Issues with boyfriend and porn

[littlepiggy1]

So you don't find it sad that someone doesn't get turned on by their partner alone? You find that to be "normal."

 

I already said, I think it's normal, healthy behavior.

 

What I think is sad is having unrealistic expectations of human sexual behavior.

[rainfall]

I already said, I think it's normal, healthy behavior.

 

What I think is sad is having unrealistic expectations of human sexual behavior.

 

So it is unrealistic to expect to be with someone who loves me and only desires to be with me? I'd rather be alone forever then be with someone who only used me as a way to get off to images of other women even if it is a once in a great while occurence.

[littlepiggy1]

So it is unrealistic to expect to be with someone who loves me and only desires to be with me? I'd rather be alone forever then be with someone who only used me as a way to get off to images of other women even if it is a once in a great while occurence.

 

Yes, I know, you've said this many times.

 

And is it entirely unrealistic? No. But it is certainly much more rare.

 

As I pointed out in the other thread, the way you have expressed your views, you will likely never know if your partner fantasizes because they will never have any reason to tell you anything but what you want to hear. I suppose in a way, ignorance is bliss.

[alittleconfused]

So you don't find it sad that someone doesn't get turned on by their partner alone? You find that to be "normal."

 

Definition of normal: is that within the average of behavior, etc.

If littlepiggy's studies are correct, then it is normal to have some fantasies, especially for men. So, if a person fantasizes so much that it interferes with his daily life, that person is "abnormal" because his actions differ from the average significantly. On the other side of the spectrum, a man who never fantasizes is also "abnormal". Abnormal just means not within the average range of the population and their behavior. Is it a bad thing? only if you FEEL it to be so. Is it sad? Only if you FEEL it so.

 

While sex can be highly and hopefully is, highly emotional w/ feelings etc. The stats and the definitions of normal are not.

 

Your imposition of the terms "normal" look like a way of passing judgment. And I'm happy for you that your relationship is working out so well and you two agree, so even if I didn't agree with your values I wouldn't try to say negative things about you. I hope you remember that when you respond to threads with something like: "I would never stand for my man to set foot inside a strip club." And offer nothing about letting them make their own rules on what's comfortable and what's the average male in society like. It just doesn't seem very helpful, much more Mother Superior, if you get what I mean.

[rainfall]

Your imposition of the terms "normal" look like a way of passing judgment. And I'm happy for you that your relationship is working out so well and you two agree, so even if I didn't agree with your values I wouldn't try to say negative things about you. I hope you remember that when you respond to threads with something like: "I would never stand for my man to set foot inside a strip club." And offer nothing about letting them make their own rules on what's comfortable and what's the average male in society like. It just doesn't seem very helpful, much more Mother Superior, if you get what I mean.

 

I would never stand for my man to set foot inside a strip club. He has no reason to be around women like that. I will judge him if he goes to a strip club just like I will judge anyone who goes to a strip club knowing it will cause their partner pain. I don't care what the "average" man is like.

 

I only care what my man is like and for people on here to tell me it would be normal and OK if he thought about other women sexual is wrong. That is not very helpful either. If you think it makes me like "mother superior" because I will not lower myself then great.

[alittleconfused]

I would never stand for my man to set foot inside a strip club. He has no reason to be around women like that. I will judge him if he goes to a strip club just like I will judge anyone who goes to a strip club knowing it will cause their partner pain. I don't care what the "average" man is like.

 

I only care what my man is like and for people on here to tell me it would be normal and OK if he thought about other women sexual is wrong. That is not very helpful either. If you think it makes me like "mother superior" because I will not lower myself then great.

 

Yes you've made quite clear that you would pass judgment on anyone or anything that did something to your disliking. Thank you. If you derive your self esteem from considering yourself above the moral worth of others, fine consider yourself "unwilling to lower yourself". Whatever makes you happy.

