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Red flags all over??


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Old 3rd March 2018, 1:15 PM   #1
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Red flags all over??

Hi,

I've been dating a girl for about 3 months now and things are going pretty ok.
But as I've been getting to know her I have realized she has alot of guy friends.

I'm not a very jealous guy, but the things she has told me really makes me uncomfortable:

- She is leaving on a 2 weeks vacation with a guy she calls her bestfriend next week. She has told me nothing has happend between them, other than some spooning.

- She talks with one of her exes some, and are planning to meet him this summer.

- She has a 3-room appartment and has told one of her guy friends that they could move in to the guest room she has. I asked about this and for her it sounded like the most natural thing in the world, like "I have no problem sharing my appartment and living with someone here".

- She sleeps with a teddy bear her ex got her, like everyday. She says it makes her feel safe. I told her I thought it was weird, but she wasn't willing to do anything about it.

- She has told me alot about her sex experiences with other guys, like I wanna hear that? No thanks!

- The other night she spent the night over, we had a small fight, she leaves the bedroom to go call her bestfriend (same guy shes going on 2 weeks vacation with). The next day we were good friends again, but a bit quiet both of us, her bestfriend called and she lights up like a star! "Helloooo!".

I guess I don't really feel special to her when she gets all this attention from all these other guys.

Is this all in my head, or does this sound strange to you guys?

Thanks for any repsonse!
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Old 3rd March 2018, 1:50 PM   #2
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Some of it is Ok but some of it is absolutely not cool, like the vacation with her buddy. Have you met this guy? Were you invited on the vacation? She may have made the plans before she met you; heck I just booked a vacation for DH & I for Christmas & New Years but I'd be uneasy if I were you. When you combine it with everything else, I would not hold out much hope that nothing will happen between her & this guy while they are away together. If you are OK with a non-monogamous relationship, carry on. Otherwise, do what feels right to you.
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Old 3rd March 2018, 2:03 PM   #3
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Some of it is Ok but some of it is absolutely not cool, like the vacation with her buddy. Have you met this guy? Were you invited on the vacation? She may have made the plans before she met you; heck I just booked a vacation for DH & I for Christmas & New Years but I'd be uneasy if I were you. When you combine it with everything else, I would not hold out much hope that nothing will happen between her & this guy while they are away together. If you are OK with a non-monogamous relationship, carry on. Otherwise, do what feels right to you.
Thanks for the response!

I have not met this guy. They planned the trip like right before she met me, that's why I don't think I have anything to say about it, agreed?

She told me a little about this guy, and she said "when you meet him, don't be afraid that he is not talking too much with you, because he is observing you to see if you're a good match for me. He cares about me that way".

At this point I'm not holding much hope for this relationship. I think her and my view of what a relationship is is totally different.
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Old 3rd March 2018, 2:04 PM   #4
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Originally Posted by SerPundnes View Post
Hi,

I've been dating a girl for about 3 months now and things are going pretty ok.
But as I've been getting to know her I have realized she has a lot of guy friends.

I'm not a very jealous guy, but the things she has told me really makes me uncomfortable:

- She is leaving on a 2 weeks vacation with a guy she calls her best friend next week. She has told me nothing has happened between them, other than some spooning.

- She talks with one of her exes some, and are planning to meet him this summer.

- She has a 3-room apartment and has told one of her guy friends that they could move into the guest room she has. I asked about this and for her, it sounded like the most natural thing in the world, like "I have no problem sharing my apartment and living with someone here".

- She sleeps with a teddy bear her ex-got her, like every day. She says it makes her feel safe. I told her I thought it was weird, but she wasn't willing to do anything about it.

- She has a lot a lot abosexualher sexual experiences with other guys like I wanna hear that? No thanks!

- The other night she spent the night over, we had a small fight, she leaves the bedroom to go best friends friend (sashe'suy she's going on 2 weeks vacation with). The next day we were good friends again, but a bit quiet both of best first friend called and she lights up like a star! "Helloooo!".

I guess I don't really feel special to her when she gets all this attention from all these other guys.

Is this all in my head, or does this sound strange to you guys?

Thanks fresponsresponse!
I think the thing about her relaying details of her previous sexual experience is not ok under any circumstances. I've had exes do that. It makes you feel like what you have is no more different or special than what they've had before. It also makes me feel like more of a friend than the partner that they're going out with and it also makes me feel disrespected and kinda gross.
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Old 3rd March 2018, 2:06 PM   #5
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Originally Posted by SerPundnes View Post
Hi,

I've been dating a girl for about 3 months now and things are going pretty ok.
But as I've been getting to know her I have realized she has a lot of guy friends.

I'm not a very jealous guy, but the things she has told me really makes me uncomfortable:

- She is leaving on a 2 weeks vacation with a guy she calls her best friend next week. She has told me nothing has happened between them, other than some spooning.

- She talks with one of her exes some, and are planning to meet him this summer.

- She has a 3-room apartment and has told one of her guy friends that they could move into the guest room she has. I asked about this and for her, it sounded like the most natural thing in the world, like "I have no problem sharing my apartment and living with someone here".

