"I Don't"

[Becoming]

Be very careful in talking to your MIL. Sure, she's on your side- but I've been in that situation and let me tell ya- blood is thicker than water. They still may tell him everything you say. Do not trust anyone in his family with secrets!

 

I second this. I was concerned in hearing this as well. I think he may already know, given his response with the cable. You'll always have a relationship with her because of the children, but he will always be her son.

 

I know we all said in one of my family member's divorces that we'd just as soon throw away the family member and keep the spouse, but reality doesn't turn out that way. Haven't seen the spouse now in 15 years. Still see the family member, though.

 

The success of your plan depends upon secrecy and stealth. I'd tell no one but LS folks to get it off my chest, and I'd be changing my avatar if that's you so no one could know.

 

Maybe I'm a tad paranoid, but I know how bad human beings can be to one another.

[Milf629]

I understand the paranoia I do. I expected it here. there are alot who have been scorned and its understandle. I am not worried, I really am not, I have lots of reasons not to be. His farther has not said a kind word to him through out this whole thing except to say I am biased you can't talk to me about this. (that came from Hubby, as does all the barrating he does to him on this, their relationship is suffering greatly) and my MIL is not his birth mother, she is his fathers 3rd wife (his 3rd marriage too) that is not to say shes not like a mother to him she is a wonderful women but I assure you that they love (their only grandchildren, estranged from one other child at the moment and his son) thei grand children more then life itself, and they will see to it that no harm or wrong is done by them, if that means disowning him i dont doubt they would do it. I really dont. They are exceptional people though and certainly not the norm. We're a bunch of gumbas BTW.

 

I could go on and on, but I wont. I know whom is loyal to my hubby, and whos not. I've learned by making mistakes in all of this.

[Becoming]

Ok, sorry. Just don't want to see ya hurt anymore.

 

When my H decided to do an email fling, my father-in-law told my H to straighten up--probably the best thing I did was tell them what was going on.

 

I remember it felt like an elephant was sitting on my chest, like my heart was literally tearing in two. I dropped 15 lbs in a week. I also felt strangely free knowing I was acting in accord with what I knew to be good and right regardless of what he decided to do.

[Mz. Pixie]

I could go on and on, but I wont. I know whom is loyal to my hubby, and whos not. I've learned by making mistakes in all of this.

 

Well, just let me tell you what I've learned and how. My ex inlaws are pillars of the community. He was chairman of the decons at our church- and there wasn't anyone in the whole community that didn't think he was a saint. His ability to turn the other cheek was legendary. They too loved their grandkids more than anything and me too- as I had been around their family for 18 years. I cannot tell you how many times they told me what an excellent wife and mother I was. How my kids would never come to church if it wasn't for me- how I had raised them by myself and what a great job I'd done. They knew how selfish their son was and couldn't understand it.

 

When I told my exhusband I wanted a divorce- they called me and my parents and told them that they loved us both and wouldn't take sides.

 

They did everything they could do to get me to stay- including offering to pay for a maid for me-and various other things. I'd been to both of them before about how he treated me and how I needed their help to wake them up. Yet they never approached him about his treatment of me.

 

All of their love and loyalty to me lasted about five seconds after I told him there wasn't a chance for us to work it out and I moved out.

 

They financed the best cut throat attorney for their son. Since I couldn't afford to keep fighting I had to give in. I didn't get a thing but my kids out of the whole deal- I do not even get child support. That was all fine and well by me because I can support myself financially- I have a good enough job. But what about if I wouldn't have?? What if I'd been a SAHM??

 

They drug my name through the mud. Stuff about me ended up in the local newspaper even (long story, don't ask). All because of their influence.

 

I loved my ex in laws dearly and they loved me. I would have never expected them to treat me the way they have. Never in a million years. People still do not believe it when I say what they've done.

 

Don't count on their love for their grandchildren keeping them from taking sides. While they always may be cordial to you that may be as far as it goes. He will tell them all kinds of stuff about you and they will believe it, because he is their son.

 

My ex inlaws wouldn't piss on me now if I were on fire. It's been two years and my ex fil just recently told someone he would ruin my life if he could. When I have to see them at the kid's events- they don't even speak to me, unless someone from their church is around.