 

I think you still misunderstand the definition of normal. The definition of normal is what is carried out by society as a whole, rather than what one individual deems to be morally acceptable. clearly you find it morally repugnant that a man who has a partner would go into a strip club, possess sexual fantasies, etc. It's FINE that you find it morally repugnant, but you cannot therefore claim it is not NORMAL: meaning what society deems acceptable or acts upon as a whole simply because your beliefs and ideas may not, and according to littlepiggy's studies, do not mirror society.

 

And as for being helpful, I am not trying to point out any flaws in your relationship. In fact, I even said I'm glad your relationship is working out so well for you. Rather I am trying to point out that sometimes your beliefs come forth clear, which is fine, but what doesn't come across is any idea of help for the person who is posting in hopes of getting advice and trying to understand her man, who may well be what society deems a normal man. And without any helpful advice, what I mean by you sounding like mother superior is basically: a nagger and a scolder. If you were helpful, then you'd be someone's advisor, not someone with a severe superiority complex.

[rainfall]

Yes you've made quite clear that you would pass judgment on anyone or anything that did something to your disliking. Thank you. If you derive your self esteem from considering yourself above the moral worth of others, fine consider yourself "unwilling to lower yourself". Whatever makes you happy.

 

I think you still misunderstand the definition of normal. The definition of normal is what is carried out by society as a whole, rather than what one individual deems to be morally acceptable. clearly you find it morally repugnant that a man who has a partner would go into a strip club, possess sexual fantasies, etc. It's FINE that you find it morally repugnant, but you cannot therefore claim it is not NORMAL: meaning what society deems acceptable or acts upon as a whole simply because your beliefs and ideas may not, and according to littlepiggy's studies, do not mirror society.

 

And as for being helpful, I am not trying to point out any flaws in your relationship. In fact, I even said I'm glad your relationship is working out so well for you. Rather I am trying to point out that sometimes your beliefs come forth clear, which is fine, but what doesn't come across is any idea of help for the person who is posting in hopes of getting advice and trying to understand her man, who may well be what society deems a normal man. And without any helpful advice, what I mean by you sounding like mother superior is basically: a nagger and a scolder. If you were helpful, then you'd be someone's advisor, not someone with a severe superiority complex.

 

I guess you didn't read my post all the way. I will judge anyone who goes to a strip club KNOWING IT WILL HURT THEIR SO. Men find it normal. However I am pretty sure the majority of women would not like the idea of their partner in a strip club/touching other women. All the posters who I responded to seem to dislike porn and strip clubs as well. So I feel I should be able to tell them they don't have to settle for someone who is like that.

If two people are ok with the fact that they wish their partner was someone esle and it works for them then while I will never understand how someone could actually be happy like that I will let them live however they choose.

However if someone posts saying my boyfriend looks and porn and theydont like it I will tell them they shouldn't put up with it.

I know that some women who claim to be ok with porn really hate the fact that their partner looks at porn they just put up with it for fear they will never find anyone esle because society tells them it is ok. My friend is like that. I feel very bad for her because she is trapped in a horrible relationship but refuses to leave because society has brainwashed her into thinking all men do it.

[squeak]

Rainfall, I read your older posts back from February, correct me if I am wrong but in a few of them you mentioned your boyfriend was looking at porn and occasionally going to strip clubs....

 

Maybe he changed, maybe he stopped, but you come on here, I'm sure you think you have good intentions, it is good to let people know that not all men do that.

 

But-they are in the minority. It's true, not all go to strip clubs and look at porn.

 

But then you go a step farther saying a man who even fantasizes about another woman is disrespecting his woman. Okay, that's your opinion, fine.

But you come off sounding like you think you are so superior, it is not helping the original poster, and quite frankly, I cannot take your word for that as you do not have ESP to get into your man's head to conclude what he thinks, only what he deicides to tell you.

 

And you had a problem with it in your own relationship, right? Your tone is not helpful, if you could read what it sounds like-it sounds like you are rubbing it in other women's faces you are better than them for having found someone who doesn't look at porn, go to stripclubs, and doesn't even FANTASIZE.

 

So maybe you can talk about how this change happened in your man's behavior? THAT may be more helpful here.

