Ladyjane14 Posted June 12, 2006 Posted June 12, 2006 I wonder how many of the people on here with that attitude have let themselves go when they were in a relationship. They're pretty defensive about this topic... It's a fairly large assumption that only people who "have let themselves go" would disagree with the way the OP is handling her situation. I hope that's not what you're suggesting.
catgirl1927 Posted June 12, 2006 Posted June 12, 2006 It's a fairly large assumption that only people who "have let themselves go" would disagree with the way the OP is handling her situation. I hope that's not what you're suggesting. No, that is not my assumption. Had that been my assumption I would have said, "I assume that anyone who doesn't agree with the OP has let themselves go." I also think that a person has a right to have a preference. AND I read her post and saw that she wasn't calling him names. And that she didn't stop loving him.
hotgurl Posted June 12, 2006 Posted June 12, 2006 I do agree with the op about not being atracted to an overweight partner but also there is the health issue if he is in his mid-twenties and already has high cholestoral what will he be like in his 40 I just found out my dad is pre-diabetic he is I would guess 60-100 lbs overweight. My mom has been trying to get him to exercise or diet for years. She got him a gym memebership and she walks 3 miles a day and wants him to go with her he always says he will but wouldn't And when they found out he was pre-diabetic she was so mad at him. So I understand the op anger. She was mad because for years she tried and tried to get him to lose weight and he just keep gaining and now his health is being effected.
michelangelo Posted June 12, 2006 Posted June 12, 2006 It's not like one day they wake up 50-100 lbs overweight. A bunch of things happen over a period of years. 1. a guy gets older and is no longer the 25-year-old who can eat everything and stay skinny because he burns off 6,000 calories a day essentially playing sports, going skiing etc. all the time. He gets a job where he sits on his butt 10 hours a day and commutes another 2. 2. he gains five lbs a year and doesn't notice it until he keeps changing pants sizes. By then? he's in his 30s. He has even less time to work out. His wife wants him to watch the kids every chance she can get away from them. 3. By the time he realizes he is too overweight, he is burned out, working out is very hard for him now. So he retreats into eating too much and just lives it. 4. Meanwhile, his wife, who has more free time than he does, is annoyed all the time, and goes on a working out binge and decides he is repulsive. Even though his paycheck gives her the freedom to go get a personal trainer and have many hours of uncommitted time. Your mileage may vary, but this is pretty true for a lot of guys.
Marcus1963 Posted June 12, 2006 Posted June 12, 2006 You can call this woman a shallow bitch, but i personally couldn't sleep with an overweight woman. I am lean and muscular and really not much picky about boobs, shapes, lenght of legs, hair/eye color or height, I don't mind if she wears glasses or has a few zits or even cellulite... but gosh don't make me touch a fat lady, they gross me out. 20lbs more than average/thin is ok, but 40 or 50 no way. If food is more important than being attractive, looking decent and make me desire you then go back to your food and forget about me. If you don't care about how you look, why would I care about looking at you? We don't go to ugly places on vacations, we go to the ones that have invested in their architecture or are naturally beautiful. Might sound harsh, but that's the way I am. Even my niece who is 5 says she doesn't like fat boys.
resentfulspouse Posted June 12, 2006 Posted June 12, 2006 It's not like one day they wake up 50-100 lbs overweight. A bunch of things happen over a period of years. 1. a guy gets older and is no longer the 25-year-old who can eat everything and stay skinny because he burns off 6,000 calories a day essentially playing sports, going skiing etc. all the time. He gets a job where he sits on his butt 10 hours a day and commutes another 2. 2. he gains five lbs a year and doesn't notice it until he keeps changing pants sizes. By then? he's in his 30s. He has even less time to work out. His wife wants him to watch the kids every chance she can get away from them. 3. By the time he realizes he is too overweight, he is burned out, working out is very hard for him now. So he retreats into eating too much and just lives it. 4. Meanwhile, his wife, who has more free time than he does, is annoyed all the time, and goes on a working out binge and decides he is repulsive. Even though his paycheck gives her the freedom to go get a personal trainer and have many hours of uncommitted time. Your mileage may vary, but this is pretty true for a lot of guys. Could not have said it better myself!!
