scrybe74 Posted December 20, 2006 Share Posted December 20, 2006 I so disagree with you and this is why everyone is taking what I say so wrong. We started teaching the birds and bees as soon as there was a learning opportunity. By at LEAST 5 years of age, all of my kids understood what sex was, and what it was designed for. Teachable moments included doggies in the backyard doin' it, cows and horses in the field doin' it, and so on..... The communication was always there as it should've been, and when they came about puberty, (the four that have), they had NO HESITATION to walk up to ME or MRS> MOOSE for answers.Then I would venture to say that this boy didn't have the type of up bringing that we've provided for our children and my method is null and void. Who's fault is that? I still say the boy knew it was wrong to bring it home, and unless he is punished for it, there will be another, "teachable" moment for luvto in the very near future..... Why are you insisting on such EXTREME options. Either Or and that's it? Who said your method is null and void. It's just shouldn't be a boiler plate reaction to any and all situations. I think it takes a lot of courage as a parent to pull the brakes and THINK before we react all the time. Why does it have to be that YOU are right and WE are wrong? Wow.... Link to post Share on other sites
Moose Posted December 20, 2006 Share Posted December 20, 2006 I so disagree with you and this is why everyone is taking what I say so wrong. We started teaching the birds and bees as soon as there was a learning opportunity. By at LEAST 5 years of age, all of my kids understood what sex was, and what it was designed for. Teachable moments included doggies in the backyard doin' it, cows and horses in the field doin' it, and so on..... QUOTE] Once again you miss the point. I wasn't saying that 11 was THE time to talk about sex. Of course it should happen when the parent thinks the child is ready for that talk. But in this instance I'm assuming (I could be wrong) that this has never happened before. Uncharted territory. Of course this is an oppurtunity to TEACH.I'll buy that......and ignore you rave on me..... Link to post Share on other sites
Moose Posted December 20, 2006 Share Posted December 20, 2006 Why are you insisting on such EXTREME options. Either Or and that's it? Who said your method is null and void. It's just shouldn't be a boiler plate reaction to any and all situations. I think it takes a lot of courage as a parent to pull the brakes and THINK before we react all the time. Why does it have to be that YOU are right and WE are wrong? Wow....Man, I can tell you and I are going to get along just great!! I agree about pulling the brakes, and it takes a lot of work. However, there needs to be a sensitive balance as well to produce, "well rounded", kids. To dismiss this act totally with just a, "birds and bees" talk in my mind will most likely help with the porn issue, but what he did, bringing the CD home, hiding it, shouldn't be let go. I wouldn't be in this same situation, (I raised my kids differently), but if I were, I would start with the teachable moment FIRST, then dish the punishment SECOND giving the boy a full understanding of why he's being punished. I originally said I'd blister the boy's behind, but I was placing my PERSONAL family life in the situation and not the OP's life. I'll try and be more careful! GeeeeeeeZZZZZ Link to post Share on other sites
Author luvtoto Posted December 20, 2006 Author Share Posted December 20, 2006 Please tell me you guys get it....because I'm losing more and more hope that there aren't any people left that care enough about their kids to teach them there are ramifications for doing wrong.......EVEN IF IT"S THE FIRST TIME THEY"VE DONE IT!! Excuse me, but like I said...I was disciplined relentlessly my entire childhood. Even went to a catholic school my whole life wearing a uniform. Very stern parents who never let me get away with anything. Consequences for every mistake. Didn't teach me a damn thing. Other than to hate authoritative figures. You can about imagine how that screwed up my life. When I got out of their house, I attended beauty school, barely graduated because I was partying too damn much. When I graduated, I worked for two weeks at a hair job, quit, got pregnant after dating a guy for two weeks, got divorced 7 months later. Blah blahb lah. Spare the rod, please. Link to post Share on other sites
Author luvtoto Posted December 20, 2006 Author Share Posted December 20, 2006 It's offensive to assume that your point of view is the only one in which caring parents should consider. Since when we all vote you the Expert In All Things Parenting and Related Issues? Did I miss an election? I did didn't I? Damn! Must have been too busy shoving cocain up my son's nose.....while I was teaching my daughter the proper way to rob a liquor store. Sorry.... I am eating oatmeal...just spewed it all over my screen! :lmao: THAT was funny! Link to post Share on other sites