 

As for telling women that they should leave a guy who admits to fantaasizing, well, how do you reconcile that with your SO looking at porn a few months ago?

[rainfall]

Rainfall, I read your older posts back from February, correct me if I am wrong but in a few of them you mentioned your boyfriend was looking at porn and occasionally going to strip clubs....

 

Maybe he changed, maybe he stopped, but you come on here, I'm sure you think you have good intentions, it is good to let people know that not all men do that.

 

But-they are in the minority. It's true, not all go to strip clubs and look at porn.

 

But then you go a step farther saying a man who even fantasizes about another woman is disrespecting his woman. Okay, that's your opinion, fine.

But you come off sounding like you think you are so superior, it is not helping the original poster, and quite frankly, I cannot take your word for that as you do not have ESP to get into your man's head to conclude what he thinks, only what he deicides to tell you.

 

And you had a problem with it in your own relationship, right? Your tone is not helpful, if you could read what it sounds like-it sounds like you are rubbing it in other women's faces you are better than them for having found someone who doesn't look at porn, go to stripclubs, and doesn't even FANTASIZE.

 

So maybe you can talk about how this change happened in your man's behavior? THAT may be more helpful here.

 

As for telling women that they should leave a guy who admits to fantaasizing, well, how do you reconcile that with your SO looking at porn a few months ago?

 

Hell no he wasn't going to a strip club. If so he would be my ex. So anything esle you would like me to answer. Also the poster you were talking about wasn't me.... sorry.

[alittleconfused]

Hell no he wasn't going to a strip club. If so he would be my ex. So anything esle you would like me to answer. Also the poster you were talking about wasn't me.... sorry.

 

I think by NOW we get that your boyfriend doesn't blah blah blah blah. That really isn't the point, and I don't care how many times you say it, it doesn't mean that you answered all of the OTHER questions and issues Squeak and I mentioned.

 

How bout you actually respond to what we're getting at?

Like, why do you feel the need to tell other posters that your bf doesn't do all these things you deem horrible and why do you say it in a snobby, nagging, completely rude and condescending way?

 

Why don't you inform these posters that the boyfriend you have is in the minority, not the "norms of society"? Why instead, do you choose to tell these women just to be alone? Do you really think ALL women would choose to be alone over being with a man who was NORMAL BY SOCIETAL STANDARD?

 

Why is it that you continue to say it is "not normal" for a man to watch porn after we've given you data to show that the majority of men do fantasize/watch porn AND that the DEFINITION of normal is exactly that: a population's average???

 

Are you having trouble reading as well? I did read your whole post, saying you would judge anyone who intentionally went and did something that they knew would hurt their SO. However, the way you post to each woman who comes here searching for advice sounds a lot like you're just judging them too. So it's very easy to see that you just like judging people.

[norajane]

However, the way you post to each woman who comes here searching for advice sounds a lot like you're just judging them too. So it's very easy to see that you just like judging people.

 

Actually, I'm pretty curious why rainfall ONLY posts in porn/strip club threads.

[squeak]

Hell no he wasn't going to a strip club. If so he would be my ex. So anything esle you would like me to answer. Also the poster you were talking about wasn't me.... sorry.

 

I took a little break and found this-this is what I was referring to-

Rainfall I am not sure why you are telling all these people to leave or not put up with porn use, even going so far as to say they are pathetic and you would NEVER put up with it..yet here I found the posts underneath ????

 

Seems you had the same experience and stayed. It also seems you go to the gym upwards of 5 times a week to ensure his porn use stops ??

....and denied it when i asked you about it ??? Here they are, you clearly state you had experience with this with your current BF:

 

*Rainfall: For the record though my bf porns use has gone down ALOT ever since I lost weight which leads me to believe looks do have something to do with porn use. I just don't understand why he still needs it.

 

*Originally Posted by amerikajin

And here you were implying all along that your boyfriend didn't watch porn, but that if he did, you wouldn't have anything to do with him...

 

Face it: you're insecure.

