15 year old having boyfriend to stay

[Meaplus3]

I don't need kids to know whats going on considering I was within that age range a couple years ago.

 

I just find this whole discussion so laughable, the most controlling parents always had the most promiscuous daughters.

 

Do what you want, its your kid but don't try to teach her to hide the fact that shes having sex - that leads to irresponsible sex which means STDs and pregnancy.

 

Arch. No. It's just the opposite. When you are a parent you will know this.

 

AP:)

[Touche]

Thanks Touche and your are too.

 

AP:)

 

Thanks, Ap.

 

Arch, I don't think it's overly controlling. As a parent, you have to pick your battles. I thought TBF put it very, very well earlier on that score.

[Arch]

Arch. No. It's just the opposite. When you are a parent you will know this.

 

AP:)

 

hahaha, keep thinking that then when your daugther gets knocked up your going to be regretting it.

[Meaplus3]

hahaha, keep thinking that then when your daugther gets knocked up your going to be regretting it.

 

I don't think thats a very nice thing to say.

 

Lishy, I'm sorry if I hijacked your thread, I did not mean to. I wish you the best of luck.

 

AP:)

[Gwyneth]

I don't know how old you are but birth control fails.

 

Its much easier to trust your teenager when you know what they're not doing rather than just trust that they're doing it right.

 

I love my daughter too much to let her ruin her life at 15 years old or 16,17,18, etc...

 

I'm 26, so I'm talking 10 years ago my mother allowed my sister and I to do this. And yes, I'm very aware BC fails (pregnant using the pill and had an abortion-- back at you).

[Gwyneth]

Initially the post was asking about her kids boyfriend staying the night, then it got turned into a discussion about teenage sex which morphed into a thread about how she has to dominate her daugther and that shes in control.

 

The whole thing is kind of funny, I can only say that in reality you have very little control of what your kids do. You can try to give yourself a sense of control but in reality it dose not exist.

 

If her daughter and the boyfriend want to boink its not going to matter if he stays or not, so the real issue is denial about the whole situation and keeping a false sense of control.

 

Exactly. The kids just want a sleep over, and right away people around here are assuming they'll have sex. That one night is the one night they are Most likely NOT going to have sex. They don't need a sleep-over to have sex.

 

And my mother didn't allow our boyfriends to sleep over so we could be "popular." She did it because for one, she trusted both my sister and I, and also, our boyfriends became friends with our younger brother, so I guess that did help. The boyfriends would bunk with our brother. It was usually when we'd be out late, the boyfriends would just stay, or at the beach house far away, the boyfriend would stay. But in the bedroom of our brother. So no, my mother didn't allow this so we could "fit-in," or "look cool."

[Gwyneth]

Because my advice is NOT to do it that young. Why would I then make it easy for her to do it anyway? That would be like a cop telling someone not to smoke pot, but then rolling the joint up, lighting it, and sticking it in their mouth.

 

My point and Arch's point is that they'll do it anyway, whether it's one night in the same house, or after school while the parents are at work--IN THE HOUSE!!!! It will happen in your house either way, or somewhere else, either way. In your car when they go out in your car (are you going to be with them every moment of their relationship? No.)

 

I don't get why some people aren't getting the point here. We were all young teens in love once--don't you remember how easy it was to sneak around?

[Arch]

I don't think thats a very nice thing to say.

 

Lishy, I'm sorry if I hijacked your thread, I did not mean to. I wish you the best of luck.

 

AP:)

 

nice or not, with how you plan on handling your daughters teenage years thats probably whats going to happen.

[Gwyneth]

nice or not, with how you plan on handling your daughters teenage years thats probably whats going to happen with your daughter.

