WHy don't women get it?

[Pyro]

I have female friends, too. I am talking the "best friends" variety.

 

What I mean is, you have women friends that call you at all hours (and daily), do things alone with consistently, talk to about your innermost thoughts (and hers), who expect you to spend your off hours with them, and you don't want to sleep with them?

 

Congartulations, you are the first I have ever heard of.

 

I had one female friend like that. We don't talk anymore, but it had nothing to do with anything sexual. We use to go to concerts together, drink beers together, and we talked for lengths of time. I will say it again, I did not have any feelings toward her at all.

[noclobber]

Don't and won't what?

 

It was the answer to your question -> "Don't you have a best friend? Do you toss him -I suspect- to the curve when a woman appears?".

 

Tee hee you just generalized again.

 

my bad, that's a good catch.

 

Well thank you, it's nice to meet someone who can start by calling you a potential abuser and ends up complimenting you all in the span of a single post from time to time;)

 

I called you a potential abuser? I don't think so... Also I don't think its wrong to compliment a person after reading their responses and knowing who they really are. If you have a problem with the compliments you can give it back to me

[Alexandra]

I called you a potential abuser? I don't think so... Also I don't think its wrong to compliment a person after reading their responses and knowing who they really are. If you have a problem with the compliments you can give it back to me

 

I didn't say it was wrong and I am not giving anything of mine back or forth or any other way!

[noclobber]

I didn't say it was wrong and I am not giving anything of mine back or forth or any other way!

 

Nice to know that you are not going to throw away the compliments I gave you

[Guest]

The only reason that men are friends with women is because they want to sleep with them. It's a fact. That is not to say I am not cordial and friendly with women I don't want to sleep with, but I don't call them or invite them to do what I am doing EVER. If they happen to show up it's cool, but I put no effort into the relationship whatsoever.

 

So now, there is this woman I wanted, and we had a lot of sexual tension and even made out a couple times, but she didn't want me. I tried to be platonic and wait for her to come to her senses (it's happened to me before), but I kept getting "pre-rejected". So I cut her off.

 

She still calls me all the time. I didn't talk to her for about four months, but finally I answered the phone, and BAM! it's like the timme apart never happened. I don't answer when she calls too often, nor do I return her calls regularly. I don't have anything against her, but it seems to me that she wants a boyfriend that she doesn't have to have sex with--and that isn't what I want. Of course, she wants to sleep with other men, but have me be the guy who gets all the emotional crap. It isn't worth it.

 

Women seem to understand that when a man calls just for sex and is unavailable he is using her, but they don't get that it is the same for men on the emotional side? Having a woman tell you all her problems and want to hang out all the time yet not put out is just as lame.

 

There are women I know who I could sleep with right now if I wanted, but I know that they want a relationship and I don't with them, so I keep my distance. Why don't women do the same thing with friendships with men? If you get the vibe that a guy wants you, don't put energy into being his friend if you do't want him. It sucks and it's mean and it wastes the time of both of you.

 

There. I feel better.

 

OK, glad you got that out.

 

I have several men friends

 

One I have been friends with over 20 years and he is getting married later this month. If he is staying friends with me 'for sex' you sure got me fooled.

 

One I have been friends with close to 17 years. He's been married about 4 years now and we email fairly regularly. Is he waiting around to 'get lucky'?

 

Stop stereotyping. Some male/female relationships truly are about friendship. Sorry you got burnt but I dont' feel like there's something I need to 'get' about my friendships with these gusy

[Yamaha]

She doesn't want a boyfriend. But she'll bang any random guy, I guess. One of the reasons she wouldn't go that far with me is she said it would be too serious and she wasn't sure if she wanted that. Whatever. Again, don't really care. I have no emotions for her whatsoever, or respect for that matter.

 

I call these type of women "sex in the city" personalities. She probably as issues with men from previous relationships or marriage and has decided that she will use men for sex because they feel it is safe to have physical fun without the emotional caring. They don't want a serious relationship at this time but they enjoy the emotional connection with you. They get your emotional support and sex with a random guy or a guy who wants the same type of relationship she does. Your wanting more probably scares her so she distances herself from you when she sees you wanting more. She then gets mad or upset when you get tired of the games and push for more or end your friendship. They will blame you for everything and convince themselves you are in the wrong and they did nothing wrong. You have already ended your friendship which would have been my advice for this type of women. She has emotional issues and a fear of getting close and it is best to stay clear.

[vi_pn_babe25]

This is exactly our concern as well! We don't know whether you are really being with us b'cos you like us and our company or you are there for the attention.

 

umm..maybe both...why not? hehe

[vi_pn_babe25]

To the women: How exactly would you treat your so called "close guy friends" after you get yourself a boyfriend?

 

I'm having that problem now It's hard to imagine giving up all my guy friends, to have a bf. Maybe I'm just not ready yet to have a steady bf, but I want one. But it's hard to pick just one! Especially if some guys know each other ya know? I actually told this guy that's wanted to be my bf for awhile, that I couldn't give up my guy friends, and he said it wouldn't bother him, but he constantly refers to them , so I KNOW it would bother him. So I don't know what to do...but at least I'm being honest

[Mary3]

yes

 

 

yes, they do, in other areas of life. but its not a prerequisite to have sex generally. for many women it is a prerequisite.