 

You're insecure about your own body, which is why you find porn threatening.

 

Case closed.

 

*Rainfall: Last time he watched porn was 8 months ago......

Feb 7th:

*Rainfall: I wasn't trying to be rude or anything to you. I am just very frustrated by the number of people here who seem to want me to be ok with my boyfriend's "uncontrollable" desire to sleep around.

Feb 1st:

*Rainfall: Well for me it is the fact that he needs porn at all. I work very hard to look good and when he turns to be it makes me feel like no matter how much weight I lose or whatever I will never be good enough for him. It makes me feel like he doesn't really love me.

 

Jan 8th:

*Whisperingwillow: I'm so glad I've got the boyfriend I have and I'm damn sure he is glad he has me for a girlfriend. I don't prod into his personal thoughts because they are just that his personal thoughts, we share a lot, even random stupid stuff because we share and are open with one another to the point of silliness. I can't fathom living like you. It must be exhausting.

 

*Rainfall: Well I have been with my boyfriend for 6 years now and I think that is along time.

I can't imagine being like you, knowing that my man is wishing I was someone esle. Knowing I am not good enough for him to get turned on by only me and being happy and ok with it.

I'm pretty sure their are things your bf does that you hate and that you wish he would stop. I am also pretty sure I would not understand why it bothers you so much. Porn and him wanting to sleep with other women is the only thing I have a problem with.

 

me: Since the original poster just found out her husband was using porn, and she is pregnant, leaving is not really a good option.

 

Rainfall-you have had experience with your BF using porn, as the threads above clearly show, can you give her any good advice?

Oh, Norajane, I think I found the reason Rainfall really likes to post, look at the underlying message to the posters asking for help underneath this: I don't expect to change anyone here. Just to let other posters know where this advice is really coming from.....

 

Rainfall-why do you go online to tell women they are patheic for putting up with it?

And that you know you can satisfy your man and that is why he does not do that stuff, yet clearly it is contradicted by the admissions above he did use porn and obviously fantasized about other women??

 

Side joke:"Denial" is not just a river in Egypt...haha I crack myself up.

 

Feb ?

Rainfall: Think whatevr you want. I am not worried about if you believe me or not. I just know that I am good enough to my man that he doesn't need to go to a strip club.

 

FEb?

Rainfall: I do just fine making my man "randy" with out the help of a stripper....

[alittleconfused]

I took a little break and found this-this is what I was referring to-

Rainfall I am not sure why you are telling all these people to leave or not put up with porn use, even going so far as to say they are pathetic and you would NEVER put up with it..yet here I found the posts underneath ????

 

Seems you had the same experience and stayed. It also seems you go to the gym upwards of 5 times a week to ensure his porn use stops ??

....and denied it when i asked you about it ??? Here they are, you clearly state you had experience with this with your current BF:

 

*Rainfall: For the record though my bf porns use has gone down ALOT ever since I lost weight which leads me to believe looks do have something to do with porn use. I just don't understand why he still needs it.

 

*Originally Posted by amerikajin

And here you were implying all along that your boyfriend didn't watch porn, but that if he did, you wouldn't have anything to do with him...

 

Face it: you're insecure.

 

You're insecure about your own body, which is why you find porn threatening.

 

Case closed.

 

*Rainfall: Last time he watched porn was 8 months ago......

Feb 7th:

*Rainfall: I wasn't trying to be rude or anything to you. I am just very frustrated by the number of people here who seem to want me to be ok with my boyfriend's "uncontrollable" desire to sleep around.

Feb 1st:

*Rainfall: Well for me it is the fact that he needs porn at all. I work very hard to look good and when he turns to be it makes me feel like no matter how much weight I lose or whatever I will never be good enough for him. It makes me feel like he doesn't really love me.

 

Jan 8th:

*Whisperingwillow: I'm so glad I've got the boyfriend I have and I'm damn sure he is glad he has me for a girlfriend. I don't prod into his personal thoughts because they are just that his personal thoughts, we share a lot, even random stupid stuff because we share and are open with one another to the point of silliness. I can't fathom living like you. It must be exhausting.

