Absolutely unconditionally bat sh*t crazy head over heels madly in love with him

[Madd_hatter]

This is the worse feeling I’ve ever felt. I can’t belive how bad things went in just a few short days. How could he do this? Why didn’t he care that I was hurting? It would have been better if I had never slept with him. I don’t know what I was thinking. It was happening so fast that I didn’t fully understand what was going on. I tried telling him to stop but that was the last thing I wanted.

 

I still don’t regret that my first time was with him though. I couldn’t imagine giving it up to anyone else. And I’m glad I got to be with him in that way before we parted ways.

 

I still don’t really feel like it’s over. I feel like he’ll be back. I can’t see us ending it this way.

[Happy Lemming]

This isn't going to help, but its part of the "Human Experience".

 

We've all had our hearts broken. We've all had people leave us, when we wanted them to stay. We've all lost long term friends and loves of our life.

 

And I doubt there are very many people on this forum that are with the person they lost their virginity to. Unfortunately, your guy friend decided to do wrong by you.

[Madd_hatter]

I know it won’t happen instantly but it hurts so badly right now i wish there was a way to fast forward to where I’m okay. I’ve been crying for 3 hours and I feel like there’s nothing left.

[d0nnivain]

Oh Madd Hater. How awful for you. After all that time it seems like your friend has no integrity. What a bunch of BS. In the long run him being out of your life will be a blessing but right now, I can empathize with your heart break.

 

Keep crying, hon. Tears are cathartic. Today is Wednesday. I'll give you permission to wallow until Sunday night. What that means is you still have to go to work but you can cry & be miserable at home. Stock up on comfort stuff . . . ice cream etc. Cry your heart out. You don't even have to get out of bed until Sunday if you don't want to. You can't drunk call him or message him. You need to block him on every platform -- your phone, the internet, social media, etc. I'll grant you one final one sentence "you are an A-hole" text. Petty, yes. Necessary anyway.

 

Come Sunday night you have to pull yourself together. Into the shower you go. Shave your legs. Do your hair (well at least wash it).

 

Now comes the purge. Anything that reminds you of him goes. If you can't throw it out, it goes into a box. All photos get put on a flash drive. The box gets taped shut & put into the attic or the back of the deepest closet you have.

 

Throughout the week you start making lists.

 

1. Why he's a jerk. List every petty thing you never liked about him & these last big ones -- cheated on FI & dumped your friendship

 

2. Why you are better off without him.

 

3. All the petty rotten things you want to happen to him (Don't wish him death or a car accident but that he always misses elevators, that it rains on his wedding date & somebody spills red wine on him before the photos etc.)

 

4. All the things you want to do in the short term without him

 

5. Some long term goals

 

Since this weekend is Memorial Day although I said you could cry you may be better off finding a great party. I got dumped once in early May. I ended up making the last minute decision to join a summer share house & I ended up having a great summer. Think about doing something like that. It takes you out of your routine & makes you have fun in a new way.

[JuneL]

^^^ I second everything in the above post, especially the part that cutting your friendship is better for you in the long run. I think you should send a stern last text before blocking him on everything: This can be therapeutic, as you seemed to be willing to be his doormat throughout your friendship.

[Lotsgoingon]

The hurt you feel right now ... and I know it's agonizing ... is actually the hurt you needed to face years earlier ... when you keep your feelings for him alive.

 

Absolutely he should stop seeing you ... He just slept with you in a horribly inappropriate way ... even though he's engaged ...

 

What possibly could he say: Let's meet for coffee twice a month?

 

This pain will help you create distance ... and let this guy go ... Sorry it hurts ... But this is the price for not facing reality earlier ... years earlier. The price for inviting him into your place and serving drinks. And the price you pay for sitting close to him on the couch ... And for holding his stuff and pretending you only had friend feelings, the price for not telling him all along that you really liked him more ... the price you pay for not getting up off that couch when he made a move on you.

 

You ran about five red lights, ten stop sighs, ignored three crossing guard swith their hands up blowing whistles at you ... Of course you were gonna crash ... and get a major expensive ticket.

[preraph]

It was cold-blooded of him to do that. So 1) I think he's having his last sexcapade before committing to her and 2) He may have decided he better try it with you so he won't always have some lingering doubt about that what if you make love like a porn star and he never hit that.

 

How it should have gone if he was decent is he sits down and tells you he cares about you and isn't sure if getting engaged to her is the right thing, cautions you that he has feelings for you both, and you either agree to give it a try or not. But instead he just snuck behind her back and ambushed you for sex so he wouldn't have any regrets about not having found out. He probably even thinks telling you he's as good as engaged lets him off the hook for any possibility of you taking it seriously or expecting anything from him.

 

Look, I know you are very invested in this guy, but would you really want to the one getting married to someone who just did this to an old friend? If you can step back from your feelings for a minute, you should be able to see that he just showed he has a really uncaring, unempathetic side to him, and that he's a cheater. She's not getting any bargain. I wouldn't put it past him trying to come over for sex sometime in the future sneaking around on her.