Moose Posted December 20, 2006 Share Posted December 20, 2006 Excuse me, but like I said...I was disciplined relentlessly my entire childhood. Even went to a catholic school my whole life wearing a uniform. Very stern parents who never let me get away with anything. Consequences for every mistake. Didn't teach me a damn thing. Other than to hate authoritative figures. You can about imagine how that screwed up my life. When I got out of their house, I attended beauty school, barely graduated because I was partying too damn much. When I graduated, I worked for two weeks at a hair job, quit, got pregnant after dating a guy for two weeks, got divorced 7 months later. Blah blahb lah. Spare the rod, please.All the more reason for you to properly discipline your child.I am eating oatmeal...just spewed it all over my screen! THAT was funny!I found it immature and insulting. And on that note, I'll leave this thread knowing what I've got to deal with...... Link to post Share on other sites
Author luvtoto Posted December 20, 2006 Author Share Posted December 20, 2006 AND...in my defense!!! I do discipline my kids. I told my son that if he didn't get his homework done last night, I was gonna email his teacher his (current avatar) picture! I am telling you what!! It worked like a charm!! :lmao: Link to post Share on other sites
Author luvtoto Posted December 20, 2006 Author Share Posted December 20, 2006 I found it immature and insulting. And on that note, I'll leave this thread knowing what I've got to deal with...... Tough crowd. I don't see how that could have offended you. Wound a little tight, I presume. Link to post Share on other sites
WoWaddict Posted December 20, 2006 Share Posted December 20, 2006 he doesn't need to know how to treat women at his age....and he wouldn't understand it anyways. i couldn't disagree more. boys are never too young to be taught to respect women. if she starts getting this across to him now, there will be a better chance he will hold onto that value later in life. Link to post Share on other sites
WoWaddict Posted December 20, 2006 Share Posted December 20, 2006 All the more reason for you to properly discipline your child.I found it immature and insulting. And on that note, I'll leave this thread knowing what I've got to deal with...... I honestly cannot stand self righteous people. It really really pisses me off. It is not your place to tell this parent how to discipline their children. It is not your place to condemn people for how they choose to discipline their own. You are not right and they are not wrong. There is no right and wrong in this situation. I don't care how you try to slice it. <br> I disagree with your parenting methods for personal reasons. However, I am not going to say that you're wrong, because it's not my place and they're not my children. However, I AM going to say that i disagree extremely with your lack of respect for other people's opinions and choices. This board is about the sharing of opinions and respectful communication, and you've failed to do nothing but force your beliefs down everyone's throat in a very negative way, and demean other people for their personal choices. <br> Just remember that children learn behavior from their parents, and I am personally saddened that they will miss out on the value of having an open mind. Link to post Share on other sites
Author luvtoto Posted December 20, 2006 Author Share Posted December 20, 2006 I honestly cannot stand self righteous people. It really really pisses me off. It is not your place to tell this parent how to discipline their children. It is not your place to condemn people for how they choose to discipline their own. You are not right and they are not wrong. There is no right and wrong in this situation. I don't care how you try to slice it. I think they call that arrogance, too. He is right, his children are wrong. My parents were that same way. I grew to resent them. We have no relationship now. I disagree with your parenting methods for personal reasons. However, I am not going to say that you're wrong, because it's not my place and they're not my children. However, I AM going to say that i disagree extremely with your lack of respect for other people's opinions and choices. This board is about the sharing of opinions and respectful communication, and you've failed to do nothing but force your beliefs down everyone's throat in a very negative way, and demean other people for their personal choices. I know that wasn't directed to me, but I think you are right on the money with that observation. Just remember that children learn behavior from their parents, and I am personally saddened that they will miss out on the value of having an open mind. Having over-controlling parents who did all my thinking for me, hurt me immensely. No one cared about my side or opinion growing up. Now, I struggle everyday to figure out how I feel about things...even at 38. And another thing I would like to mention that was offensive to me. When a person types in ALL CAPS to make their point...that is considered yelling. I was offended by that. Link to post Share on other sites