 

*Rainfall: Well I have been with my boyfriend for 6 years now and I think that is along time.

I can't imagine being like you, knowing that my man is wishing I was someone esle. Knowing I am not good enough for him to get turned on by only me and being happy and ok with it.

I'm pretty sure their are things your bf does that you hate and that you wish he would stop. I am also pretty sure I would not understand why it bothers you so much. Porn and him wanting to sleep with other women is the only thing I have a problem with.

 

me: Since the original poster just found out her husband was using porn, and she is pregnant, leaving is not really a good option.

 

Rainfall-you have had experience with your BF using porn, as the threads above clearly show, can you give her any good advice?

Oh, Norajane, I think I found the reason Rainfall really likes to post, look at the underlying message to the posters asking for help underneath this: I don't expect to change anyone here. Just to let other posters know where this advice is really coming from.....

 

Rainfall-why do you go online to tell women they are patheic for putting up with it?

And that you know you can satisfy your man and that is why he does not do that stuff, yet clearly it is contradicted by the admissions above he did use porn and obviously fantasized about other women??

 

Side joke:"Denial" is not just a river in Egypt...haha I crack myself up.

 

Feb ?

Rainfall: Think whatevr you want. I am not worried about if you believe me or not. I just know that I am good enough to my man that he doesn't need to go to a strip club.

 

FEb?

Rainfall: I do just fine making my man "randy" with out the help of a stripper....

 

Couldn't have done a better job myself. Good job secret agent Squeak.

[rainfall]

Actually, I'm pretty curious why rainfall ONLY posts in porn/strip club threads.

 

 

I've posted in a few other threads but noone seems to like to agrue with anything I say there so they go unnoticed.

[norajane]

I've posted in a few other threads but noone seems to like to agrue with anything I say there so they go unnoticed.

 

Maybe you're missing the point of this board. It's not to argue with people - it's to provide advice to people who are seeking some ideas on how to deal with their problems.

[rainfall]

I took a little break and found this-this is what I was referring to-

Rainfall I am not sure why you are telling all these people to leave or not put up with porn use, even going so far as to say they are pathetic and you would NEVER put up with it..yet here I found the posts underneath ????

 

Seems you had the same experience and stayed. It also seems you go to the gym upwards of 5 times a week to ensure his porn use stops ??

....and denied it when i asked you about it ??? Here they are, you clearly state you had experience with this with your current BF:

 

*Rainfall: For the record though my bf porns use has gone down ALOT ever since I lost weight which leads me to believe looks do have something to do with porn use. I just don't understand why he still needs it.

 

*Originally Posted by amerikajin

And here you were implying all along that your boyfriend didn't watch porn, but that if he did, you wouldn't have anything to do with him...

 

Face it: you're insecure.

 

You're insecure about your own body, which is why you find porn threatening.

 

Case closed.

 

*Rainfall: Last time he watched porn was 8 months ago......

 

Feb 7th:

*Rainfall: I wasn't trying to be rude or anything to you. I am just very frustrated by the number of people here who seem to want me to be ok with my boyfriend's "uncontrollable" desire to sleep around.

 

Feb 1st:

*Rainfall: Well for me it is the fact that he needs porn at all. I work very hard to look good and when he turns to be it makes me feel like no matter how much weight I lose or whatever I will never be good enough for him. It makes me feel like he doesn't really love me.

 

Jan 8th:

*Whisperingwillow: I'm so glad I've got the boyfriend I have and I'm damn sure he is glad he has me for a girlfriend. I don't prod into his personal thoughts because they are just that his personal thoughts, we share a lot, even random stupid stuff because we share and are open with one another to the point of silliness. I can't fathom living like you. It must be exhausting.

 

*Rainfall: Well I have been with my boyfriend for 6 years now and I think that is along time.

I can't imagine being like you, knowing that my man is wishing I was someone esle. Knowing I am not good enough for him to get turned on by only me and being happy and ok with it.