 

These were the most decent, ethical, Christian people that I've ever known and they have treated me like crap. I don't care who a person is, or how well you think you know them- they can surprise you with their actions.

 

I asked for their forgiveness for what I did to end the marriage. Since they were such big Christians I expected I would at least be given that much. I haven't been. They know that I would never withhold those kids from them because of the person that I am so they feel like they don't have to be nice to me.

 

I still have a hard time believing that they have treated me this way. STILL.

 

There are tons of stories on this board from people who have been in the same boat, and treated the same way by their former in laws, sisters in laws, brothers in laws. Even when their child is the one who cheated- they still end up taking their side in the end. It just may take a while.

 

I can promise you. Even if they don't tell him what you've said thus far they will still welcome his new love into their lives with open arms at some point. And it's going to rip your heart out when it happens. I hate it for you- because I know how bad it's going to hurt, how bad you're going to feel when they betray you, and all of that.

 

Be careful.

[Milf629]

the ball is rolling. officially. I went to see the attorney today to give her the retainer check and get things moving, if I didn't go now she would have no time to see me till after I got back from my trip. so I went ahead with it.

 

we discussed alot of things.

 

She advised me that changing the locks will do nothing, because I have no grounds to kick him out of the house and he can stay no matter the circumstances, well ok, there are reasons that I could get him out none of which I anticipate (i.e. physical harm to me or the kids, fighting, yelling, cursing in front of them etc.) I will ask him to leave and I will make damn sure he is uncomfortable enough to want to leave but I have no legal grounds otherwise so all that changing the locks will do is cost money and time.

 

she did have some other intersting things to say....his collectibles..... he has ALOT of stuff mostly sports memorabilia, she wants me to take pictures of as much as I can, list as much as I can, get into his fantasy baseball/football stuff, see whats doing there (he wins money at the end of those depending on his status and he has been number 1 twice which equals to money) so I am taking pics now will download them to a CD and/or send them to costco to be printed and sent to me at work, I have MORE financial stuff to get together and I have to do it all before tomorrow, cause he'll be home and I wont be able to, then I am gone and by the time I get back I want to just make a phone call and say do it this day.

 

also she may try to disqualify his lawyer, if he goes with whom I think he will go with, he is a sprots collector buddy whom he has social contact with, so she is going to say turn over a fair value of the collectibles or I will have you disqualified as his lawyer and call you as a witness to attest to the value of his collectibles, either way I win.

 

its sad, so sad, the gloves have come off just like that, and now all my efforts are focused on preserving a life for me and the girls, without thought of his well being. I have accepted that whatever he wants to call this "relationship" its an affair, one that he has deeply hidden and will never admit to, I have moved on from "needing" the evidence, although I still "want" the evidence and feel I am entitled to the truth. the truth that he will very likely NEVER give me.

 

anywho anything that he attained during the marriage and that now has value will go towards (or against) what I will owe him in equity for the house. and the equity, freezes, so if I dont have to pay him his portion for five years its the value and equity NOW not five years from now, that goes if it stays the same, plummets or increases, I could get screwed, but I will NOT be leaving and the girls can share a room indefinetly. Its small they will hate it growing up, but I did it and so can they, I love my home too much too leave.

 

ok back to pictures and photocopies for me, I want her to have all this stuff in her hands no later then tomorrow. before he gets home, then i Have to clean everything up (meaning the computer) and also take down all my Crecit card numbers and phone numbers to call, I will do that while at seminar, cancel all of his access, she is not sure they will let me do that either. I may have to "cancel" them entirely, leaving myself no access either. I dont want to run up debt, but its a very real possibility that I may need to put food on the table and have no other way to do so.

 

I have spoken to him today (because I need his damned schedule so I can tell her when to serve him, want to make sure his gf is there when I do) anywho he got into some fight with his father and was telling me all about it, I am so silent on the phone now, its all so weird, I thought about for 1/2 second starting a fight with him on some of the s*** he is pissed off about, but then I came to my senses and said the point is moot and you will get to say everything you need to say to him at a much later and more appropriate time.

