Author a4a Posted August 21, 2006 Author Share Posted August 21, 2006 First...kindly said, you carry alot of anger towards your husband...my personal opinion from reading your many threads which point out the many things he does wrong. . Yeah I guess I am angry at this point and I am venting here........I mean I cannot really stab him in the head with a fork. I am angry because he lied to me about who he is. and it would be nice if I got a card on my b-day. or maybe something ........anything for x-mas, and maybe this weekend which is our annivesary to get something....... nope......nada....... zilch ......nothing......hell a fly swatter would have been appreciated by me But he will sit and tell me how much he cares about me.......how I mean the world to him and if I leave his life will be destroyed..... yep....... sure buddy. His words do not seem to match his actions. Link to post Share on other sites
PandorasBox Posted August 21, 2006 Share Posted August 21, 2006 His words do not seem to match his actions Do you think its because he doesn't know how to show you, or that he just doesn't want to? Link to post Share on other sites
ThumbingMyWay Posted August 21, 2006 Share Posted August 21, 2006 I'm sorry you are going through this a4a. You do seem like a tough cookie as someone else said earlier. Maybe thats what it is, do you think he is sort of scared of you? Not saying that to be funny, I'm serious. Maybe he knows you can do for yourself and becasue you have that tough exterior he feels he shouldn't do or say anything? Not that its not right, because its not. I agree you do come across as a brassy chick who dont take to crap. my wife has some of the same attributes....good and bad, depends on the situ I guess... and at times I really dont know how to react (not in regards to boob snooping), but in situations in general. Simply becasue the minute I speak up, she gets and doesnt want me butting in...but in the next similar situation she gets sad becasue I didnt say anything... hence my frustration with not understanding women....you say one thing, do the next and get mad becasue we didnt know what you wanted.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author a4a Posted August 21, 2006 Author Share Posted August 21, 2006 I'm sorry you are going through this a4a. You do seem like a tough cookie as someone else said earlier. Maybe thats what it is, do you think he is sort of scared of you? Not saying that to be funny, I'm serious. Maybe he knows you can do for yourself and becasue you have that tough exterior he feels he shouldn't do or say anything? Not that its not right, because its not. I think he is just using me for money....... and for labor. I make for a fine business partner and can always find a way to make things work. I am not hard on the eyes (so I have been told, starting to wonder about that as well tho) No wonder he did not want to let me get away I am really pondering this dog bite episode. It is like he freezes up..... maybe it is not his fault...... maybe he is just too weak to react? If he got mauled by the dogs the fat man would have been used for bait for the two dogs.......or I would have shoved both dogs up the fat mans ass and let them eat their way out of him........ if it was a coworker I would have defended the coworker...... even a stranger as long as I knew the facts of the situation. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ThumbingMyWay Posted August 21, 2006 Share Posted August 21, 2006 and it would be nice if I got a card on my b-day. or maybe something ........anything for x-mas, and maybe this weekend which is our annivesary to get something....... nope......nada....... zilch ......nothing...... not even a card?...anything? hhmmm.....I say stab him in the head with a fork... Link to post Share on other sites
Author a4a Posted August 21, 2006 Author Share Posted August 21, 2006 I agree you do come across as a brassy chick who dont take to crap. hence my frustration with not understanding women....you say one thing, do the next and get mad becasue we didnt know what you wanted.... ehhh see I am crystal clear on my "lines"... this is not a one time event. Something as simple as him putting his arm around me in front of a "hitman" would be enough to thwart most advances. ... his friends buddy offered to screw me at our wedding reception... he was just asked to go to the "screw offering buddy's" home this weekend to help out on a project at his house.... he did not go but the reason was he already had plans.......nothing to do with the guy offering to screw me on our wedding day..... neat huh? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author a4a Posted August 21, 2006 Author Share Posted August 21, 2006 not even a card?...anything? hhmmm.....I say stab him in the head with a fork... nada.... I did get cheap ass flowers and a card for V day tho...... he swung by the super market and picked them up on his way home from work....signed the card in the drive way...... came home 3 hours late too...... nice romantic day that was......... So in 3 years that is all I have gotten from him. OH but he told me how he was going to go get me these big beautiful diamond earrings for my b-day........ I think he just did not ever get a chance to. oh he is taking me on a trip too........ and we have been going out to dinner at my favorite restaurant for at least 8 months :lmao: Link to post Share on other sites