I'm pretty sure their are things your bf does that you hate and that you wish he would stop. I am also pretty sure I would not understand why it bothers you so much. Porn and him wanting to sleep with other women is the only thing I have a problem with.

 

me: Since the original poster just found out her husband was using porn, and she is pregnant, leaving is not really a good option.

 

Rainfall-you have had experience with your BF using porn, as the threads above clearly show, can you give her any good advice?

 

Oh, Norajane, I think I found the reason Rainfall really likes to post, look at the underlying message to the posters asking for help underneath this: I don't expect to change anyone here. Just to let other posters know where this advice is really coming from.....

 

Rainfall-why do you go online to tell women they are patheic for putting up with it?

And that you know you can satisfy your man and that is why he does not do that stuff, yet clearly it is contradicted by the admissions above he did use porn and obviously fantasized about other women??

 

Side joke:"Denial" is not just a river in Egypt...haha I crack myself up.

 

Feb ?

Rainfall: Think whatevr you want. I am not worried about if you believe me or not. I just know that I am good enough to my man that he doesn't need to go to a strip club.

 

FEb?

Rainfall: I do just fine making my man "randy" with out the help of a stripper....

 

 

So where did I say he went to strip clubs? Please tell me.......

And for the porn issue he doesn't need it. We had the porn discussion and he said he doesn't care about the women in porn and he has no need to look at it because he has me. He said he just looked at porn because it was there. Some guy at work used to bring in porn mags everyday so that is how it was "just there."

I don't think the OP should leave her man automatically. She shouldn't however just accept his behavior as "normal" and "ok" if she feels uncomfortable with it.

[rainfall]

I think by NOW we get that your boyfriend doesn't blah blah blah blah. That really isn't the point, and I don't care how many times you say it, it doesn't mean that you answered all of the OTHER questions and issues Squeak and I mentioned.

 

How bout you actually respond to what we're getting at?

Like, why do you feel the need to tell other posters that your bf doesn't do all these things you deem horrible and why do you say it in a snobby, nagging, completely rude and condescending way?

 

Why don't you inform these posters that the boyfriend you have is in the minority, not the "norms of society"? Why instead, do you choose to tell these women just to be alone? Do you really think ALL women would choose to be alone over being with a man who was NORMAL BY SOCIETAL STANDARD?

 

Why is it that you continue to say it is "not normal" for a man to watch porn after we've given you data to show that the majority of men do fantasize/watch porn AND that the DEFINITION of normal is exactly that: a population's average???

 

Are you having trouble reading as well? I did read your whole post, saying you would judge anyone who intentionally went and did something that they knew would hurt their SO. However, the way you post to each woman who comes here searching for advice sounds a lot like you're just judging them too. So it's very easy to see that you just like judging people.

 

Why should a women accept something she finds to be wrong just because it is what is normal? I don't think someone should compromise what they find to be ok just because society tells them everybody does it. I think if it comes down to being alone or compromising something they believe in ir is up to them and how strong the belief is.

I feel the need to inform them that my bf does not look at porn because I want them to know that not all men are like the "norm."

[rainfall]

Maybe you're missing the point of this board. It's not to argue with people - it's to provide advice to people who are seeking some ideas on how to deal with their problems.

 

 

If I don't agree with someones advice I should be able to say something. Telling someone to accept a behavior they are unhappy with just because it is looked at as "normal." is not what I consider good advice.

If someone really can't accept someone's porn use then yes they should leave them otherwise it is going to lead to years of lies,unhappiness, and mistrust.

[alittleconfused]

Why should a women accept something she finds to be wrong just because it is what is normal? I don't think someone should compromise what they find to be ok just because society tells them everybody does it. I think if it comes down to being alone or compromising something they believe in ir is up to them and how strong the belief is.

I feel the need to inform them that my bf does not look at porn because I want them to know that not all men are like the "norm."

 

I didn't say she had to accept it, but I do take issue with your saying that man just "is not normal" since you very well now know that to be false. If that woman cannot accept her situation, then yes by all means she can choose to be alone if that is her favored alternative.

