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Losing interest or is she just comfortable with me? Bad gut feeling!


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Old 1st January 2018, 10:09 PM   #1
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Losing interest or is she just comfortable with me? Bad gut feeling!

Early December I met this fantastic girl on POF. We met up, had lots to talk about and had so much in common. We ended up kissing and she told me to text her when I got home. I did and she suggested date #2. She also mentioned how amazing it was we had so much in common.

Date #2 led into date #3. We kept contact every day, mostly initiated by her. My replies would range from 30 mins to 2 hours as I was busy at work, whereas hers were 5-10 minutes. She initiated contact with me every day, using a lot of emojis and sending me 8-10 line texts, asking questions, etc. She even suggested meeting up Saturday 6th January, aka she arranged date #4 before we even had the 3rd date.

On date #3, I stepped it up a little. After we went to the museum, I reached for her hand and held it. She reciprocated and we walked to the cinema. In the cinema I put my arm around her and she cosied up to me. After half an hour, assuming her head was starting to hurt, I removed my arm from around her and she guided my arm to lock her hands with mine, then wrapped herself around my arm to cuddle up, etc.

It ended with me walking her to her car and we talked about the plans we had for date #4. Her words were "You can stay over at mine on Saturday night, if you want.. Seeing as the show will be finishing late". I said "Yeah, that sounds good".

I texted her when I got in and this was her response: https://m.imgur.com/a/BuSbl

However, the next day she reached out, we texted a bit, I felt like I got an odd response from her apologising for the way her morning text sounded: https://m.imgur.com/a/rPG0F

After that conversation, I mentioned to her that I booked the tickets for this coming weekend and she told me to let her know what she owes me. I told her it was a birthday treat and she didn't owe me anything (she'd previously said she thought it'd be nice if we went out the night before her birthday, so the night would run into her birthday). She replied "Thank you very much ". Usually uninterested girls will be insistent on splitting the bill, from what I've experienced.

The main problem I have is that my gut feels like something has changed with her. Compared to a few days ago, her texts are much shorter (they used to be essay length), not as many emojis and she takes a little longer to reply, 30-45 mins compared to 5-10 mins, although it's a bit of a mix. Whenever I bring flirting into it, she doesn't seem to respond to that part of my text whereas previously she would.

Our recent conversation: https://m.imgur.com/a/VKuNw

She initiated contact most days, everyday on days where I didn't initiate contact, however today she hasn't contacted. First day in nearly a month we haven't spoken, which confirms my gut feeling a little. I've initiated the last couple texts.

Just looking for an outside perspective. Anything to worry about or am I imagining problems? I just noticed a change in her texting with her length (half the length) and response time (her last couple of texts were quick though) and that she's not reaching out to me like she used to.. Could she be getting comfortable or possibly nervous/guarded about what could happen if I stay over at hers?

Does she seem like someone who's lost interest?

Thanks.

Last edited by Assassino; 1st January 2018 at 10:18 PM..
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Old 1st January 2018, 10:20 PM   #2
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I think you should try not to analyze things too much. It might be hard but it will destroy it. She's gone from writing books down to paragraphs. It might seem like a huge deal to you but try not too focus too much on it. Maybe she's been busy with the holidays. Conversation ebbs and flows. It could just be the natural decline that comes with familiarity. Try to relax. Good luck x (the x thing is contagious I swear)
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Old 1st January 2018, 10:23 PM   #3
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Originally Posted by Assassino View Post
Early December I met this fantastic girl on POF. We met up, had lots to talk about and had so much in common. We ended up kissing and she told me to text her when I got home. I did and she suggested date #2. She also mentioned how amazing it was we had so much in common.

Date #2 led into date #3. We kept contact every day, mostly initiated by her. My replies would range from 30 mins to 2 hours as I was busy at work, whereas hers were 5-10 minutes. She initiated contact with me every day, using a lot of emojis and sending me 8-10 line texts, asking questions, etc. She even suggested meeting up Saturday 6th January, aka she arranged date #4 before we even had the 3rd date.

