Found a porno CD

[Moose]

I seem to be spending alot of time in the 'parenting' section lately. Geeez.

 

Was upgrading my 11 yr old son's operating system on his computer today. I needed to hook up a new mouse. As I was hooking up the cord to the back of the computer, I found a CD peaking out from behind his desk.

 

Lo and behold, it was a porno CD. Wow. I was taken back a bit...because he never talks about girls around me.

 

I put it back.

 

He doesn't know I found it, nor did I feel the need to let him know that I know.

 

Now what do I do?? I just want to forget I found it.

 

Man. What a day!!

I would SOOOOO Beat that child's butt until he couldn't set down for a MONTH!! Along with:

 

Immediate loss of computer privleages for a month, no TV, grounded to room except for School and meals, 500.00 fine and probation for 2 years!!!.....(joking on the fine and probabtion)......

 

I don't see why you're so confused as to what this kid needs?

 

Don't tell me it's the Dad's fault, this boy knows the difference between right and wrong.......

[WTF]

I have to agree with porn guy on all fronts.

 

It's normal. He's too young to understand how to treat a woman anyways.

 

If their were girls on the CD, be worry free.

 

 

Now when he gets a little girlfriend........Or around that age.....that would be the time for the talk.

[WTF]

I would SOOOOO Beat that child's butt until he couldn't set down for a MONTH!! Along with:

 

Immediate loss of computer privleages for a month, no TV, grounded to room except for School and meals, 500.00 fine and probation for 2 years!!!.....(joking on the fine and probabtion)......

 

I don't see why you're so confused as to what this kid needs?

 

Don't tell me it's the Dad's fault, this boy knows the difference between right and wrong.......

 

 

 

Moose, You must have been made of stone made of stone at that age. LOL

[luvtoto]

I don't see why you're so confused as to what this kid needs?

Well, I know a guy that had a prude of a mother. Her punishment was nothing less than the death penalty in her house when he even remotely showed sexual interest in women. My brother got soap in his mouth when he made a sexual comment around my mom.

 

Now, those two guys grew up to be major perverts who can't get enough porn or sex. I have reasons for that statement.

 

I feel the more something is forbidden, the more it is desired.

 

So, when I found the CD...I wanted to come unglued. I just thought back to those two guys.

 

I wanted to discipline my son, but without harsh consequences that would scar him later on. I want to make sex a subject we all can talk about in my house.

 

So, that's why I was confused.

[Moose]

Well, I know a guy that had a prude of a mother. Her punishment was nothing less than the death penalty in her house when he even remotely showed sexual interest in women. My brother got soap in his mouth when he made a sexual comment around my mom.

 

Now, those two guys grew up to be major perverts who can't get enough porn or sex. I have reasons for that statement.

 

I feel the more something is forbidden, the more it is desired.

 

So, when I found the CD...I wanted to come unglued. I just thought back to those two guys.

 

I wanted to discipline my son, but without harsh consequences that would scar him later on. I want to make sex a subject we all can talk about in my house.

 

So, that's why I was confused.

Please don't think that my punishment is as far as it goes, and that's the end all say all.

 

First and foremost, we've as parents have done our best to instill in our boys the upmost respect for woman. They aren't even allowed to touch their sisters in a manner that would be harmfull, and are punished when they do. (come on, they're going to do it no matter what....they're siblings afterall).

 

The harsh punishment would be absolutely expected in my house simply because they know full well what our expectations are.

 

Here's the clincher though, and I'll use it in an analogy:

 

I'm a welder/fabricator by trade. In some of the plants I've been in, we've had to purify some metals in the foundries.

 

This is done by heating the metals up to their melting point, causing impurities to float to the top.

 

We would then skim the top of the impurities for a period of time until they stop surfacing.

 

The metal is then allowed to cool, and becomes stronger, cleaner, and pure.

 

If we didn't scrape the impurities off, they would sink back into the molten metal and bond even tighter to the molecules, the metal would then be useless and next to impossible to purify.

 

Simply punishing your children is like leaving the impurities on the surface. You have to scrape the impurities off by demonstrating to them WHY they're being punished.

 

It's not damaging to them, and it won't scar them if you follow through this way.

 

Don't take the high road and do what society says is politically correct. Our children do need real punishment, and I'll stand by that even past the grave...

 

PS: (I do have copyrights to my analogy, but feel free to use it).......

[Art_Critic]

I have always felt that a child needs to know FIRST that what they are doing is wrong BEFORE they do it order to punish them..

 

He didn't know that viewing porn was a punishable act.. therefore punishing him is wrong.