 

I'm not a parent yet either, and I don't think one needs to be a parent to answer this question. I was a teenager not that long ago and when no one was home, boyfriend was snuck in and we had sex--it was That easy. When he slept over and mom was in her bedroom sleeping, the last thing I would Ever think to do was have sex with my boyfriend. Just knowing he was in the house was orgasm enough for me. I didn't need to be oooo'ing and aaahhhh'ing when my parents were in their bedroom sleeping. That to me is disgusting. Looking back, I have a lot of trust and respect for my mother for allowing me to have had him sleep over. We always had an open and honest relationship and what was great is that she had a lot of trust in us kids--she also let us do what we wanted to with limits, of course. My friends whose parents didn't allow them to be teenagers did become rebellious. That's because they did anything to P-off their parents and / or to get their attention. That "look at me! I'm doing it Anyway mom and dad" attention.

[bentnotbroken]

But thats my point, I fail to see why the location matters. I don't see why you would rather have them "do it" some place else then within your house.

 

Since they are going to be having sex anyway, it might as well be a enjoyable experience, not some cramped place like a car or in a bathroom stall.

 

 

 

 

The key words for me were"your house" ie, my house. I have no intention of making something that I don't agree with comfortable. For my children or anyone else for that matter. 15 is to young to throw children into adult situations that they aren't cognitively or emotionally ready to deal with. As evidenced by the people on these boards, sex and just being with some one of the opposite sex isn't an easy thing to deal with.

[bentnotbroken]

I'm not a parent yet either, and I don't think one needs to be a parent to answer this question. I was a teenager not that long ago and when no one was home, boyfriend was snuck in and we had sex--it was That easy. When he slept over and mom was in her bedroom sleeping, the last thing I would Ever think to do was have sex with my boyfriend. Just knowing he was in the house was orgasm enough for me. I didn't need to be oooo'ing and aaahhhh'ing when my parents were in their bedroom sleeping. That to me is disgusting. Looking back, I have a lot of trust and respect for my mother for allowing me to have had him sleep over. We always had an open and honest relationship and what was great is that she had a lot of trust in us kids--she also let us do what we wanted to with limits, of course. My friends whose parents didn't allow them to be teenagers did become rebellious. That's because they did anything to P-off their parents and / or to get their attention. That "look at me! I'm doing it Anyway mom and dad" attention.

 

 

 

And we have often been told over and over again, until you have walked in those shoes, you can't know. I have 2 times. It is different when you have a child that you wish to protect. It doesn't mean that I don't remember what it is to be a teen and in love, it is because I DO remember what is to be a teen and in love. And I don't leave my daughter home alone. I make sure that if I have to be away she is with her brother or one of her god mothers. It is my responsibility to make sure she is safe for as long as possible. She and I talk about sex, the guys she thinks are hot, and one of her girlfriends who is pregnant. I also take her to the mentors club, so that she mentors the little ones. So I make sure she is constructive in her actions, not destructive.

[Touche]

I'm not a parent yet either, and I don't think one needs to be a parent to answer this question. I was a teenager not that long ago and when no one was home, boyfriend was snuck in and we had sex--it was That easy. When he slept over and mom was in her bedroom sleeping, the last thing I would Ever think to do was have sex with my boyfriend. Just knowing he was in the house was orgasm enough for me. I didn't need to be oooo'ing and aaahhhh'ing when my parents were in their bedroom sleeping. That to me is disgusting. Looking back, I have a lot of trust and respect for my mother for allowing me to have had him sleep over. We always had an open and honest relationship and what was great is that she had a lot of trust in us kids--she also let us do what we wanted to with limits, of course. My friends whose parents didn't allow them to be teenagers did become rebellious. That's because they did anything to P-off their parents and / or to get their attention. That "look at me! I'm doing it Anyway mom and dad" attention.

 

When you have a permissive parent this is what happens. (The bolded part above.)

 

My mother was neither too permissive nor too strict. She trusted my sister and I and guess what? We never, ever snuck anyone in the house. I didn't have sex until I was almost 19 and out on my own. And believe me, I had plenty of opportunities.

 

So that's what some of us here are trying to get across. And I don't think someone who isn't a parent can fully grasp the concept....it's a fine balance between being overly controlling and too permissive.

