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Would like to get a Man's POV - Husband Acting Strange


Marriage & Life Partnerships Debunking the old-ball-and-chain stereotype one couple at a time.

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Old 5th March 2018, 6:57 PM   #61
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It may be useful to put your Father in a hotel when he visits.

It's good you work. You can support yourself.
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Old 5th March 2018, 7:42 PM   #62
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Just a quick question...why do you not acknowledge and or address any of the comments made by those you asked for POV? Are you searching for someone who will endorse your activities?
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Old 5th March 2018, 7:46 PM   #63
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Just a quick question...why do you not acknowledge and or address any of the comments made by those you asked for POV? Are you searching for someone who will endorse your activities?
Fair question - I've liked a few comments on here and responded to several questions. I appreciate all the feedback, some of which is productive and even those that have hurtful comments - I value them all.

So I believe (to your question) I have acknowledged several comments. I'm not looking for endorsement.
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Old 5th March 2018, 7:59 PM   #64
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Originally Posted by Whoknew30 View Post
Hello, I have Gone through what you’re going through now. I cheated & later found out my husband did too & we’ve been together since kids.

I’m with you, I cant be controlled & if told not to do something will probably run to do it even faster. I’m not like the typical WW on on this board. I still go out with my friends, on vacations with them & feel that no one should pay for a mistake that was supposedly forgiven.

If you really aren’t doing anything wrong, just sit down & have a heart to heart with your husband. Come to some agreement that you will no longer delete messages (I do this too by habit). He’s feeling insecure & no one has a clear head when feeling that way.

You make him feel a tad bit more secure...things will go back to normal. Good luck!
Respectfully, I've gone back to check and the one comment that you liked was the one comment that basically told you that you had done nothing wrong.

My question is, do you plan to be honest with your father and tell him about your past infidelity, your lunch dates with your ex boss, and the lack of consideration you have shown toward your family with regard to the girls nights? Or, do you plan to blame your marriage problems on your husband...

If you are honest, what is your dad going to say? Do you think he would agree that you have done all you can to be a good and loving partner to your husband? What do you think he will suggest to fix it?
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Old 5th March 2018, 8:04 PM   #65
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What actions have YOU offered to your husband that will show him you intend to change? Have you apologized to him? If so, what did you say?
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Old 5th March 2018, 8:06 PM   #66
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Maybe it's time to make effort for your husband. Get up several hours early, make him breakfast and sit down to talk to him before he leaves.
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Old 5th March 2018, 10:44 PM   #67
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Being cheated on is something you never forget. Forgive, sure but forget ...never. You seem unable to put yourself in his shoes. Your behavior is so cleary trigger inducing. Many are telling you this, but you cannot or will not see. Old, unresolved issues tell you he is being controlling. You are on the verge of losing a good man. But you must have it your way.

Hard as one may try...they can never forget. It follows you, you fight internally not to carry that suspicion into the next relationship. Yes - years later.

Adjust your behavior and attitude or say goodbye to your marriage. I suppose then you can have all the gno and ex boss lunches you desire. No more controlling husband asking you out to lunch or thinking of you before going off to hooters. Good looking, a good father and provider too? You are about to be in a world of hurt. There are lots of women looking for that man. They will take him up on a lunch offer in a heartbeat. You can have your ex boss and connections.

How free it must feel to be the betrayer, the one who just moves on and expects the betrayed to fall in line.
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Old 5th March 2018, 11:56 PM   #68
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You OP are simply clueless as a wife, who previously cheated...

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Originally Posted by steph1980nyc View Post
So as a woman, do you see a problem having lunch with a member of the opposite sex? How about if you're husband said it made him uncomfortable but didn't tell you to stop...but you kept doing it regardless? What do you mean about the struggle he's experiencing?

I don't understand his actions lately and he's certainly not telling me. Given that he hasn't gone out for months I haven't said much but the places he's going and his actions are making me grow suspicious of him.
You OP are simply clueless as a wife, who previously cheated...

First off, Baily is being super nice. You have zero consideration for your husband.