 

there is a part of me that feels for him though, there really is. it is so so sad. he is either completely denying this crap with this other girl or he is lying. I mean even if he wasn't some friendship is worth your marriage? really? he is going to be FLOORED when he is served, I am giving him NO reason to think anything is amiss, but there is a very small, miniscule portion of me that feels sorry for him.

[rugbyrob1990]

WOW! Ill never piss you off...LOL I'm happy for you that you had the courage to do this... How are you doing tonight emotionally? Are you any better than last night? let us know asap

[Milf629]

eh I am mostly in get all this crap together mode, so I can be done with it (for the moment anyways) I really still have alot to do I will be here till midnight if not later.

 

i am sad though. I really am.

[Becoming]

I hope you plan to do something to take care of yourself after all of this stuff is done because once all the work is finished, the grief may really kick in then. Plan for that as well.

 

Can you establish credit in your own name while things are good right now? That way you have something later before your credit may be ruined.

[Milf629]

i have some credit lines. I just found a card for one of those lines, that he never called to confirm (you know when it has that sticker on it) so I am just taking the card.....he can't use it if its not ON HIM!

[Mz. Pixie]

Now you're being smart Milf.

 

In reality they all usually lie about the affairs, sometimes even after they remarry their affair partner- you know- the I didn't meet them until I was separated thing??

 

No man would be willing to give up his marriage for a friendship. It just doesn't make sense, which is why it's more than that.

 

I think it's hilarious that he'll have to fork over half of his sports collection.

If your attorney is good you may not even have to pay him any equity- it may be the price he pays. After all, he left the house didn't he? Has he been paying the mortgage?

[Milf629]

oh yeah financially things have remained the same. we are struggling ALOT right now, so stuff is piling up, but he hasn't not paid bills or pulled money.

 

he did leave the house, but technically hes back right now (actually on his way as I type) I am not serving him till after I get back, didn't want him to be served while I was away and unable to keep an eye on things at home. which is why its all under wraps until then, I still have not finished everything I had to do but I did get alot done and what I did get done is in my lawyers hands already. so when I get back it will just be a "serve him" phone call, cause the ball is rolling.

 

and abandonment is not a factor in CT, as my lawyer said CT is easy. affairs dont matter, although if I get some "real" proof I can do something with that. but all that other stuff is irrelevent.

 

but yeah I have accepted like 99% that he has had an affair that went physical, because your right, no friendship would be worth this crap. no matter how great. I would actually feel slightly better if he owned up to it as an affair, because otherwise it means that (in his sick head) it ended over a friendship, at least if it was an affair, I could better understand, better accept it. Again I deserve the truth but I am not expecting it.

[Ladyjane14]

If he has access to your computer.... clean up every trace of LS before you go. Otherwise 'the cat is out of the bag'.

Put new passwords on all your email accounts too.

 

Delete history and cookies... then use your Microsoft Explorer tool and go into your cookies and temp files and manally remove any leftovers that you find.

 

Don't forget to change your avatar.

[Milf629]

(when I returned from my seminar in Dallas, TX) July 24th

 

Dallas was UNBELIEVABLE!

 

Nothing has changed at home. Jason ended up not taking vacation time from work last week, so low and behold we had no one to watch the kids, he tells me this 2 days prior to my leaving! Thankfully friends of ours for NJ had taken vacation time when they knew I would be gone these dates, so they came and stayed the week and watched the kids while he was at work! They are wonderful people. Part of me is of course greatful that they could do that, the other part of me says someone else saves his ass AGAIN! but whatever, moving on.

 

nothing else has changed, I was going to try and serve him while i was away, but the lawyer didn't have the right info, so I am making copies today of hopefully what IS the right info. and will get it to them tomorrow. Jason is out of town on wednesday so I will have him served thurs/fri (the court marshall has 48 hours but its ussually within 24) I wnat to match up the love birds schedules so she is there when I do, cause then I am calling her husband again to fill him in on things and at some point I may call her, just so she hears from the horses mouth whats going on and so that she knows it is a direct result of their relationship. Wouldn't want him filling her head with any lies, oh and I am going hunting for my ipod, it has been missing since I was back in the house, can't find it anywhere. I have a suspicion and have for a while that she has it, dont know why, but I do.

