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I Keep Cheating, but My Husband Doesn't Want to Divorce


Infidelity In an affair or suspect your significant other? Share your experiences and concerns here.

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Old 17th June 2018, 12:01 PM   #136
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You need to seek counselling. There must be an underlying reason why you fear security in one relationship. It almost seems as if you just lose interest and start something new and exciting. I suggest you get tested for your sake. Also is your husband interested in an open marriage, both of you free to do whatever. Perhaps that may help. Many may judge but there is so much history in 13years there maybe underlying issues repressed.
I wish you well. If there is any hope for your marriage and care for you husband he deserves different. That is assuming he the catch you said he was.
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Old 17th June 2018, 7:03 PM   #137
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I signed the papers for the one bedroom apartment. I took some money from our savings to pay for it. I'm going to look for some temporary support. Despite all of this, my husband still agreed to help me get the job I really want in the new city with the better pay. I'm going to accept it. I don't want to really take a lower paying job, and rely on spousal support when I am the one that wants out. Today we spent time as a family at his request for Father's day and also received an offer for our house that we just listed, which we accepted. We got slightly more than our asking price and it's someone we both know who was interested in the house when we first bought it because of its charm. I'll officially file for divorce which will be in a different state when we meet all the criteria.

In the upcoming weeks, we'll discuss the children. As of right now and in another post I started is the ongoing issue of legal rights to the youngest. He is the legal father right now, and really according to our attorney is in my husband favor that he remains her legal father. If the other man wants to be her legal father, that is the fight he'll have to deal with my soon to be ex-husband.
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Old 17th June 2018, 7:24 PM   #138
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Is the other man and his wife even aware that he has a daughter? Good that you got a 2 bedroom apartment. Your husband isn't moving in with you is he?
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Old 17th June 2018, 7:37 PM   #139
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Is the other man and his wife even aware that he has a daughter? Good that you got a 2 bedroom apartment. Your husband isn't moving in with you is he?
No, I made that clear and I'm the only one on the lease. He is going to go stay with family unless he finds somewhere else or buys. That is up to him. I am going to file for some temporary spousal support. I hate to do it.

The other man and his wife know about the baby. I had a private DNA test which I have the only copy of the results, for the baby. So the other man knows, and his wife knows. My husband met with her. So after some brief harassment (between the other man and I), I haven't had any contact with either of them except to learn that the other man's wife filed for divorce. I'm moving 12 hours away back to our hometown.

Last edited by TheRainbow; 17th June 2018 at 7:42 PM..
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Old 19th June 2018, 3:27 AM   #140
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If you want to show some class on your way out you can take it easy on your stbxh and pull your punches in court a bit. You havent exactly been the best wife so maybe you shouldn't get to live off him like a leech after divorce.

Of course that's not to say you should martyr yourself. If you're going forward with the objective of being self sufficient if you can, while making sure your children are cared for i could respect that. Not that my respect matters.

I think it would be a pretty petty kick in your husband's nuts to leave and take as much money as you can with you when you go.
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Old 19th June 2018, 5:17 AM   #141
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No, I made that clear and I'm the only one on the lease. He is going to go stay with family unless he finds somewhere else or buys. That is up to him. I am going to file for some temporary spousal support. I hate to do it.

The other man and his wife know about the baby. I had a private DNA test which I have the only copy of the results, for the baby. So the other man knows, and his wife knows. My husband met with her. So after some brief harassment (between the other man and I), I haven't had any contact with either of them except to learn that the other man's wife filed for divorce. I'm moving 12 hours away back to our hometown.
If you feel so bad about taking money, then don't take it. Get a job.
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Old 19th June 2018, 11:22 AM   #142
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If you feel so bad about taking money, then don't take it. Get a job.
I have a few lined up for interviews. I can't live on nothing, and I don't expect to run him dry. I just need a little bit of support until I can be financially stable.
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Old 19th June 2018, 11:24 AM   #143
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If you want to show some class on your way out you can take it easy on your stbxh and pull your punches in court a bit. You havent exactly been the best wife so maybe you shouldn't get to live off him like a leech after divorce.
What I could get and what I want to ask for are two different things. I could go after half his pension during our marriage, spousal support for up to five years, and all that but I'm not going too. I want some reasonable support for up to six months so I can get established in a job.
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Old 19th June 2018, 11:27 AM   #144
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Are you going to have custody of ALL the kids?
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Old 19th June 2018, 11:34 AM   #145
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Are you going to have custody of ALL the kids?
For the two kids, we agreed on 50-50 physical and legal custody. I have no desire to take away time from their father as I have a desire to lose time with them. If the other man decides to pursue a paternity suit, then we'll go from there. My husband knows the risks, and even with things in our favour regarding that, he told me not to worry about it.

Last edited by TheRainbow; 19th June 2018 at 11:43 AM..
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Old 19th June 2018, 1:04 PM   #146
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12 more days.

Tonight we tell our eldest daughter about our impending separation. My husband is continuing to try to emotionally distance himself and I see the struggle. I just hope he does unravel once everything is said and done. His last day is the 22nd before he makes his transfer. So we'll be going full force in packing up. I know that week will be the most trying.
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Old 20th June 2018, 6:11 AM   #147
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Just try to hang in there...

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12 more days.

Tonight we tell our eldest daughter about our impending separation. My husband is continuing to try to emotionally distance himself and I see the struggle. I just hope he does unravel once everything is said and done. His last day is the 22nd before he makes his transfer. So we'll be going full force in packing up. I know that week will be the most trying.
Just try to hang in there... and get through all of it.

I really hope that you continue to urge your H to get counseling so that he can figure out what his issues are and why he allowed himself to be treated this way. He has huge self worth issues, at a magnitude that is seldom seen.

And for you, once you get settled, girl, you have to figure out what is going on with you, because if you don't figure out what your issue is, it will cause you so much trouble as you go through life...
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Old 20th June 2018, 8:26 PM   #148
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We told our daughter about our separation. She asked me if it was because of "other man" name. I asked her why she thought that. She said she overheard her dad and I talk about him. I admitted to her that I had hurt her "dad" and yes that man is partly involved. We didn't tell her about her sister's true paternity. She's upset and is begging us not to split up. SHe is not talking to either of us.
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Old 20th June 2018, 10:12 PM   #149
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I recently told my husband that I didn't love him anymore. I care about him as a person but I realize I don't want to stay married. I don't know if I ever really wanted to be married. I either can't or won't commit and I don't know why. I have a loving husband, two great kids, a great house and career but I'm not satisfied. I told my husband I want a divorce but he doesn't. He doesn't know our youngest may not be his. I'm a piece of work I know. He wants to try counselling, but I just want to free. I want to work on being a good mother and not continuing to drag him through the mud.

If anyone read all this, do you have any advice?
The only advice is to divorce your husband, without any condition or reservation. I don't judge your past behavior - I have opinions about it, but that's really between you and your husband and your God (or conscience).

But whatever your past wrongs, you now have the chance to do something ethical, something right, which is to give your husband the opportunity to confront reality. You have a legal marriage, an institutional marriage, but it's a marriage with no other foundation. Your husband wants to imagine and hope that he can build a marriage on a foundation of love, but you know that it doesn't exist, and that it will never exist. If he won't do you the favor of taking the hint, if he won't do you the favor of being the person responsible for making the final decision to end the marriage, then as someone who knows the reality of your relationship, the best, most ethical thing you can do is to help make the decision for him. End your marriage.
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Old 20th June 2018, 10:22 PM   #150
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The only advice is to divorce your husband, without any condition or reservation.
We are seperated as of July 1st.
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