Trialbyfire Posted July 20, 2008 Share Posted July 20, 2008 You're making no sense. If this was a case of rape, you need to tell your husband. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted July 20, 2008 Share Posted July 20, 2008 I don't know, I am scared! I don't know how to start this conversation. Go to your husband and say: "Husband, this is what happened. I was at xyz's house and had a drink. I got sick and passed out. When I woke up, this is what happened." Let your husband process all of this. The sooner you do it, the better for your marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted July 20, 2008 Share Posted July 20, 2008 You trusted him because he is your friends brother. Though, you knew he liked you..And you always made it clear to him that you are married and not interested in him. He KNOWS this, yet he still pursued you - AT YOUR WORST. That is just so wrong.. I know you don't want to think that he drugged you but it IS a possibility. I don't get this part though - You thought you would sip but you didn't. Meaning that you gulped it down? Did he encourage you to drink it faster or something? Just curious. This guy is SCUM. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted July 20, 2008 Share Posted July 20, 2008 I don't know, I am scared! I don't know how to start this conversation. You tell your husband exactly what you posted here, how this happened, how he and your so-called friend kept asking you if you wanted a drink when they both knew you didn't drink. Be honest, speak from your heart. I believe you didn't mean for this to happen, one drink, I'm sure the last thing on your mind was letting this happen. But it did. See, don't you find it ODD that HE checked on you and NOT his sister? You should ask her how she was feeling that night. If she threw up and felt groggy as well... Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted July 20, 2008 Share Posted July 20, 2008 I'm going to ask you a tough question - No judgement here, just an honest question. Do you like him back? I mean, if you weren't married, would you date this guy? Is that a reason why you don't want to tell your H, even though from what you've described it sounds like date-rape.. Link to post Share on other sites
InLimbo2 Posted July 20, 2008 Share Posted July 20, 2008 I said that in general not specific to this place. You are making assumptions again - she never said she was in a bar - and you think that totally trashed people don't mess around or get laid???? You can get married at 18, I did - I sure didn't know my limits - I found out in my 20's after I drove drunk my one and only time. I have a close friend at work who never took a drink or had sex until she was married at age 23 - she didn't know her limits then either. Being married or old enough to be married has zilch to do with it. And sometimes a f*ck is just a f*ck and it has no great meaning or need for inItrospection. Tell that to her husband. Look if she had one drink and then had time to leave the bar, go to a private place, mess around and eventually have sex it is highly unlikely that she was that drunk. Sorry you feel otherwise but thats the plane simple truth and a woman who is old enough to be married knows her limits. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ifeelbad Posted July 20, 2008 Author Share Posted July 20, 2008 I'm going to ask you a tough question - No judgement here, just an honest question. Do you like him back? I mean, if you weren't married, would you date this guy? Is that a reason why you don't want to tell your H, even though from what you've described it sounds like date-rape.. No not at all. He has liked me before I was married and i have never been attacted to him. He's not my type of guy. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted July 20, 2008 Share Posted July 20, 2008 No not at all. He has liked me before I was married and i have never been attacted to him. He's not my type of guy. If this is the case, why won't you tell your husband about what happened. It's very straight forward based on what you've written. Link to post Share on other sites
InLimbo2 Posted July 20, 2008 Share Posted July 20, 2008 BTW, you put part of someone else's post inside mine - just to clarify. Where did I said it justified affairs? I posted in response to the overwhelming belief that people can't get drunk on one drink or that people who are drunk never do things they shouldn't do or wouldn't do when sober. I did say - in relation to generalities and not this poster - that many people see sex as sex and separate from love. I disagree that she should tell him if what she said in first post stands - she made a terrible mistake and won't do it again and to tell her husband only compounds the mistake. You honeslty think that justifies married people having affairs? I doubt her husband shared this point of view and this was his marriage to and he has the right to know whats going on in it Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted July 20, 2008 Share Posted July 20, 2008 Ok... Well, have you spoken to your friend about how she felt that night and the next day? Or has she called you to see how you are feeling? Do yourself a big favour now - Stop texting him. Don't talk to him anymore.. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted July 20, 2008 Share Posted July 20, 2008 Inlimbo, let it go...The OP is back and there's another issue at hand that needs more input. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ifeelbad Posted July 20, 2008 Author Share Posted July 20, 2008 You tell your husband exactly what you posted here, how this happened, how he and your so-called friend kept asking you if you wanted a drink when they both knew you didn't drink. Be honest, speak from your heart. I believe you didn't mean for this to happen, one drink, I'm sure the last thing on your mind was letting this happen. But it did. See, don't you find it ODD that HE checked on you and NOT his sister? You should ask her how she was feeling that night. If she threw up and felt groggy as well... I spoke to her today and asked when she left and she said, " I left about 30 mins after I went upstair. She said she did check on me and saw me sleeping and so she said she just went home thinking when I woke up I would go home. I did not tell her what happened between her brother and I. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted July 20, 2008 Share Posted July 20, 2008 I spoke to her today and asked when she left and she said, " I left about 30 mins after I went upstair. She said she did check on me and saw me sleeping and so she said she just went home thinking when I woke up I would go home. I did not tell her what happened between her brother and I. WTF? Sorry but this doesn't feel right. Or is it just me. I would NEVER leave my friend at my brothers house, knowing she wasn't feeling well, threw up upstairs and fell asleep. If anything, I'd sleepover as well, or take her home, or take her back to my house. She left you ALONE with her brother. I bet she knows how he feels for you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ifeelbad Posted July 20, 2008 Author Share Posted July 20, 2008 If this is the case, why won't you tell your husband about what happened. It's very straight forward based on what you've written. Scared! My husband's option is the only person's that matters. I could not stand it if he looked at me diffrently! I love the way my husband looks at me! This is silly but I love that I can see myself in his eyes. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted July 20, 2008 Share Posted July 20, 2008 Scared! My husband's option is the only person's that matters. I could not stand it if he looked at me diffrently! I love the way my husband looks at me! This is silly but I love that I can see myself in his eyes. There's no reason to be scared with the circumstances as written. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted July 20, 2008 Share Posted July 20, 2008 I love the way my husband looks at me! This is silly but I love that I can see myself in his eyes. And he will continue to feel that way, and look at you that way when you tell him how this happened and how this guy made moves on you while you weren't feeling well and was groggy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ifeelbad Posted July 20, 2008 Author Share Posted July 20, 2008 Whichway.... thank you! I am going to talk to my mom tomorrow and I am going to tell my husband after I speak to my mom. (mom's are the best and have special powers to make everything better) Then, I am going to tell him everything and pray that he forgives me! You are also right about getting off the board until I speak to my husband. You all have been great and I will sign on after I speakto my husband. Thank you ALL Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted July 20, 2008 Share Posted July 20, 2008 Good luck and try to get some rest. You're welcome. Yeah mom's do have special powers! And make excellent chicken noodle soup too. He will forgive you. Just tell him how this happened, just stop blaming yourself. Your friends brother is a scumbag! Together you can decide if you want to involve the police. Link to post Share on other sites
InLimbo2 Posted July 20, 2008 Share Posted July 20, 2008 From the sound of things, you have nothing that needs forgiving for - but most rape victims feel that way - guilty - that they did something to make it happen. I pray your mother tells you the same and suggests seeing a professional. Whichway.... thank you! I am going to talk to my mom tomorrow and I am going to tell my husband after I speak to my mom. (mom's are the best and have special powers to make everything better) Then, I am going to tell him everything and pray that he forgives me! You are also right about getting off the board until I speak to my husband. You all have been great and I will sign on after I speakto my husband. Thank you ALL Link to post Share on other sites
Bryanp Posted July 20, 2008 Share Posted July 20, 2008 From what you have written it sounds like your were raped and possibly drugged. I suggest that you consider filing a police report. How can you let him get away with this? You must tell your husband NOW! Link to post Share on other sites
MrsHellnofires Posted July 20, 2008 Share Posted July 20, 2008 time to dissolve this relationship with the friend. he's only thinking about his best interests and eventually you will complete the deed next time. do you keep him around to flatter yourself or something>? Link to post Share on other sites
MrsHellnofires Posted July 20, 2008 Share Posted July 20, 2008 No not at all. He has liked me before I was married and i have never been attacted to him. He's not my type of guy. didnt stop you from having sex with him Link to post Share on other sites
MrsHellnofires Posted July 20, 2008 Share Posted July 20, 2008 Actually no drinking problem...the opposite. I do not drink and "my friend" egged me on. I explained that I have not had a drink in over 2 years and he ordered one for me. and because he orders it, you HAVE to drink it. what happened to personal responsibility? he didnt put a gun to your head. Link to post Share on other sites
InLimbo2 Posted July 20, 2008 Share Posted July 20, 2008 This is what you say to someone that appears to have been raped? Possibly even drugged and raped. I hope OP gets professional help and never ever comes back here to relive hours and hours of her being trashed and then told that she needs to be forgiven by her husband for being raped or that she probably liked him in some way and might have dated him if she was single. I hope some people on this board finally come to realize that words typed on a board can do some serious damage to real living breathing people who are already in pain and vulnerable. time to dissolve this relationship with the friend. he's only thinking about his best interests and eventually you will complete the deed next time. do you keep him around to flatter yourself or something>? Link to post Share on other sites
MrsHellnofires Posted July 20, 2008 Share Posted July 20, 2008 This is what you say to someone that appears to have been raped? Possibly even drugged and raped. I hope OP gets professional help and never ever comes back here to relive hours and hours of her being trashed and then told that she needs to be forgiven by her husband for being raped or that she probably liked him in some way and might have dated him if she was single. I hope some people on this board finally come to realize that words typed on a board can do some serious damage to real living breathing people who are already in pain and vulnerable. oh, yes i just read the EXTRA "pity me" details.. sounds like a load of bS to me. if it was rape, she wouldn't have even made the original post (makes ABSOLUTELY NO SENSE)-- sounds like a kid to me honestly. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts