raise your hand if you are a OM/OW

[Love is Tragic]

I am an OW but my MM is also a OM, as i am married as well. Weve been having an affair for the past 8 months or so.. I think many people on these forums are too quick to judge, or have obviously never been in the situations we happen to get ourselves into. I accept full responsibility for my indiscretions, but it still hurts when all these "virtuous" posters come on these forums doing nothing but bashing all us sinners.

[kchiapet95]

This is my first time doing something like this. I never thought I would. I used to be deeply religious.

 

Now I have learned to try not to be so judgmental.

[NoIDidn't]

Before I came to these kinds of forums... I thought this expression was funny ...

 

Cake eater... Who wouldn't want to eat a cake if they have one? (I mean literally)... They were talking about his expression on the radio the other day... and the host was saying the same thing... 'why not eat your cake...hey cake is good'...

 

My sister actually had to explain the saying to me.

 

It should be more like: Eat your cake and Have it Too.

 

You can't do both. Once you've eaten it, you no longer have it. KWIM?

 

That cleared it up for me. I used to think "why not eat it?" too.

[annabelle75]

Raises hand.

 

Those familiar with my story know that I wasn’t aware that my MM was still married when we were together, so even though I did not consider myself an OW during the relationship I sympathize with OW because I became one when the relationship ended. I dealt with the same treatment most OW deal with. I was repeatedly told that I had no right to be upset because his wife was the “true victim” and he did the right thing by staying with her. It was a very painful time for me. I received very little support from our friends even though I had been lied to and abandoned. I eventually lost all our mutual friends because his wife decided she now wanted to be a part of their little circle (to keep an eye on him) and made it known that as long as she was there I was not welcome. The MM was treated like some sort of hero for “doing the right thing” and I was cast out because my presence made everyone feel awkward. Years later I hear that they still make jokes about me and the story of how he lied to me and cheated on his wife, has been changed and now it is told as if I was some sort of predator that lured him in against his will and his wife saved him from my clutches. Its all very sad and pathetic. I am glad I am no longer friends with those people and I find his wife’s behavior to be sickening. She knows what he did, but chooses to turn a blind eye to it because she doesn’t want to be alone. Turning me into the villain makes it easier to live with him, I guess. If she wants to waste her life with a man that would cheat on her, that’s her choice.

 

Even though I am also a BS, I find myself sympathizing with the OW. Often times they are just as much a victim as the BS.

[NoIDidn't]

Years later I hear that they still make jokes about me and the story of how he lied to me and cheated on his wife, has been changed and now it is told as if I was some sort of predator that lured him in against his will and his wife saved him from my clutches. Its all very sad and pathetic.

 

Yep, I know all about that.

 

I wasn't even 15 years old with a 20+ y.o. I think he even lied and told me that he was 21 but was older than that. I know, eeewwwww!!

 

It wasn't until a couple of months into the R that he even told me about his child and fiance in another state - he was in my state for college.

 

But I remember hearing after he dumped me, for being too young LOL, that I was the little girl slut and he was practically my first. Practically my first (willingly, anyway). His ex-fiance seemed to love turning me into the villian when I knew he was with more others than me (after the breakup, I found out).

 

So yeah, I feel sorry for some OW, not all. Especially not the ones that stay on indefinitely after finding out that the liar was otherwise committed. I stayed on because I was a child that didn't know any better. That time.

 

I wish that I could honestly say that I never did it again. I was the OW, actually should be more like OG (other girl) as I was barely 18 the next few times. But I dumped them all once I found out that they had GFs somewhere. I am sooooo glad I never got pregnant by any of those losers.

[Tomcat33]

Before I came to these kinds of forums... I thought this expression was funny ...

 

Cake eater... Who wouldn't want to eat a cake if they have one? (I mean literally)... They were talking about his expression on the radio the other day... and the host was saying the same thing... 'why not eat your cake...hey cake is good'...

 

:lmao: I Know me too!!! I have often wondered about this silly saying myself, to just say it it makes no sense at all! Who WOULDN'T want to eat their cake if they had it!?!?! :laugh: But then I had to think about it and yes once you eat it you can't still have it that's what it boils down to...so it is a good saying afterall!

[Tomcat33]

So yeah, I feel sorry for some OW, not all. Especially not the ones that stay on indefinitely after finding out that the liar was otherwise committed. I stayed on because I was a child that didn't know any better. That time.

 

I wish that I could honestly say that I never did it again. I was the OW, actually should be more like OG (other girl) as I was barely 18 the next few times. But I dumped them all once I found out that they had GFs somewhere. I am sooooo glad I never got pregnant by any of those losers.

 

 

So how does a person get "tricked" into being the OW again, again and again????????

[TogetherForever]

But some would say that the cake eater will always eat his cake & have it.

In long term relationships that is.

:confused:Confusing:confused:

I'm in my relationship for a very long time now. Is my s/o, who has not divorced yet, considered a cake eater?