 

I'm glad he apologized, but he more or less had to do that because he needed to come get his stuff, and him shoving you aside so coldly -- he is not who you hoped he was, that's all. At no time did you ever fathom he would be this cold and uncaring and careless, did you? He isn't who you thought he was -- at least not once the hormones kicked in.

 

He treated you very bad, used you to store his stuff, used you for sex. He HAD to know you were crushing on him because only someone crushing would have bent over backwards for him all these years, and that's why he didn't ask or consider your feelings. He was sure you'd let him.

 

I know how hurt you are, and you have every right. But please, please, please do not leave the door open for him. Wait maybe 2 weeks to see if he musters up any decency, and do not contact him at all. Do NOT reward his bad behavior by contacting him! All it does is tell him you'll accept bad treatment from him! After a couple of weeks, block him off everything, your phone, social media. If you waste another year over this guy, it will be one of the biggest regrets of your entire life, I promise. Don't let him waste any more of your time. Block him and then get busy socially to distract yourself. It is the best way to move on. Wipe this smelly clod off the bottom of your shoe and keep living. Good luck.

[Madd_hatter]

It’s been almost a month and I don’t feel any better at all. I haven’t contacted him and he hasn’t contacted be either. I miss him soooo much it’s driving me crazy. I don’t remember the last day that I didn’t break down and cry. Everyone is telling me I’m better off without him, I’m lucky he’s out of my life. So why doesn’t it feel that way? I feel worse now than I ever have. As painful as it was to be around him and see him falling in love with her, it was better than never seeing or talking to him at all. I miss him like crazy and it’s so overwhelming I don’t think I can deal. :’(

[Madd_hatter]

I can’t underatand why he doesn’t feel like I feel. If I feel like he’s absolutely perfect for me why can’t he see it?

 

I know she’s prettier then me, I know she is, but what we had was so so so strong. I felt it, it was real. He had to have felt it too.

[Madd_hatter]

Non stop thinking of him no matter how hard I try. I saw him on Friday and I had to run to the bathroom to throw up I kid you not. I can never be with him, this I know. I can’t get over him and I’m scared I never will

[Garlend]

Non stop thinking of him no matter how hard I try. I saw him on Friday and I had to run to the bathroom to throw up I kid you not. I can never be with him, this I know. I can’t get over him and I’m scared I never will

 

Yep. You've got it bad.

 

Could you elaborate about your intense emotional predicament, because I think I empathize with you due to my own similar problem?

[Madd_hatter]

Yep. You've got it bad.

 

Could you elaborate about your intense emotional predicament, because I think I empathize with you due to my own similar problem?

 

I’ve known him since I was 10 years old. Been crazy for him since then. He’s with someone else. He’s never felt the same way I did. We grew up together and just being around him was enough for me so I kept up our friendship. We went out just last Friday with a few other people, and it was the first time in a long time that we actually hung out. It was amazing. He was just like he used to be. Smiling at me, laughing with me, teasing me, all the things we use to do. When he looks into my eyes my heart stops. I want him so badly but he has someone else.

 

I still love being around him and don’t want to lose the part I do have of him. Which is not much but he’s like my air, I need him. Even if it’s just as a friend. It’s better than nothing.

[preraph]

I hope you're not letting this schoolgirl crush keep you from meeting and dating other guys. I assure you, he throws socks on the floor just like everyone else and has smelly underwear and probably steals the covers and snores like an obese English Bulldog.

 

Time to up your game and find someone else you can focus on who might want you back. This is going nowhere and you can't live on lust alone.

[Garlend]

I’ve known him since I was 10 years old. Been crazy for him since then. He’s with someone else. He’s never felt the same way I did. We grew up together and just being around him was enough for me so I kept up our friendship. We went out just last Friday with a few other people, and it was the first time in a long time that we actually hung out. It was amazing. He was just like he used to be. Smiling at me, laughing with me, teasing me, all the things we use to do. When he looks into my eyes my heart stops. I want him so badly but he has someone else.

 

I still love being around him and don’t want to lose the part I do have of him. Which is not much but he’s like my air, I need him. Even if it’s just as a friend. It’s better than nothing.

 

That is really a sad situation you've been contending with for so long.

 

Does your friend have any idea how you really feel about him?

 

I know what it's like to be in love someone I can't have. It hurts like hell. But I'm married to another woman. So I'm forced to choke on my feelings, because, as I just read in another thread here, our painful feelings aren't equipped with an off switch.

 

Is there any chance you could move on with someone else to alleviate the despair and frustration you are burdened with?

[Madd_hatter]

It’s so difficult to explain. It’s so bittersweet. I’m so happy and excited to be around him but it hurts at the same time. I fall even harder every time he looks at me or says my name. It breaks my heart because I want sooo much more.

 

I’ve not been with a lot of guys. There’s a guys I’m sorta seeing now. But I keep comparing him to the other man no matter what.

 

I like him... doesn’t give me the feelings that the other guy does. I’m a horrible person I know. But I couldn’t stand being alone anymore.

 

Not really asking for advice I guess. Just hoped to find someone to talk to.

 

Literally no one knows about this. I haven’t told a soul.