 

Like I said, I don't care that you inform the posters that your boyfriend is "special", but THE WAY you inform them: snobbishly, and I can practically hear you sitting behind your computer screen saying: NEENER NEENER NEENER!!!

 

And finally, if you could in fact, be more positive like saying: "If you feel your boyfriend's watching porn is too much, it's ok to be single till you find greener pastures, etc" then maybe people would take less issue with your posts. But you usually just say something very close to: OH MY GOD, I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU PUT UP WITH THAT, HOW CAN YOU EVER BE HAPPY? Which is pretty much, just a way to put someone down.

 

And as squeak clearly pointed out: you say your boyfriends' porn use has GONE DOWN A LOT...

How do you think you affected this change in him? And why don't you share that helpful information with other posters? Perhaps it is because you like being up there on your perceived pedestal...

[norajane]

Actually, I'm pretty curious why rainfall ONLY posts in porn/strip club threads.

 

I've posted in a few other threads but noone seems to like to agrue with anything I say there so they go unnoticed.

 

Maybe you're missing the point of this board. It's not to argue with people - it's to provide advice to people who are seeking some ideas on how to deal with their problems.

 

If I don't agree with someones advice I should be able to say something. Telling someone to accept a behavior they are unhappy with just because it is looked at as "normal." is not what I consider good advice.

If someone really can't accept someone's porn use then yes they should leave them otherwise it is going to lead to years of lies,unhappiness, and mistrust.

 

No, you're missing my point. I asked why you only post on porn threads. You said it was because you posted on a few others and no one argued with you. And I replied this place isn't about arguing, it's about providing advice.

 

So what if no one argues with you when you post on other threads? Perhaps they are actually agreeing with you.

[squeak]

Rainfall, I read your older posts back from February, correct me if I am wrong but in a few of them you mentioned your boyfriend was looking at porn and occasionally going to strip clubs....

 

*sigh* no need for drama, I did say "correct me if I'm wrong" on either count, it seemed that way at a perfunctory glance, I hadn't looked close enough at the 5000 or whatever posts you made on this topic.

 

I think it is great if you tell people your standards and stick to them.

 

I protest the way you talk to the posters on here, it is rude and gloating and undermining. I know these quotes are taken out of context but here are some of the things you have said ..:

 

Rainfall: I just know that I am good enough to my man that he doesn't need to go to a strip club.

 

my translation: He must go because you are not worthy, and don't look good. whereas I do look good, so my man doesn't go.

 

FEb?

Rainfall: I do just fine making my man "randy" with out the help of a stripper....

 

Rainfall: I can't imagine being like you, knowing that my man is wishing I was someone esle. Knowing I am not good enough for him to get turned on by only me and being happy and ok with it.

 

 

You can't talk to women on here with sentences that start with "I can't imagine being you, how can you blah blah"

 

I think people from here on out should just ignore you, a lot of posters have had problems with the WAY you talk SO DISRESPECTFULLY AND GLOATINGLY unless you can start being constructive AND NOT MAKE THIS FORUM ABOUT HOW MUCH YOU BETTER YOU THINK YOU ARE ...

 

Rainfall, do you understand what I'm saying here, or is this totally pointless?

 

(Oh and thanks Agent alittleconfused )

[rainfall]

*sigh* no need for drama, I did say "correct me if I'm wrong" on either count, it seemed that way at a perfunctory glance, I hadn't looked close enough at the 5000 or whatever posts you made on this topic.

 

I think it is great if you tell people your standards and stick to them.

 

I protest the way you talk to the posters on here, it is rude and gloating and undermining. I know these quotes are taken out of context but here are some of the things you have said ..:

 

Rainfall: I just know that I am good enough to my man that he doesn't need to go to a strip club.

 

my translation: He must go because you are not worthy, and don't look good. whereas I do look good, so my man doesn't go.

 

FEb?

Rainfall: I do just fine making my man "randy" with out the help of a stripper....