On date #3, I stepped it up a little. After we went to the museum, I reached for her hand and held it. She reciprocated and we walked to the cinema. In the cinema I put my arm around her and she cosied up to me. After half an hour, assuming her head was starting to hurt, I removed my arm from around her and she guided my arm to lock her hands with mine, then wrapped herself around my arm to cuddle up, etc.

It ended with me walking her to her car and we talked about the plans we had for date #4. Her words were "You can stay over at mine on Saturday night, if you want.. Seeing as the show will be finishing late". I said "Yeah, that sounds good".

I texted her when I got in and this was her response: https://m.imgur.com/a/BuSbl

However, the next day she reached out, we texted a bit, I felt like I got an odd response from her apologising for the way her morning text sounded: https://m.imgur.com/a/rPG0F

After that conversation, I mentioned to her that I booked the tickets for this coming weekend and she told me to let her know what she owes me. I told her it was a birthday treat and she didn't owe me anything (she'd previously said she thought it'd be nice if we went out the night before her birthday, so the night would run into her birthday). She replied "Thank you very much ". Usually uninterested girls will be insistent on splitting the bill, from what I've experienced.

The main problem I have is that my gut feels like something has changed with her. Compared to a few days ago, her texts are much shorter (they used to be essay length), not as many emojis and she takes a little longer to reply, 30-45 mins compared to 5-10 mins, although it's a bit of a mix. Whenever I bring flirting into it, she doesn't seem to respond to that part of my text whereas previously she would.

Our recent conversation: https://m.imgur.com/a/VKuNw

She initiated contact most days, everyday on days where I didn't initiate contact, however today she hasn't contacted. First day in nearly a month we haven't spoken, which confirms my gut feeling a little. I've initiated the last couple texts.

Just looking for an outside perspective. Anything to worry about or am I imagining problems? I just noticed a change in her texting with her length (half the length) and response time (her last couple of texts were quick though) and that she's not reaching out to me like she used to.. Could she be getting comfortable or possibly nervous/guarded about what could happen if I stay over at hers?

Does she seem like someone who's lost interest?

Thanks.
I'm usually very good at reading into text messages (I've always pretty much been right when I noticed a shift in how they text, shortly thereafter, they told me they weren't into me anymore).

However, in this case, I think she's still into you, but possibly being a bit nervous. The fact that she isn't reaching out to you like she used to be could be a little concerning, but nothing to get concerned with right now.
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Old 1st January 2018, 10:24 PM   #4
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I'm not sure if she has lost interest or not, but based on this and your last few posts I can say for certain that you are a man who is insecure and anxious about dating.

You have been hurt in the past, and your anxiety is getting the better of you still. Try to relax and let it play out... it's too early to be this invested with a girl.

You need to try and find a way to get comfortable with the uncertainty that occurs when dating/early in a new relationships. Good luck!
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Old 1st January 2018, 10:35 PM   #5
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Originally Posted by Cookiesandough View Post
I think you should try not to analyze things too much. It might be hard but it will destroy it. She's gone from writing books down to paragraphs. It might seem like a huge deal to you but try not too focus too much on it. Maybe she's been busy with the holidays. Conversation ebbs and flows. It could just be the natural decline that comes with familiarity. Try to relax. Good luck x (the x thing is contagious I swear)
Haha, honestly the x's don't bother me and I'd be happy to put one (or none at all) but mirroring is usually a good indirect way of showing interest. It's why I thought it was odd when she put one, then she felt the need to apologise for it?

But hey, we have our date this Saturday. I guess I notice slight changes in patterns and routines, etc so assumed something was off.

We haven't spoken today but she'll be asleep now. Should I drop her a text tomorrow or just let her reach out to me? There was a movie on TV last night that she loves, was going to say that I saw it and it reminded me of her.
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Old 1st January 2018, 10:40 PM   #6
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Originally Posted by newyorker11356 View Post
I'm usually very good at reading into text messages (I've always pretty much been right when I noticed a shift in how they text, shortly thereafter, they told me they weren't into me anymore).