Moose Posted December 20, 2006 Share Posted December 20, 2006 It's a good thing I have tough skin. Most of you have me and my parental practices all wrong. I'm not going to waste anymore time trying to explain it either. We have a loving, close knit family that I'm very proud of, go on about the thread, and leave the attacks on me out of it. There is the PM option if you have anything negative to say about me..... Link to post Share on other sites
Porn_Guy Posted December 20, 2006 Share Posted December 20, 2006 It's a good thing I have tough skin...... everyone has a tough skin on the internet. Link to post Share on other sites
WoWaddict Posted December 20, 2006 Share Posted December 20, 2006 It's a good thing I have tough skin. Most of you have me and my parental practices all wrong. I'm not going to waste anymore time trying to explain it either. We have a loving, close knit family that I'm very proud of, go on about the thread, and leave the attacks on me out of it. There is the PM option if you have anything negative to say about me..... there would be nothing to attack if you werent so demeaning and offensive in your posts Link to post Share on other sites
scrybe74 Posted December 20, 2006 Share Posted December 20, 2006 WoWaddict - Brilliant! Your post a few posts back was absolutely Brilliant! Well said! Luvtoto - You're doing the right thing by talking to other people, getting opinions and making up you own mind. You of course know that I am in support of your methods. I too was raised by strict, domineering parents who couldn't have a single meaning conversation with their kids unless it was a command or a punishment. Honestly, I got some good and and some bad from it. As an adult I'm doing away with the bad and playing up the good. Moose - Dude...you REALLY need to relax. I don't see anyone here personally attacking you. We don't know you. It is just the methods you describe and your attitude in general that some people here disagree with and we can disagree. A lot of people prefer to maintain some basic etiquette in these discussions and one of those is that in a place for sharing ideas...shutting someone else's completely down is just rude and pushing yoru beliefs as the end all is also equally rude. I'm sure that you and your family have benefited from your method and we all here may have a thing or two to learn from your experiences but keep in mind that a humble person would realize that they can always learn a thing or two as well. ...and lastly Moose....I've met some really great people arguing on these boards and now I consider them my friends so yes....you need to have thick skin. You may be calling my your buddy in a few months.....or not....you never know... Link to post Share on other sites
Moose Posted December 20, 2006 Share Posted December 20, 2006 Moose - Dude...you REALLY need to relax.I don't know what you're talking about. I'm not uptight about anything. Just drop it and move on......already..... Link to post Share on other sites
scrybe74 Posted December 20, 2006 Share Posted December 20, 2006 AND...in my defense!!! I do discipline my kids. I told my son that if he didn't get his homework done last night, I was gonna email his teacher his (current avatar) picture! I am telling you what!! It worked like a charm!! :lmao: Hmm.....that's a good idea. I should get a crazy picture of my son just in case. You never know! He's 6 and so far we haven't had any problems. I'm single dad and it's been a challenge and I'm preparing myself for the day that this may happen with me. I hope he never brings one home at that age and/or that his friends won't but hopefully we'll continue to have a strong level of communication. I understand why he would hide it....what 11 year old boy wouldn't hide it from his parents? It'd be embarassing first of all and second of all...well we all knew that it would be wrong. I think it would have been a big deal to me if my mom/dad talked to me about it and how it was dissapointing to them. I never wanted to dissapoint them. I found some adult videos when I was a 14. I watched them. No one ever really talked about sex and if my parents ever knew I watched it (curiosity) they would have punished me for that curiousity so I kept it a secret. Looking back.....I wish there was more dialogue and less fear to come to them (my dad) about these things. Instead I hid it from them and eventually a lot of other things. I still remember what it is like to be 10,11,12 and I keep that memory fresh for the sake of my son. I want him to know what's out there and how to deal with it. How to be strong, patient, kind, humble, generous, brave, reverant, loving, charitable, accepting and understanding. Link to post Share on other sites