hotgurl Posted June 12, 2006 Posted June 12, 2006 It's not like one day they wake up 50-100 lbs overweight. A bunch of things happen over a period of years. 1. a guy gets older and is no longer the 25-year-old who can eat everything and stay skinny because he burns off 6,000 calories a day essentially playing sports, going skiing etc. all the time. He gets a job where he sits on his butt 10 hours a day and commutes another 2. 2. he gains five lbs a year and doesn't notice it until he keeps changing pants sizes. By then? he's in his 30s. He has even less time to work out. His wife wants him to watch the kids every chance she can get away from them. 3. By the time he realizes he is too overweight, he is burned out, working out is very hard for him now. So he retreats into eating too much and just lives it. 4. Meanwhile, his wife, who has more free time than he does, is annoyed all the time, and goes on a working out binge and decides he is repulsive. Even though his paycheck gives her the freedom to go get a personal trainer and have many hours of uncommitted time. Your mileage may vary, but this is pretty true for a lot of guys. bitter much? That is so not true my mom works more hours than my dad and does all the cooking cleaning food shopping & laundry. She gets up at 5am to walk three miles before work. I think you are making sweeping generalizations. I want to see where you guys live that all these women have oodles of free time and men supporting them.
catgirl1927 Posted June 12, 2006 Posted June 12, 2006 bitter much? That is so not true my mom works more hours than my dad and does all the cooking cleaning food shopping & laundry. She gets up at 5am to walk three miles before work. I think you are making sweeping generalizations. I want to see where you guys live that all these women have oodles of free time and men supporting them. I want to hear how these women made all that happen. I work my ass off. No one takes care of me. WTF???
zarathustra Posted June 12, 2006 Posted June 12, 2006 4. Meanwhile, his wife, who has more free time than he does, is annoyed all the time, and goes on a working out binge and decides he is repulsive. Even though his paycheck gives her the freedom to go get a personal trainer and have many hours of uncommitted time. Your mileage may vary, but this is pretty true for a lot of guys. WTF?!?? What age do you think you live in bub? I live in an age where I make more than 2x my H, I work on average 10hrs a week more than my H and the last time I had a PT, I paid for it with my own hard earned $$. So where the f*ck is all this free time/freedom/many hours of uncommitted time you're talking about?!??
hotgurl Posted June 12, 2006 Posted June 12, 2006 I want to hear how these women made all that happen. I work my ass off. No one takes care of me. WTF??? Yeah I take care of me my daughter and my BF (cooking wise). some of the crap that these bitter ls guys are spewing. Where are these women who just soak up the cash and screw over the husband while getting thier nails done!
worriedsick Posted June 12, 2006 Posted June 12, 2006 I agree. They are really hyperventilating and going insane over nothing. that first picture looks like the body average of many men I see. Only reason that guy looks so bad is because of his ugly face, glasses, pale skin and diaper. She says his appearance bothers her! Regardless of whether it's controllable of not, the appearance is unattractive to her! What will happen when baldness, wrinkles, saggy, and even mental conditions set in? My guess is that the bitch will hit the road. Afterall, is an amputation attractive in bed? Nope! Same thing she would feel, only would NEVER say THAT publicly because it will maker her look like the heartless bitch she is. I don't care if you haven't said those things to his face or not. Even saying them shows the most disrespect in the world. Your mouth is more ulgy and disgusting than he is. If he's using you for your looks like you claim and just doesn't give a s*** of what he looks like or making you happy, why work it out anyways. But it sounds like you two deserve eachother. and then you wonder why he goes around on dating websites... geez, lady you give him no emotional warmth! you are asking for it. i dont care if he has one leg left, you married him because you claimed to love him.... but you obviously DONT because physical appearance is coming before emotional here. you can go on and on and on, but behind every good man is a good woman. i'd like to hear his side of the story.. sounds like you have offered nothing but emotional and physical NEGLECT and then you wonder why he's depressed and seeking loving elsewhere!!! I never said that I gave him no emotional support, nor did I say I didn't love him. As for amputations/age, etc, that is a completely different story. Those are things completely out of his control and if/when they happen, I would not leave him. I would support him, just as I am doing now. I do not shut him out or deny him emotional support, and I do show him love - we still snuggle and still talk and everything else. Our sex life simply has dropped of considerably. I absolutely do not neglect him, and I assume you must be a man, because only a man would call lack of sex "neglect". It is not my job to have sex with him, and in my eyes that is not neglectful. I am there for him in every other aspect of our marriage, I just have an issue getting over his weight and his lack of ambition to remedy the situation.