However, in this case, I think she's still into you, but possibly being a bit nervous. The fact that she isn't reaching out to you like she used to be could be a little concerning, but nothing to get concerned with right now.
I mean it's only been ONE day of no contact from each other, I shouldn't be concerned. I'm just concerned at the fact that if she doesn't hear from me all day, she always reached out, yet today she hadn't.

Her texts might not be essay like now, but they do seem to be "short and sweet". She uses the red cheek smiley face a lot and still asks me questions.. Even when I said I'd be paying for both of our tickets for this Saturday for her birthday, I was testing her reaction to see how keen she was to "go halves", but she was very accepting and said "Thank you very much ". Past experiences with my ex and other dates have told me a girl will be VERY adamant in splitting the cost if they're not interested romantically.

Here was the exact part of that conversation: https://imgur.com/a/fGS3G

Last edited by Assassino; 1st January 2018 at 10:43 PM..
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Old 1st January 2018, 10:48 PM   #7
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I'm not sure if she has lost interest or not, but based on this and your last few posts I can say for certain that you are a man who is insecure and anxious about dating.

You have been hurt in the past, and your anxiety is getting the better of you still. Try to relax and let it play out... it's too early to be this invested with a girl.

You need to try and find a way to get comfortable with the uncertainty that occurs when dating/early in a new relationships. Good luck!
Annoyingly I've been doing so good so far! This whole past month I've not had a single bit of doubt until now, which is why I thought there must be something wrong.

Going from essay length texts to half the length, response time a little mixed compared to before, but she does still ask questions and you can see her currently texting style in the pictures I've provided.

Her not reaching out to me on Monday was a little odd, but I don't know if that was because I said happy new year early Monday and I didn't respond to her reply.

Possibly she's nervous for what "could happen" this Saturday? Could she be purposely withdrawing to see if I'll reach out and to see if I'm genuinely interested in her? (aka not just for the sex that could happen).

I'm thinking I should text her tomorrow or maybe let her reach out? One of her favourite movies was on tv the other night and I was going to mention it saying I saw it and it reminded me of her, but not sure that sounds a little keen. Either I'll say that or mention I'm looking forward to seeing her again on Saturday.

Last edited by Assassino; 1st January 2018 at 10:51 PM..
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Old 1st January 2018, 11:13 PM   #8
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Does she seem like someone who's lost interest?
Not in the least bit.
Let me guess, you're in your teens?
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Old 1st January 2018, 11:18 PM   #9
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Haha, honestly the x's don't bother me and I'd be happy to put one (or none at all) but mirroring is usually a good indirect way of showing interest. It's why I thought it was odd when she put one, then she felt the need to apologise for it?

But hey, we have our date this Saturday. I guess I notice slight changes in patterns and routines, etc so assumed something was off.

We haven't spoken today but she'll be asleep now. Should I drop her a text tomorrow or just let her reach out to me? There was a movie on TV last night that she loves, was going to say that I saw it and it reminded me of her.
I think the text would be nice. I get a little exhausted when I have to do a lot of the initiating or I think I might be pestering the person by being too long-winded or talking about how soft my pillow is. She may be wrestling with the same issue. Yeah, I think the text would be fine. It's thoughtful
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Old 1st January 2018, 11:23 PM   #10
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Not in the least bit.
Let me guess, you're in your teens?
Embarrassingly not.. We're both 25. I try to vent to complete strangers as an output for my insecurity. It helps to see what an outside perspective can offer.

I worry a lot, I'll admit that. I've had every relationship and date go downhill. My longest official relationship is 2 months and I've had about 4 of them. I rarely get past two dates, yet I've had three with this girl because we click and have so much in common. It's knocked my confidence but I don't want to mess it up.

Worried my gut feeling is that she could've met someone else, hence the change in her texting.. But from our recent interactions, if you suggest she seems interested then fair enough.