 

so thats the latest with us. he of course is doing exactly as I thought he would, rolling over like a dog, not gonna fight for me, for our marriage or likely anything else in his life. I dont need it, time to drop the dead weight. I need someone who is man enough to fight for me and us, and man enough to make some right choices and man enough to do the right thing!

 

oh wait I didn't realize I didn't post about what happened before I left. .............. sunday night he starts giving me ****, saying his parents have labeled him and once you label someone you can't take it back, yadda yadda, so I said to myself, DO NOT HAVE THIS CONVERSATION with him, it will only result in you telling him hes being served and to **** off. so I tell him I dont want to fight about it, and lets not go here. he then says its not like i have called my parents trashing you! I was steaming by now, I said really, really, what the hell would you trash me about exactly, hmmmm please tell me what. Oh that I tryed as hard as I could to work on things? that I wanted you to come home and you didn't? that I did everything possible, sacrificed my own self-worth, self-respect and self-esteem so you could be happier and have some ****ign stupid friends, really jason what exactly would you trash me about? he of course has nothing to say. so I let loose on him, told him this friendship (he kept saying why do you keep bringing that up it has nothing to do with this, blah blah blah) is costing him his marriage, whatever the relationship is, friend or more, it is costing you your marriage. I got really angry, hummed his precious remote acrossed the room, start screaming, crying the works! he's telling me calm down blah blah blah. I said jason I have been to see a divorce attorney and you will be served next week, their is nothing left here, you have disrespected me and our marriage for THE last time, I hope it was worth it, whatever HER is to you. he of course blabs about them just being friends, I said whatever, you knew what it was doing to me, you knew how i felt you ignored it, and then you made like it was small funny ha ha talk in front of me (myspace messaging) and then would sneak phone calls while you were out, sneak messages that say "wont be able to talk on the phone tonight" while you were supposed to be investing time and thought and energy into YOUR WIFE, you know the person HERE for almost 7 years by your side. *******. he says I dont want this, I am begging you blah blah blah. I love you. blah blah blah. sorry too little too late. I told him look say whatever you have to say now, because I wont discuss this with you again. kids and money thats all we need to discuss. he didn't say much else.

 

he tried to find out when I went to the lawyer, and probe for info there and I said, its none of your ****ing business.

 

then he says do you want me to leave? I said I have no legal rights to kick you out. I was leaving the next day so it made no sense for him to go for one night, plus I want to talk to emma long before that happens. but I mean seriously he can't even decide if he wants to stay or leave, how can he possibly be capable of making any other decisions.

 

he said what do you need from me, I said make it ammicable. thats all I ask.

 

so THEN, he decides to have a few beers (like 2) but for one reason or another he cannot handle beer and gets tipsy, not drunk, but happy. starts talking to me, we are in the living room and I said I am going up to watch a movie. so he says mind if I come, I said no I dont care. then I say (because hes a little tipsy) so long as there are no motives. so he laughs and comes up. then proceeds to convince and try his absolute hardest to get me to have sex with him. Can you believe this crap! I was like what the hell is wrong with you? I mean hey I could have used a good rogering BELIEVE ME, but I knew no matter how good it would only upset me, make me feel worse, so I was like what are you doing? if this your way of trying to get me to not make the decision to leave you? I mean in the end he said he was only trying to have sex, and I would LOVE to think otherwise and that that was his attempt to show me how he loves me or romantacize it in some other way, but somehow in the end i think he was "just trying to have sex". whats wrong honey your girlfriend out of town? haven't been laid? whatever.

[Milf629]

so some more tid bits I forgot. this mother****er man! ooooooo.

 

first of all HER set her myspace to private a little while ago, two weeks ago maybe. THEN HER dissapeared from HIS myspace, dont know if she is still on, and just not on his friends list or what, but she was gone. NOW he set HIS to private. can you beleive this bull****. but yeah they are just friends and yeah they aren't ****ing and yeah there is nothing going on.