scrybe74 Posted December 20, 2006 Share Posted December 20, 2006 I don't know what you're talking about. I'm not uptight about anything. Just drop it and move on......already..... Sure. Consider it dropped. Link to post Share on other sites
Author luvtoto Posted December 20, 2006 Author Share Posted December 20, 2006 Hmm.....that's a good idea. I should get a crazy picture of my son just in case. You never know! I keep in weekly contact with my son's teacher. He's getting at the age where he doesn't want to do his homework sometimes. I am not an intimidating person. I am a fairly tiny lady...don't look older than 28yrs old. My son is actually as tall as me at this point. If I tried to spank my daughter, she would turn around and probably cold-cock me in the jaw. But, she won't...if I won't. When I became a single mother of two kids, I realized that I wouldn't be able to control my kids with spankings or intimidation. So, I decided to be respectful of them. In turn they would be respectful of me. Like the comment you said about your parents being disappointed in you. There was a time if my son knew he screwed up, and he saw my angry face, he would immediately start crying crocodile tears. I could tell he felt really bad. That was almost punishment enough. We are respectful of each other. I try to give him the benefit of the doubt and practice understanding. We are not perfect, I expect him to make mistakes. It's all a part of growing up and finding his identity. If he gets in trouble at school, he gets grounded and his favorite toy gets taken away from him. His doorknob gets taken of his door from slamming it shut. The point gets across. No need for an ass whoopin'. To this day, I can't remember what the reasons were for my spankings when I was younger. All I remember is the abuse. If I would have barged in his room, and blistered his bottom till he couldn't sit down for a week...well, that technique would clash with how he has been raised. Also, with my teenage daughter, if I would even touch a hair on her head, she would call the police and charge me with assault. She knows this. This is the law!! It just isn't like it was when I was younger. Link to post Share on other sites
WoWaddict Posted December 20, 2006 Share Posted December 20, 2006 It just isn't like it was when I was younger. For good reason too, even though sometimes kids get hasty because they know they have that power and will cry wolf to the police to get their way. But its good that someone can intervene when parents are beating their kids. Link to post Share on other sites
Porn_Guy Posted December 20, 2006 Share Posted December 20, 2006 For good reason too, even though sometimes kids get hasty because they know they have that power and will cry wolf to the police to get their way. But its good that someone can intervene when parents are beating their kids. so what! let the dumb kids call the cops. they'll end up in some foster care home that serves gruel for lunch and has cockroaches all over. they'll have to sleep in a room with 5 other kids. it'll teach them to rat their parent(s) out real quick. Link to post Share on other sites
Author luvtoto Posted December 20, 2006 Author Share Posted December 20, 2006 so what! let the dumb kids call the cops. they'll end up in some foster care home that serves gruel for lunch and has cockroaches all over. they'll have to sleep in a room with 5 other kids. it'll teach them to rat their parent(s) out real quick. Haha! I doubt if the child would be reprimanded for being hit by the parent. The law would be on the kid's side at that point. Wouldn't look good for the parent. Link to post Share on other sites
Porn_Guy Posted December 20, 2006 Share Posted December 20, 2006 Haha! I doubt if the child would be reprimanded for being hit by the parent. The law would be on the kid's side at that point. Wouldn't look good for the parent. yea but I meant where the kid would go after their parent is thrown in jail... Link to post Share on other sites
Moose Posted December 20, 2006 Share Posted December 20, 2006 Haha! I doubt if the child would be reprimanded for being hit by the parent. The law would be on the kid's side at that point. Wouldn't look good for the parent.I don't think you understand.......the kid would be taken away from that enviroment and suffer just the same.... Link to post Share on other sites
WoWaddict Posted December 20, 2006 Share Posted December 20, 2006 yea but I meant where the kid would go after their parent is thrown in jail... Sometimes the kids end up with relatives. also, not all foster homes are horrible, terrible places. a good chunk of them are, but sadly thats the social services system we have in the US. Regardless.... parents should not be beating their kids. If the police need to intervene then so be it. Link to post Share on other sites
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