When I wished her merry christmas, I did throw quite a few emojis in and she copied me with that. Whereas with my happy new year text, I just said happy new year.. Maybe she thought something is up or I've gone off her, hence she hasn't reached out, who knows.
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Old 1st January 2018, 11:27 PM   #11
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I think the text would be nice. I get a little exhausted when I have to do a lot of the initiating or I think I might be pestering the person by being too long-winded or talking about how soft my pillow is. She may be wrestling with the same issue. Yeah, I think the text would be fine. It's thoughtful
Everyone's advice on this forum seems to be if you send something like "such and such made me think of you" and she likes you, she's going to accept it. I'd imagine if something like that was to put a girl off, she wasn't interested in the first place.

Okay, I'll roll with it. She's done 75-80% of the initiating this past month so I can imagine it's tiring. Maybe she's holding back to see if I'm genuinely interested in her, especially if she's suggested I stay over at hers this weekend and maybe she wants to confirm I'm not just seeing her this week for sex (if it happens).

We have a date planned for this Saturday with the tickets costing 50 so I'm hopeful she won't flake, especially with it being her birthday the day after. I'll judge her body language in person and I'll get my answer if she's up for meeting for date #5.
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Old 1st January 2018, 11:32 PM   #12
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OP, you're still a young lad so you're off the hook
The more you worry about messing it up, the bigger the chances you will. Sit back and just enjoy the moment. I know, easier said than done.
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Old 1st January 2018, 11:34 PM   #13
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Everyone's advice on this forum seems to be if you send something like "such and such made me think of you" and she likes you, she's going to accept it. I'd imagine if something like that was to put a girl off, she wasn't interested in the first place.

Okay, I'll roll with it. She's done 75-80% of the initiating this past month so I can imagine it's tiring. Maybe she's holding back to see if I'm genuinely interested in her, especially if she's suggested I stay over at hers this weekend and maybe she wants to confirm I'm not just seeing her this week for sex (if it happens).
Yes, exactly. If her dream guy says something super sweet and thoughtful to her she's going to melt. Hopefully, you are that dream guy. The problem is only encountered when men believe the super sweet stuff - and as much of it as possible - is the only thing needed to make them her dream guy. Big mistake.

There is going overboard with it, but I think you're far from that. I will admit, if I had to write all that ...all those emojis and xxxxx's and talking about yellow raincoats I srsly just put myself out of my misery. But everyone is different and some people enjoy it.

Have fun on your date!!!
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Old 1st January 2018, 11:35 PM   #14
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OP, you're still a young lad so you're off the hook
The more you worry about messing it up, the bigger the chances you will. Sit back and just enjoy the moment. I know, easier said than done.
Thanks! Funny you should say that, it's made me worry about what to say tomorrow and the interaction which is taking the fun out of it. Prior to this I had no worries and loved texting her, so I need to get back to that and think "who cares how the interaction goes, we have a date this weekend. If she likes me she'll make it easy for me. If she doesn't, why would I waste time on a girl that's uninterested".
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Old 1st January 2018, 11:40 PM   #15
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Yes, exactly. If her dream guy says something super sweet and thoughtful to her she's going to melt. Hopefully, you are that dream guy. The problem is only encountered when men believe the super sweet stuff - and as much of it as possible - is the only thing needed to make them her dream guy. Big mistake.

There is going overboard with it, but I think you're far from that. I will admit, if I had to write all that ...all those emojis and xxxxx's and talking about yellow raincoats I srsly just put myself out of my misery. But everyone is different and some people enjoy it.

Have fun on your date!!!
Just to note, the green replies are me and the grey ones are her (if you're unsure).

But yeah, that's why I'm concerned because her texts don't seem to have as much effort put into them like they used to. I kind of feel like she's just being polite, but there's a date to look forward to.

I'll update if anything drastic happens. My gut feeling has usually been correct, but let's hope her change in text behaviour is down to nerves of me staying over this weekend or that she's comfortable and doesn't feel the need to make more effort rather than lack of interest or her talking to someone else.
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