[annabelle75]

So how does a person get "tricked" into being the OW again, again and again????????

 

Very easily. When he told me he was seperated and going through a divorce, I believed.

[annabelle75]

But some would say that the cake eater will always eat his cake & have it.

In long term relationships that is.

:confused:Confusing:confused:

I'm in my relationship for a very long time now. Is my s/o, who has not divorced yet, considered a cake eater?

 

Yes. BUt he's eating that really good cake with the custard filing and cream cheese frosting. And he's sharing it with you.

[silktricks]

Raises hand.

 

Those familiar with my story know that I wasn’t aware that my MM was still married when we were together, so even though I did not consider myself an OW during the relationship I sympathize with OW because I became one when the relationship ended. I dealt with the same treatment most OW deal with. I was repeatedly told that I had no right to be upset because his wife was the “true victim” and he did the right thing by staying with her. It was a very painful time for me. I received very little support from our friends even though I had been lied to and abandoned. I eventually lost all our mutual friends because his wife decided she now wanted to be a part of their little circle (to keep an eye on him) and made it known that as long as she was there I was not welcome. The MM was treated like some sort of hero for “doing the right thing” and I was cast out because my presence made everyone feel awkward. Years later I hear that they still make jokes about me and the story of how he lied to me and cheated on his wife, has been changed and now it is told as if I was some sort of predator that lured him in against his will and his wife saved him from my clutches. Its all very sad and pathetic. I am glad I am no longer friends with those people and I find his wife’s behavior to be sickening. She knows what he did, but chooses to turn a blind eye to it because she doesn’t want to be alone. Turning me into the villain makes it easier to live with him, I guess. If she wants to waste her life with a man that would cheat on her, that’s her choice.

 

Even though I am also a BS, I find myself sympathizing with the OW. Often times they are just as much a victim as the BS.

What happened to you is just plain terrible. I can understand why you feel bitter (if you do).

 

I think a lot of women have been both ow and bs. I believe the experience that gave the most pain is the group that you end up relating to the most.

[TogetherForever]

Yes. BUt he's eating that really good cake with the custard filing and cream cheese frosting. And he's sharing it with you.

 

Funny but correction: we live together & have for almost 7 years. He's only eating & having MY CAKE!!

[TogetherForever]

Yes. BUt he's eating that really good cake with the custard filing and cream cheese frosting. And he's sharing it with you.

 

Funny but correction: we live together & have for almost 7 years. He's only eating & having MY CAKE!! No sharing

[Tomcat33]

Very easily. When he told me he was seperated and going through a divorce, I believed.

 

 

I can see that in your case, a one time deal anyone can fall vitcim to that. My comment was in response to NID who says it's happened to her several times more after the first time. How can all these men prey on her time and time again!?!? How do you fall for it time and time again!?!?

 

My comment is: if a person is old enough to have sex with another human being then they are also old enough to face the consecuences of their actions.

[NoIDidn't]

So how does a person get "tricked" into being the OW again, again and again????????

 

By being a naive and trusting teen-ager, that's how.

 

People lie, or neglect to tell you something that may keep them from getting what they want from you. So that's how I was "tricked" over and over again.

[NoIDidn't]

My comment is: if a person is old enough to have sex with another human being then they are also old enough to face the consecuences of their actions.

 

And who is saying that I didn't face the consequences of my actions? You? (so transparent, but I'll play)

 

I am not hear crying over spilled milk. It was what it was. I have since learned from those mistakes. I am not on this forum or any other talking about how stupid their GFs/fiancees were for taking them back or even for keeping them as I NEVER spilled the beans. I own my actions, even if they were because of my lack of experience.

 

I am sure that there are lots of women (and girls, as in my case) that have unkowingly been the OW because the guy didn't tell them that critical piece of information.

[NoIDidn't]

And, I wanted to add that I have only been the OW by choice ONCE. In college. For about a month with an exBF.

 

But even with that I don't blame him for my choice. And while I rather enjoyed my time with him (none of it spent on the tortuous "what does it mean"), I knew it was going to come to an end because I NEVER wanted him fulltime. Not saying that it was right. It was what it was.

 

I don't blame the other guys for putting me in that position either. You live and you learn. At least some of us do. I did.

 

But I do understand that TC is only trying to imply that I am stupid. Whatever gets you through the night, honey.

[Tomcat33]

People lie, or neglect to tell you something that may keep them from getting what they want from you. So that's how I was "tricked" over and over again.

 

Interesting comment. I think there is no age for being lied to and tricked. Teenager or not anyone can fall prey to lies at any age.

When I see all the BSs badmouthing the OW I am just going to redirect them to NIDs post. Thanks for point that out!

[NoIDidn't]

Interesting comment. I think there is no age for being lied to and tricked. Teenager or not anyone can fall prey to lies at any age.

