cannot handle liquor but drank anyways. irresponsible girl.

 

those are serious charges. she was so drugged, she was able to get up and leave the house though.. ok... wonder how she got home too!!!

[InLimbo2]

just one little tidbit:

 

The percentage of survivors reporting the rape is so low for several reasons. Self-blame is a recurring response which prevents disclosure. Even if the act has been conceived as rape by the survivor, there is often an accompanying guilt about not seeing the sexual assault coming before it was too late. This is often directly or indirectly reinforced by the reactions of family or friends in the form of questioning the survivor's decisions to drink during a date or to invite the assailant back to their apartment, provocative behavior, or previous sexual relations. People normally relied upon for support by the survivor are not immune to subtly blaming the victim.

 

http://www.aaets.org/article13.htm

[InLimbo2]

Actually you are wrong. Many courts have held that if you take advantage of a person who is so impaired they can not give true consent - it's rape.

 

Did you even read what she wrote? She was sleeping - she woke up to him in the bed with her, rubbing her back, and putting his penis inside her and she snapped to and got out of there. Because she was able to get him to stop and her get out makes it not rape???

 

Unfortunately many times the victim is so drunk they don't come to and get out and the act is completed. You think this is bull? There are websites that post videos of exactly this - a girl so trashed or drugged she can't possibly consent and then a group of guys run a train on her. It's still rape - even legally too.

 

And yes - it is possible that she was given a dose of date rape drug - as fast as the drink hit her, the vomiting, and passing out.

 

 

BTW, did she say "NO" before he started intercourse!?? it's always rape when there is guilt involved.. this is pathetic. out of her own free will, she was able to STOP IT and she EVENTUALLY did and left... thats not rape.

 

and what are you insinuating? SHE WAS DRUGGED? she herself said she cannot handle liquor but drank anyways. irresponsible girl.

 

those are serious charges. she was so drugged, she was able to get up and leave the house though.. ok... wonder how she got home too!!!

[InLimbo2]

No wonder rape victims don't report. You should be ashamed of yourself - but of course you aren't.

 

 

wow.. that means that EVERY DRUNK WOMAN who has sex IS RAPED NOW! its only for the courts to decide what impairment is considered enough to constitute rape! nice to know!

this is the truth- you were not there- to say she is raped is very presumptuous and serious to even start accusations.

 

and yet through all that sickness, the brother's sister ABANDONED her there... nowhere to be found. sorry makes no sense at all.

anyways, keep defending a troll... im out.

 

p.s.

its also possible she was given nothing but liquor.. people vomit and pass out on liquor too.. especially from someone who has a history of not handling liquor well. but its ok.. she apparently became "undrugged" all of a sudden when she got up and somehow got herself

home!

and it's also COMMON when people are in a relationship to try and deflect blame. this is exactly what she did when she saw everyone coming down her throat and i bet to hell she'll make the same act in front of her husband. "i didnt realize it was happening".. but she was awake enough to stop him after a couple times.. somehow she knew how many times he stroked her too!

[soda]

No wonder rape victims don't report. You should be ashamed of yourself - but of course you aren't.

 

Mrshellnofires makes a good point. I'm not questioning OP's story. I wasn't there, and I've been fortunate not to experience being a rape victim. I have kids and I would give my life to keep them from going through that horrible experience.

 

However...I'm jaded enough by what I've experienced with women to wonder about everything. I will admit that I read OP's story with some doubts. I wasn't sure that I wasn't being used to test a fictional tale. But I would like to think that OP isn't evil enough to spin something like this. I like people or I wouldn't be here.

 

OP -- I encourage you to contact the police with the truth. If you were raped, you need to protect others because he will rape again. I wish this crime on no one. There are fantastic resouces out there who will and can help you through this crisis.

 

No matter what the truth is, I am deeply saddened. Some things have a permanent effect. I'm a pretty miserable place in my own life, but the main thought that keeps me going is that most people are good. I'm going to bed tonight wondering if I'm just stupid.

[Shygirl15]

Oh, please. This is way far from a rape incident. OP was indeed attracted to this man and wanted to have sex with him. This alcohol business was just a catalyst. She's a grown up woman so let's not act as if she's a victim here.

 

I still don't blame her. Such mistakes do happen in a marriage all the time. Who knows what her husband has been up to, maybe he's just wise enough to shut the fu$ck up. Let's be real, five years is a long time making love to the same person everyday, people.

 

She just needs to make sure it doesn't happen again and move on. And no confessions, please. Thanks.

[InLimbo2]

I too have become jaded enough to wonder about people, and to know some women lie. However, there's no reason here to doubt her story - and if I have to fall towards one side of the fence, I choose to make it the side that doesn't inflict more damage if she is telling the truth.

 

 

Mrshellnofires makes a good point. I'm not questioning OP's story. I wasn't there, and I've been fortunate not to experience being a rape victim. I have kids and I would give my life to keep them from going through that horrible experience.