ThumbingMyWay Posted August 21, 2006 Share Posted August 21, 2006 ... his friends buddy offered to screw me at our wedding reception... he was just asked to go to the "screw offering buddy's" home this weekend to help out on a project at his house.... he did not go but the reason was he already had plans.......nothing to do with the guy offering to screw me on our wedding day..... neat huh? You wanted to hear this: "F**k that guy, why the hell would i help a guy who said he wanted to screw my wife on our wedding day"....."wait, maybe I will go just to tell him to f**k off!!!" I understand your frustration.....he needs to man up at times huh? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author a4a Posted August 21, 2006 Author Share Posted August 21, 2006 You wanted to hear this: "F**k that guy, why the hell would i help a guy who said he wanted to screw my wife on our wedding day"....."wait, maybe I will go just to tell him to f**k off!!!" I understand your frustration.....he needs to man up at times huh? I think he needs his ass kicked..... the H that is..... boy he is really screwing up........ wait, just wait until I walk out that door. I am really half tempted to call his buddy and let him have a chat with him. My H does have good qualities....... but I don't get this side he is showing me. It was not always like this. Link to post Share on other sites
ThumbingMyWay Posted August 21, 2006 Share Posted August 21, 2006 nothing in 3 years....??? c'mon....really not even a simple, "hey I got your favorite ice cream" not even a non-requested back rub....or girl movie to cuddle on the couch too.... I totally understand you now.... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author a4a Posted August 21, 2006 Author Share Posted August 21, 2006 nothing in 3 years....??? c'mon....really not even a simple, "hey I got your favorite ice cream" not even a non-requested back rub....or girl movie to cuddle on the couch too.... I totally understand you now.... If he stops at the store for himself (get gas, or pick up a soda for himself) will pick me up chocolate bar or something while he is there. Or if I request something he will pick it up maybe if driving by a store...paint, something for the house.... errands if driving by........ On the other hand many times I will ask him to do something and he simply will not........ I think it is a matter of lack of effort. laziness......? Link to post Share on other sites
PandorasBox Posted August 21, 2006 Share Posted August 21, 2006 My H does have good qualities....... but I don't get this side he is showing me. It was not always like this. Sounds like something has caused him to start acting like this then. What it is, is the question. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JackJack Posted August 21, 2006 Share Posted August 21, 2006 So you all have been married for 3 years? Thats not all that long, long enough though for the marriage to be hitting a rough patch and long enough for the real person you married to come out. Link to post Share on other sites
TUDOR Posted August 21, 2006 Share Posted August 21, 2006 So you all have been married for 3 years? Thats not all that long, long enough though for the marriage to be hitting a rough patch and long enough for the real person you married to come out. Now there is a big dose of reality.... Link to post Share on other sites
newbby Posted August 21, 2006 Share Posted August 21, 2006 maybe your h freezes in emergencies, and maybe he is being self destructive in messing up this relationship??? maybe he wants to do these things but then messes up, just cause he expects himself to... i suppose that you have to make a decision one way or another, accept him as he is and stop nagging at him about it, or leave. if what i said above is true, then everything you say just reinforces his self image as being inadequate and he gets even worse... i think alot of people just act the way they think they are, if that makes any sense. i am not saying you dont have a right to be upset, of course any wife would be questioning this. it is just that theres nothing you can do about it. you cant change him, as you already said, and nor would you want to. so thats it then, you are left with those choices. the anger will probably stop one you have made one of these decisions and stuck to it. anger usually only arises with resistance of what is happening. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author a4a Posted August 21, 2006 Author Share Posted August 21, 2006 My H does have good qualities....... but I don't get this side he is showing me. It was not always like this. Sounds like something has caused him to start acting like this then. What it is, is the question. I don't know...... I think it was marriage as soon as I agreed to marry him it started going to crap fast. He used to do nice things for me. Like go way out of his way to help me. Offer things to me.... dinners out (I paid for dinners as well). But now nothing..... zero effort. He claims he is so happy in our marriage...... his life is wonderful I beat the hell out of myself wondering what I did to cause this or if I am simply unattractive, stupid, or just not good enough...... he words state otherwise but his actions show that I mean dirt diddly to him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ThumbingMyWay Posted August 21, 2006 Share Posted August 21, 2006 I think it is a matter of lack of effort. laziness......? first off...I take back that I understand you....I just meant I understand your frustration.... I will never understand women... but....lack of effort and laziness... its called procrastination....I have that desease too.....my wife is a go getter just like you...I am more laid back and a "I know I know I need to do that" kinda guy....and it really frustrates her...... hmmm...thinks I need to take the reigns a bit more....but at least I buy my wife stuff.....I sold a boat and a pool table to pay for a 3 diamond 10 year aniversy ring 2 years ago.....hope that says something about not fixing the bathroom sink yet yet? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author a4a Posted August 21, 2006 Author Share Posted August 21, 2006 well I just have to figure out what I did wrong so than I can bail. I really hope he did learn something from how he treated me and can do better his next time around with someone. I hope he does end up happy. Now I just got to uproot and get my ass outta here..... which is the more difficult part of the whole thing. I could stay and ignore him, but that would not be fair to him. I would be content to just do that.......room mate thing. We were very good friends before the R started. Moving sucks....... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