 

oooooooooo. I am steaming right now. but not in a feel sorry for myself way, more like a nail his ass to the wall kind of way. ****er.

 

>>>>>>>disclaimer: so so sorry for all my bad language, it is how I feel and How i have chosen to express my emotions, I am truly sorry if its offensive<<<<<<<<<

[Milf629]

*sigh*

 

still going forward but must tell what happened last night and other things I have "noticed".

 

I was in a mood last night, kind of felt like putting my dukes up and fighting, not sure why. anywho, I started to talk to him last night and we just got all sorts of into it. I told him he was just rolling over like a dog, not going to fight for anything, yadda yadda, he had not much to say to that. He said he made his Myspace private just to aggravate me, which I actually believe, I of course went into his myspace and found nothing of consequence. I also asked him why HER dissapeared from his myspace, and he said she still has an account but that he choose to remove her. I checked his cell phone, there has been no calls to or from her since the 9th of july, she is on vacation though, I think shes back now, but he said if she is he doesn't know because he has not spoken to or seen her. He said he thought alot about everything I said last sunday, he now finally sees at least a little how it feels to be me in all of this, understands what I mean by him disrespecting me, our marriage etc. he then asked if I was going to serve him at work, I told him yes, that I wouldn't do it while he is home with our children, and that he embarrassed me enough to all of his co-workers and that now it was time for him to be embarrassed. He accepted my answer as honest. we discussed alot more, it was like finally we were both being honest, true, real. I think he ws fighting tears, his eyes were blood shot and he asked to stop talking at one point. We discussed the kids and custody, he wanted to know if he should expect anything else, or if he would be surprised by anything else. I said no, although when he realizes I am using a credit card to get to profit level with my MK inventory he will probably flip a lid, but i have no problem with that, I know I will succeed and have it all payed off in no time. I told him as far as the kids were concerned that I wanted everything to remain as they are, joint legal custody, that once those orders are in place they will always be in place, unless we change them, but them some order will always be there. two things have happened for him at work, he has gotten a promotion, it was handed to him, he has been waiting for it for a long long time. its a great opportunity for him, not a whole lot of more money, but more just the same, it changes his hours though (M-F day shifts), and now we HAVE to figure something else out, no clue how we will do it or pay for it but I know one way or another we will. he also will likely get a 2nd job to be able to keep me and the kids at the house and not have to live out of his car. I told him about the keylogger, not sure why, I just thought what have I got to lose at this point. At some point I think he duked it out with his parents, he does not intend to divulge how it went down or what was said, but he did say there was alot of screaming. he also said he doesn't want to find a lawyer, he would rather just mediate with "mine", and that most everything we could likely iron out between us. we discussed some other things with the kids, I made clear I didn't want any of his hoochies around my children, he replyed with do you honestly think I would do that? letting me know basically that we are on the same page with that. I also said the only other possible issue will be holidays, and I said I will be where my children are and thats that, he agreed and said that he felt the same way. somehow we got on the subject of when a serious someone else is in our lives, I told him that wont be happening here, but nothing is never or forever. He said something though, made my more sad, "what if I fall back in love with you". sad. oh and now he is leaving his cell phone on the counter and not keeping it on him 24/7. now he does this.

 

You know guys its just sad. sad. sad. sad. why now, why now is he stepping up to the plate, doing the right thing, why now? I hate it. I can see it in his eyes that he does not want this and I hate it. It breaks my heart it really does. I hate the once again I am second guessing myself, but I just keep saying, if its meant to be it will be, and that just because I file and serve doesn't mean I can't stop it at anytime. and that she is on vacation, and eventually things between them will resolve. I just hate that NOW he is doing everything I want him too, NOW he has cut-off contact, NOW he has recognized how devastating this was to our relationship. hate it. just hate it.

[Milf629]

I thought of something else. I guess he didn't believe me about seeing a lawyer and about serving him, apparently his father confirmed it for him that I in fact did see a lawyer and was going to serve him. He said he was pretty blind sighted by that, didn't expect it. Oh how I wish I would have never said anything. but really just for my own selfish, sneak attack reasons.

