Is there a double standard in terms of a man's salary & a woman's salary in dating?

[NJ123]

I know there's gold diggers out there of course, but women in general, do they seem less inclined to date a man with a low salary even if he can take care of himself on it? While men don't care as much & wouldn't eliminate her if she doesn't make that much money.

[Gaeta]

Depends on many aspects and circumstances.

 

At my age I don't care at all about that. I am at an age where I have reached financial stability and my dreams don't exceed my means. As long as he works, enjoys what he does, is able to provide for himself, it's all good to me. Most men I have dated earned less. I don't need man to give me a better life style, or bigger house, or treat me to restaurants and such.

 

On the other hand my best friend is my age, similar earning, and she refuses to date a man that does not earn close to her salary. It has nothing to do with her being a gold digger. She was married for 20 years, her husband was irresponsible with his money so she ended up supporting the family all of those years. She has been burnt and now she just wants someone who's financially her equal. I find it understandable.

 

My daughter is 27. She is from a younger generation. She is career oriented, she understands if in life she wants nice things then she will have to give them to herself and not count on a man. So of course she does not care how much a man makes. She has her own plans and don't wait on a man to treat her or give her a life style she fancies. But of course she is my kid and the apple never fall far from the tree :-)

[Lernaean_Hydra]

I know there's gold diggers out there of course, but women in general, do they seem less inclined to date a man with a low salary even if he can take care of himself on it? While men don't care as much & wouldn't eliminate her if she doesn't make that much money.

 

Sure, sometimes but I can't say I've witnessed this with any great significance.

 

Men no longer being sole breadwinners and women in the workforce to this extent and earning equal, or even greater pay than their male counterparts is a relatively recent occurrence. Some people (men and women) still hold to this more traditional ideal that a man should earn more or at least an income substantial to support a household on one income if need be, which readily explains why some women eliminate men with low(er) salaries and some men don't care about a woman's income at all. A man with a low salary makes that significantly less possible.

 

As for the reason some women are less inclined to date a low salary man? It's not always greed or even traditionalism. Some women have previously had negative experiences with low salary males including dating someone who constantly struggled to pay for dates and activities, (even just his share), men who sought to use them for financial gain and having to deal with his own insecurities with having a low income.

 

Men, on the other hand often have had far fewer negative experiences with low(er) income women and thus continue not to mind. And then you often encounter men who are far more concerned with how attractive their partner is (and other qualities) when it comes to dating so income falls further and further down the list.

 

However I feel that the extent to which women care is greatly over-exaggerated. Personally, at present I don't care what a man earns as long as he can take care of himself and I know many women who feel the same.

Edited February 27, 2015 by Lernaean_Hydra

[NJ123]

Sure, sometimes but I can't say I've witnessed this with any great significance.

 

Men no longer being sole breadwinners and women in the workforce to this extent and earning equal, or even greater pay than their male counterparts is a relatively recent occurrence. Some people (men and women) still hold to this more traditional ideal that a man should earn more or at least an income substantial to support a household on one income if need be, which readily explains why some women eliminate men with low(er) salaries and some men don't care about a woman's income at all. A man with a low salary makes that significantly less possible.

 

As for the reason some women are less inclined to date a low salary man? It's not always greed or even traditionalism. Some women have previously had negative experiences with low salary males including dating someone who constantly struggled to pay for dates and activities, (even just his share), men who sought to use them for financial gain and having to deal with his own insecurities with having a low income.

 

Men, on the other hand often have had far fewer negative experiences with low(er) income women and thus continue not to mind. And then you often encounter men who are far more concerned with how attractive their partner is (and other qualities) when it comes to dating so income falls further and further down the list.

 

However I feel that the extent to which women care is greatly over-exaggerated. Personally, at present I don't care what a man earns as long as he can take care of himself and I know many women who feel the same.

 

I get this, but some women do this a lot too. That's why they have a label to them called gold diggers. But I understand how a lot of men could be insecure about the woman making a lot more.

[DukeNukem47]

From what I've seen, women care far more about what a man looks like than how much money he makes. And it's not even close, which is ultimately bad for men because you can change your income. Can't change your looks.

[NJ123]

From what I've seen, women care far more about what a man looks like than how much money he makes. And it's not even close, which is ultimately bad for men because you can change your income. Can't change your looks.

 

Well, the ones that are deemed as unattractive & add in low income status to that than their pretty much ****ed.

[Lernaean_Hydra]

I get this, but some women do this a lot too. That's why they have a label to them called gold diggers. But I understand how a lot of men could be insecure about the woman making a lot more.

 

Yes, we already know that some women do this...you said yourself, "That's why they have a label to them called gold diggers."

[Dybbuk]

I believe a double standard exists. After talking to close girlfriends, it seems more women do care what a man makes because of the idea that men are 'providers' vs. men caring how much their potential wife could earn.