When I see all the BSs badmouthing the OW I am just going to redirect them to NIDs post. Thanks for point that out!

 

I don't think it is fair to put a teenager in the same category as a full grown adult woman.

 

Unless the OW that you are pointing to my posts are under the age of 18, I don't see your silly little argument, or attempt at actually forming one, even valid. But its a nice try.

 

I hope you will stay away from the threads started by teens here that are being preyed upon by their instructors and coaches since based on the logic you are taking with my posts that they must be stupid to fall for such.

 

To have you tell it, we (OW and BS, alike) are all stupid to even fall for those lies. I hope you include yourself.

[Tomcat33]

And who is saying that I didn't face the consequences of my actions? You? (so transparent, but I'll play)

 

I am not hear crying over spilled milk. It was what it was. I have since learned from those mistakes. I am not on this forum or any other talking about how stupid their GFs/fiancees were for taking them back or even for keeping them as I NEVER spilled the beans. I own my actions, even if they were because of my lack of experience.

 

I am sure that there are lots of women (and girls, as in my case) that have unkowingly been the OW because the guy didn't tell them that critical piece of information.

 

 

Woooaaahhh! Talk about reading the COMPLETELY WRONG train of logic!!! YIKES!!! :laugh:

 

Read my last post.

 

Could you BE any further from what I was trying to say? Clearly this is YOU talking. Not ME!

[NoIDidn't]

Woooaaahhh! Talk about reading the COMPLETELY WRONG train of logic!!! YIKES!!! :laugh:

 

Read my last post.

 

Could you BE any further from what I was trying to say? Clearly this is YOU talking. Not ME!

 

Read MY last post. I already read yours. If I am taking the wrong train of logic, according to you, please enlighten me.

 

While I can agree that anyone can fall victim to lies, a teen doesn't have a chance against a grown man's lies. That's where your logic falls apart for me. What would a teen have to check against for his true intentions? Unless the grown woman has never dated, she would have many experiences to use to figure out some of the true intent of a man she was dealing with. That, and her friends wouldn't also been starry-eyed, rose-colored glasses wearing teenagers as well.

[Tomcat33]

While I can agree that anyone can fall victim to lies' date='[/b'] a teen doesn't have a chance against a grown man's lies. That's where your logic falls apart for me. What would a teen have to check against for his true intentions? Unless the grown woman has never dated, she would have many experiences to use to figure out some of the true intent of a man she was dealing with. That, and her friends wouldn't also been starry-eyed, rose-colored glasses wearing teenagers as well.

 

 

Well terrific, if you can agree anyone can fall victim to lies, you understood my point. There is nothing more to discuss.

 

A victim is a victim, yes as an adult the lies are bigger and the risks are also bigger but a victim to lies is relative to the lies not the amount of experience one has. Gees with that logic then how could GROWN WOMEN fall prey to lying husbands that cheat on them for years on end? According to your logic a grown married woman surely has enough life experience to know when she is being lied to doesn't she?

[NoIDidn't]

A victim is a victim, yes as an adult the lies are bigger and the risks are also bigger but a victim to lies is relative to the lies not the amount of experience one has. Gees with that logic then how could GROWN WOMEN fall prey to lying husbands that cheat on them for years on end? According to your logic a grown married woman surely has enough life experience to know when she is being lied to doesn't she?

 

As usual, you are turning this into a conversation about the W. As is typical with you, the OW is a victim, the W is a fool for not using her experience to know the man is lying. Apples and oranges.

 

And yes, I still feel that the person whose ignorance of the ways of the world (the teen) is a bigger victim than the adult woman in these circumstances. Men are sent to jail for doing this to young girls. I was very much jailbait. Men are not sent to jail for their sexual dalliances with naive women when it is consensual.

 

So, apples to oranges. But once you start in on a point, I don't expect that more explanation will help you broaden your thinking.

 

Thanks for the conversation.

[Tomcat33]

As usual, you are turning this into a conversation about the W. As is typical with you, the OW is a victim, the W is a fool for not using her experience to know the man is lying. Apples and oranges.

 

And yes, I still feel that the person whose ignorance of the ways of the world (the teen) is a bigger victim than the adult woman in these circumstances. Men are sent to jail for doing this to young girls. I was very much jailbait. Men are not sent to jail for their sexual dalliances with naive women when it is consensual.

 

So, apples to oranges. But once you start in on a point, I don't expect that more explanation will help you broaden your thinking.

 

Thanks for the conversation.

 

And as usual you are reading between the lines to find things that I am neither saying, neither thinking, (just look at all the last posts to see all the nutty conclusions you drew on one comment I made) Clearly it is your own predisposition to read paranoic things into my posts. I can't have good dialogue with someone who is predisposed to see weird things I am not even saying.

 

ta-ta!

[Suede O'Nim]

Is it over if she says she's gay now? Hell, I know it's over, but my inner core refuses to believe it. I've been there, though.