 

Rainfall: I can't imagine being like you, knowing that my man is wishing I was someone esle. Knowing I am not good enough for him to get turned on by only me and being happy and ok with it.

 

 

 

You can't talk to women on here with sentences that start with "I can't imagine being you, how can you blah blah"

 

I think people from here on out should just ignore you, a lot of posters have had problems with the WAY you talk SO DISRESPECTFULLY AND GLOATINGLY unless you can start being constructive AND NOT MAKE THIS FORUM ABOUT HOW MUCH YOU BETTER YOU THINK YOU ARE ...

 

Rainfall, do you understand what I'm saying here, or is this totally pointless?

 

(Oh and thanks Agent alittleconfused )

 

 

People on this forumn talk down to me and tell me I am insecure and controlling because I do not think my man should want/desire other women.

Yeah you did take my posts out of context but I don;t really feel like going and finding what I was talking about.

When I say I am better someone I mean the strippers/porn women NOT the women whose boyfriend look at porn. If they want to accept it that is theor choice. If they are really OK with it and not just saying they are to aviod losing someone then that is their choice as well.

I however will never understand how someone can really and honestly say it doesn;t bother them at all that their partner thinks about other people sexually.

[rainfall]

Oh the reason my boyfriend said he no longer needs porn.....

 

 

1.We have sex alot more now so he has no need to satisfy himself.

2.I have worked hard to change my looks for him... (losing weight) so now he doesn't need to look at porn women because I look better then the women in porn.

 

 

Which those two reasons would support my idea that men look at porn if they are missing something.

[squeak]

Well, thanks for breaking it down like that. I hope you see the difference of how people react depending on the way you say something.

 

I respectfully agree to disagree, I don't accept that every man looks at porn because he is in some way dissatisfied with his partner, although I can see how your particular very personal experience reinforced that.

 

I think the OP should have a talk about respect with her SO because she is pregnant and especially that he knows it stresses her out, he should at the very least cover his tracks better so it can't be found, if he really needs to do it during her pregnancy.

 

And spend a lot more time comforting her and making it a good term.

To the OP-maybe he needs it spelled out for him in no uncertain terms?

 

Rainfall-I am curious what brings you here to this forum topic (anything on porn or strip clubs)so much that you posted almost 500 times --since it is not really an issue in your life?

 

Also-you do realize that your guy most probably does fantasize about other women in his mind, even if he swears he doesn't? How do you KNOW he doesn't? Answer: You can't ever know....

[rainfall]

Well, thanks for breaking it down like that. I hope you see the difference of how people react depending on the way you say something.

 

I respectfully agree to disagree, I don't accept that every man looks at porn because he is in some way dissatisfied with his partner, although I can see how your particular very personal experience reinforced that.

 

I think the OP should have a talk about respect with her SO because she is pregnant and especially that he knows it stresses her out, he should at the very least cover his tracks better so it can't be found, if he really needs to do it during her pregnancy.

 

And spend a lot more time comforting her and making it a good term.

To the OP-maybe he needs it spelled out for him in no uncertain terms?

 

Rainfall-I am curious what brings you here to this forum topic (anything on porn or strip clubs)so much that you posted almost 500 times --since it is not really an issue in your life?

 

Also-you do realize that your guy most probably does fantasize about other women in his mind, even if he swears he doesn't? How do you KNOW he doesn't? Answer: You can't ever know....

 

I trust my man that when he says he doesn't fantasize about other women because I believe that he loves me and doesn't desire anyone esle.

I agree with you that the OP needs to talk it over with her SO and let him know how his porn use makes her feel. But I don't think he should hide it. That will just cause more pain and anger if she ever somehow finds out he is still looking at it. They need to reach an agreement they both are ok with. (one that doesn;t involve lying and covering tracks)

 

I post alot of porn/strip club topics because I don't think women should be told its ok and to just accept the behavior. They should know that not all men look at porn and go to strip clubs. If they action is really that bad to them they can leave or stay and be unhappy. I just don't think its right to tell them they should have to accept something that makes them unhappy.