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Women, dating, failure, unrealistic expectations.


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Old 29th July 2008, 4:35 PM   #1
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Women, dating, failure, unrealistic expectations.

Many women have a long list of what they feel they are ENTITLED to in a mate. A certain race, height, income, character, etc.

Do women ever think logically? Or are they too self absorbed?

Lets take a look at income first.

When you read profiles on Match.com., or ask your avg run of the mill woman what she expects her SO to make, usually she comes up with 75k to 150k.

Now, as of 2005, only the TOP 5.6% of all people in the USA earned over 100k as individuals. Only the top 10% of all people in the USA earned over 75k.

So, lets say only 3% of all men make over 100k.
1.Then , unless you are a major goldigger, he would have to be close to your age. Lets say under 40.
2.He would have to be straight.
3.He would have to be single, and not married.
4.He would have to not be in a serious relationship.
5.He would have to meet your height requirement..At least 5 foot 11?
6.He would have to be of your same race, I mean unless you meet an Indian or Chinese guy that wants to marry you and vice versa.
7.He would have to be a non smoker.
8.Not ugly
9.He would have to be a "professional" Not the plumber who makes 100k.
10.He would also have to WANT a relationship. If a guy has all this, with women dropping their panties all over the place, he might want to play the field.
11. THEN HE WOULD HAVE TO LIKE YOU AS WELL.
12. He must want an American woman.. Many are seeking love overseas these days. Men with money travel.
13. Not "creepy"
So you are looking at a MINISCULE % of American men. Maybe less than half of one percent. Yet a huge percentage of single females THINK THEY DESERVE OR ARE ENTITLED TO ALL OF THIS. The claim they won't "settle". Well where on Earth did you develop these expectations? Too much tv?

Also ask your self if somehow you are better than 99.5% of all women? Are you stunningly beautiful, intelligent, kind, caring, perfect face and body?

So what happens? The American women spend their best years looking for this impossible find, then hit mid 30's and realize they are single. At this point, their desirability has plummeted, especially for men who want a family. So then they "settle" tremendously, or end up alone with cats.

Where do these expectations come from? I mean these people you think you DESERVE barely exist.
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Old 29th July 2008, 5:15 PM   #2
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First and foremost, it's the female's job to be sure her children have the best chance of survival. A man with most of the above qualities, or a combination of a number of them, would probably give a woman a lot of confidence that her goal would be obtained. Of course, they want a good life too. It would take a fool to marry a man for love and live under a bridge for the rest of her life.

On the other hand, I really haven't been able to figure out any of this yet...but give me some time.
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Old 29th July 2008, 5:24 PM   #3
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The guy I'm dating now meets all of those "requirements." And yes, I do DESERVE a guy who's all that...and more.
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Old 29th July 2008, 5:28 PM   #4
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Lol, I love that you felt the need to put 'not creepy' on the list!

Under that rationale, can we also add 'not an axe murderer', etc?
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Old 29th July 2008, 5:30 PM   #5
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Actually, every single man I've ever dated has fit nos. 1-12. #13 is usually the deal breaker.
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Old 29th July 2008, 5:33 PM   #6
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Well maybe thats why women cannot find them. Star gazer is dating them all.
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Old 29th July 2008, 5:34 PM   #7
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I also don't think that list is that off the wall. I mean, all it really totals is a fairly attractive single man under 40, who is financially secure and well balanced, has a relatively good career and is ready for commitment. I don't think it's 'too much TV' that makes us girls want that - it's more 'self esteem' that makes us want it. Of course it's not so usual to bump into men like that every day bt it's a sensible model to aspire to. Just as men want and deserve a fairly attractive girl under 40, who is well balanced and ready for commitment, with a relatively good career (and maybe financially secure-I know gender politics can be different that way). Doesn't sound so unrealistic now does it?

Now, if your list said 'looks like Brad Pitt with the powers of Superman, $5m in the bank and a mansion in Monaco and worships the ground I walk on' then sure, you'd have a point...!! But I think your list was, at the end of the day, aspirational to a point but nevertheless fairly reasonable.
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Old 29th July 2008, 5:36 PM   #8
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I should correct myself. I didn't see that over 100K was listed as a requirement. I don't know the size of their paychecks, but I do know they've all been successful enough to not worry about paying the rent.
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Old 29th July 2008, 5:37 PM   #9
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Actually, money and "professional job" are not on my list of requirements.
I would date a plumber or a tradesman in a mili-second if he had a good sense of humour and communications skills.