 

AND I checked her schedule again, and when I originally checked it it showed her being back the 23rd now it says the 30th.

[Milf629]

got back, was headed to the lawyers office to give her the last bit of stuff she needed to serve him with papers...I got a call from my MIL, she said her and jason had a pow wow, got it all out on the table, no holding back, no sugar coating, she said he insisted this girl was just a friend and that she believed him, and she said to him several times, are you really that ****ing stupid to think everything you have done is ok, yadda yadda. basically she asked me to give it one last shot, that although you can stop the process once papers have been served its hard to turn back, i figured since she has been through this twice and one of an "affair" nature, I thought alright maybe I ought to listen, so I agreed to give it one last shot. I thought about what I would say to him (he knew I was serving him, long story, but basically it came out in an argument) so I conjured what I would say and what are my expectations......

 

I sit him down tell him I didn't go to the lawyers, and then told him the following......

#1: absolutely positively NO CONTACT with this girl, no emails, no messaging on my space, no text messages, no phone calls, no conversations at work, find someone else to deal with her when the situation arises, (he has been promoted to a new position and will have limited contact anyways, but I wanted him to be crystal clear and have no chance for misunderstandings), I told him one infraction no matter how stupid or innocent would land us right back where we are, only I will have zero doubt about the decision and will go forward with it with no return. I also told him you will obviously have to let her know you will no longer have contact with her, I told him you will do that in front of me, with me listening in.

#2: I want affection, I want the lovey dovey relationship, I want to make other people sick to look at us, I want it all, I want the kind of affection I have always wanted and will not settle for less. when you come home, I want seeing me, talking to me, kissing me hello and hugging me to be your #1 priority, I want to "be in love" more then most of the time. I dont expect it all the time, but more then half, the scales need to tip in that direction.

#3: I want you to be 150% supportive of my Mary Kay Business, I want to take it to the top, and whether or not we are together I will, but if we are together I need you to be my cheerleader at home, I need you to realize how important it is to me, and to hold tight to that. I want ALL of your support ALL of the time. AND further I will be getting my inventory up to profit level (i.e. = spending money to do so, that we dont have and will go on a credit card) whether we stay together or not I am doing this, I am not looking for approval I am telling you I am doing it. you got your promotion that you have been after for several years NOW its my turn.

#4: we will continue counseling for as long as it is necessary. no gripes about it, it needs to be a priority, no pissing and moaning.

 

he needed to take it all in and think about it. I dont have a problem with that. I mean yeah it would have been great if he just said yes of course i can do this, but at least if he is thinking about it, he can really take the time to take it all in, and figure out what he needs as well. figure out if he can do these things, and if he can't commit to any one of them, its a deal breaker for me. ack. ack. ack. I promised myself I would not bring it up, wont ask him if he is done thinking, wont' question it, that will be hard for me but I wont. And if in a week's time he has not come to me, I know that I will have all the answers I need, and I will go forward with this, with no regrets, knowing i did all that I could, knowing that I gave as much as I could to save this. know that I am not making a mistake. I wont look back, I wont go back and I wont hear anything from anyone, because I will know that he just didn't have it in him to be the husband I need and want. essentially I really will be done.

 

so that was tuesday night......he has until tonight (1st) (he doesn't know that but its the timeline I set for me).

 

I am more ok now then I have been through this whole thing. I really am. and I may be angry if he can't commit or angry if I get no response, but I will be sure in my decision and I will move on.

 

I am already there no need to wait till tonight is over with. no need to see if he will talk to me, because I know he won't.

 

I spoke with my MIL again Last night and told her the latest and I mis-heard her (was on the cell phone driving) she did not say she trusted or believed him so he has gotten another week, for no reason at all. He really didn't deserve it to begin with.

 

SO thats it folks. no tunring back, I dont want this anymore, i dont want him, I dont want us, I will walk away from this knowing I damn well did everything I could to save it, and he of course in his usual fashion sat back and did NOTHING. I am not even "angry" not like i was anyways. I am sure I will have days I feel that way, but mostly I am just ready to walk away and be 150% ok with it. I deserve better. I need better. I want better. I will demand better.