newbby Posted August 21, 2006 Share Posted August 21, 2006 well I just have to figure out what I did wrong so than I can bail. why do you think you did anything wrong? Link to post Share on other sites
Author a4a Posted August 21, 2006 Author Share Posted August 21, 2006 first off...I take back that I understand you....I just meant I understand your frustration.... I will never understand women... but....lack of effort and laziness... its called procrastination....I have that desease too.....my wife is a go getter just like you...I am more laid back and a "I know I know I need to do that" kinda guy....and it really frustrates her...... hmmm...thinks I need to take the reigns a bit more....but at least I buy my wife stuff.....I sold a boat and a pool table to pay for a 3 diamond 10 year aniversy ring 2 years ago.....hope that says something about not fixing the bathroom sink yet yet? You mean like the $26,000 truck in the drive that has just sat here for a year doing nothing.......he could sell it??? ohhhhhh........ The truck I put two new tires on for him as a suprise for $700? He could sell it and pay his bills instead of me doing it? OH? Maybe he could actually get me an annivesary gift with $20 then? hell $5 would be nice..... hell a some homemade dried pasta earrings...... Link to post Share on other sites
Author a4a Posted August 21, 2006 Author Share Posted August 21, 2006 why do you think you did anything wrong? That is my training. If you do not get the reaction you want you first look at your actions. I am dumbfounded tho at this one...... I cannot see where my requests or actions have been out of line with the exception of the last 6 weeks where I have actually flown off the handle out of pure frustration. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mz. Pixie Posted August 21, 2006 Share Posted August 21, 2006 Okay, let's think here a minute. Is he happy in this marriage?? Well Hell Yeah he is. Think for a minute- He has no responsibility- you pay the bills- you do all the work around the house. He's not required to participate in the marriage much or meet too many of your needs- for example- birthdays, anniversarys etc. The only thing he needs to do every once in a while is pony up some sexual stuff- and that's only when you initiate. So, what's in this for him to lose exactly?? What is in this for you to lose?? I think he stands to lose more. He won't go to counseling, he won't read anything. He's working on this on his own "timeline" which is unacceptable to you. Hmmmmmmm. Now, on to the boobie thing. My H is not jealous- if he's with me. But if I were to tell him that the cute guy at the Starbucks flirted with me or whomever and he wasn't around- then he would be. I had a cute fireman passing the boot last fall flirt with me outrageously in front of my daughter- who promptly told him. He was livid. He's not much of a brawny guy but he would defend me, I'm sure of it, should push come to shove. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
newbby Posted August 21, 2006 Share Posted August 21, 2006 That is my training. If you do not get the reaction you want you first look at your actions. well i could see how that could be applied to some situations... like if you got the same reactions from all people, or all romantic partners, but if you keep getting the same reaction from the same person, then maybe its just them.. as for people changing after marriage, it happens all the time. many people think that once they are married they have done all the work and can relax and be themselves. it happens even after very long relationships, they get married and boom!, it all changes. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted August 21, 2006 Share Posted August 21, 2006 How was he different before you got married? Link to post Share on other sites
Author a4a Posted August 21, 2006 Author Share Posted August 21, 2006 Okay, let's think here a minute. Is he happy in this marriage?? Well Hell Yeah he is. Think for a minute- He has no responsibility- you pay the bills- you do all the work around the house. He's not required to participate in the marriage much or meet too many of your needs- for example- birthdays, anniversarys etc. The only thing he needs to do every once in a while is pony up some sexual stuff- and that's only when you initiate. . well I quit....... I am on strike..... I did do some laundry but made him put his stuff away. (evil me). The money tree is now gone...... I will not pay all the bills. I even went as far to cut off my ATM card that I gave him to access my acct. NO MORE! If he gets the house foreclosed on ......not my problem. I have my own home to pay for and live at. The dumbass won't even help/support me build the new house so we can turn a nice profit..... would wipe out all his debt. I have a great new job offer in the making.... I mean big time job...... $$$ and a little bit of "fame" to be tied into it which could offer even friggin book deals and what not.... zero support. I think he wants to fail at life in general.... but he is starting to suck me down with him and I cannot allow that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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