 

I can take any of you and tell you which your parent was after asking just a few questions.

 

Any kid who has the gall to sneak a kid in to have sex in their parents' house was not raised right, IMO.

[Touche]

And we have often been told over and over again, until you have walked in those shoes, you can't know. I have 2 times. It is different when you have a child that you wish to protect. It doesn't mean that I don't remember what it is to be a teen and in love, it is because I DO remember what is to be a teen and in love. And I don't leave my daughter home alone. I make sure that if I have to be away she is with her brother or one of her god mothers. It is my responsibility to make sure she is safe for as long as possible. She and I talk about sex, the guys she thinks are hot, and one of her girlfriends who is pregnant. I also take her to the mentors club, so that she mentors the little ones. So I make sure she is constructive in her actions, not destructive.

 

Bravo! I bow to you. And also yep, I agree. I just said as much...until you're a parent yourself, you really can't understand it fully.

[Meaplus3]

Bravo! I bow to you. And also yep, I agree. I just said as much...until you're a parent yourself, you really can't understand it fully.

 

 

Bravo Touche and Bent, Standing ovation!:bunny:

 

AP:)

[Gwyneth]

And we have often been told over and over again, until you have walked in those shoes, you can't know. I have 2 times. It is different when you have a child that you wish to protect. It doesn't mean that I don't remember what it is to be a teen and in love, it is because I DO remember what is to be a teen and in love. And I don't leave my daughter home alone. I make sure that if I have to be away she is with her brother or one of her god mothers. It is my responsibility to make sure she is safe for as long as possible. She and I talk about sex, the guys she thinks are hot, and one of her girlfriends who is pregnant. I also take her to the mentors club, so that she mentors the little ones. So I make sure she is constructive in her actions, not destructive.

 

And have you walked in the shoes of a teenage girl whose boyfriend stayed over your parents' house? I'm not a parent yet, but I am that girl who was 16 and whose boyfriend slept over while my parents were there as well.

[Gwyneth]

When you have a permissive parent this is what happens. (The bolded part above.)

 

My mother was neither too permissive nor too strict. She trusted my sister and I and guess what? We never, ever snuck anyone in the house. I didn't have sex until I was almost 19 and out on my own. And believe me, I had plenty of opportunities.

 

So that's what some of us here are trying to get across. And I don't think someone who isn't a parent can fully grasp the concept....it's a fine balance between being overly controlling and too permissive.

 

I can take any of you and tell you which your parent was after asking just a few questions.

 

Any kid who has the gall to sneak a kid in to have sex in their parents' house was not raised right, IMO.

 

It wasn't exactly sneaking around for me; I told my mom flat out "boyfriend is coming over after school," or whenever it was. I had no reason to hide him being over. But if no one was home, we would have sex.

 

I may not be a parent yet, but I was a teenage girl once who had a boyfriend and who had him sleep over with my mother's permission.

[Touche]

It wasn't exactly sneaking around for me; I told my mom flat out "boyfriend is coming over after school," or whenever it was. I had no reason to hide him being over. But if no one was home, we would have sex.

 

I may not be a parent yet, but I was a teenage girl once who had a boyfriend and who had him sleep over with my mother's permission.

 

Ok, I'm confused. What you said above doesn't jibe with what you said earlier:

 

I was a teenager not that long ago and when no one was home, boyfriend was snuck in and we had sex--it was That easy

 

You can't go back and change it. You were sneaking around.

 

We know you're not a parent. And we were teen-aged girls once too.

 

Look at your own life and how it's gone/is going and tell me that you wouldn't raise YOUR daughter differently. Your mother was clearly too permissive with you. One day you'll realize that.

[Touche]

And to add...look at the rude way in which the other person here who agrees this is a great thing to do, responded. It was rude and personal and uncalled for. And so now, I'm going to get personal. How do you think he was raised? Take one guess, I dare you.

