Would like to get a Man's POV - Husband Acting Strange

[Silveron]

Hi Steph,

 

 

I didn't read the 30 pages but thought I could offer some advice. I'm male and married for almost 15 yrs. My wife was almost the same as you, her situation she emotionally (not sure if physically) cheated on me during our first year of marriage. She would at times go out and not tell me and even though it was only with the 'girls' it was easy for my imagination to run wild and wonder if something else was going on.

 

 

As for the one on one lunches, as a guy most guys are going to 'fish' especially if this other guy was single. As your husband would think, this other guy has nothing to lose. Often these guys would approach my wife at work and at some point either try to take her out or say something sexual and when they would not get the answer they wanted they would often try to make a joke out of it (like adding 'lol' to something makes it ok to say, right?)

 

 

Deleting messages on top of it makes it more suspicious. I don't believe your husband is insecure in personality, you just made him a nervous wreck. Not talking to you? That's called shutting down. I did it myself. It's when you are so emotionally exhausted that it's not worth discussing these issues because the guy knows not only will it continue but we will get bashed verbally.

 

 

As for drinking alone? I do it myself. I do it to blank my mind. Do attractive women approach me (and probably him), they do. However if he has morals then there are boundaries we don't cross. He does it so that he can break away from the stress he's under with you. If you are married and love him then stop acting suspicious to him. Communicate with him, if he talks to you don't interrupt him, try to understand him and change the things he's asking you to change.

 

 

I'm sure if you ask him, he does miss the woman he fell in love with.

[sandylee1]

I have to agree on this... plus I thought it was funny.

 

And Sandy, have you ever seen anyone in your work that was this out of touch with reality?

 

And it would go further. She seems to have put every single aspect of her life over her husband, children and her marriage.

 

AND, her tone seems fairly nonplussed about the whole situation.

 

I suspect that she really does not care, which is how she acted through out the whole marriage.

 

I am thinking the Karma bus is coming...

 

Blues - I know Steph has lost her sense of reality along the way, I won't lie... but the breakdown of a marriage where kids are involved isn't nice and always touches me.

 

I will admit, I am very perplexed with some of what Steph says..

.and with her failure to understand and empathise with her husband and what he's been through. ..but that doesn't mean I don't feel sorry for her too.

 

I know you guys don't think she deserves it.

 

Steph ... I don't think you ever thought your husband would leave you.

 

I think you thought he should be honoured to have a woman like you (great physique etc) as his wife.

 

Unless someone is totally docile. .they eventually get fed up of being treated like a doormat. It doesn't seem you thought this day would come.

 

Neverless. ..this isn't the end of the world. You have good health. ..2 lovely (I'm sure) kids and a good job. Count your blessings and hope to have a good co-parent relationship.

 

Your husband's parting words were that you've no respect for him ... has that sunk I'm? Have you reflected on those words?

[CatMinx]

Blues - I know Steph has lost her sense of reality along the way, I won't lie... but the breakdown of a marriage where kids are involved isn't nice and always touches me.

 

I will admit, I am very perplexed with some of what Steph says..

.and with her failure to understand and empathise with her husband and what he's been through. ..but that doesn't mean I don't feel sorry for her too.

 

I know you guys don't think she deserves it.

 

Steph ... I don't think you ever thought your husband would leave you.

 

I think you thought he should be honoured to have a woman like you (great physique etc) as his wife.

 

Unless someone is totally docile. .they eventually get fed up of being treated like a doormat. It doesn't seem you thought this day would come.

 

Neverless. ..this isn't the end of the world. You have good health. ..2 lovely (I'm sure) kids and a good job. Count your blessings and hope to have a good co-parent relationship.

 

Your husband's parting words were that you've no respect for him ... has that sunk I'm? Have you reflected on those words?

 

I’ve been saying all along how sorry I feel for the kids..but honestly, judging by some of her posts, it seems as though some of us are more concerned about her kids than she is (I.e. her post where she expresses disappointment that she cannot go out and party with her friends this weekend because her husband isn’t home with the kids). Hence my previous post.

[S2B]

I typically pick up the kids on Wednesday - we've always had a schedule for picking up the kids, sometimes its him, me or babysitter - until I hear otherwise I plan to stick to the schedule. If there was a change, certainly his fancy lawyer would have told me.

