Hey Eve, sorry it's been a long time but I've written down that stuff about where I'd like to be and how I got there now.
Here is what I've written,
I'm living where I used to live in a particular part wich I like, in a house, I have a job that I like, the hours aren't long, and I earn enough money so that I can afford plenty of luxuries, I also have some genuine nice friends that I sometimes see at the pub or whatever.
I can also drive and have a nice car.
I'm able to drive, because I had some further training, and some how everything fell into place, I also realised that the medication I was on was interfearing with my driving and causing the stupid things to happen, so I changed my meds to something else and everything went better.
I have a nice house because I'm able to afford the mortgage because I've got a decent job. I got a decent job because I studied at college.
I was able to afford to go to college because I took a crappy job, I was able to get the crappy job in the area that I wanted to move to because I got a flat down there paid for by the government.
I was able to get the flat because I filled in the forms. I was able to understand how to fill in the forms and knowing what I'm entitled too, because I spoke to someone about it (can't remember her name) on LS who works at a housing place, and because I spoke to me therapist and asked him about what I'm suppose to do as well.
I was able to do all of this without getting stuck and having to give up, because I was seeing a therapist for support.
Wow this thread is an interesting read. I like this little plan you've written up. I've written up a similar plan for myself to help me achieve what I need to. You sound like a nice guy and it's such a shame you're so down on yourself and you always expect the worst to happen. I do understand it though. I'm very much the same (sadly!). My fear of failure causes me to give up on things before I've even given them a proper chance because I'm sure I'll f*** things up and end up looking like an idiot. I'm trying sooo hard these days though to care less about what other people think of me and to just try things and accept that I'll be embarassed if I make a mistake. The way I try to think of it now is that every mistake (as cringeworthy as it may be) is one step further to getting it right. You may also be interested to know that I also really want to drive but it scares me so much that I haven't taken lessons! So you're waaay ahead of me. I'm gonna learn though and I'm sure you will too
Started on a new anti depressant (escitalopram) over a week ago, for the first few days I felt great, it was most effective with my depression and negative thinking, but now I feel way more anxious, so anxious that I can't even find any enjoyment in anything.
Well now I'm not sure, they seem like they're sort of working. Even though at times I've been feeling way more anxious, today when I went to the dentist I didn't feel too bad and acted a lot more confident, and a lot less anxious, than how I usually would've been on the last medication.
Last edited by Ross PK; 6th October 2009 at 4:18 PM..
I think I know what the issue is with driving. I'm sure I've been 'inadequately prepared' to drive. I've just read this article, and it all seems to make so much sense, http://www.driving-phobia.co.uk/poor...r-training.htm
I'm now thinking it might be worth taking an advanced driving course, and to talk to the instructor about my issues, it would be really cool if I could be taught in my own car but I doubt that will happen.
I'm thinking it'd probably be best to wait until I'm getting therapy first though, because then my confidence can be worked on at the same time.
Ross, if you have not received this advice already, go at once to buy a book entitled The Fountainhead, by Ayn Rand. An American classic.
Follow the main character's journey on sticking to his convictions against all odds. You will see the what it means to take control of your life and to never allow "things" to "always go wrong".
It is a story about the difficult, but fine art of taking possession of your own mind, and therefore, your life.
Forget what others say about its themes of "arrogance" or "selfishness", which are simply ignorant opinions.
Trust me on this...
OE
__________________ The Immortals are Swift to the Mortals Who Persevere--Aristophanes
So now that I've finally found another medication that seems to be working quite well, it seems that it's causing my ears to be blocked up, all the time.
Get off the damn drugs, and read the book I told you to get. You will thank me for the rest of your life.
Now, get...
XO
OE
Hey oldeurope, thanks for the suggestion. I'll still stick to the meds that I'm on now though and hopefully, if this is a side effect that I'm experiencing, it'll pass.
Sorry OldEurope, but I totally don't agree with you there.
They may not be able to totally cure me, but some of them have worked a hell of a lot better than any books that I've read or therapy that I've had.
Before the meds that I'm on now I was a lot worse, I was suicidal and was on the verge of commiting suicide or having some sort of a break down, I also had less confidence in myself and was more socially anxious.
I will still go and see a therapist again, because therapy and meds did work a little better than just meds alone. I'm on a waiting list though.
Last edited by Ross PK; 10th November 2009 at 5:06 PM..
First I went to the doctor and it seems that my ears just have compacted wax (which will have been caused from wearing ear plugs), so I wont need to stop the meds, I just need to not bother using ear plugs again, and I've got an appointment to get my ears syringed.
Then I went to the barbers, great big sign outside saying free haircuts all day! It was a Children In Need thing, so I got my free haircut, and stuck a pound in the donation bucket (it'd be rude not too, and I don't mind giving to charity).
Then I go to the supermarket, and spot this really big basket full of loads of different kinds of big bottles of beer, bitter and cider, usually each bottle would be around £2 or over, but the majority were for around 69p to 89p each. You never get many opportunities like this, so I bought loads of them for Christmas.
Then I spot the guy from the barbers in the supermarket and he tells me I've got a nice haircut. It's extreamly rare that I ever get compliments from anyone.
Last edited by Ross PK; 20th November 2009 at 9:24 AM..
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