whichwayisup Posted June 12, 2006 Posted June 12, 2006 and I assume you must be a man, because only a man would call lack of sex "neglect". It is not my job to have sex with him, and in my eyes that is not neglectful I hate to say this, but in his eyes it is. When a man loves a woman, SEX is the same to him as having your emotional needs met. And, part of the responsibilty in a relationship IS having sex with your partner. Ofcourse, not forceful or against your wishes, but in all honesty, that is part of the deal. I may be wrong here, I don't know what anybody else thinks.
worriedsick Posted June 12, 2006 Posted June 12, 2006 I hate to say this, but in his eyes it is. When a man loves a woman, SEX is the same to him as having your emotional needs met. And, part of the responsibilty in a relationship IS having sex with your partner. Ofcourse, not forceful or against your wishes, but in all honesty, that is part of the deal. I may be wrong here, I don't know what anybody else thinks. Okay, I give you that. But part of the responsibility in a relationship is also giving a s*** what your partner thinks about you. In my view, my husband no longer does. Therefore, why should I oblige him if the favor is not returned?
Magister Posted June 13, 2006 Posted June 13, 2006 In my view, my husband no longer does. Maybe he does, maybe he doesn't. It is a silly thing to worry about; you really have no clue what is going on inside his head. He could care, but also believe that he CAN'T loose weight. You CAN get him to loose weight, but (since he doesn't want to) it isn't going to be as simple as just asking him to do it (Sure, you could tell him "Lose weight or I'm filing for divorce," but that is a really bad idea. Everyone has defense mechanisms. He would probably let you file and then spend his time telling everyone how shallow you are.); it's going to take more work. The idea I suggested to you might seem over the top, but you can pretty much be certain that begging him to lose weight won't work. So try the more extreme options. If you have to, bribe the doctor to exaggerate how serious the health problems might be. Or don't and just live with an ugly husband or get a divorce. In order to get what you want, you have to put forth the effort to get it. Maybe it shouldn't have to be as hard as it looks like this is going to be, but so what? Either way you look at it, the bottom line is that venting is not helping you solve your problem.
Fun2BMe Posted June 13, 2006 Posted June 13, 2006 Let's all look in the mirror folks...how many kept in shape for their wife/husband the same way they did when they were actively seeking a partner? If you DIDN'T keep in shape...do you see any effects of that now? When you were dating before marriage, did you ever discuss about how you would probably start getting sloppy (fat, sweats, boring, frowny potato) once you had your spouse "locked down"? I used to not exercise much as a teen but as an adult I run and exercise and my body looks better and better each passing year. As far as someone getting sloppy once they have their spouse "locked down," I doubt anyone plans to get sloppy. Usually being in a relationship provides greater motivation to stay in shape, so either the husband is not happy or simply has gained weight. Why would they have to discuss weight gain before getting married? If I had a talk with my husband to be and he said if I gained weight he'd have a problem, I wouldn't marry him. You'd think the person you marry will love you in skinniness and in fatness. Is there also a talk that should one become ill they are ok with leaving each other? Where do you draw the line? Over some thighs and belly? I still think it's shallow to cry about your spouse being fat. It means there are other issues that are not being addressed, both by the fat person and the other who has such a big problem with the overweight spouse. Especially in this case where the wife thinks he's "disgusting" and doesn't even want to touch him. Please. Why don't you tell us the real reason you hate your husband so much? instead of hiding behind his fat.