 

What other areas of life do men need closeness ?

[noclobber]

umm..maybe both...why not? hehe

 

same here

 

we need your company and your 'oh so lovely body'

[Alexandra]

What other areas of life do men need closeness ?

 

See now you're just trying to get him to talk about his mommy!

[Mary3]

Ok this thread reiterates the fact that guys are always looking for sex from their female friends... But as the OP had so elegantly put it women are not innocnet victims!!! They are also hanging around their guy friends always looking for attention and stroking their egos. It cuts both ways

 

Actually he is a great friend . We can't see eachother anymore since my schedule changed. I really liked going out with him ( when we used to ) but I never could get the physical part with him. He did suggest it a few times but I never felt that I could go through with that and mess up our friendship.

 

I genuinely liked being around him and loved the music cds he made me and the hanging out stuff.

 

He seems okay with the fact that I won't sleep with him.

 

It was not about an ego stroke. It was about someone who had phenomenal music tastes similar to mine , who I enjoyed hanging out with and going to concerts/places. Just like a friend.

 

I have guy friends . I have special guy friends who I date. I am single . I do basically what I want. Until Mr Right shows up , call me Single

 

Would I give up my guy friends. ? Well if it bothered him I would consider his feelings in this.

 

I want to add that guy friends DO rock No Drama....But of course , Alpha says guys should not be just a friend. You should be sleeping with them . What if I am not attracted to a man physically ? What if you weren't attracted to a girl physically ? Would you sleep with her anyway ?

 

Just curious...

[noclobber]

Actually he is a great friend . We can't see eachother anymore since my schedule changed. I really liked going out with him ( when we used to ) but I never could get the physical part with him. He did suggest it a few times but I never felt that I could go through with that and mess up our friendship.

 

I genuinely liked being around him and loved the music cds he made me and the hanging out stuff.

 

He seems okay with the fact that I won't sleep with him.

 

It was not about an ego stroke. It was about someone who had phenomenal music tastes similar to mine , who I enjoyed hanging out with and going to concerts/places. Just like a friend.

 

I have guy friends . I have special guy friends who I date. I am single . I do basically what I want. Until Mr Right shows up , call me Single

 

Would I give up my guy friends. ? Well if it bothered him I would consider his feelings in this.

 

I want to add that guy friends DO rock No Drama....But of course , Alpha says guys should not be just a friend. You should be sleeping with them . What if I am not attracted to a man physically ? What if you weren't attracted to a girl physically ? Would you sleep with her anyway ?

 

Just curious...

 

What you have mentioned here is a normal healthy friendship between a guy and a girl. But Moai's thread is about a certain type of friendship that I have also experienced (and you know it very well Mary )

 

Your post is great but now consider this:

 

A guy and a girl are friends.. both are single.

 

Girl always wants to hangout with the guy.. emails him, texts him, calls him up.

 

Both of them go to dinners, movies, games..... just the 2 of them.

 

Girl talks about her problems to the guy and looks for emotional support.

 

Girl wants to meet the guy alone and often (3 to 4 times every week)

 

Guy starts liking the girl. Girl knows this.

 

Guy expresses his interest and the girl shoots him down and says she doesn't want a relationship with him!!!!!!

 

Girl still wants to do all of the things that she usually does with the guy

 

Guy senses that she is seeing him as a boyfriend and yet not willing to give him the benefits of being her boyfriend.

 

Guy starts to back-off.

 

Girl calls him a jerk and says the most famous sentence that all women like to say -> "Men are jerks, all that they want from us is just sex".

 

How sad??? and how friggin dramatic can it be? What type of jerks we really must be.... Yup, we men are jerks and you women are all nice and sugar and spice... and oh i forgot... innocent victims.

[Mary3]

What you have mentioned here is a normal healthy friendship between a guy and a girl. But Moai's thread is about a certain type of friendship that I have also experienced (and you know it very well Mary )

 

Your post is great but now consider this:

 

A guy and a girl are friends.. both are single.

 

Girl always wants to hangout with the guy.. emails him, texts him, calls him up.

 

Both of them go to dinners, movies, games..... just the 2 of them.

 

Girl talks about her problems to the guy and looks for emotional support.

 

Girl wants to meet the guy alone and often (3 to 4 times every week)

 

Guy starts liking the girl. Girl knows this.

 

Guy expresses his interest and the girl shoots him down and says she doesn't want a relationship with him!!!!!!

 

Girl still wants to do all of the things that she usually does with the guy

 

Guy senses that she is seeing him as a boyfriend and yet not willing to give him the benefits of being her boyfriend.

 

Guy starts to back-off.

 

Girl calls him a jerk and says the most famous sentence that all women like to say -> "Men are jerks, all that they want from us is just sex".

 

How sad??? and how friggin dramatic can it be? What type of jerks we really must be.... Yup, we men are jerks and you women are all nice and sugar and spice... and oh i forgot... innocent victims.