- She sleeps with a teddy bear her ex-got her, like every day. She says it makes her feel safe. I told her I thought it was weird, but she wasn't willing to do anything about it.

- She has a lot a lot abosexualher sexual experiences with other guys like I wanna hear that? No thanks!

- The other night she spent the night over, we had a small fight, she leaves the bedroom to go best friends friend (sashe'suy she's going on 2 weeks vacation with). The next day we were good friends again, but a bit quiet both of best first friend called and she lights up like a star! "Helloooo!".

I guess I don't really feel special to her when she gets all this attention from all these other guys.

Is this all in my head, or does this sound strange to you guys?

Thanks fresponsresponse!
I think the thing about her relaying details of her previous sexual experience is not ok under any circumstances. I've had exes do that. It makes you feel like what you have is no more different or special than what they've had before. It also makes me feel like more of a friend than the partner that they're going out with and it also makes me feel disrespected and kinda gross. Are they saying what they've had previously was better than what they are getting with you? It's not acceptable.
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Old 3rd March 2018, 2:09 PM   #6
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Loads of red flags.

Why would you need to earn the approval of another man to date her?

No thank you on all fronts - I'd end it with anyone that needs to vacation with opposite sex while dating someone else.

She's bad news all around.
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Old 3rd March 2018, 2:13 PM   #7
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Originally Posted by Daisy-oliviaWentcher View Post
I think the thing about her relaying details of her previous sexual experience is not ok under any circumstances. I've had exes do that. It makes you feel like what you have is no more different or special than what they've had before. It also makes me feel like more of a friend than the partner that they're going out with and it also makes me feel disrespected and kinda gross. Are they saying what they've had previously was better than what they are getting with you? It's not acceptable.
Yes, exactly! I feel like "less of a man" .. Like I got nothing to give her. Nothing is special when I know shes been trying it all before.

She says sometimes "We have to try this or that, I really like that when it has happend before"
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Old 3rd March 2018, 2:16 PM   #8
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Loads of red flags.

Why would you need to earn the approval of another man to date her?

No thank you on all fronts - I'd end it with anyone that needs to vacation with opposite sex while dating someone else.

She's bad news all around.
She explained that to me so I wouldn't have to worry .. Loads of bull, if you ask me.

And about the 2 weeks vacation she told me "we are traveling around, so I don't know if we got seperate rooms or even seperate beds in all places, but that dosen't matter".

I feel really uncomfortable about the whole thing, not just the vacation, although that's 90% of it ..
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Old 3rd March 2018, 2:28 PM   #9
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She keeps throwing a load of crap your way to see how much you'll endure.

Why stay with her? You could've dating someone who hands you
Peace of mind - not all her bs.

Date someone who doesn't play all these games that are designed to see how much you'll put up with.
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Old 3rd March 2018, 2:34 PM   #10
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She keeps throwing a load of crap your way to see how much you'll endure.

Why stay with her? You could've dating someone who hands you
Peace of mind - not all her bs.

Date someone who doesn't play all these games that are designed to see how much you'll put up with.
You think that's what shes doing?
If that's the case, I think she knows I put up with alot .. Oh my ..
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Old 3rd March 2018, 3:35 PM   #11
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Originally Posted by SerPundnes View Post
She told me a little about this guy, and she said "when you meet him, don't be afraid that he is not talking too much with you, because he is observing you to see if you're a good match for me. He cares about me that way".
Have you asked her what would happen if her friend said he didn't like you? Think carefully before continuing a relationship like this... you will find yourself jumping through hoops set up by her orbiters. Then, you will find she was banging them all along...
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Old 3rd March 2018, 3:47 PM   #12
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Have you asked her what would happen if her friend said he didn't like you? Think carefully before continuing a relationship like this... you will find yourself jumping through hoops set up by her orbiters. Then, you will find she was banging them all along...
That's a very good point! I just asked about it and waiting for a respone, haha.

Yeah, these orbiters can cause trouble for me, I guess ..
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Old 3rd March 2018, 4:22 PM   #13
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Is her friend that she is going on holiday with gay? That would explain a lot.

If not...I dont think I would be able to stay in a relationship like this.

You should be her priority for living together, going on holiday etc.
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Old 3rd March 2018, 4:26 PM   #14
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Is her friend that she is going on holiday with gay? That would explain a lot.

If not...I dont think I would be able to stay in a relationship like this.

You should be her priority for living together, going on holiday etc.
Neither the friend that's going on vacation with her or the friend that was offered the guest room is gay ..

I asked her what she would do if her best friend didn't approve me, she told me "I have never listened to him, but in the end he is allways right" ..
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Old 3rd March 2018, 4:40 PM   #15
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Neither the friend that's going on vacation with her or the friend that was offered the guest room is gay ..

I asked her what she would do if her best friend didn't approve me, she told me "I have never listened to him, but in the end he is allways right" ..
There is something seriously wrong with this woman.

You have noticed the red flags... you know what to do.

3 months is not that long really. Find someone who appreciates you for you.
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