 

now to once again get to the lawyers office. I can go today or tomorrow, likely tomorrow. and I may tell him I am doing so I dont know it doesn't seem to matter to me anymore to catch him by surprise. I just want it over and done with, so I can really move on, be free of this ****, hold my head high and drop the dead weight I have been carrying for 7+ years.

__________________

[Milf629]

SO IT'S ONLY THE END OF JULY AND ALREADY IT'S BEEN THE LONGEST YEAR OF MY LIFE. IF IT WASN'T FOR MY GIRLS I THINK I WOULD'NT HAVE MADE IT SO FAR. NEVER HAVE I HAD SO MANY EXTREME HIGHS AND LOWS. I WISH I COULD RUN AND HIDE MOST OF THE TIME. I DON'T ENJOY ANYTHING I USED TO RIGHT NOW. EVEN MOVIES DON'T HELP. EVERYONE THINKS THEY GOT IT FIGURED OUT FOR ME, BUT NO-ONE WILL EVER KNOW THE CONFUSION AND THE DISENCHANTMENT FOR LIFE I FEEL EVERYDAY. ONE MINUTE I FEEL LIKE I RULE THE WORLD AND THEN MOMENST LATER I FEEL LIKE LEAVING IT. I HOPE IT GETS BETTER.........................CAUSE I AIN'T GOING ANYWHERE

 

<<<<from Jason's myspace account>>>>>

 

and and and.....she called him on the 27th, there has been no contact (that I know of) since the 9th and she called him on the 27th. that was the same day that HER myspace headline said "where are the camaras because i think we have another "days" here". his cell hasn't updated beyond the 28th atm.

[Milf629]

I just told him over IM. He said nothing but that he had been avoiding me all week (shock) and that he didn't know if he could be this person that I wanted him to be. I said thats all the response I needed. i can now go forward with this and not look back and wonder. It was short and to the point and then when he wasn't responding I just turned off IM. Why wait for something that will never come. Of course NOW I feel like balling my eyes out, but will hold it together while at work.

[DieselPWR]

About the $$, keep yourself and your kids finacially safe. I thought the same thing about my W with our joint acct. When she left, she told me that I could have half of what was in the acct and she would take half. I was cool with that so, she took hers first, and since I was the primary acct holder, I had to close it. When I did, I had a statement printed out of the last 3 months activity, and found that she had trasnferred a good bit (no specifics here) to her personal acct. Some of which I knew about , to pay certain bills, etc. But there was alot that I couldn't acct for.

Just like the others say, don't assume anything. He may not be intending to hurt you, but he may use that acct as a bargining chip, just as you can. So, strike first, and protect your self.

[Mz. Pixie]

MILF-

 

I'm PROUD of you!!!

 

I still don't give a damn what he says or what your MIL says- this was an AFFAIR- regardless if they were screwing or not. If not then it's extreme mental illness. They all say the same things, they all deny deny deny.

 

Basically he doesn't want to do what you want to make the marriage work. At this point, you CANNOT back down. You drew the line in the sand and now he's crossed it so you have to be firm.

 

Again, I'm VERY proud of you. You're on the right track and you can make it!

[Milf629]

yeah no I dont want to go back, big difference from even just a month ago. I dont want this anymore. Dont want him. Dont want us. Just simply dont want it. and your right deny deny deny. like I said I mis-heard my MIL she didn't say that so he got an extra week for nothing. but now it simply does not matter. its irrelevent at this point. I know i said it 1000 times, but i'm done. just done. I dont feel bad or upset or unsure about it anymore.

[DieselPWR]

Pixie,

know how you feel about in-laws. I too was burnt, although I never did trust my MIL entirely. I always felt a little un-easy around her, but her personality SEEMED sincere(see a pattern here? Like mother, like daughter in this case) so she won my confidence. When I was having issues with my GF(became wife), I would ask her opnion. She would give me what seemed to be good advice and ways to talk to her, etc. Well, little did I know, I had barely set the reciever down and she was on the phone with my wife telling her exatcly what I told her and then the fight would start, or I wouldn't even get my point in , cause my wife would know what i was going to say and beat me to it. So, I learned pretty quick that in-laws can be "Outlaws" at the same time. She too, also claimed to be a church going woman, but would talk bad about me every chance she got. I can only imagine the garbage spewing from her lips now. But again, a moot point as MILF said.