 

However...I'm jaded enough by what I've experienced with women to wonder about everything. I will admit that I read OP's story with some doubts. I wasn't sure that I wasn't being used to test a fictional tale. But I would like to think that OP isn't evil enough to spin something like this. I like people or I wouldn't be here.

 

OP -- I encourage you to contact the police with the truth. If you were raped, you need to protect others because he will rape again. I wish this crime on no one. There are fantastic resouces out there who will and can help you through this crisis.

 

No matter what the truth is, I am deeply saddened. Some things have a permanent effect. I'm a pretty miserable place in my own life, but the main thought that keeps me going is that most people are good. I'm going to bed tonight wondering if I'm just stupid.

[carrot10]

I really, really hope this never happens to anyone else on this board. Think about it. She got drunk (possibly something put in her drink) she threw up and passed out. I don't know about any of you, but have you ever wanted to have sex after that? The guy got on top of her when she was out of it. She wanted that to happen? Don't you think if she was going to have sex with him, she would have done more than that? When she realized what was happening, she got up. So f'n what if she was drunk-the guy raped her. She seems like a very sweet woman and now thinks its her fault. Terrible situation.

[Lookingforward]

No wonder rape victims don't report. You should be ashamed of yourself - but of course you aren't.

 

To be fair to previous posters, if you read the original post NOTHING was mentioned about her being passed out, or drugged OR raped............ that conveniently came later

 

You can't blame us for being cynical

[Angel1111]

I don't want to think that he would drug me...I texted him asking why he was in the bed in the guest bedroom! He said he was just checking on me. I told him that just checking on me. He did not have to get in the bed to do so. I have not heard back. I don't want to think that he took advange of me. It's like all the post say, I am an married adult that should have not been there and more so, I should not have started to drink. I needed to stick to my guns and so I have no one else to blame but myself. I just can't belive that I was so stuiped! I can't not belive that I cheated now! We made it through college and I really thought that since we were not older and settled that nothing like this could happen and it's killing me that I ruined it!

 

You've known this guy for years so there's no reason that you shouldn't have been there or that you should've felt a need for caution. Even if you don't handle alcohol well, I'm sure you had no idea you would get that sick. Please stop saying that you cheated. That's not what you did if this guy took advantage of you. It's amazing that you had the presence of mind to stop him when you did.

 

I totally understand about drinking - one drink can make me fuzzy very quickly. But,one time I had a terrible reaction to a drink like you did. I was at a friend's house. I did wonder what on earth they had done to the drink and I was a little pissed with them until another friend cleared it up for me. I was taking diet pills at the time and my friend said that they do not mix with alcohol at all. So, if you're taking any kind of drugs - allergy, diet, whatever, that could've contributed to it also.

 

Whatever the reason, this guy should not have done what he did. It's not really important but I'm sure you realize that once you tell your husband about this, your friendship with this guy is over forever.

[Angel1111]

This is what you say to someone that appears to have been raped? Possibly even drugged and raped.

 

I hope OP gets professional help and never ever comes back here to relive hours and hours of her being trashed and then told that she needs to be forgiven by her husband for being raped or that she probably liked him in some way and might have dated him if she was single. I hope some people on this board finally come to realize that words typed on a board can do some serious damage to real living breathing people who are already in pain and vulnerable.

 

I keep trying to get that point across, too, but certain people just don't seem to get it.

[Angel1111]

oh, yes i just read the EXTRA "pity me" details.. sounds like a load of bS to me. if it was rape, she wouldn't have even made the original post (makes ABSOLUTELY NO SENSE)-- sounds like a kid to me honestly.

 

I would suggest that if you don't believe the post and choose to bash people on this board, it would really be best if you'd not say anything. You've got to consider that the person who's posting is most likely telling the truth and, in this case if she is, your posts are extremely hurtful to someone who is already hurting. If you want to carry that responsibility, then I guess that's your choice. But it really serves no purpose, and no one is really that impressed with the cynicism.

 

Yes, there's always that possibility that people post complete lies. But does it really matter? I mean, you'll never know for sure but I'm guessing that the majority of the people who come here are in true crisis and don't know where else to turn. It's a total betrayal to them when people are mean to them. And for the ones who aren't telling the truth, they're a non-issue. I choose to give people the benefit of the doubt. If I'm wrong, so what? I gave advice to a liar. Big deal. But if I'm right in giving them the benefit of doubt, then hopefully I've helped someone.

 

Please think about it before you hurt someone here in the future. It really has a huge impact, whether you realize it or not.

[Angel1111]

To be fair to previous posters, if you read the original post NOTHING was mentioned about her being passed out, or drugged OR raped............ that conveniently came later

 

You can't blame us for being cynical

 

I agree that this information was critical and should've been included in her original story, and it does raise doubts. But, it doesn't do any good for others to bash her (not referring to you).

[Trialbyfire]

I agree that this information was critical and should've been included in her original story, and it does raise doubts. But, it doesn't do any good for others to bash her (not referring to you).