michelangelo Posted June 13, 2006 Posted June 13, 2006 There are few women who put in more hours at work then men do. Even fewer women then men who work so much that their spouse has a lot of leizure time. One could argue that raising kids qualifies as time consuming, and you'd be right. But you know what? Men are stepping up in that regard these days. I know I did and still do. Someone called what I wrote makes me bitter. Nope. I tried to show a scenareo that is true for a lot of men. and I did state that your mileage may vary. Beiing annoyed at seeing it written down doesn't change the truthfulness of it. To get back on thread, the gal can decide she doesn't want sex with her fat husband. I have no problem with that. However, the folks who say someone gets that out of shape like it is some instant choice really do not have a clue ass to how men get overweight. It is a slow slide for most people. and that slide is a direct result of how things are for men in society. We don't generally have jobs that require physical labor anymore. Yet we also do not have leizure time to the same degree that women do. Ladies, be mad I said that, but go look up the stats. Some individual women may be putting in killer hours at work and doing all the childcare and home chores, but that generally is not so.
ridingthebulls Posted June 13, 2006 Posted June 13, 2006 Gee marcus, does your family teach your niece how to be a bully? Sure sounds like her poor upbringing will lead her that way. Teaching and encouraging prejudices at such a young age is so irresponsible... unbelievable! At that age, I never even thought about people being "ugly" or "fat", much less called people that.. heck, that wasn't even part of my vocab!!! To another poster, the op didn't call her husband names? Wow, maybe I should read again because from what I remember she was pretty nasty. If you really love him, shouldn't that overshadow anything else? Guess not.
reddog63 Posted June 13, 2006 Posted June 13, 2006 Not sure what is the bit deal on this topic. 1) Someone puts on excessive weight then they risk their spouse not finding they sexually attractive. Attractiveness is more important to some then others. Does not make it wrong. Does not make one shallow. But I tell you what, when/if your spouse finally gets tired of being married to an obese person and divorces you, you can still hold to the many excuses written in these posts. 2) Does not matter how fast or slow weight is put on. Not relevant. 3) Love me for who I am...........bullsh_t excuse. SEE NUMBER ONE. 4) Spouse should look attractive as possible. Comments about wrinkles, age, etc have nothing to do with weight. 5) Too busy - excuse 6) For those who have tried to get spouse to do something about weight.......a majority will not do anything about it so either live with it or leave.
zarathustra Posted June 13, 2006 Posted June 13, 2006 There are few women who put in more hours at work then men do. Most women who work put in as many hours as men. Even fewer women then men who work so much that their spouse has a lot of leizure time. One could argue that raising kids qualifies as time consuming, and you'd be right. But you know what? Men are stepping up in that regard these days. I know I did and still do. Congratulations, but I don't know what you when your SO is cleaning, washing, tidying, cooking, taking care of the kids that gives her sooooo much extra time. Yes, the sarcasm is intended. Someone called what I wrote makes me bitter. personally, I didn't think you were bitter, but that you are extremely ignorant. Nope. I tried to show a scenareo that is true for a lot of men. and I did state that your mileage may vary. you showed a senario that is not common at all. Not all women stay at home after having a child nowadays. In fact, many go back to the high powered jobs that they left only to find more messes at home to clean up after. I don't think that you 'scenario' painted a correct picture of what's been happening in the last 30 years. To get back on thread, the gal can decide she doesn't want sex with her fat husband. I have no problem with that. However, the folks who say someone gets that out of shape like it is some instant choice really do not have a clue ass to how men get overweight. It is a slow slide for most people. and that slide is a direct result of how things are for men in society. We don't generally have jobs that require physical labor anymore. Yet we also do not have leizure time to the same degree that women do. Ladies, be mad I said that, but go look up the stats. Some individual women may be putting in killer hours at work and doing all the childcare and home chores, but that generally is not so. How do we have more time than you? Where are these stats? Which country are these 'stats' coming from? In my home country many men and women work 14 hours + per day and still maintain good shape. Its called eating well. Its called working out. Where we live now, my brother works 'killer' hours (14 hours/day), is a great dad, does chores aroung the house and still manages to fit in an hour of workout a day. If you don't work out, eat less. If you don't use it you store it. I work killer hours, cook every day and have a fresh healthy wholesome meal for my H, keep the house tidy and still have time to do a lot of physical activity. Oh yeah, my H joins me in them too. This way we get to spend time together as well as staying fit.