 

I think this is the perfect time to educate and teach him about life...in a sense it is time to PARENT him.. not punish him into doing it behind your back.

[hotgurl]

Plus at that age kids get curious about sex. I remeber finding some porn and romance novels. Actually they were more graphic.

 

I look at the covers of the porn but didn't watch them. I knew I would get in trouble but I was curious. I had never seen a penis my parents didn't talk to me about sex.

 

I would talke to him an explain why it is not ok for him to watch porn and take this opportunity to talk abotu sex.

[Moose]

I have always felt that a child needs to know FIRST that what they are doing is wrong BEFORE they do it order to punish them..

 

He didn't know that viewing porn was a punishable act.. therefore punishing him is wrong.

 

I think this is the perfect time to educate and teach him about life...in a sense it is time to PARENT him.. not punish him into doing it behind your back.

An 11 year old boy didn't know that looking at naked women is a punishable act?

 

COME ON????!!!! You expect me to believe that????

 

Even if the boy had ma and pa kettle as parents, HE KNEW it was wrong from the get go, OR HE WOULDN"T OF TRIED TO HIDE IT in the first place.

 

Educating and teaching them about life begins from day one AC. The boy knew it was wrong.......

[luvtoto]

Please don't think that my punishment is as far as it goes, and that's the end all say all.

 

First and foremost, we've as parents have done our best to instill in our boys the upmost respect for woman. They aren't even allowed to touch their sisters in a manner that would be harmfull, and are punished when they do. (come on, they're going to do it no matter what....they're siblings afterall).

 

The harsh punishment would be absolutely expected in my house simply because they know full well what our expectations are.

 

Here's the clincher though, and I'll use it in an analogy:

 

I'm a welder/fabricator by trade. In some of the plants I've been in, we've had to purify some metals in the foundries.

 

This is done by heating the metals up to their melting point, causing impurities to float to the top.

 

We would then skim the top of the impurities for a period of time until they stop surfacing.

 

The metal is then allowed to cool, and becomes stronger, cleaner, and pure.

 

If we didn't scrape the impurities off, they would sink back into the molten metal and bond even tighter to the molecules, the metal would then be useless and next to impossible to purify.

 

Simply punishing your children is like leaving the impurities on the surface. You have to scrape the impurities off by demonstrating to them WHY they're being punished.

 

It's not damaging to them, and it won't scar them if you follow through this way.

 

Don't take the high road and do what society says is politically correct. Our children do need real punishment, and I'll stand by that even past the grave...

 

PS: (I do have copyrights to my analogy, but feel free to use it).......

Scrape the impurities off? I would rather take the high road, thanks.

[Porn_Guy]

porn is readily available on the internet these days so an 11 yr old looking at it is probably standard now. there is nothing on that CD that the kids can't find for free by clicking a few keys. the person who really need to be punished is the other kids dad....

[Art_Critic]

porn is readily available on the internet these days so an 11 yr old looking at it is probably standard now. there is nothing on that CD that the kids can't find for free by clicking a few keys. the person who really need to be punished is the other kids dad....

 

 

so true Porn_King

 

I remember when I was about 6-7 years old and found a Hustler mag and I then masturbated for my first time...

 

It seems to me that it would've been a shame to think that it was a bad thing and I needed to be punished for it..

 

Even though my Mom never knew about it I know damn well that she would not have punished me for it..

 

She was an RN and I had already learned all about the birds and the bees with Medical Encyclopedias..

[Moose]

Scrape the impurities off? I would rather take the high road, thanks.

Ummmm yeah.....good luck with that!

[Porn_Guy]

I remember when I was about 6-7 years old and found a Hustler mag and I then masturbated for my first time.....

can a six year old even masterbate?

[norajane]

There's nothing wrong in telling your kid that masturbation is normal and part of growing up, but that pornography is not acceptable to you because it often portrays women in unnatural circumstances and in a degrading way.

 

He's not too young to learn about sex and what is and isn't respectful.

 

It's also a good idea to make sure he understands that taking things that don't belong to him - his friend's father's video - is also unacceptable behavior. And that even if his friend gave it to him, it wasn't right for his friend to take it from his dad without his knowledge.

[Art_Critic]

can a six year old even masterbate?

 

 

Yes they can....

 

Come to think of it though the birds and bees talk didn't happen until I was 8/9..