This is the beauty of LS, multiple opinions. Let it be. The OP is fully aware of what happened.

[shadowplay]

If you do it once you will do it again............................

 

That is a likely possibility. Once you cross that invisible moral line, it's all too easy to cross again. It's not so much about what kind of person would cheat, but how much easier it becomes once you've already defiled the relationship in your heart.

 

Don't tell your husband. Just make sure you never the same mistake.

[shadowplay]

I can't make up my mind about it. One side of me says to tell him because he deserves the option to leave you if he wants to. You committed the deed you can suffer the consequences of your actions and be accountable for it.

The other side of me says if you think that he would not leave then don't tell him. Why should he have to suffer for your actions. You should keep that monkey on your back alone.

What I do know is cheating does not happen over night this was NOT something that you just stumbled on. Something is either going on with you or your marriage and you need to figure out what that is and fix it.

 

Either that or she just has poor self control. Some cheaters are happy in their marriages and decent people, but very impulsive.

[Shygirl15]

Let's all refer to the title of her thread.... I don't see the word 'raped' anywhere..

[Woggle]

Tell him and let him make the choice whether he wants to stay or not. If he leaves you then that is what happens when you betray the person you claim to love.

[NatoPMT]

im kinda thinking that there may have been no drugging involved as he stopped when asked - but that partially depends on the strength of the 'stop' reaction from ifeelbad - i have been drugged and my friend was raped but i wasnt, i had a pretty strong 'get off me' reaction and i half hit him, and he clearly thought i wasnt pliable enough to go along with things - part of the ghb or drug rape reaction is lowered inhibitions and inability to say no as you arent fully there so to speak.

 

and drink is the most commonly used date rape drug

 

i do think that there is definate advantage taking evident in the information given. but i think the fact he stopped might negate evidence for rape - but im no laywer

 

sorry youre in this position ifeelbad

[woods321]

The guy was a really good friend that I knew liked me but I have always made it very clear I was married.

 

 

Why on Earth is a married woman going to a mans home who she KNEW liked her, to drink and watch movies? Then she goes lay down in one of the beds!

 

Why are so many women on this thread making excuses, calling the guy a rapist, and even inventing that he drugged her.

 

I wonder if a man would get so much sympathy... "i was drinking at this girls house who I knew liked me. I went to lay down in a bed. Then I noticed she was touching me and before I knew it she was riding me"

[NatoPMT]

Why on Earth is a married woman going to a mans home who she KNEW liked her, to drink and watch movies? Then she goes lay down in one of the beds!

 

Why are so many women on this thread making excuses, calling the guy a rapist, and even inventing that he drugged her.

 

I wonder if a man would get so much sympathy... "i was drinking at this girls house who I knew liked me. I went to lay down in a bed. Then I noticed she was touching me and before I knew it she was riding me"

 

im not calling him a rapist personally, im saying he took advantage of her. but just to clarify, is your first sentence implying that she was inviting his attention? or reciprocal? or just ill advised?

 

it seems clear to me that advantage was taken - it doesn't seem clear to me that she was raped. i dont know the legal difference between the 2, but i do know that if you are drunk (not sure to what point), you can't legally consent to sex (in the UK)

 

I understand responsibility for your actions, and the fact that certain situations you would be wise to avoid. Just as a woman walking down the street doesnt ask for cat calls, or being followed, or worse being attacked, you should be able to do what you want when you want without fear of inappropriate or aggressive advances. We all know thats not the reality and that if you walk home on your own at 2am, you could be putting yourself in danger.

[woods321]

Big belm.. There is a difference.

 

 

What if your husband decided to go to a womans home who he knows "likes him" to drink and watch movies without telling you? Is that acceptable?

 

He then goes to lie down in a bedroom, says he drank too much, and she was on top of him. Wuld you be mad at the woman and forgiving of your hubby?

 

What was she doing there?

 

And I am not stupid. That does not mean she can be raped. So I am not saying that.

 

It seems to me like she was pretty open to the idea of cheating. She is also 30, not 16.

[Shygirl15]

Why on Earth is a married woman going to a mans home who she KNEW liked her, to drink and watch movies? Then she goes lay down in one of the beds!

 

Why are so many women on this thread making excuses, calling the guy a rapist, and even inventing that he drugged her.

 

I wonder if a man would get so much sympathy... "i was drinking at this girls house who I knew liked me. I went to lay down in a bed. Then I noticed she was touching me and before I knew it she was riding me"

 

Thank you.

 

I'm so very suprised the way this story got all twisted into a rape and drugged incident. OP herself has taken full responsibility for her actions, so I don't understand why some of us are trying to find excuses for her behaviour.

[Walk]

Ifeelbad, please talk to a professional about what happened. You won't get solid unbiased advice in the cheater forum. You need someone who isn't going to judge you or push you into the mud for this.

 

Good luck. For what it's worth... I think you trusted the wrong guy, but your culpibility for what happened ended there. You weren't responsible for him raping you.