I don't think its possible to love someone who doesn't love you back.
Real love is a joint creation.
It is possible to be infatuated, with someone who doesn't share the feeling, though.
'Anxiety' is another name for fear.
More exactly, it's repressed fear try to push itself into your conscious mind, from its origin point in the subconscious.
Rather than trying to push the fear away, its useful to identify and name your fears.
"If we answer the question - what is the anxiety trying to tell me - we begin to address the cause. This may mean some change in the way you life your life, but this change does not necessarily mean that you become less competent, or less valued
“Depression is like a woman in black. If she turns up, don’t shoo her away. Invite her in, offer her a seat, treat her like a guest and listen to what she wants to say.”
- Carl Jung
Most of them are very vulnerable people, with a deep, and long-standing emotional fragility.
The fragility doesn't get mentioned, but its easy to see.
That is what most OM home in on and exploit.
They value it.
After a certain point, grief can become a habit.
That's the point where it becomes in itself, dysfunctional.
Grieving is an essential part of healing, but if it goes on too long it becomes another sickness, possibly worse than the first.
“The Moving Finger writes; and, having writ,
Moves on: nor all thy Piety nor Wit
Shall lure it back to cancel half a Line,
Nor all thy Tears wash out a Word of it.”
― Omar Khayyám
Everyone is free to leave a relationship at any time, if thats what they want to do.
It can be painful when someone walks away, but that doesn't mean that the person who left did something wrong, or is a 'bad person.'
They just exercised their right to choose the direction of their life.
They might have done things to hurt you, but ending a relationship isn't in itself wrong.
There should be no hostages to love.
Re 'Casual sex.'
You can strike a casual pose whilst leaning on a wall, or put your feet up on the desk, but you can't have 'casual sex,' because no such thing exists.
As a perfume doth remain
In the folds where it hath lain,
So the thought of you, remaining
Deeply folded in my brain,
Will not leave me; all things leave me -
You remain.
Other thoughts may come and go,
Other moments I may know
That shall waft me, in their going,
As a breath blown to and fro,
Fragrant memories; fragrant memories
Come and go.
Only thoughts of you remain
In my heart where they have lain,
Perfumed thoughts of you, remaining,
A hid sweetness, in my brain.
O
Never begin a new relationship until you've fully moved on from the one before.
Also never begin a new relationship with someone who hasn't fully moved on from their one before.
By 'moved on,' I mean any necessary grieving done, not preoccupied with the ex, enjoying life, feeling good about yourself, and optimistic about the future.
The best way to move on is to decide to be single for a while; not dating, not hooking up, no fwb. Some short term counselling if that appeals to you.
'G
Rebound relationships are fuelled by a desperate attempt to escape the pain caused by loss.
"Smallness, dependence, separateness, feeling you have injured your good object, are all fairly obvious to the eye and not easily denied if one is facing reality. But reality is pretty painful much of the time in childhood, even when you have an intact family that is living harmoniously. Most children naturally gravitate to wishful ideas, the most fundamental of all being the idea that there is magic,
"Your ability to take action, be effective, influence your own life, and assume responsibility for your behavior are important elements in what you bring to a relationship. This sense of agency is essential for you to feel in control of your life: to believe in your capacity to influence your own thoughts and behavior, and have faith in your ability to handle a wide range of tasks or situations. Having a sense of agency influences your stability as a separate person; it is your capacity to be ps
To really heal, its necessary to overcome the feeling of incompleteness that underlies everything. That feeling of incompleteness can only be remedied by Being, in the fullest sense of Being. We have to give birth to ourselves, and grow up all over again.
People get lost in events, and their personal history of events.
"So and so happened, and that's why I feel like this."
The above is an untruth.
The feeling is real, but the explanation isn't.
There isn't a valid because.
You have to let yourself fall into your own arms.
Be there 100% for yourself, in a totally loving relationship.
Everything we experience with other people has roots in the relationship we have with ourselves.
When get that relationship sorted out, our relationships with others are simple and full of joy.
You could call it a return to innocence.
There are three very common reasons why some people have difficulty moving on even after a long time has passed:
1. An omitted or incomplete grieving process.
2. Rebound relationships.
3. Genuinely traumatic experiences within the relationship.
1 and 2 are much more common than 3.
No matter what the circumstances, no matter what they've done, these unfaithful married men always play the victim.
"I'm so tired, I'm so stressed, my wife treats me badly, I don't feel well, I'm under so much pressure at work, you shouldn't treat me this way."
And yet its always somebody else who gets to feel the pain.
After my one and only painful breakup, I cried every day for six months. Not snuffly little sobs, but crying that involved my whole body almost convulsing. I felt like a ghost, disconnected from everything and everyone. I wasn't sure that I even wanted to get better.
After about 8 months, the crying became less frequent. I found a good therapist and decided I wanted to live, even though I wasn't sure if enough of me could be scraped together to build a functioning person from.
Kept going
In some instances you are loving and caring, whilst in others you are unloving and uncaring.
You love and care for your child, but you don't love or care for the person you cheat on.
You say you want to know why you cheat?
The answer to that lies in the part of yourself which you cannot accept, which you have covered with unconsciousness.
It's classically Neurotic.
If you had a unified psyche, you wouldn't flip-flop between loving and unloving, caring and uncaring.
You need to
A lot of what we do is unknowingly done to keep the brain happy.
The brain is only at its best within quite narrow tolerances.
Too hot? Brain not happy...
Too cold? Brain not happy...
Dehydrated? Brain not happy...
Drunk? Brain not happy...
Not enough sleep? Brain not happy...
Not eaten enough? Brain not happy...
Psychoactive drugs? Brain not happy...
High stress load? Brain not happy...
Etc...
This has been an informational message brought to you by your b
The purpose of life is to learn to love unconditionally, and without reservation. In doing this, we achieve peace and happiness, and a return to our true nature. Every encounter we have is an opportunity to extend love.