Good on ya MILF for your resolve. You seem to have your stuff together, but just prepared for the bad parts of the day. Everyone here will tell you that its just like a roller coaster. You sit down, strap in, hold on, and there is no turning back once you've left the station.You will have your good days, and you will have your bad days. The good days will be less at the beginning, but as I am seeing now, they increase with little bits of time. Hang in there, and vent in here. Also like Pixie said, try and use this as your vent, cause I have found myself talking about my situation to anyone who'd listen, and I am not sure if my wife has someone tailing me or what. So, that being said, try and keep the whole world out of the loop, and use us as a sounding board. I am happy that you have at least not tortured him, as he has you. You are showing that you are the better person here. At the end of the day, regardless of what he has said or done, you can sleep at nite knowing that you were civil, and respectful. Don't forget that, cause the sweetest person while your together can turn into Mr. Hyde in a heartbeat when they are scorned. Trust me, if you want to see that check out a few of my old posts. But back to the matter at hand, whatever happens, whatever is said, be civil about it. Don't let him bait you into doing or saying something stupid that could be used against you.

God bless you in this trying time.

[Lor]

Erika, how are you doing personally? Remember to take care of yourself no matter what. Eat, sleep, you get the picture. All this would be so much easier if you could get some closure. I know--I'm in the same situation; "just a friend", "won't talk to her anymore", "don't know what I want" all that BS. and I handed him the divorce papers last night signed and sealed just needing to be delivered. When I asked my stbXH for answers he'd told me that we've already said everything, answered all the questions, just keep going over the same ol' stuff. I don't know about you but I don't have any more answers than I did yesterday.

 

Bad things happen to good people. Were we maybe too strong for them and they broke down under the stress? Who knows but God love ya and keep you going strong along the way.

[Mz. Pixie]

Bad things happen to good people. Were we maybe too strong for them and they broke down under the stress? Who knows but God love ya and keep you going strong along the way.

 

Yeah, see it's really not about you, it's about them.

 

There are people who are serial cheaters- and sure you want to stay away from those folks. There are some people who are just worthless- but I'd have to say that not all cheaters fall under that category. I would say most cheaters fall under the below umbrella-

 

I'd advise any of you to read His Needs Her needs how to affair proof your marriage by Willard Harley- who is the founder of marriagebuilders. I'm re reading it again and let me tell ya- it's eye opening.

 

Most affairs are about emotional needs of the other person. The thing is, it might be that you're doing what you can do for the person but it's something that's not being met on their end. Not necessarily your fault- YOU may NOT know it's that big of a deal.

 

For instance- you're a guy who wants oral sex. Your wife won't give you oral sex (not saying she has to). You dream about oral sex- you try discussing it with her and she tells you it's disgusting etc. So, you begin to fester resentment because this is something you really want- and you feel like you do enough for her that you deserve it. You can't get past it. Then, low and behold someone comes along and they decide they want to give you oral sex. In fact that's all they think about- they love it- can't get enough of it!! Now, your spouse won't- or can't- but this person is willing to. See where I'm going with that??

 

His Needs/Her needs is based on the premise that everyone has a love bank. Regular deposits into that love bank keep your partner happy . The problem is is that most people try to meet needs of a partner that mimic their own needs. That doesn't mean that that is their partners emotional need.

 

I'm not saying that it's the betrayed spouses fault. I'm more saying that this book is very insightful into what causes infidelity. He did 10 years of free counseling until he found a program that worked!! He didn't charge people until he began saving marriages.

 

Sex is an emotional need of some men- not a physical one which is a mistake that we women tend to make. This is about your partners core emotional needs.

 

Of course your partner needs to be able to tell you what those needs are. It's the meeting of those needs that causes that rush of "in love" feeling and sustains it. Without that, any person who is willing to meet unmet needs is a potential threat to your marriage.