trippi1432 Posted February 16, 2016 Share Posted February 16, 2016 I've noticed on OLD that there are a lot of men in this category, I've always been a bit apprehensive about dating men like this as I've been married, raised kids...etc., or that they might be fakes/scammers...etc. I typically delete them, not respond or considered them unavailable emotionally. Have any other women met men like this on OLD? Link to post Share on other sites
Buddhist Posted February 16, 2016 Share Posted February 16, 2016 You might not want to let your blind prejudices get in the way of dating. Wow, 40 never been married = scammer or emotionally unavailable. Not everyone has kids, not everyone marries it doesn't mean there is something wrong with them. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
deckard11 Posted February 16, 2016 Share Posted February 16, 2016 Wow, so that's why no women ever return my messages. Seriously though, for my situation I'm 41, no kids (and don't want them) and have never been married or ever been in a relationship for that matter. Not my fault because God knows I've tried. You women shouldn't be so judgmental and shallow because a grown man has never been married or has kids. Maybe he doesn't want either. Link to post Share on other sites
Author trippi1432 Posted February 16, 2016 Author Share Posted February 16, 2016 Actually that is why I put this out there, I do want to hear from both sides, and thank you for your responses. I've just figured that having been married and having kids, men like this wouldn't see me as relationship material to be honest. Link to post Share on other sites
Author trippi1432 Posted February 16, 2016 Author Share Posted February 16, 2016 You might not want to let your blind prejudices get in the way of dating. Wow, 40 never been married = scammer or emotionally unavailable. Not everyone has kids, not everyone marries it doesn't mean there is something wrong with them. Buddhist - Just to clarify scammer, free OLD and South Africa in the military guy which typically winds up asking for money and a green card. There are people out there that steal profiles and do that. I've never sent money to one but did recently give one of those on OKC a fake email account until he got booted. Please don't take that the wrong way...OLD is just OLD. In the meantime, I've met a guy in his late 40's IRL. You are correct in perhaps a blind prejudice...I just didn't think a guy at that age would be interested in a woman who has been married and has grown kids. Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted February 16, 2016 Share Posted February 16, 2016 I am very near that age, never married and never had kids. For some of us we are just unlucky in that we haven't met anyone we want to marry and have kids with yet. Or you could call it lucky that we were not so stupid to cause all that heart break and make a massive mistake... Think of it what you will. Personally I am not going to write of either group. Each of us has our own story and/ or reasons... My preference is unmarried and with out kids because that is where I am at but I am not going to write a decent man off just because he made a mistake. That would just be foolish in my opinion. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
still_an_Angel Posted February 16, 2016 Share Posted February 16, 2016 How does being over 40, never married and no kids equate to being emotionally unavailable? This guy might have been too engrossed in his career or had a long engagement that did not turn to marriage, etc. There are a whole range of reasons. Don't write them off immediately, there could be a match for you in that pool of men. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Otter2569 Posted February 16, 2016 Share Posted February 16, 2016 As a guy, when I was first divorced I thought unmarried women without kids was the way to go - no baggage or drama. well I found out quickly I was wrong. In most cases there is a reason they were never married. Not to say thats the case with all of them. since i have been married and have kids i find I relate more to people that have been in my situation. Like everything with OLD - proceed with caution!! 6 Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted February 16, 2016 Share Posted February 16, 2016 (edited) When I was using OLD I was almost 40, no kids, but divorced. I found that being divorced put off a lot of women. In fact my partner said she almost didn't respond to me because of my divorced status, but her sister was also divorced, told her it didn't mean anything, and talked her into it. Talk about a no-win situation eh! Being divorced is a deal breaker to some, and never having been married is a deal breaker to others. Just goes to show, you can't please all of the people, all of the time!! OP, if ruling out men who have not been married gives you good results, then keep at it. If you're not getting the results you desire, may be time to revisit your policy. Edited February 16, 2016 by PegNosePete 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BluEyeL Posted February 16, 2016 Share Posted February 16, 2016 I share your cautious attitude on this. If not very socially awkward , there are higher chances that a man over 40 hasn't been married because he didn't want to and will be likely to repeat his patterns. If you're looking to get married eventually , divorced men are likely to get married again in a higher proportion than men who are over 40 and had never done it. Yo have to look at their patterns and relationship history, it is important. It's not that 100% of them will never marry but on average, lower chances. I've ignored this when I was dating and I've dated one of those. Plus he didn't have a relationship history, just short relationships . He of course dumped me right on schedule :/ Not a big loss but just saying don't delete them but keep your caution. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted February 16, 2016 Share Posted February 16, 2016 If you're looking to get married eventually , divorced men are likely to get married again in a higher proportion than men who are over 40 and had never done it. Yes, and 2nd marriages also have a higher failure rate. If you're looking to stay married, then men who have been never married are a safer bet... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