 

This is why I said I'll need to have a sit down with them tonight as I'm in a hotel for a week. I only booked a week to give him space to get what he wants/needs out of the home. He clearly wants space and no communication so that's what I am giving him. I'll re-evaluate in a week where things stand.

 

Luckily my father is in a hotel practically right next door so I do have some help.

 

 

Has your Dad always been one trying to fix things for you? Has he always taken care of things you should have done as a grown woman?

 

Why is your Dad so involved in your marriage and kids? It just makes it so that you don't have to be the one to fix things for yourself.

[Jamess1]

but the breakdown of a marriage where kids are involved isn't nice and always touches me.

 

This marriage was broken from day one. Behaviour always communicates more honestly than words : her cheating during the engagement was a clear message of the 'beta' role he was playing in the marriage.

 

but that doesn't mean I don't feel sorry for her too.

I felt sorry for his husband for the wasted years, living a lie. Single people have more sex in a month than he had in a year. The man who she cheated with got better enthusiastic sex, in quality, quantity and positions he would never had known with his wife.You can marry the woman and still be the loser, her ex-boss was in a better position than he was ( she was hot for him & wanted to fu@k him )

 

I know you guys think she deserves it.

No man deserves to stay 1 more day in such a marriage, it's not worth it. The only good that came out of this marriage was his two kids, besides that he was a brother to his wife at best.

 

[]

Edited March 23, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Topical content

[BettyDraper]

Your story demonstrates that everything taught in the ' Redpill ' community is accurate and pure gold !

 

Your husband 'unplugged from the matrix', he 'killed the beta' he realized the role he played in your 'sexual strategy', he was the 'beta bucks' the man you pair bond with for security, provisioning, comfort, spousal support and raising the kids. That explains the reward/transactional/duty sex you had with him through out the marriage (he role was never for breeding)

 

The man you cheated with was the 'alpha f**ks' guy: sex with him was 'validational' he genuinely aroused you. Even the attention an alpha e.g your ex- boss, is validating, because you perceived him as 'alpha'. Every woman subconsciously categories man into two categories : alpha seed and beta need.

 

This explains : "He had no emotion, just said - "why I allowed those activities with him but not with me"

 

Women have rabbit and enthusiastic sex with man they perceive to be alpha or high value : in fact we teach men that if a woman is unwilling to do certain sex acts with you she once did with an ex, dump her immediately no matter her rationalizing :it's not even a conscious thing on her part, you are a beta to her and she is an 'alpha widow'.

 

Your husband started to kill the beta within, and to have 'frame' in the relationship, to be an alpha, you even admitted that you started to get interested in him sexually when he behaved differently, started to dress better, work out and flirt with other women

 

I have no doubt that your husband came across the ' red pill' there is no other way he could have realized how pathetic his marriage was or how marrying you after you cheated was a wrong move that only confirmed his 'beta' status and mentality.

 

I am glad he ' unplugged ' and he could finally see you, his marriage, his life and himself clearly.

 

And now he can finally start rebuild on a solid foundation : his final red pill moment was the poly test : the moment he realized the utility he was in his own marriage.

 

With respect to the red pill, is sexual openness is more likely with a man who is Alpha? I'm curious about this because there were many sexual things I have only done with my husband. I just didn't feel comfortable with other men who wanted try certain sexual acts. Maybe I just wasn't attracted to them or marriage made me feel more secure?

 

In any case, what you have written here is a very astute observation. The tables are turning on the OP because her husband is no longer willing to be her beta bucks.

[ICEMAN69]

Hello -

 

First, I guess I should provide some background and some past activities that could be intruding on the present.

 

Hubby and I have been married 7 years, during the engagement I cheated on him. In time, he forgave and we moved forward. To my knowledge, he remained faithful during that time and I have zero reason to suspect otherwise.

 

{snip}

 

 

I'm sure others have pointed this out as I'm coming to this thread late, but you cheated on your husband during your engagement! It's great that he forgave you but forgiving doesn't necessarily equate to forgetting. He's probably never had a day of 100% trust since he found out. Your old boss may be a good mentor with plenty of contacts but is that really worth your marriage? Out of respect for your husband I'd honor what he's asking. You brought that one on yourself I'm afraid.

Edited June 5, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator