ahhhchooo Posted September 21, 2008 Share Posted September 21, 2008 Day 1, again. Finalised closure and asked she doesn't talk to me again. Removed her from facebook and myspace, deleted and blocked MSN (did this a long time ago), removed her number from my phone. Uploaded all our old IM histories/SMS histories/pictures onto a flash drive and deleted everything from my computer. Thrown everything in the back of a closet. Better remember to pick that up when I move. I'm keeping her dirty photos, might have the strength to delete those when I find someone new (as I did with my ex-ex). She emailed me with all this wishy washy crap. So here I am, day 1 again and feeling like junk. How did I go from having a great, carefree, fun life where I didn't need anyone... to staying home, pining over a girl I don't need, contacting noone and pouring my heart out onto a break-up coping forum? Link to post Share on other sites
nickelinadime Posted September 21, 2008 Share Posted September 21, 2008 I know exactly how you feel. Seems like I'm looking in a mirror. We said 4 or 5 final goodbyes. Honestly, saying everything on an internet forum and hoping someone actually read it, feels pretty good. It makes me feel some sort of clusure when people reply to my threads. I guess it makes me feel like someone else is going through it? Day 1 complete. Link to post Share on other sites
Intergalactic Posted September 21, 2008 Share Posted September 21, 2008 still on day 5, technically, although it's 9pm so almost day 6. thought i'd write and say, for the first time since THE GOODBYE, i saw him on msn. i signed online - why? i have no idea. i didn't want him to talk to me, but i kind of did. i didn't want to talk to him, but i kind of did. i typed a message, stared at the message for over 10 minutes, then closed the conversation instead of sending the message. he didn't say anything to me. i know i asked him not to contact me and he hasn't, and i'm half glad because of that but i keep having doubts and thinking he's just forgotten about me. ahhhhhhhhh that would be horrible, holy **** why do i love him so much and what the **** why can't i just have him WHY CAN'T I JUST HAVE WHAT I WANT????????? freak out over, i just want the next 6 months to be gone and i posted this here because i like this thread the best, it's comforting knowing other people are doing this at the same time as me Link to post Share on other sites
treeluva Posted September 21, 2008 Share Posted September 21, 2008 9 days of no contact. Some days it doesnt bother me. Other days it is hard. There are times I really want to call him. But I wont. Mainly because right now he is at the FBI Academy and I know he is already stressed to the max and bringing more stress to him is not going to be productive at all. All it will do is push him even further away which will only hurt me more in the long run. Better for me to believe that he is really busy with the Academy and dealing with the stress of that than to think he just doesn't give a poop about me. *sigh* Link to post Share on other sites
EmperorR Posted September 21, 2008 Share Posted September 21, 2008 still on day 5, technically, although it's 9pm so almost day 6. thought i'd write and say, for the first time since THE GOODBYE, i saw him on msn. i signed online - why? i have no idea. i didn't want him to talk to me, but i kind of did. i didn't want to talk to him, but i kind of did. i typed a message, stared at the message for over 10 minutes, then closed the conversation instead of sending the message. he didn't say anything to me. i know i asked him not to contact me and he hasn't, and i'm half glad because of that but i keep having doubts and thinking he's just forgotten about me. ahhhhhhhhh that would be horrible, holy **** why do i love him so much and what the **** why can't i just have him WHY CAN'T I JUST HAVE WHAT I WANT????????? freak out over, i just want the next 6 months to be gone and i posted this here because i like this thread the best, it's comforting knowing other people are doing this at the same time as me i changed my msn and yahoo, and aol etc. threw the passwords in a box and put them on top of a closet lol Link to post Share on other sites
Teacher's Pet Posted September 21, 2008 Share Posted September 21, 2008 51 days. ARE YOU KIDDING ME???????????? I totally missed the 50th day. Oh well. Guess I'll catch 100 when it comes around. Don't feel bad... I was counting days until about the 6 MONTH mark... It's well over 2 years for me now..... all I really remember about her was how awesome the sex was... but... heck..... That can easily be replaced. -tp aka "Johnny Jackhammer" Link to post Share on other sites
nickelinadime Posted September 21, 2008 Share Posted September 21, 2008 Almost 2 days in the books. I feel more lonely than I ever have. Link to post Share on other sites
BackonTrack Posted September 21, 2008 Share Posted September 21, 2008 i just did the math about 171 days exactly. i still remember her, the sex was amazing. i want to forget her now though, she just caused a whole lot of hurt. another 6 months and I'm in the clear. on the upside, i'm tired of being alone. i think its time i found someone new. Link to post Share on other sites
nickelinadime Posted September 21, 2008 Share Posted September 21, 2008 Back to zero... but! Because of our conversation I give less of a **** now than ever before. Good ****ing ridance. Link to post Share on other sites
EmperorR Posted September 21, 2008 Share Posted September 21, 2008 1 day im so weak Link to post Share on other sites
nickelinadime Posted September 21, 2008 Share Posted September 21, 2008 I'm aiming for at least two weeks this time. It hasn't gone past 4 days without her opening conversation yet. Link to post Share on other sites
SarahRose Posted September 21, 2008 Share Posted September 21, 2008 I was up to 4 days but realized we hadn't given our stuff back so I did that last night so back to 0 for now. Link to post Share on other sites
Melrapuo Posted September 21, 2008 Share Posted September 21, 2008 People haven't talked to me much about it, but someone at a party last night told me she'll come back. WTF...I hate when people tell me those things, especially when I'm letting go. Every day is getting easier though, haven't heard anything about her in a while, and I'm not looking. However, hope she's well and happy. Link to post Share on other sites
nickelinadime Posted September 21, 2008 Share Posted September 21, 2008 I'm going to be so happy when I can finally say a total more than 2 or 3 days. Link to post Share on other sites
Eve Posted September 21, 2008 Share Posted September 21, 2008 I am posting this purely so that it may help others. About 17 years ago I had a relatonship with a man who I adored. Oh, the connection was just too deep! I found out within around three month point that he was still with his girlfriend and at the time we were seeing each other she was having a termination (their third child). I was so mad when I found out that I actually walked to where he lived and confronted him. His partner was there and she called me quite a few derogatory names. I ignored this because I knew that I could not physcially fight her because of her very recent operation and also I could understand that she was angry. I told him there and then that I would never speak to him again as long as I lived. Which was quite a big statement. I went home, crying along the way but stuck to my statement. He tried calling me, coming around to my home, bothering me in the street but I kept up my armour until he faded from my memory. Yes the sex was good. Yes I enjoyed his company but I knew that if he could do that to his partner of many years at SUCH a vulnerable time.. well he was not the one for me. I became yet more choosy after this experience and stayed on my own for a while and now I can report that I am happily married with someone trustworthy and so gorgeous! So hold out people... hold out until you get the ultimate partner and not some hand me down idiot who really is not worth the time and effort. Link to post Share on other sites
ahhhchooo Posted September 21, 2008 Share Posted September 21, 2008 Day 2 and I'm going to stop checking for any kind of contact. Delete any emails I receive without reading them. Have been strong so far today and am not going to concern myself with her anymore. Her true colours aren't so great. Link to post Share on other sites
tealeafbud Posted September 22, 2008 Share Posted September 22, 2008 I am posting this purely so that it may help others. About 17 years ago I had a relatonship with a man who I adored. Oh, the connection was just too deep! I found out within around three month point that he was still with his girlfriend and at the time we were seeing each other she was having a termination (their third child). I was so mad when I found out that I actually walked to where he lived and confronted him. His partner was there and she called me quite a few derogatory names. I ignored this because I knew that I could not physcially fight her because of her very recent operation and also I could understand that she was angry. I told him there and then that I would never speak to him again as long as I lived. Which was quite