[Porn_Guy]

, but that pornography is not acceptable to you because it often portrays women in unnatural circumstances and in a degrading way.

hey NJ...let me tell you that most porn (except gonzo porn) is a fairly accurate representation of how people have sex in a technical way. Porn is much less of a fairy tale than most of the legit crap that comes out of hollywood. Like for example a guy with big scissors for hands that lives in a castle on a hill and a young couple that falls in love on the doomed titanic, ha h a ah ha ah

[norajane]

hey NJ...let me tell you that most porn (except gonzo porn) is a fairly accurate representation of how people have sex in a technical way. Porn is much less of a fairy tale than most of the legit crap that comes out of hollywood. Like for example a guy with big scissors for hands that lives in a castle on a hill and a young couple that falls in love on the doomed titanic, ha h a ah ha ah

 

Hmm, I don't recall ever giving the pizza guy a blowjob as his tip...talk about fairytales!

[luvtoto]

I think this is the perfect time to educate and teach him about life...in a sense it is time to PARENT him.. not punish him into doing it behind your back.

Applause on that statement, A_C.

 

I would have felt like a prick if I would have disciplined him for this.

 

To be honest, he didn't even seem like he cared that much about the disk. Who knows what the real situation was. That is so unlike him to care about 'women on women' action. Just didn't fit. If I watch a TV show with two people kissing, he tells me to turn the channel before he barfs.

 

Anyways, come to find out, my son isn't friends with that boy anymore. Because he said that boy is a bully who loves to get people into trouble.

 

I feel much better not assuming the worst in my child, right out the gate.

 

I don't have a 'first strike you are out' mentality with parenting.

[Porn_Guy]

Hmm, I don't recall ever giving the pizza guy a blowjob as his tip...talk about fairytales!

i talking more of the sexual act(s) themselves than how the couple met or the circumstances.....see, in a regular movie EVERYTHING is fake, in porn at least the sex is real

[luvtoto]

Ummmm yeah.....good luck with that!

Ya know...my parents were the poster parents of disciplinarian parents. I didn't get away with anything! They were the parent, I was the child. Catholic authoritative household.

 

When I left home at 18 and was out from their parental grip...I went crazy!!

 

FRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEDDDOOOOMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Never spent one minute looking back. We've been estranged for 20 years.

 

Sure you can control people by fear. However, that is not my way.

 

I swore I would never treat my kids like that. I would actually communicate with them. If there WAS a problem, talk it out with them for goodness sake.

[Moose]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Art_Critic

I think this is the perfect time to educate and teach him about life...in a sense it is time to PARENT him.. not punish him into doing it behind your back.

 

Applause on that statement, A_C.

 

I would have felt like a prick if I would have disciplined him for this.

By skimming or scraping the impurities I meant the same thing AC meant. It's an opportunity to teach them why it's wrong, and what should be right.....you're reading my posts as if I'm a dictator..

 

The thing is, there should also be consequences for his actions or he'll never learn to AVOID these types of snares that'll be constantly coming up the rest of his life.

 

Thus the punishment. It has to be clear, concise, and understandable.....

 

Please tell me you guys get it....because I'm losing more and more hope that there aren't any people left that care enough about their kids to teach them there are ramifications for doing wrong.......EVEN IF IT"S THE FIRST TIME THEY"VE DONE IT!!

[scrybe74]

Please don't think that my punishment is as far as it goes, and that's the end all say all.

 

First and foremost, we've as parents have done our best to instill in our boys the upmost respect for woman. They aren't even allowed to touch their sisters in a manner that would be harmfull, and are punished when they do. (come on, they're going to do it no matter what....they're siblings afterall).

 

The harsh punishment would be absolutely expected in my house simply because they know full well what our expectations are.

 

Here's the clincher though, and I'll use it in an analogy:

 

I'm a welder/fabricator by trade. In some of the plants I've been in, we've had to purify some metals in the foundries.

 

This is done by heating the metals up to their melting point, causing impurities to float to the top.

 

We would then skim the top of the impurities for a period of time until they stop surfacing.

 

The metal is then allowed to cool, and becomes stronger, cleaner, and pure.

 

If we didn't scrape the impurities off, they would sink back into the molten metal and bond even tighter to the molecules, the metal would then be useless and next to impossible to purify.

 

Simply punishing your children is like leaving the impurities on the surface. You have to scrape the impurities off by demonstrating to them WHY they're being punished.

 

It's not damaging to them, and it won't scar them if you follow through this way.

 

Don't take the high road and do what society says is politically correct. Our children do need real punishment, and I'll stand by that even past the grave...

 

PS: (I do have copyrights to my analogy, but feel free to use it).......