 

Yep, that's right...he pretty much raised himself, he's admitted that. See the results of bad/no parenting? Those kids turn into adults who have no impulse control, are a bit anti-social, don't know how to draw a line, etc. etc. Oh they also have a problem as far as values go.

 

It's sad, really.

[bentnotbroken]

I feel like I nor my brothers and sister turned out pretty good with rules and expectations and so did my oldest. So I will stick with what works for our family. I deal with kids all the time who have parents as friends, it's not pretty. My kids have enough friends, what they need is parents. And that is the job God entrusted me to do to the best of my ability. And I love them too much to let them do whatever they think they want at the time. I am the one with the experience, not them. They should learn it at age appropriate times. Not society's view of what is the time.

[Gwyneth]

I BEG your pardons, but I am not a wild child or out of control, or bad. My actions as an adult have Nothing to do with the way my mother raised me. Pregnancy can happen to anyone--even when they are protected. So take your words and swallow hard. Even the parents who are Very protective of their children end up being grandparents too soon--there are some things even the best parent cannot control.

 

Snuck around, yes, but if my mother asked me what I was doing, I'd be honest with her. If she came home and saw him over, it wouldn't be a bad thing. She would want me to tell her ahead of time, but I wasn't going to hide him in my closet if she came home earlier than expected. But we're talking ten years ago--I hardly remember last week, nevermind ten years ago. I just remember and always will remember, that my mother trust me and I never had a reason to lie to her.

 

But to say that I am the way I am because my mother was permissive is just wrong. My mother doesn't approve of me being with a MM, but she has accepted the woman I have grown up to be. I had a curfew, and I was grounded if I was doing poorly in school, or broke household rules. There are limits you can have with your children, but you also have to trust your children. When the trust was broken, then consequences were paid.

[Gwyneth]

I feel like I nor my brothers and sister turned out pretty good with rules and expectations and so did my oldest. So I will stick with what works for our family. I deal with kids all the time who have parents as friends, it's not pretty. My kids have enough friends, what they need is parents. And that is the job God entrusted me to do to the best of my ability. And I love them too much to let them do whatever they think they want at the time. I am the one with the experience, not them. They should learn it at age appropriate times. Not society's view of what is the time.

 

I agree with the bolded. My mother never tried to be our friends--she was Very hard on us and forced us to be hard on ourselves as well. We grew up wealthy, but she expected us to clean our own bedrooms and make our own beds. When we were old enough, we had to work during the summers--she didn't hand us anything on a silver platter. At a certain age, we began to do our own laundry--not the house keeper. We also had to clean up after ourselves in the kitchen during snack time and sometimes for breakfast, lunch and / or dinner.

[Gwyneth]

Please warm your brew, I always find these things entertaining.

 

After it gets warmed up could you please then pour it down my backside while whipping me. Sorry I just had to ask, you know considering I have no impulse control.

 

Whoaaaaaa!!! ha-ha

[Meaplus3]

Please warm your brew, I always find these things entertaining.

 

After it gets warmed up could you please then pour it down my backside while whipping me. Sorry I just had to ask, you know considering I have no impulse control.

 

I guess not. Pardon me for wanting to be the best parent that I can while expressing my thought's here.Your arrogance is simly not nice

 

AP:)

[Arch]

I guess not. Pardon me for wanting to be the best parent that I can while expressing my thought's here.Your arrogance is simly not nice

 

AP:)

 

Yea your totally right, its only OK to be arrogant if I agree with you, I am sorry I forgot.

 

I am still totally going at that manikin tho - I just CAN'T stop.

[Touche]

Yea your totally right, its only OK to be arrogant if I agree with you, I am sorry I forgot.

 

I am still totally going at that manikin tho - I just CAN'T stop.

 

Bet your parents are really proud of you, huh?

 

As for this little tidbit:

 

My actions as an adult have Nothing to do with the way my mother raised me.

 

I certainly beg to differ with you on that. So wrong. Our parents are the ones who instill a value system. One doesn't just shed that once we turn 18 you know.