michelangelo Posted June 13, 2006 Posted June 13, 2006 Ok, I've been alive the same time period as you have been, maybe a little longer. I'm not a vestige from the past. You can refute the truthfulness of what I stated because it annoys you that it is so, but it doesn't change things. You state: In my home country many men and women work 14 hours + per day and still maintain good shape. Are you saying that the average work day in your country, wherever that is, is 14 hours a day? And this is true for both men and women? Are you talking strictly about the paid employment or tossing in something else? ==== Its called eating well. Its called working out. Where we live now, my brother works 'killer' hours (14 hours/day), is a great dad, does chores aroung the house and still manages to fit in an hour of workout a day. ==== Let's break this down. Your brother works 14 hours a day at a job. Let's also give him an hour to commute both ways, That's 15. Add in an hour for working out (presuming he does this working out at home?) We're up to 16. So now we add in some chores. Should we say 2 more hours? That's 18 hours. Ok, now let's add in 30 minutes each for just two meals. That's 19 hours. How much time per day does it take to b a great dad? Let's try just even an hour per kid (presuming two kids). Now we're up to 21 hours. That leaves 3 hours for sleeping, talking to the wife, sex, any other recreational pursuit, gasing up the car? Right. If you don't work out, eat less. If you don't use it you store it. I work killer hours, cook every day and have a fresh healthy wholesome meal for my H, keep the house tidy and still have time to do a lot of physical activity. Oh yeah, my H joins me in them too. This way we get to spend time together as well as staying fit. Not arguing that people ought to live better, healthier lives. However, you refuting that this is how it happens for a lot of men and not for a lot of women is to ignore reality.
catgirl1927 Posted June 13, 2006 Posted June 13, 2006 Your implication is clearly that you don't feel that women do anything at all, and the only reason they are able to stay fit is because they have absolutely nothing else in the universe to do, because they are all basically "kept" by a man who is busting his ass 24/7 while all they do is complain. To say that we as women are worthless drains on poor, defenseless men is insulting to men and to women, and has nothing at all to do with the original post. If your wife is like that, then you have issues you need to work out, because no one deserves someone in their life who is nothing more than a useless drain on their soul.
michelangelo Posted June 13, 2006 Posted June 13, 2006 catgirl, don't put words in my mouth. Women do a lot. But as far as work hours per day and it's effect on men goes, vs. work hours per day for women and the the effect on them goes, I don't stand corrected.
catgirl1927 Posted June 13, 2006 Posted June 13, 2006 catgirl, don't put words in my mouth. Women do a lot. But as far as work hours per day and it's effect on men goes, vs. work hours per day for women and the the effect on them goes, I don't stand corrected. Not corrected. You're just wrong. Women are not lazy and worthless, and we put in just as much or more time to achieve success in our careers. That's just ignorant, self indulgent and self righteous to think that just because you have a penis you work harder and have a harder life. I could easily generalize that things are MUCH easier for men than for women. I know I have to fight like hell to get anyone to listen to me because girls aren't supposed to know about computers. So your whole statement is just nonsense.
hotgurl Posted June 13, 2006 Posted June 13, 2006 actually if you look at statistic women work slightly less hours than men but more in way more hours into child care and household duties so in effect women have less lesuire time than men, I think it breaks down to most women work 50 hr week while men work 60 but men only but in maybe 5 hours a week for chores etc.. while women put in 20-30 hours per week so their total is 80 hours of work where mens are 65.
michelangelo Posted June 13, 2006 Posted June 13, 2006 I don't work harder than anyone because I have a penis for crissakes. Just as you don't work harder because you have a vagina. That's just absurd venting. How many hours a week do you devote to your job? I typically have to work a minimum of 10 hours a day. sometimes as much as 16. yeah, and some of it spills over on the weekend. 50-60 hours a week. How many a week to household chores? I put in about 2 hours a day during the week. With another 10 hours or so on the weekend. This includes kitchen things, yard things, grocery shopping and cooking, and laundry. About 20 hours a week How many a week to leizure activities? If I'm lucky, I put in a bike ride on the weekend and another once during the week. About three hours.
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