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Absolutely unconditionally bat sh*t crazy head over heels madly in love with him


Friends and Lovers Progressing into "Friends with benefits" and beyond: When platonic relationships become more intimate.

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Old 22nd May 2018, 11:15 AM   #16
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I think itís pretty low of him to sleep with you. But wouldnít it be better to go NC instead of wasting another 10+ years of your life? You did understand very clearly that heís getting engaged to another woman soon when you accepted his sexual advance. Just think of that one night as some sex adventure.

Personally, Iíd just throw away his stuff without trying to blackmail him into talking to you. What are you trying to get out of remaining as his ďfriendĒ? Do you intend to be his side piece going forward?
Oh of course not! No way. Iíd never want that. As a matter of fact, I was the one reminding him of her and that we should stop. But then I just gave in to what my body so badly wanted. Iím very ashamed of myself and I wish I could say I was stronger. I honestly did think maybe he would leave her for me.
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Old 22nd May 2018, 1:22 PM   #17
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He texted me saying heís dropping by to pick up the rest of his stuff tonight at 7pm. I responded saying ok. Iím so nervous. My stomach actually feels upset. What should I say/do? Let him know Iím mad, try to talk, act cold and not say a word? Act normal? Maybe heís coming for another hookup?
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Old 22nd May 2018, 2:09 PM   #18
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He texted me saying heís dropping by to pick up the rest of his stuff tonight at 7pm. I responded saying ok. Iím so nervous. My stomach actually feels upset. What should I say/do? Let him know Iím mad, try to talk, act cold and not say a word? Act normal? Maybe heís coming for another hookup?
Have a friend (of yours) be there when he picks up his stuff. Try to have minimal or no contact, have all of his belongings staged by the front door. When he arrives have your friend give him his stuff and send him on his way.

I would avoid being alone with him in your place.

Just my opinion...
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Last edited by Happy Lemming; 22nd May 2018 at 2:10 PM.. Reason: spelling
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Old 22nd May 2018, 3:03 PM   #19
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Shovel his stuff to the outside of your door 30 mins before heís supposed to arrive, and go out and donít wait for him at home.
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Old 22nd May 2018, 3:21 PM   #20
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I texted him back saying I wouldnít be home for him to pick it up from my roommate. He said he was hoping to see me so heíd wait for whenever Iíll be free. So I told him he could come by that Iíd cancel to wait for him. Seems like he wants to talk.
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Old 22nd May 2018, 3:27 PM   #21
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I texted him back saying I wouldnít be home for him to pick it up from my roommate. He said he was hoping to see me so heíd wait for whenever Iíll be free. So I told him he could come by that Iíd cancel to wait for him. Seems like he wants to talk.
This is just sad. I know youíre never gonna to listen. Why did you have to tell him you wonít be home? Does it occur to you how desperate you look? Why does it matter what HE wants? Please have some dignity and refuse to let him jerk you around for once.
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Old 22nd May 2018, 3:40 PM   #22
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This is just sad. I know youíre never gonna to listen. Why did you have to tell him you wonít be home? Does it occur to you how desperate you look? Why does it matter what HE wants? Please have some dignity and refuse to let him jerk you around for once.

I completely agree with you but I think this is easier said than done. She lost her virginity to someone that she has been in love with for years. OP please be strong and don't let him seduce you into being intimate with him again. You might not think he's a bad guy since he's been your friend for so long but he isn't thinking about you at all, only himself and his needs. Good luck.
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Old 22nd May 2018, 5:04 PM   #23
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Time to go ahead and get direct and say that you do NOT want to see him anymore ... Say that the other night was a mistake ...

He might be coming back for "more" ... You gotta speak up to this guy ... Go ahead and say you felt used ... and confused by the other night ...

Seriously, unless you stand up, he is likely going to want you on the "side."

