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Satu's Journal

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The heart broken other women.



Most of them are very vulnerable people, with a deep, and long-standing emotional fragility.


The fragility doesn't get mentioned, but its easy to see.


That is what most OM home in on and exploit.


They value it.

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I think you're right. I'm a heartbroken OW that has been taken advantage of and now made to feel worthless. He appeared in my life at a time when I was feeling emotionally drained, unappreciated and at a point in my marriage where I finally realised I felt nothing for the man I was sharing my life with. I fell deeply in love, totally although I didn't want to - I knew it was wrong and it went against everything I had believed and stood for up to that point. I still love him now even tho he has hurt me beyond what I could have believed possible. I suppose I was extremely naive to even think that he wouldn't. I wanted somebody to love with a passion and a depth that I had never felt before and so because of that I guess |I was able to overlook all that my head was telling me about what I was doing. I took unbelievable risks and, although I think my husband had his suspicions to my knowledge no one knows the truth about us. He has had 7 years of my life. I have given him so much , so much more than I have ever given anyone. Now I realise everything he said to me wasn't real - it wasn't the truth. He was very clever and seemed to have an innate sense of what I needed to hear. And I fell for it. Every word. But now, having seen those words messaged to someone else I feel so stupid and angry with myself. He told me he could see that I needed to be loved - that I needed someone to worship me and give me all that I deserved. He was right! But now he's telling her that - his new woman who he thinks I don't know about. I'm watching him build his relationship with her in exactly the same way he did with me and I feel sick. Really I do - I can't eat or sleep or think properly. He's taken all the happiness from me and all the desire to even continue living really. He meant so very much to me, and still does, and what worries me most is that I don't have the strength to walk away and let it go. I miss the passion we had for each other so very much. He always turned me on, always. And altho it became a lot about sex (for him it did I feel), I allowed it to because he made me feel like I've never felt before. It was so good.

I'm frightened of living the rest of my life with someone I don't really love and of staying in a marriage I no longer want. However, the alternatives frighten me even more, and I'm too scared to get a divorce without the support of someone being there for me. What do I do? I'm stuck in no mans land and too frightened to move.........

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