[preraph]

You just keep dating other guys. You have to realize you're being unfair comparing them to a man you imagine is perfect when you only know this man as a friend, a friend who isn't interested in you. I mean, the first requirement of a boyfriend is that they like you back. You can't let yourself waste your youth on a man who isn't interested in you that way. I'm sure he thinks of you as a child still. Honestly, the best thing for you would be to move away pursuing a career where you can't even anticipate the next time you happen to see him. I'm more than certain he is well aware you are crushing on him and he probably teases you because he thinks it's cute, but he hasn't acted on it, so it's a dead end.

[JuneL]

I remember your other thread: He took your virginity before breaking up your friendship (when he had a gf and was going to propose to her). This guy is a user and cheater (he was using your place for free storage too).

 

Please see a therapist.

[Garlend]

It’s so difficult to explain. It’s so bittersweet. I’m so happy and excited to be around him but it hurts at the same time. I fall even harder every time he looks at me or says my name. It breaks my heart because I want sooo much more.

 

I’ve not been with a lot of guys. There’s a guys I’m sorta seeing now. But I keep comparing him to the other man no matter what.

 

I like him... doesn’t give me the feelings that the other guy does. I’m a horrible person I know. But I couldn’t stand being alone anymore.

 

Not really asking for advice I guess. Just hoped to find someone to talk to.

 

Literally no one knows about this. I haven’t told a soul.

 

I really don't think you're "a horrible person". But I do think it's time to address your obsessive interest in your "friend".

[Madd_hatter]

We could have a few good days where he flirts and is super sweet and cute with me, then he’ll pull a total 180 and ignore my calls and texts for weeks. Even when he is acting nice I’m still the one who always has to call/text him first. He never suggests to hang out. It’s always me.

 

He always does this. Makes me fall so hard then let’s me down. I just want him.. I just want to be around him. Even if it’s only as a friend. I feel like I just need him there but I never really have him when I need him.

 

It’s so hard. Trust me I don’t want to feel like this. I always sit and try to think of all his flaws. Even really dumb ones like the fact that his eyes are too close together lol. But for some reason I can’t.. I can’t not love him.

 

Everything about him is what I want. Why am I like this? How can I stop it? The moment I see him my heart pounds in my chest and I could literally vomit.

 

I’d do anything to be what he wants. We grew up together. We’ve been friends for years. I don’t know what to do.

[JuneL]

SSDD

 

See a therapist for your obsession.

[Madd_hatter]

SSDD

 

See a therapist for your obsession.

 

I’d honestly love to but I can’t afford it.

 

Guess that’s why I’m coming here.

[stillafool]

Do you not have insurance? If not, look into free counseling. I don't think there are any professionals here that will work for free.

[Madd_hatter]

Do you not have insurance? If not, look into free counseling. I don't think there are any professionals here that will work for free.

 

No insurance.

 

Was just looking for someone to talk to. Someone who maybe has been where I am. Someone to relate to I guess. Anyone I try to tell thinks I’m absolutely insane.

 

I think I am too. But it doesn’t change anything. He says jump and I ask how high. I bend over backwards for him and he doesn’t give me so much as a text back.

 

We could be doing fine and he’ll get angry, upset, or offended by the smallest thing I say/do. That will lead to us not speaking for days. I’m constantly apologizing and he makes me cry all the time.

 

Then he’ll be so sweet. Sweeter then any other guy has ever been to me, and it starts all over again. It’s exhausting. It’s draining. It’s killing me inside. But I can’t get over him.

 

Nothing interests me anymore. I don’t enjoy doing things I used to love. Even going to church the only thing I think of is how I can’t wait to see him there. It’s so bad.

[JuneL]

Talk to a pastor. Maybe he can refer you to someone in your church.

 

I thought the guy said he’s going NC with you, no? I can understand if he and you were dating for a while, but this guy has never even liked you that way. Do you have decent relationship with your family?

[Beachead]

OP,

 

I once really liked this girl I grew up with. We met as kids and went into our teens all the way into adulthood together. There always this puppy love kind of situation with us where we would flirt and cuddle. Everyone saw it and knew it. I wanted to marry this girl. I was so into her that her lack of attention or seeing her talk to another guy or lack of presence at some party would ruin my mood for days. It was hell.

 

One day I decided enough was enough and told her how I felt. She rejected me, it hurt for months. But when I started to meet other girls and start catching the eyes of others, I moved on and very abruptly. Long story short, I went onto discover new relationships and new possibilities and new pictures of a future in my head with someone enw. Time went on and I realized this girl who I thought I wanted to spend the rest of my life with at one point in my life, was no longer that person to me anymore.

 

This isn't you in love. This is you enjoying the thoughts of being with someone. Loving the idea of what you think is love which isn't love at all.

 

If he wanted to be with you, he'd be with you. No back and forth, no push-pull, no hot and cold, no mixed messages. Doesn't matter if you have been friends for a long time. That's the vibe he's putting out.

 

My advice to you is to tell him how you feel. There will be no more wondering, no more fantasizing, no more interpreting, no more imagining what it could be like. You will get your answer win/lose/ or draw and you can move forward.

 

If you don't do this, you will remain stuck.

 

- Beach

Edited July 13, 2018 by Beachead