.
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Old 22nd May 2018, 7:53 PM   #24
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Hey all, so he came to get his stuff. I made sure my roommate was there with us. But he asked if we could talk alone. He first apologized for the other night. I told him I was very hurt by what had happened. I told him Iím not upset that I lost it to him. I was upset that he would ignore me after and that I felt used. He said again how sorry he is and that he doesnít think we should be friends anymore. I asked why and he said because he doesnít trust himself around me. So I said he had years before this why suddenly he doesnít think he could control himself from me. He brushed it off. Just saying that he had to go. What I did next I am extremely ashamed of. I sprinted for the door blocking him in literally begging him for another chance. I was at that point in tears saying please pick me. Pleading with him saying Iíd be so good for him. I told him I couldnít imagine not having him in my life. I just kept saying please donít leave me. So silly because heís never even been with me in the first place. I wonít lie, it looked like he was holding back tears but he pushed me aside and left.

I donít know if Iíll ever hear from him again. All his stuff is now gone. My heart feels like itís broken beyond repair. I donít know how Iím going to move on.
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Old 22nd May 2018, 8:03 PM   #25
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You threw the proverbial "Hail Mary" pass to the endzone and it didn't work, he left anyway.

At least you know... You have an answer to your question. He is picking the other woman, not you.

Time to heal...
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Old 22nd May 2018, 8:55 PM   #26
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This is the worse feeling Iíve ever felt. I canít belive how bad things went in just a few short days. How could he do this? Why didnít he care that I was hurting? It would have been better if I had never slept with him. I donít know what I was thinking. It was happening so fast that I didnít fully understand what was going on. I tried telling him to stop but that was the last thing I wanted.

I still donít regret that my first time was with him though. I couldnít imagine giving it up to anyone else. And Iím glad I got to be with him in that way before we parted ways.

I still donít really feel like itís over. I feel like heíll be back. I canít see us ending it this way.
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Old 22nd May 2018, 9:11 PM   #27
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This isn't going to help, but its part of the "Human Experience".

We've all had our hearts broken. We've all had people leave us, when we wanted them to stay. We've all lost long term friends and loves of our life.

And I doubt there are very many people on this forum that are with the person they lost their virginity to. Unfortunately, your guy friend decided to do wrong by you.
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Old 22nd May 2018, 10:47 PM   #28
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So how do you get over the guy you never had?

I know it wonít happen instantly but it hurts so badly right now i wish there was a way to fast forward to where Iím okay. Iíve been crying for 3 hours and I feel like thereís nothing left.
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Old 23rd May 2018, 8:04 AM   #29
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Oh Madd Hater. How awful for you. After all that time it seems like your friend has no integrity. What a bunch of BS. In the long run him being out of your life will be a blessing but right now, I can empathize with your heart break.

Keep crying, hon. Tears are cathartic. Today is Wednesday. I'll give you permission to wallow until Sunday night. What that means is you still have to go to work but you can cry & be miserable at home. Stock up on comfort stuff . . . ice cream etc. Cry your heart out. You don't even have to get out of bed until Sunday if you don't want to. You can't drunk call him or message him. You need to block him on every platform -- your phone, the internet, social media, etc. I'll grant you one final one sentence "you are an A-hole" text. Petty, yes. Necessary anyway.

Come Sunday night you have to pull yourself together. Into the shower you go. Shave your legs. Do your hair (well at least wash it).

Now comes the purge. Anything that reminds you of him goes. If you can't throw it out, it goes into a box. All photos get put on a flash drive. The box gets taped shut & put into the attic or the back of the deepest closet you have.

Throughout the week you start making lists.

1. Why he's a jerk. List every petty thing you never liked about him & these last big ones -- cheated on FI & dumped your friendship

2. Why you are better off without him.

3. All the petty rotten things you want to happen to him (Don't wish him death or a car accident but that he always misses elevators, that it rains on his wedding date & somebody spills red wine on him before the photos etc.)

4. All the things you want to do in the short term without him

5. Some long term goals

Since this weekend is Memorial Day although I said you could cry you may be better off finding a great party. I got dumped once in early May. I ended up making the last minute decision to join a summer share house & I ended up having a great summer. Think about doing something like that. It takes you out of your routine & makes you have fun in a new way.
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Old 23rd May 2018, 8:41 AM   #30
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^^^ I second everything in the above post, especially the part that cutting your friendship is better for you in the long run. I think you should send a stern last text before blocking him on everything: This can be therapeutic, as you seemed to be willing to be his doormat throughout your friendship.
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