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What do women get from their male friends?


Friendship Having issues with a friend? Get it off your chest!

Old 8th June 2006, 11:27 PM   #166
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Yamaha

Yamaha that was a wonderful reply!

I have learnt a lot thru LS forums but I am still not 100% clear about this "attention" factor. It seems to be too subtle. May be this is why I didn't realize that I was played by my "friend" for such a long time (you know my story).

What exactly is this attention thing? How does a woman thrive on it and go to the extent of hiding her boyfriend from you?

If a guy spends some time with a girl even in a non-dating situtation does that also mean that the girl is enjoying his attention? What exactly are they getting out of it?

If a guy uses a woman for sex without the thought of getting into a relationship then that's very obvious... But I am unable to understand the reverse...

Plz explain..
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Old 8th June 2006, 11:49 PM   #167
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Quote:
Originally Posted by noclobber
What exactly is this attention thing? How does a woman thrive on it and go to the extent of hiding her boyfriend from you?

If a guy spends some time with a girl even in a non-dating situtation does that also mean that the girl is enjoying his attention? What exactly are they getting out of it?

If a guy uses a woman for sex without the thought of getting into a relationship then that's very obvious... But I am unable to understand the reverse...

Plz explain..
It's very subtle, but it's there. Because you want her romanitcally, you can't really help but let those feelings through, and she can sense them. You are a little more interested in what she has to say, you look at her more "softly" or whatever. You also put your life on hold to be with her and fulfill her emotional needs. Again, she gets all the benefits of having a boyfriend but without any of the effort, commitment, or physical affection on her part. She probably also gets off on knowing that every moment you are together she knows is killing you inside, because you want her. Evil and cruel, but true. As I have said before, she is not your friend, will never really be your friend, and doesn't care.

Do you have a sister? What is different between hanging out with your sister versus this chick? There's your answer.

Certainly, when friends hang out and it's fun, but it is more laid back. The fact is, with women like this, the energy going on IS a date, but anything physical is killed immediately. Otherwise, it is the same as a date. With a woman who really is just a friend, that vibe isn't there. Both get the enjoyment of being with a like-minded person, and caring about each other. That's the key--caring about each other. Women like this only care about themselves.

To reiterate, the woman in this situation gets attention, feels attractive, and the joy of knowing that there is a guy out there who is wrapped around her finger, and will do what she wants when she wants.

She hides her boyfriend from you because she knows that if you find out about him it will hurt you and open your eyes to the fact that you are being a sucker. Period. So, she keeps it a secret to get what she wants. I would imagine that he knows about you, and she uses you to make HIM jealous. She tells him you are just friends, that she will never sleep with you (which is true), but he feels like she is not totally "there" in the relationship, because of you. Also, as a guy, he knows that men aren't generally friends with women they don't want to sleep with. So she can use your relationship to play him, to an extent.

And, she doesn't care about the hurt she causes you, she just cares how that hurt will effect HER. She goes too far, you bail out, and then she has to find another sucker--which is easier than it sounds, as men that will get invovled with this are everywhere. But, it still takes effort on her part, and so if she can keep you it saves her time and effort. Everything in this relationship is all about her.
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Old 9th June 2006, 12:32 AM   #168
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Thumbs up Moai

Absolutely fantastic!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yes, now I get it..... I fully get it. Now I can completely understand this girl's actions and words...

I think the key word here is vibes

She can get these vibes only from a boyfriend.... but she has been getting it from me for free!!!!!!!!! She has been getting those good feelings without having to give anything in return..

In such a situation even meeting for lunch or coffee gets a different meaning... God, now I understand...

This is why she wanted to have lunch only with me, meet me for coffee so many times, hangout for movies, games, concerts.... This is why she writes emails like "its been forever since i have seen you... i miss you... i miss you" though it was exactly only 1 week that we didn't meet (but still exchanged emails and texts)... 'cos I was not physically present to give her those good feelings.....

She has been enjoying those emotions and didn't bother to return the favor.

Is she wrong? Yes! Is she wrong in her eyes? No. Why? because she already told that she only likes me as a friend!!!!! so she is not guilty, in her eyes, that is!!!!!!!

I have gone out with a female colleague many times to lunch and coffee, just the 2 of us... but I didn't feel any attraction towards her and obviously the vibe was completely absent. That's why she didn't miss me that much after she left the company... and I too didn't feel that bad. Now it all makes sense!!!!!

Good lord.... this girl IS cruel. I do take the responsibility for my mistakes but I guess this girl needs to have some bit of conscience... nope, she doesn't. She feels good, why would she jeopardize it????????

Thank you sooooooooooooo much!!!
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Old 9th June 2006, 12:47 AM   #169
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Moai

What you described above is the typical female narcissist. They are everywhere and they look for any situation where they can take advantage and/or use somebody. This is a very serious afflicition and anybody who finds themselves involved with a narcissist should flea as fast as possible. Of course, men can display narcissistic traits as well and there are lots of them around.

For more information on narcissistic personalities and behavior, just put the term in a good search engine.
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Old 10th June 2006, 1:30 AM   #170
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Okay i was rejected hard and told to not call or contact by someone that i used to work with for a couple of years about 3 and a half months ago that has narcissistic traits and she told me not to call or contact her i didn't know she had this personality disorder.

I could not believe the symptoms matched dead on im not sure what to do i want to help her by finding help or something but there doesn't seem to be much that i can do about this anyway.This was the first time i got rejected and believe me she was not nice about it so you can imagine what i felt like at the time. I have moved on though and im looking at other options.