LookAtThisPOst Posted February 16, 2016 Share Posted February 16, 2016 I am very near that age, never married and never had kids. For some of us we are just unlucky in that we haven't met anyone we want to marry and have kids with yet. Or you could call it lucky that we were not so stupid to cause all that heart break and make a massive mistake... Think of it what you will. Personally I am not going to write of either group. Each of us has our own story and/ or reasons... My preference is unmarried and with out kids because that is where I am at but I am not going to write a decent man off just because he made a mistake. That would just be foolish in my opinion. Funny this topic was brought up. Me and my never been married, no kids, 50-something female friend were discussing this. And she was told by another friend that it's probably more seen as a step above the divorcee's as he labeled that don't have any failed marriages under our belt. There was a time divorcee's were seen as flawed back in the day when people thought, "Hm, apparently they couldn't work on their marriage." But with how easily people tend to walk out of marriages at the drop of a hat...I'd be cautious more so of divorced people than those who have never been married because the trend of how people tend to give up and not even be willing to address the problems in their marriage. Though I am open to dating divorced women, I would try to find out what lead up to their divorce. If she just woke up one morning and decided to not be married, then I'd be leary. If the woman was abused , he was an adulterer and/or an addict...then that would be understandable. So I'd question the nature of the divorce pretty much. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BluEyeL Posted February 16, 2016 Share Posted February 16, 2016 Yes, and 2nd marriages also have a higher failure rate. If you're looking to stay married, then men who have been never married are a safer bet... I don't think so. If you're not getting married it's hard to stay married anyway. Just saying. Yes second marriages have a higher divorce rate but you have to control for demographics . 3 Link to post Share on other sites
LookAtThisPOst Posted February 16, 2016 Share Posted February 16, 2016 Yes, and 2nd marriages also have a higher failure rate. If you're looking to stay married, then men who have been never married are a safer bet... Agreed. I was actually desiring of getting married in my 20s while in college and shortly there after. Don't get me wrong, I still do. But...I'm not a casanova, "hunk" of sorts...So I'm not one of those guys that can get 3 dates a week. I've already emailed the women on POF or OK Cupid that DO live close, with no response...funny, the same faces are STILL on the site. lol Guess they want perfection. My first girlfriend ever was in my mid-20s and we met online and found out later I was more of a rebound and I was counting on a serious future with her. Back then, online dating was a dirty little secret for her. In fact, she told her mother we met by other means in real life. Link to post Share on other sites
joseb Posted February 16, 2016 Share Posted February 16, 2016 Yes, and 2nd marriages also have a higher failure rate. If you're looking to stay married, then men who have been never married are a safer bet... +1 Was about to type exact same Link to post Share on other sites
LookAtThisPOst Posted February 16, 2016 Share Posted February 16, 2016 +1 Was about to type exact same Right, singles who are looking for future prospects don't look beyond their nose. I think every sentence when it comes to dating should be concluded with, "...if you're looking for a long term relationship/marriage." 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted February 16, 2016 Share Posted February 16, 2016 I don't know.. all the guys I know that have never been married, don't have kids and many haven't been in many long term relationships are just broken guys with issues... Not saying they are all like that but the few I know or have known are. With PNP, he was divorced.. so his scenario doesn't fit what the OP is asking about... On the flip side of it, shrinking your dating pool is never really a good idea unless you are fine tuning what you are looking for and can live with your decision. I would think for those guys that a different set of first date questions might be in order in order to flush out if they are single, never been married at their age from being EUA or from circumstances beyond their control.. I know my first marriage ended by my hand but I never thought in a million years I would have been in my late 30's and divorced. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
LookAtThisPOst Posted February 16, 2016 Share Posted February 16, 2016 I don't know.. all the guys I know that have never been married, don't have kids and many haven't been in many long term relationships are just broken guys with issues... Not saying they are all like that but the few I know or have known are. With PNP, he was divorced.. so his scenario doesn't fit what the OP is asking about... On the flip side of it, shrinking your dating pool is never really a good idea unless you are fine tuning what you are looking for and can live with your decision. I would think for those guys that a different set of first date questions might be in order in order to flush out if they are single, never been married at their age from being EUA or from circumstances beyond their control.. I know my first marriage ended by my hand but I never thought in a million years I would have been in my late 30's and divorced. Right, you have to take it on a case-by-case basis. Believe it or not, my deal breaker is being involved with women who have been divorced twice. You wouldn't believe how may I've come across that are in ther 40s. Link to post Share on other sites