 

 

I'm sorry but I don't really care for your anology. I don't see punishment/disclipline as comparative to heating of metals. He is an 11 year old boy. Don't get me wrong....I'm MR. DISCLIPLINE when it comes to my boy. Ask anyone who knows me. But sometimes you need to put down the ruler and the rule book and have a CONVERSATION with your child. It's not simply a matter of disrespect of women when her son has a porno in his room. It's not comparable to hitting his sister as you mentioned in your post. He's 11. He's going through puberty. He's curious and probably a little confused. This is the point in which you have the biggest influence on your child's future sexual health. Someday your little boy will be a big man. Thinking ahead and realizing that he will soon be a man with a sexual life is probably a better approach. Now is the time to plant the seeds of trust, dialogue and learning (not to mention respect)

 

I agree with Luvtoto's honest reaction which was hesitation, thinking it through BEFORE reacting and then deciding on what outcome she desired. In this case she wants an open and honest relationship with her son about these things and I think it's healthy and (dare I say) a little cool.

 

I'm willing to bet that her son will be far better adjusted as a sexually active adult 10 years from now than the boy who is smacked, severely punished, restrained and made to feel ashamed about his emerging sexuality.

 

Fear isn't always the answer in dealing with children....especially children of that age.

 

I do agree with you on one point. He needs to understand that that sort of thing is for adults just like drinking, smoking, driving a car, etc. And he needs to understand why: Morally, Healthwise, Safety and for his general overall happiness. That will take time, many discussions, lots of trust and patience.

 

A side note to Porn_Guy---I never know when you're being serious or not :-) but a pre-teen boy harboring a playboy magazine vs. a hardcore porn dvd are two different things. In my analogy it would be the difference between a glass of beer and a glass of vodka. Hardcore is a LOT stronger with strong images that adults can barely separate from reality let alone an 11 year old boy.

 

11 year old with playboy = Not so great

11 year old with porno dvd = really, really freakin' bad.

[Moose]

He's 11. He's going through puberty. He's curious and probably a little confused. This is the point in which you have the biggest influence on your childs future sexual health as an adult.

I so disagree with you and this is why everyone is taking what I say so wrong. We started teaching the birds and bees as soon as there was a learning opportunity. By at LEAST 5 years of age, all of my kids understood what sex was, and what it was designed for.

 

Teachable moments included doggies in the backyard doin' it, cows and horses in the field doin' it, and so on.....

 

The communication was always there as it should've been, and when they came about puberty, (the four that have), they had NO HESITATION to walk up to ME or MRS> MOOSE for answers.

Thinking ahead and realizing that he will soon be a man with a sexual life now is the time to plant the seeds of trust, dialogue and learning (not to mentione respect) I agree with Luvtoto's honest reaction which was hesitation, thinking it through BEFORE reacting and then deciding on what outcome she desired. In this case she wants an open and honest relationship with her son about these things and I think it's healthy and (dare I say) a little cool.

Then I would venture to say that this boy didn't have the type of up bringing that we've provided for our children and my method is null and void.

 

Who's fault is that?

 

I still say the boy knew it was wrong to bring it home, and unless he is punished for it, there will be another, "teachable" moment for luvto in the very near future.....

[scrybe74]

By skimming or scraping the impurities I meant the same thing AC meant. It's an opportunity to teach them why it's wrong, and what should be right.....you're reading my posts as if I'm a dictator..

 

The thing is, there should also be consequences for his actions or he'll never learn to AVOID these types of snares that'll be constantly coming up the rest of his life.

 

Thus the punishment. It has to be clear, concise, and understandable.....

 

Please tell me you guys get it....because I'm losing more and more hope that there aren't any people left that care enough about their kids to teach them there are ramifications for doing wrong.......EVEN IF IT"S THE FIRST TIME THEY"VE DONE IT!!

 

I see what you are trying to get across but just BECAUSE people don't get your analogy or agree with it doesn't mean that "there aren't any people left that care enough about their kids to teach them there are ramifications for doing wrong"..

 

It's offensive to assume that your point of view is the only one in which caring parents should consider. Since when we all vote you the Expert In All Things Parenting and Related Issues? Did I miss an election? I did didn't I? Damn! Must have been too busy shoving cocain up my son's nose.....while I was teaching my daughter the proper way to rob a liquor store. Sorry....

[scrybe74]

I so disagree with you and this is why everyone is taking what I say so wrong. We started teaching the birds and bees as soon as there was a learning opportunity. By at LEAST 5 years of age, all of my kids understood what sex was, and what it was designed for.

 

Teachable moments included doggies in the backyard doin' it, cows and horses in the field doin' it, and so on.....

QUOTE]

 

Once again you miss the point.

 

I wasn't saying that 11 was THE time to talk about sex. Of course it should happen when the parent thinks the child is ready for that talk. But in this instance I'm assuming (I could be wrong) that this has never happened before. Uncharted territory. Of course this is an oppurtunity to TEACH.