I dated a mechanic for a long time and I admired what he did.

I am in my mid-thirties. I don't have a height requirement- it would be nice if I met a man 5'7plus because that is my height- but I wouldn't discount someone due to their height.

Ultimately- I would like to meet someone outgoing with a kind heart and a wicked sense of humour- also someone I find physically attractive which usually means "cute".

Dude- you're not talking to one of these women that represent the population you are speaking of. I have dated two guys in a row without vehicles that lived in their parents basements. The last dud didn't even have a liscence.

Hell, I asked out a guy from the Home Depot the other day...
I endeavour to have my own earning potential, my own car...and my own career for the rest of my life.

I haven't found the right guy yet- but If I have to be one of those chicks that grows old with my dogs.... so be it. I don't want to settle down with someone just because I am lonley.... When people do that, they end up miserable anyway.... and I'd rather be happy enough alone rather than lonley in a partnership with the wrong person.

I will make my own money, I will change my own lightbulbs and take my garbage out... and if something breaks I can't fix- I'll call someone in to look after it for me. Who knows- maybe I'll meet a nice plumber.
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Old 29th July 2008, 5:49 PM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by woods321 View Post
Try to use LOGIC. Or look at is statistically. I KNOW you think you DESERVE all that. But in the real world, that is less than half a percent of the American male population.
Correction: I don't *think* I deserve all that. I DO deserve all that.

Explain to me why I don't deserve all that? You can't. I embody all of those same traits, so why can't I expect equality?
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Old 29th July 2008, 5:50 PM   #11
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Originally Posted by woods321 View Post
Dlish, I didn't say every single woman. But you could red Star Gazers reply as she states "I DESERVE" that. That is the illusion that millions of women are chasing.

Well I think we all deserve something "good" in our lives....
I certainly feel there are a few things I am entitled to in a relationship.
Respect, love, equality, etc. I don't care a whole lot about money though. It would be nice, sure. But it isn't a requirement.

My ex husband was pretty damn wealthy... but we met and fell in love in university, so earning potential wasn't a factor. He made his windfall later in the relationship. It was nice to have, sure... but I would live in a basement apartment with a cashier from wallmart if I loved someone.
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Old 29th July 2008, 6:05 PM   #12
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Originally Posted by Star Gazer View Post
The guy I'm dating now meets all of those "requirements." And yes, I do DESERVE a guy who's all that...and more.
I totally agree and I live in a city which really isn't that big or metropolitan. I think like women attract like men, and vice versa. Now I don't have a specific income requirement, but I want someone who makes a decent living.

Posts like this are basically trying to degrade women and scare us into thinking we'll never find love. Give me a break.
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Old 29th July 2008, 6:08 PM   #13
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Originally Posted by woods321 View Post
OK SG...

Your mistake is thinking men desire those same traits.

So, do you have a perfect body? Look like a model? More attractive than 99.5% of women? Men typically don't care about height or income, if you are "professional" etc.

So do all women who feel they deserve that, deserve that? I hope not, because they will be pretty dissappointed when the numbers just don't compute. Thats my point. NOT ONE PERSONS INDIVIDUAL CASE OR SITUATION.

Men who make over 100k can marry a foreign woman, a waitress, their secretary,a stripper, etc. having a professional job does not put you at the head of the line.
I've never agreed with a single word you've ever expressed here on LS, so I'm not surprised that I'm literally laughing at the above post.

Whether they want what I have is irrelevant. I want MY equal. I happen to know that there are PLENTY of them out there. You're just not one of them.
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Old 29th July 2008, 6:10 PM   #14
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Woods, your posts are a far cry from reality.
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Old 29th July 2008, 6:18 PM   #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Star Gazer View Post
I've never agreed with a single word you've ever expressed here on LS, so I'm not surprised that I'm literally laughing at the above post.

Whether they want what I have is irrelevant. I want MY equal. I happen to know that there are PLENTY of them out there. You're just not one of them.
It's pointless to debate him, SG. No matter what evidence you present, you're nothing but a golddigging woman with unrealistic expectations, no matter what you've done post high school, no matter how much money you yourself make, and no matter how successful you've made yourself. You're a self-righteous, entitled princess if you want a man who has the same education level or a comparable salary.

I just fail to understand, woods, why you get so worked up and post so vociferously on a subject you can't statistically prove (your assumptions and personal experience don't count) or change even if it were true.
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