Arieswoman Posted February 16, 2016 Share Posted February 16, 2016 OP, My (2nd) husband was in this category, but I didn't meet him via OLD but through church. He had been out of the dating pool because he'd been in the military and posted abroad (outside UK). He also had had commitments with an elderly mother that had taken up his time. So when I met him I knew that here was a guy with no baggage, who could cook, sew, shop, clean and who was caring and responsible. So don't be so quick to jump to conclusions ! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author trippi1432 Posted February 16, 2016 Author Share Posted February 16, 2016 Thanks everyone, lots of good feedback and a lot to think about. I've even steered away from currently separated and had a preference for divorced just due to not wanting to be a "rebound" for someone. Amazing how that dating pool keeps shrinking based on that as well. Interestingly enough, this guy has had LTR's and has been engaged before. Two things, he's either never found the "Right One" or, as he had stated, not "The One" for some of the women he's dated. Myself, I've been in a few LTR's since my divorce almost six years ago, so I can relate to either not being "the One" or them not being "the One". I feel like this is the first guy I've dated that seems to have it "together" which is nice to be honest. At this point, I'm not in any rush to marry again, but just as he has stated.....I'm not against it either if the right person comes along. I have been married twice and I may be the bigger risk when it comes to those stats on divorcee's, so yes, shrinking my options has probably not been a good idea. In so far, as we have discussed, we have been talking and dating for six weeks now and are both open to seeing where this goes exclusively. Again, a lot of good points made here from other members. Thank you all for the feedback so far. Link to post Share on other sites
Author trippi1432 Posted February 16, 2016 Author Share Posted February 16, 2016 OP, My (2nd) husband was in this category, but I didn't meet him via OLD but through church. He had been out of the dating pool because he'd been in the military and posted abroad (outside UK). He also had had commitments with an elderly mother that had taken up his time. So when I met him I knew that here was a guy with no baggage, who could cook, sew, shop, clean and who was caring and responsible. So don't be so quick to jump to conclusions ! Good point Arieswoman, and so far, from what I've noticed this guy may even be better in all of that than I am. :o 1 Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted February 16, 2016 Share Posted February 16, 2016 There are many reasons why men never got married. A lot of them having nothing to do with them not being able to be a good BF/husband. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Httm Posted February 16, 2016 Share Posted February 16, 2016 I just didn't think a guy at that age would be interested in a woman who has been married and has grown kids. Umm, why not? What does one thing have to do with the other? As for separated, I'd stay away from anyone who hasn't been fully divorced for at least a year. Separated is still married, and if they are dragging their feet or have a big battle, then they won't be ready for a while. Takes time ot heal and that healing starts AFTER the divorce is final. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BluEyeL Posted February 16, 2016 Share Posted February 16, 2016 Thanks everyone, lots of good feedback and a lot to think about. I've even steered away from currently separated and had a preference for divorced just due to not wanting to be a "rebound" for someone. Amazing how that dating pool keeps shrinking based on that as well. Interestingly enough, this guy has had LTR's and has been engaged before. Two things, he's either never found the "Right One" or, as he had stated, not "The One" for some of the women he's dated. Myself, I've been in a few LTR's since my divorce almost six years ago, so I can relate to either not being "the One" or them not being "the One". I feel like this is the first guy I've dated that seems to have it "together" which is nice to be honest. At this point, I'm not in any rush to marry again, but just as he has stated.....I'm not against it either if the right person comes along. I have been married twice and I may be the bigger risk when it comes to those stats on divorcee's, so yes, shrinking my options has probably not been a good idea. In so far, as we have discussed, we have been talking and dating for six weeks now and are both open to seeing where this goes exclusively. Again, a lot of good points made here from other members. Thank you all for the feedback so far. It's good that he's been engaged before. I wonder why the engagement ended? Divorced twice is also a red flag....so you both should proceed with caution Link to post Share on other sites
Author trippi1432 Posted February 16, 2016 Author Share Posted February 16, 2016 It's good that he's been engaged before. I wonder why the engagement ended? Divorced twice is also a red flag....so you both should proceed with caution He's informed me of the reason and I feel it was a reasonable one. If it were a red flag, I would open that up for discussion, but not anymore wrong than my asking for financial protection when I married my ex. In my case, the first divorce was in my early 20's when I wouldn't take my ex back after he abandoned our daughter and I and had knocked up the woman he had been cheating with. The second was a 15 year relationship (3 years of that married) in which my exH left. He took up immediately with someone else and is remarried. Well past all of that now six years later and one of this gentleman's worries was of women who go back to their ex's. Not even a red flag in my case. I guess a concern over not having any kids is that pinched face look I get from women who think a man who had never parented would be a risk. I've had relationships since divorce with a guy who was divorced and no kids, but his marriage busted up because of her kids, yet he was very respectful to mine. And I've had a long term relationship that probably would have ended in marriage had it not been that the guy wanted out because he didn't like my kids (however, he didn't seem to be very close to his own kids). I guess it can go either way. Like I said though, I've just overlooked this category of men on dating sites because I didn't think they would want to date a woman with children and/or the notion that they would be looking at younger women to settle down with to have children. Link to post Share on other sites
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