Lyssa Posted July 28, 2007 Share Posted July 28, 2007 Thank you, TogetherForever. I'm sure it will work wonders. LOL. I was hoping it'd be different here but then again, I guess everyone is entitled to their own opinion and these ppl will go everywhere to make their point! Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted July 28, 2007 Share Posted July 28, 2007 I am really just curious who the actual OM/OW posters are. I think their posts some times get buried amoungst those that aren't. I'm a former OW, among other things. Does that make my posts more or less relevant? Link to post Share on other sites
Lyssa Posted July 28, 2007 Share Posted July 28, 2007 I met MM through a friend of mine about 9 months ago. He's married to a woman who is 9 yrs his senior for about 6 or 7 yrs now. They have 2 beautiful kids together. When we got to know each other, we talked about everything and anything. I even asked him about his family and would always ask him to go home early (he chats online from work and would stay on to chat with me as it is 6 hrs diff in timezone) to be with his family. In the beginning it was nothing more than just friends. Then we started talking about r/ships and such. I noticed after 2 or 3 months, he would stay later than usual to be with me, which was fine by me as it was his choice and I never asked him to stay. From once or twice a week, he would stay back almost every day afterwards unless he has poker night or outdoor activities such as cricket and such. Would text me on Sats as it is his golf day and sometimes on Suns when W is not around. From the moment I found out he was married, I refrained myself from falling for him. But then again, when it comes to your heart sometimes it is inevitable for such a thing to happen. When you fall, you just fall. Even when he said those three words, I didn't say it back because I thought it was just words for him and that time, I didn't feel anything for him. He only said that one time after 3 months. Later after that, about a month or so (after so many times we talked over the phone), he said it again and this time, I said it back. That was when I realised I have fallen for him. I don't fall easily as I have been burnt too many times in the past. So I thought I would feel nothing for him especially him being married. The thing is, I will not ask him to leave his family for me. It will have to be his decision without my say on that matter. It has never crossed my mind in the first place, to get myself involved with a MM. In my past r/ships, my ex-bfs cheated on me. So I know how hurt I was when I found out about it and I would never want any woman to go through any of the hurt I went through but see where I am now! About 2 months ago, his W emailed me. I guess she got my email from one of his forwarded emails to me and several of his friends. I guess I was the only other woman on the list so she must have written down my email. She asked where I was from and I replied. I knew it was his W as she used his name, of course since they're married! Anyhow, she emailed me back saying that she saw my MSN spaces etc and how brilliant my blog was. The thing is, I didn't think it was mine because when I asked what's the add, she wouldn't tell me. I guess she must have suspected something. We kept emailing back and forth. On my blog (which I gave her my URL), I wrote about MM. Nothing on his name or family. Just basic stuff and she asked where I met this man etc. I told her through a friend. After that, I guess she must have thought I wasn't having an affair with her husband - she stopped emailing. My R is sooo complicated (which A isn't huh?). I guess I am writing this out so that if I had anything on my mind and I need your opinion, you would already know the whole story without my having to tell you afterward. He has a deaf son. They only found out about 2 or 3 months ago. So at that time, she emailed me about it and told me that she needed some friends as she doesn't have any. She said few things about MM. Like how he doesn't give the support that she needs and stuff. The thing is, their son's situation effects him badly but he is the type of man that is very positive and if anything, God is there to help them go through it all. He spends time with both their kids because they are the utmost important ppl to him. She isn't that religious (has only started to become one due to her son's deafness) so I guess she didn't see it his way. I emailed her, as a friend. Told her everything would be fine and that she should pray to God for guidance and such. Geez, I felt weird. Guilty as well. I am not surprised if you all think I am a two-faced b**** or whatever... but it's not fair for someone to think so because you're not in my position. I'm saying this to all those who lash out at me. Basically MW. I introduced her to a friend of mine who deals with deaf kids/adults for some support. Then this friend of mine forwarded one of MM's W's email to me. In the email, one of the things she said was that they almost got divorced twice and now still trying to work things out. She mentioned something about if it weren't for her 2 kids, things would be different. That was from her. Other than that, he told me after a while that they haven't had sex for a long time now. Even from the beginning of their relationship up to when they got married, he would always have to initiate which after so long, he said it became boring and they just stopped having sex. We haven't had any physical contact as I said, it's a LDR. I am fine with the things are - right now. I know for a fact that he can get anyone he wants but it just isn't the same if you don't connect emotionally. We see things the same way, be it on politics, charateristics and whatever issues that is going on in this world. I know there are married men who actually leave their wives to be with their mistresses. It has happened. I am hoping for the best for both of us but at the same time, if he chose to be with his wife in the end - I would be able to get over it because I have somewhat prepared myself for that. Sorry if this is long winded (I know it is!) but I just felt like letting it out. I do have friends to talk to and some of them are very supportive but I guess I need someone's opinion who is somewhat in the similar situation. Sometimes it is easier to talk to ppl who don't know you... Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted July 28, 2007 Share Posted July 28, 2007 Lyssa...6 hour time zone difference? Have you ever met this man in person? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted July 28, 2007 Share Posted July 28, 2007 Lyssa, you should copy and paste your story into a new thread of your own, that way you'll get more advice. I guess I don't understand why you're letting him 'decide.' I mean, they're working on their marriage, so in a sense, the choice has been made by his actions. Why not take control and end it completely. Just think you're putting energy into someone who isn't ever going to be available to you the way you want him to be. Other than that, he told me after a while that they haven't had sex for a long time now. Even from the beginning of their relationship up to when they got married, he would always have to initiate which after so long, he said it became boring and they just stopped having sex. Typical MM line/lie to their OW. Link to post Share on other sites
Tomcat33 Posted July 28, 2007 Share Posted July 28, 2007 Typical MM line/lie to their OW. On sex Well I disagee that it's a line. No one can actually prove if a couple is having sex or not, short of havng a pregnancy happen there is absolutely NO proof. It could be a line or it could very well be the truth. That's irrelevant really...they share a bed and sleep together so it could very well happen like it can not. On the other hand it's not THAT hard to believe a couple is not having sex, there are tons of sexless marriages out there. They could even be having periodic bad disconnetcted sex, that's prob just as well as not having sex. Link to post Share on other sites
Lyssa Posted July 28, 2007 Share Posted July 28, 2007 yes we have met, but it was only for a few days as I was there with my bro and wife. Link to post Share on other sites
Lyssa Posted July 28, 2007 Share Posted July 28, 2007 I don't think it's a line either. I know a lot of single man who uses more stupid lines than married men. I know a lot of couples who are married and not having sex, for a very long time. Most of them are only still in the marriage because of the kids.. etc Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted July 28, 2007 Share Posted July 28, 2007 yes we have met, but it was only for a few days as I was there with my bro and wife. You've wasted 9 months of your life on a married guy who lives 6 timezones away and that you've only met for a few days, sweets. Why not get out there and open your heart to a man who can really be with you, every day, right now, openly and honestly? Why pin your happiness on a man who can't be with you now, who may not be able to be with you ever, and not without requiring a messy divorce first and to leave his children...6 timezones away? Don't you see that you are pinning your happiness on a man who has so little to offer to you now, or a dozen years from now, if ever? You can do so much better for yourself - why do you choose this instead? Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted July 28, 2007 Share Posted July 28, 2007 I don't think it's a line either. I know a lot of single man who uses more stupid lines than married men. I know a lot of couples who are married and not having sex, for a very long time. Most of them are only still in the marriage because of the kids.. etc You're wondering about the sex life of a man you love; you're wondering about his sex life with his wife; you're betting your happiness on whether the man you think you love is actually having sex with his wife. Why? Why have you accepted this into your life? Is this what you want to be doing? Wondering about the sex life of a man you've developed feelings for? Who are YOU having sex with? Do you have a sex life? Why shut down your love life to wait and wait and wait until some unknown time, if ever, wait and wait for someone who has a sex life and a wife and family of his own to worry about? I'm not asking you to answer these questions for me. I'm hoping you'll give them a lot of consideration and answer them for yourself. I'm hoping you'll see that there's a lot more out there for you than this. I'm hoping you'll see that you don't have to keep going down this road. Link to post Share on other sites
Lyssa Posted July 28, 2007 Share Posted July 28, 2007 I actually don't really care if they have sex or not. I really don't. I think all I wanted was to let everything out. My issues are not them having a sex life or not, it's more about how frustrating it has been of late that we haven't spend much time together due to his colleagues and my busy schedule. Link to post Share on other sites
Lyssa Posted July 28, 2007 Share Posted July 28, 2007 But I think I told him to take one thing at a time. His deaf son has to go through an operation so I think at this moment, his wife and family need him around. Link to post Share on other sites
pricillia Posted July 28, 2007 Share Posted July 28, 2007 This is my first time doing something like this. I never thought I would. I used to be deeply religious. Now I have learned to try not to be so judgmental. OW, here This for me though just sums it up, everything happens for a reason. Link to post Share on other sites
Hurt & Alone Posted July 28, 2007 Share Posted July 28, 2007 OW, here This for me though just sums it up, everything happens for a reason. I believe this completly. If we never experiance life or make mistakes we never learn to grow Link to post Share on other sites
Cliche Posted July 29, 2007 Share Posted July 29, 2007 On sex On the other hand it's not THAT hard to believe a couple is not having sex, there are tons of sexless marriages out there. 20%. That statistic blows me away every time I see it! Link to post Share on other sites
Enthralling Posted August 9, 2007 Share Posted August 9, 2007 I was, you know, until we got caught today. Link to post Share on other sites
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