He is obviously a weak man, since he took you back. You would not be my wife to start with, and you sure would not be my wife now.

Since he was weak, and did not dump you. You had no reason to do anything but sweep it under the rug. Neither of you did the work to recover your relationship, and you sure did not.

Truth be told, you don't really have love or respect for him, based on your callous behavior.

But I have news for you, he is getting ready to divorce you, and it is coming fairly soon.

Of course he does not trust you, why would he?

I am sure that your "made a mistake" when you cheated before. And like a lot of stupid young guys he "Forgave you"... how sweet.

Are you really going to tell us you have not slept around on your husband since you have been married? Frankly, I don't believe it.

I assure you your husband does not believe you have not been sleeping around on you.

I really cannot believe that someone can actually be a clueless are you are and have been...
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Old 6th March 2018, 1:37 AM   #69
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Have you read the all too many threads here from men who suspect a cheating wife and then discover their fear is now their reality? Lunch dates, missing in action scenarios, deleted texts, gno with women on the prowl ...... all signs of an ongoing affair. Why should your husband not suspect an affair? Because you tell him itís not an affair? That didnít work real well for him the last time an A entered his life uninvited, did it?

Maybe he found an AP for a revenge affair. Maybe he is just looking. Seeking space is one of the chapters in The Cheaters Handbook. Is this his first solo trip to places unknown? Or as others have said D is soon to enter your life. Be prepared for either possibility. Or communicate with him as others have suggested here if you want to try to avoid divorce.

Or maybe he has figured out that you two are not compatible after 7 years of marriage.
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Old 6th March 2018, 2:39 AM   #70
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He may want to be away when you are served...
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Old 6th March 2018, 12:33 PM   #71
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Originally Posted by steph1980nyc View Post
I do love him, but feel its still controlling - that's just my feelings, my reality. In my past, I've had various folks be ultra controlling and I don't handle that well.

Why won't he simply reply to my texts, how can I engage with him if he won't communicate? Is it best I just back down and give him all the space he needs?
So him getting upset at your suspicious behavior because youíve cheated on him before is controlling but you being upset that heís not responding to your texts on your time table isnít?
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Old 6th March 2018, 12:38 PM   #72
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Touchť Cat...

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Originally Posted by CatMinx View Post
So him getting upset at your suspicious behavior because youíve cheated on him before is controlling but you being upset that heís not responding to your texts on your time table isnít?
Touchť Cat...

I am not sure OP will actually have the gumption to answer any of our questions.

But I will ask LS... Is it possible that a woman could actually be this clueless, or a man for that matter?
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Old 6th March 2018, 12:46 PM   #73
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Did you make effort to see him before he left today?
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Old 6th March 2018, 1:44 PM   #74
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Did you make effort to see him before he left today?
Yes, but believe it or not - he left even earlier than I was expecting. I got up an hour before his normal routine. He apparently left sometime before then - I'm not entirely convinced he stayed the entire night even at the house. Last night I heard him in the garage working out and knocked on the door saying we need to talk and he tells me go away and don't talk to me.

Before anyone says I wasn't listening or trying to meet with him this morning - We have a 3 story home and no alarm that would beep when he's opening the door. I sincerely tried to speak with him but was gone when I got up an hour before his normal routine.

I sent him a text last night asking if it's really over - he didn't reply. I sent him a text today asking what I could do - no reply. My father is almost in town and I hope he'll be able to talk to him or get him to open up.

At some point he will have to see me and we'll need to act like adults and discuss this - I don't know what he seeks to gain by avoiding me. It seems childish but i'm not a guy so I don't know what enters their head. I've read up on the forums about emotional unavailablity - maybe thats it?

Last edited by steph1980nyc; 6th March 2018 at 1:47 PM..
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Old 6th March 2018, 1:49 PM   #75
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Lord have mercy. Childish? You just can't own any part of this, can you. No wonder he doesn't want to talk to you. What would be the point?


And no, technically he never has to talk to you again, ever. No kids as far as I can see, so the divorce should be pretty doable through the lawyers.
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