a big statement. I went home, crying along the way but stuck to my statement. He tried calling me, coming around to my home, bothering me in the street but I kept up my armour until he faded from my memory. Yes the sex was good. Yes I enjoyed his company but I knew that if he could do that to his partner of many years at SUCH a vulnerable time.. well he was not the one for me. I became yet more choosy after this experience and stayed on my own for a while and now I can report that I am happily married with someone trustworthy and so gorgeous! So hold out people... hold out until you get the ultimate partner and not some hand me down idiot who really is not worth the time and effort. Thanks Eve for the inspirational story. It personally gives me hope that I will find someone who will love me as much as my ex did. It's great that you stuck to NC because I know how hard a struggle it is to stay NC. btw, my NC count is 53. Link to post Share on other sites
SadShamrock Posted September 22, 2008 Share Posted September 22, 2008 You know. Maybe I need a little help like this. Ok, my NC has been 55 minutes. Now starts the fight to win myself back from him. Link to post Share on other sites
nickelinadime Posted September 22, 2008 Share Posted September 22, 2008 You know. Maybe I need a little help like this. Ok, my NC has been 55 minutes. Now starts the fight to win myself back from him. Sounds like the fight I'm going through. Mine's at like two hours right now after a few sets of 2 days and then getting contacted by her. ****. Link to post Share on other sites
Intergalactic Posted September 22, 2008 Share Posted September 22, 2008 i changed my msn and yahoo, and aol etc. threw the passwords in a box and put them on top of a closet lol i made a promise to him that i wouldn't block or delete him, nor change any of my instant messenger things. so that one day we can get back in touch. that was our "compromise". i don't really want to delete him anyway. he didn't do anything wrong, didn't cheat or anything. just couldn't handle the relationship and subsequently "fell out of love" with me. i want to give it a year, nc, then see him again and make him love me again. THEN TURN HIM DOWN. i know it's spiteful but i'm seriously considering that last part. anyway, 6 days nc. not getting easier. Link to post Share on other sites
nickelinadime Posted September 22, 2008 Share Posted September 22, 2008 She took the bus today, even though she told me in our no contact agreement that she'd take a different one. I didn't talk to her. I tried to avoid eye contact, but we made it once. She was crying. Day 1 complete. Link to post Share on other sites
nickelinadime Posted September 23, 2008 Share Posted September 23, 2008 God ****ing damnit! Is it so much to ask for more than 24 hours without you contacting me? Link to post Share on other sites
Intergalactic Posted September 23, 2008 Share Posted September 23, 2008 one week!! goddamn i made it a week and i am so proud of myself, i haven't gone one week without him in the 2 and a half years we've known each other. i'm doing something good for myself today. Link to post Share on other sites
ahhhchooo Posted September 23, 2008 Share Posted September 23, 2008 Don't look at anything related to them on NC. Honestly. I Clicked on "view friends" on my ex's facebook (I deleted her).. and what the hell, I got some MASSIVE wave of sadness considering I was no longer a part of her life, something/someone she doesn't care about. This is 2 months post break up. Doing something small like that made me feel like I was back on day 1 of the break up. Just absolutely panicking and trying to grab onto something. WTF. I am considering that as contact and starting again today, including quitting smoking (might as well kill 2 birds with 1 stone, if I can quit smoking I can sure as hell not contact or even look at my ex). It's so stupid to even prod around, there is nothing you can do to change your ex's feelings, definitely don't concern yourself with what she might be doing. Whatever it is - you don't want to know. Link to post Share on other sites
CherishG Posted September 23, 2008 Share Posted September 23, 2008 ^ I feel u Ahhhchoo, it's like they're an addiction, like cigarettes. you become so accustomed to having them in ur lives, like they are physically and mentally a part of you and just the thought process of starting to "remove" them out of your system is so damn hard. I wish you luck on ur quest to quit smoking and the loss of ur ex... we r all on this boat together Link to post Share on other sites
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