I have seen her recently because we used to work together at a local video store and i have stayed away but i need to completely move pass this and be able to go there. When i went to the fast food place next door she must have seen my car and came out of the video store and walked past the food place while i was dropping my cousin of to get the food and she looked at the car twice while i was driving by.

My cousin was not fully aware of the situation he knew she rejected me but didn't get the entire story until after we got back, so he tried to get her attention after asking me her name from a distance thank god she ignored him or did not hear him.

Im thinking of just staying away from her but hey i need to be able to go there too the good thing is she works every other weekend. Im here for any advice anyone can give thank you.
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Old 10th June 2006, 2:48 AM   #171
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All hail the female narcissist / attention whore

Yamaha, you make a valid point about noclobber's "friend" not wanting to tell him about her boyfriend for fear he'd wise up to her games, but sometimes the exact opposite is true.

In my situation, she was MARRIED but gave off all the vibes of being single, right down to never wearing a ring (some excuse about interfering with her music playing) and of course flirting with me like crazy. No touching, all words and gestures, but it was serious flirting. She told me she'd had affairs before - five in eight years of marriage but I suspect it was more - but that she was trying to improve her track record and not cheat any more. The relationship which led to her marriage, btw, started out as an affair while she was engaged.

She also never lost an opportunity to mention in conversation the half-dozen or so other guys she hung around with. Why? It's the empty restaurant syndrome. You have two restaurants side-by side. One's full, the other empty. Which one do you want to eat at? The full one, because obviously it's got better food, or at least something special everybody wants.

Same with attention whores. They make sure that you know they have all these men "friends" in their lives precisely because it makes them look more attractive to you. You're also subtly led to believe that there's something special about YOU that the other ones don't have, which of course gets you thinking, YOU are the one she will decide to sleep with. Wrong, wrong, WRONG!

That's also their ace in the hole when you ask them if all the flirting is leading to something more, like, I dunno, sex! A sweet roll in the hay is where flirting has most often led for me, anyway. But no, they'll say they just want to be friends, and act surprised you would even think she thought anything otherwise. Her reasoning is, why would you think I wanted to be anything but friends if I'm telling you about all these other guys?

My "friend" actually had the gall to say after her long speech about wanting to just be friends, improve the track record in her marriage etc etc that hey, if she were single, I could **** her anytime.... Just to make sure I was kept wondering, well, maybe one day... because they know damn well you want them for more than just friends. She later said she didn't recall telling me that, but then again, lying is also one of their hallmarks.

When you finally wise up to their ways and decide for your own sake never to see them again, you wonder in hindsight how you could have been so stupid as to not see it before. My intuition was telling me all along this woman was bad news, but I went along for the ride anyway. Wish we lived on the same continent so we could go out for a beer and hash that one out together, noclobber.
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Old 10th June 2006, 6:54 PM   #172
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Male friends can give me a better perspective on some things that Girl friends can't. Male friends can keep it real, however, if they don't a wise girl can quickly identify that. At that point, she should decide whether to keep the male friend around or not b/c he'll never provide her with an honest point of view that she's looking for. His mind would be else where...
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Old 12th June 2006, 1:30 PM   #173
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Correction

Quote:
Originally Posted by Fun2BMe
To Mary3, as far as her draining his wallet. He has said that she pays her way and he pays for himself. She had purchaed expensive concert tickets for them too. I don't think on the one hand she is using him. She likes him as a friend but is sending mixed signals because she knows he likes her more than friends. It doesn't make sense for her to be with a guy whose intentions are more than friends when hers are only friends.

He is getting mad at her for not being more than friends while spending months of his time and devoting all of his emotions into her while knowing she doesn't want to be more than friends. I think he is 80% at fault and she is 20%.Some might argue he is 100% at fault. There is no ball and chain attaching him to her. He can blame her for only so many times for "making him" be with her.
I re-read all No Clobbers posts and I stand corrected in thinking that he was paying for everything. Sorry NoClobber

But I do wonder ( at least on previous posts ) how you were curious if she does this or that , what does it mean ? I think you wanted very much for her to like you in that way but sadly she did not. So you have searched for answers as to why she would want to be with you so much.

I do recall one of your previous posts where she says : "You are not my type." ~ Yeowch ! Thats usually a girls way of saying she does not see you in a romantic way. It seems she still feels that way.

I still say slowly disengage from her,....one dinner at a time
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Old 12th June 2006, 1:41 PM   #174
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I think you wanted very much for her to like you in that way but sadly she did not.
I totally agree, Mary3. I think he is analyzing everything trying to understand why she doesn't like him the way he likes her. There is no understanding chemistry. You could have two people and on paper one would be perfect for you but you like the other one. I do think you can make decisions when it comes to a serious relationship but as far as to the dynamics of attraction and romance you might as well toss a coin.
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Old 12th June 2006, 3:05 PM   #175
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Hetrosexual man will think about having sex with every girl he has some relationship with, if they are attracted at a friends level.

If man is not having sex elsewhere he will have thought about sex with his female friend and will probably have thought about it even if he has a partner.

Men think about sex all the time. Women aren't that much different except...

Lack of sex with the girl will eventually be the demise of the relationship for the man. It is a TERRIBLE knock on the ego for a man to be denied sexually. This is just natural. Programmed.

Women can say no easily. Even if they would consider it. This really screws with a mans head.

If a woman wants sex she usully gets it. If a man wants sex he has to put his ego on the line. It typically get the s**t kicked out of it.

Women have sexual power. Everyone knows this. But they don't have any honour.
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