 

Guy should take a sexy snap shot of Girl in a bikini and then go home and masterbate to it.

 

I know that sounds mean but when I want to fantasize I start playing with myself and that helps. Not everyone we are attracted to will be attracted to us ( Well for us girls most guys are attracted to us so its more rare , lol . this advice is more for guys I guess )

 

It is true that normal healthy males are attracted to us especially if we are wearing tight jeans around you all day and you are supposed to repress any turn on sexual factors.

 

Lets get real. Men like women in a sexual way and if he has a hottie friend well she should not be so shocked when he suggests more....If she is shocked she should imagine what he does when he is alone....

 

I am just a realist

[Alexandra]

Guy should take a sexy snap shot of Girl in a bikini and then go home and masterbate to it.

 

"Masturbate" - sorry petpeeve.

 

"A sexy snap shot in a bikini"?!? What century were you born in, hon? This day and age most guys need a heck of a lot more than just one and in a heck of a lot less than a bikini as imagination prompts. I can't say I blame them either...

[Mary3]

"Masturbate" - sorry petpeeve.

 

"A sexy snap shot in a bikini"?!? What century were you born in, hon? This day and age most guys need a heck of a lot more than just one and in a heck of a lot less than a bikini as imagination prompts. I can't say I blame them either...

 

Well maybe they do need more than I suggested. True . So true. Thats why they ask for breast and nude shots. My bad.

[darrren12000]

I call these type of women "sex in the city" personalities. She probably as issues with men from previous relationships or marriage and has decided that she will use men for sex because they feel it is safe to have physical fun without the emotional caring. They don't want a serious relationship at this time but they enjoy the emotional connection with you. They get your emotional support and sex with a random guy or a guy who wants the same type of relationship she does. Your wanting more probably scares her so she distances herself from you when she sees you wanting more. She then gets mad or upset when you get tired of the games and push for more or end your friendship. They will blame you for everything and convince themselves you are in the wrong and they did nothing wrong. You have already ended your friendship which would have been my advice for this type of women. She has emotional issues and a fear of getting close and it is best to stay clear.

 

 

my sentiments exactly....

[alphamale]

What other areas of life do men need closeness ?

why don't you start a new thread on this subject MARY3?

[Mary3]

why don't you start a new thread on this subject MARY3?

Okay I will do that.

[Kansas Sunflower]

I am going through a simular situation with husband. He assures me that his female coworker is just his friend. They talk a little to much about personal issues and now she is in love with him and he is attracted to her. You have to draw a line somewhere because men and woman have insticts that causes them to have attractions to eachother whether its physical or emotional. If you are not attracted to that person you are going to distant yourself from them. Just think about it, most of you who have a friend of the opposite sex will either have some attraction to them or end up dating that person at some point. I don't think that all men just atuomatically think that they don't want anything to do with a woman they don't want to have sex with, thats just stupid. I do think that woman love playing hard to get even if they don't have any intention of pursing anything. Its an ego issue.

[Yamaha]

What if I am not attracted to a man physically ? What if you weren't attracted to a girl physically ? Would you sleep with her anyway ?

 

No, we wouldn't but we also would not be spending lots of time with someone we were not attracted to and become very close friends. Women know when a man likes them sexually but they will ignore that and continue the friendship because they are getting what they want out of it. It is only when the guy pushes for a physical connection that she will back away and cry foul. She should have told him upfront that she didn't feel the same as him and let him make the decision if he just wants a friendship. They don't do this ( most of them ) and they do enjoy his attention and may genuinely like him but they know if they tell him the truth he will disappear. It becomes about what they want not his desires and he is just left high and dry for caring too much.

[vi_pn_babe25]

same here

 

we need your company and your 'oh so lovely body'

 

so is that kinda like a trophy (wife)? lol

[noclobber]

No, we wouldn't but we also would not be spending lots of time with someone we were not attracted to and become very close friends. Women know when a man likes them sexually but they will ignore that and continue the friendship because they are getting what they want out of it. It is only when the guy pushes for a physical connection that she will back away and cry foul. She should have told him upfront that she didn't feel the same as him and let him make the decision if he just wants a friendship. They don't do this ( most of them ) and they do enjoy his attention and may genuinely like him but they know if they tell him the truth he will disappear. It becomes about what they want not his desires and he is just left high and dry for caring too much.

 

Can't agree more

[Humbledog]

Wow!!! Humbledog had to step back into the loveshack world...Put you gloves on!!!!!

[guest]

if she wants to hang out and talk to you then you might have a chance act like you enjoy being with her not because you want sex; then you will be using her for a physical got to have toy treat her like shes a godess she may come to her senses and fall for you. Right now shes at the just friends state and norrmally if a woman comes to you for addvice she might be wanting more but not at the moment most woman (i am one of them) will just want to be friends with you because they know you will be there for them and you will help them up when we fall. its great when a guy can understand what a woman want to hear and they mean it. and you have to build your relationship from the ground up start with friendship, dating, and so on.