 

I had one ex-friend tell me she wouldn't date a guy who made less than her as it was demeaning to her and the education she's worked hard for.

 

Quite frankly I find it all to be horse**** myself. Money can change at the drop of a hat. I could lose my job tomorrow. My BF could inherit money or over the years change jobs and make way more than me. Should those things happen... would our relationship survive if it was based on superficial parameters such as income OR sharing core beliefs/values and loving each other for who we are?

[NJ123]

Yes, we already know that some women do this...you said yourself, "That's why they have a label to them called gold diggers."

 

I don't get what you're trying to imply about me saying a woman that uses a man for his money is a gold digger.

[MrNate 2.0]

I don't think there's much of an double standard.

 

I'd have no problem dating a woman who made more than me.

 

My manhood is not reflected in my salary. I'm more than just my money.

[Lernaean_Hydra]

I don't get what you're trying to imply about me saying a woman that uses a man for his money is a gold digger.

 

Your post just seemed...redundant given you'd already established that in the OP...

[Radu]

I know there's gold diggers out there of course, but women in general, do they seem less inclined to date a man with a low salary even if he can take care of himself on it? While men don't care as much & wouldn't eliminate her if she doesn't make that much money.

 

I'll answer just the thread title ... yes, there is a double standard here, and it does not favor men.

[insert_name]

Why should a strong independent woman care how much money a man earns?

[Ethan78]

Why should a strong independent woman care how much money a man earns?

 

Are guys who work in IT making 100k a year necessarily a hit with the ladies. I think there is more to it, but for women it is about the idea of a guy being career minded and driven as well as the salary. Status and success are factors linked to financial success.

[No Limit]

I wouldn't care that much about his salary as I do about how he uses his money. If he's greedy to the point of serving me his scraps from yesterday I'm gone. If he spends too much or even "plays around" with it through gambling and betting, I'm out too.

 

Right now money doesn't matter that much for me but it will in the future, no doubt about that. My salary after studying medicine will be pretty high to enormously high (depending on what career I'll choose, a plastic surgeon will of course earn a lot more than your regular city clinic internist) and there are male gold diggers too out there.

[Lernaean_Hydra]

Why should a strong independent woman care how much money a man earns?

You realize you're the only one who's mentioned a "strong independent woman" right?

 

Nevertheless, why wouldn't she? Many people who have worked their asses off to be "strong and independent" don't look kindly on being saddled with excess financial burden. Depending on how low the income, one could be living paycheck to paycheck or even on the kindness of friends. Unless they're in a similar situation, few people will readily take that on.

 

On another (semi-unrelated) note, I'm quite tired of men who claim that their sex generally doesn't care about a woman's income or if she even has one at all and in fact posit that such a thing should be the norm. Frankly, that's nothing to brag about and it's actually quite a ridiculous - not to mention dangerous - mentality to have for the average, decidedly middle class man.

[Revolver]

If Margot Robbie was broke, working at A grocery store, and living at home with her parents she would still have her pick of men

[Revolver]

From what I've seen, women care far more about what a man looks like than how much money he makes. And it's not even close, which is ultimately bad for men because you can change your income. Can't change your looks.

 

For males

Social status>>>>>Looks>>>>>>Money. Especially when your young

 

The leader of a popular fraternity in college who is average looking will get more tail than the random hot guy who no one knows or talks to

Edited February 27, 2015 by Revolver

[TigerCub]

I don't care about rich or poor - I care about generous or cheap.

A person with a low income that still has a giving/generous nature is fine by me.

 

I have a friend that ALWAYS mentions things like 'ooooh, he's a lawyer, he dries a BMW', or ' Oh that guy is rich ', etc. and she'll say it with a big grin on her face, and I always laugh at her.

 

like so what?!

I can provide for myself I don't care what kinda car (as long as it doesn't make a huge shotgun noise whereever we go) or how much money.

 

I care about generous or cheap. I can' stand cheap because I'm not like that and I don't get it.

 

Besides, rich people can be cheap - so who cares if they're rich or not?

[d0nnivain]

Location also plays a factor. Your screen info indicates that you are in NJ, a HCOL area. What is a marginal salary here could be borderline wealthy somewhere else. In the shadow of NYC cash in king. With the highest property taxes in the country even non gold digger women are still interested in forming a relationship with someone where that connection means they struggle less financially not more.

[Radu]

Maybe i should provide more information ... since just about everyone can interpret this through their own spectacles.

 

I've seen this play out in a number of situations [refrain from thinking "gold digger" from the start] :

- he lost his job or he ended up making less; maybe she pinched in or not at first ... maybe she couldn't as she was also not working.

However she soon lost all respect for him and left.

I've seen this happen.

- she finally got a good job, made much more than him.

Either she started respecting him less, or he stopped respecting himself, or both ... in the end the relationship died.

Again, i've seen this happen [though it is less devastating than the above imho].

- she doesn't want to work at all ... presented either as a genuine desire to be a SAHM or pretending to want to be a SAHM ...

In which case the guy ends up being identified in full with his earning potential.

If she knows from the start she doesn't want to work, she will most likely get a dead-end up job and will select based on earning potential.

- the real goldigger ... she wants nice things in life and she will do anything to get it.

Nice is off-course open to interpretation, as one man's luxury can be another's 'garbage'.

 

There is such a thing as hypergamy, a tendency for women to marry up and for men to marry down.

Which means that as wealth increases in an individual, as man he gets more options, as woman she gets less options [options = pool of eligible ppl].

 

However, as unfair as the above sounds, you need 2 to do the tango ... as some men will only marry down, some women will only marry up.

[elaine567]

Everyone likes to have nice things, go on good holidays and live in lovely places.

If having a partner can double the incomings or more than double the incomings to that household, then all well and good. Male or female high earners will always be sought after.

 

As for women.

Women not only think of themselves when choosing a long term partner, they also think of kids, so securing a man that is capable of providing for kids is important to a lot of women. She, then with kids, a house, and security in mind, is always going to try and seek out a man with a good earning potential. That is a pragmatic approach.

 

Women also like a good connection with a man, so a man that is on a par with where she is in life is good. ie similar education, similar life style, similar expectations. If she has been highly educated she wants a man who has been highly educated and with education usually comes a bigger salary. Men still make significantly more than women for similar occupations.

As she is unlikely to settle for less, her "equal"(in real terms) will most likely be paid a better salary just because he is a man.

 

It seems to me that men are all so holier than though when it comes to judging women on their earning potential.

"We don't judge, it doesn't matter how much she earns."

Some men do seem to want that lowly woman who they can lord it over or who they can rescue or who they can look after.

But mention single mothers, benefits, SAHM or women down on their luck and most men it seems here, want to flee for the hills.

[insert_name]

You realize you're the only one who's mentioned a "strong independent woman" right?

 

Nevertheless, why wouldn't she? Many people who have worked their asses off to be "strong and independent" don't look kindly on being saddled with excess financial burden. Depending on how low the income, one could be living paycheck to paycheck or even on the kindness of friends. Unless they're in a similar situation, few people will readily take that on.

 

On another (semi-unrelated) note, I'm quite tired of men who claim that their sex generally doesn't care about a woman's income or if she even has one at all and in fact posit that such a thing should be the norm. Frankly, that's nothing to brag about and it's actually quite a ridiculous - not to mention dangerous - mentality to have for the average, decidedly middle class man.

 

Its not been mentioned in this thread, but given that its the nom du jour Im sure a lot of women on this site would describe themselves as such if asked.

 

With regards to income, I can quite well believe are less demanding when it comes to income. Possibly part of the cultural expectation for the man to earn more so to us its neither here nor there if they are a low wage earner. It doesnt matter to me as long as the girl is not a leech (I was with a student through her university years and that was hard going).

 

Whether it matters basically comes down to whether your love is conditional on money to the point that you would turn down a great guy because his income cant match the comfort you wish to live in- and by that I mean he cant keep with the amount of money spend on living arrangements entertainment and hobbies.

 

I recall a girl who I had a major crush on tell me that she felt like she loved me but that I didnt earn enough money for her to be with me. Her boyfriend helped to fund her lifestyle and she didnt want to give that up because she is 'all about the security'. So is that right or wrong? I wasnt impressed, obviously, but looking back she did me a favour. I see she is getting married to this guy soon. What a sucker he is.

[elaine567]

I recall a girl who I had a major crush on tell me that she felt like she loved me but that I didnt earn enough money for her to be with me. Her boyfriend helped to fund her lifestyle and she didnt want to give that up because she is 'all about the security'. So is that right or wrong? I wasnt impressed, obviously, but looking back she did me a favour. I see she is getting married to this guy soon. What a sucker he is.

 

Well it all depends if she sees "security" as bags and shoes, or if she sees "security" as being able to pay the mortgage and pay for the kids shoes.

He gets the girl though.

Is he a "sucker" or is he just lucky, it depends on the perspective.

As the rejected one, you see him as "the sucker", he may not be, she may be a wonderful catch and make a great wife as her approach was based on pragmatism and foresight.

[insert_name]

Well it all depends if she sees "security" as bags and shoes, or if she sees "security" as being able to pay the mortgage and pay for the kids shoes.

He gets the girl though.

Is he a "sucker" or is he just lucky, it depends on the perspective.

As the rejected one, you see him as "the sucker", he may not be, she may be a wonderful catch and make a great wife as her approach was based on pragmatism and foresight.

 

Well, she said that to me whilst she was trying to pull my trousers down for a quickie in my hotel room when we were on a night out with other work colleagues.

 

So yeah, hes definitely the sucker.