alphamale Posted April 18, 2006 Posted April 18, 2006 Because deep down he still loves his ex and wants her back.. screw that man! everyone is replaceable, including lovers.
Art_Critic Posted April 18, 2006 Posted April 18, 2006 screw that man! everyone is replaceable, including lovers. agreed... but why else would he even second guess himself ?.. This email issue is 3 months old.. I think he keeps thinking that she will break up with the new guy that is filling her up and he will be there shining all bright and new because he has been keeping in contact with her mom.. Her Mom is also her confidant and would be there when the new guy love falls apart. He is using her Mom not the other way around. What he has misjudged is how long the new relationship has lasted..
Author CaliGuy Posted April 18, 2006 Author Posted April 18, 2006 Bendit, sometimes you just need to chill. Do you know why it's hard for me to let go of her mom? When I had nowhere to go for Christmas/Thanksgiving, they invited me in. Treated me like family. When the ex bailed on me the first time, her mom was there helping me through. No, it wasn't the ideal situation but I'm not going to villify her for trying to do what she thought was right. She did a LOT to help me. This woman sends encouraging words to me, she volunteers at a preganancy center, she really truly cares about people. I'm not going to sh*t on her and I wasn't holding on to her because of the ex. I was holding on to her because she's been like a mom to me over the past couple years. It's frikken hard to just push her aside like a piece of trash after all she has done for me. Maybe it's easy for you to piss on people who have been very good to you. I can't. And if that makes me a "wuss" today then so be it. I'm deeply loyal to people that love me.
bendit Posted April 18, 2006 Posted April 18, 2006 The mom is doing something very clever and conniving. She is finding out that Cali still has an attachment to X. She is doing X's bidding. How will she know that Cali still has deep feelings for X? Because Cali is going to tell her. And of course Mom will then tell X. Mission Accomplished? And the dance continues.... regards
alphamale Posted April 18, 2006 Posted April 18, 2006 Do you know why it's hard for me to let go of her mom? When I had nowhere to go for Christmas/Thanksgiving, they invited me in. Treated me like family. so what? When the ex bailed on me the first time, her mom was there helping me through. no man should be comforted by his ex's parent. this is inappropirate. She did a LOT to help me. This woman sends encouraging words to me, she volunteers at a preganancy center, she really truly cares about people. well bro, now she is doing a big dis-service to you by keeping you on her apron strings.... do you not see that CG? It's frikken hard to just push her aside like a piece of trash after all she has done for me. maybe, but remember that what she pushed out of her womb a few decades ago did great harm to you... And if that makes me a "wuss" today then so be it. I'm deeply loyal to people that love me. see the links below and study them carefully. __________________ No Foolin's Guide to No Contact My Guide to Being a Balanced Man My Guide to Second Chances
Art_Critic Posted April 18, 2006 Posted April 18, 2006 no man should be comforted by his ex's parent. this is inappropirate. I agree with Alpha. I realize that your Mother passed away but your ex's parent is not yours. My father passed away when I was 23 years old and my step mother passed away a few years ago and there is noway I would let an ex's parent replace my real parents in my heart. You need to make those corrections and send off that email..
Author CaliGuy Posted April 18, 2006 Author Posted April 18, 2006 The mom is doing something very clever and conniving. She is finding out that Cali still has an attachment to X. She is doing X's bidding. How will she know that Cali still has deep feelings for X? Because Cali is going to tell her. And of course Mom will then tell X. Mission Accomplished? And the dance continues.... regards Dude you couldn't be further from the truth. The EX is happily entrenched with the new guy. Hell I fully expect them to get engaged if they aren't already. You know I changed my mind and replied but with a short and simple sentence.
Sand&Water Posted April 18, 2006 Posted April 18, 2006 I'm deeply loyal to people that love me. You're an independent man now, CaliGuy. By informing her mother, that you'd like to close off all ties and have since moved on shows your loyal nature. That's independence.
bendit Posted April 18, 2006 Posted April 18, 2006 Cali you need to CHILL. If you read my post, I said IF I WERE YOU, I would contact both of them. I meant every word of it. Why? Because its clear that YOU WANT TO stay in contact. Cali you are the most transparent guy here. Its so obvious that you want to stay in contact. Why Pretend otherwise? If you didn't you would have cut ties by now. But you have one excuse after another why you leave the doors open. So you aren't ready yet. Big deal. Cali you are in very early stages of revovery. You are still in the thick of it, even now. Do you really think TYPING I forgive her on a website means anything? It doesn't. You have to go THROUGH a long extended process of emotional ups and downs and you are just starting it man. You have yet to go NC. I told you to stay in contact with MOM. I told you to call her and I advised against cutting ties with her. I meant every word of it because I don't think you are ready to cut ties. So I advised you not to. regards
alphamale Posted April 18, 2006 Posted April 18, 2006 I realize that your Mother passed away but your ex's parent is not yours.. I also think that CG needs to realize that blood is much thicker than water. If CG and his ex were drowning and the mom could only save one of them, who do you think she'd save?
Author CaliGuy Posted April 18, 2006 Author Posted April 18, 2006 Don't get me wrong, I appreciate the advice and though you don't think I listen, I do.
Art_Critic Posted April 18, 2006 Posted April 18, 2006 You know I changed my mind and replied but with a short and simple sentence. You didn't take a single persons advice on this thread.. Good Luck dude.. Welcome the pain
Chinook Posted April 18, 2006 Posted April 18, 2006 CG cut the ties. It's time. Fact is, you won't move on until you do. Choice is, you got no choice. The ex moved on. You have to do so too.
bendit Posted April 18, 2006 Posted April 18, 2006 ummmm Dude you are very removed from reality if you think MOM accidentally CCd you that. CC is a very PROACTIVE thing that you must think about. Cali quit being so damn defensive man. You are posting on the INTERNET asking for advice. regards
2sunny Posted April 18, 2006 Posted April 18, 2006 You didn't take a single persons advice on this thread.. Good Luck dude.. Welcome the pain He did his own thing because deep down he's still in love with her, or the memory of her better half.....
Author CaliGuy Posted April 18, 2006 Author Posted April 18, 2006 Cali you need to CHILL. If you read my post, I said IF I WERE YOU, I would contact both of them. I meant every word of it. Why? Because its clear that YOU WANT TO stay in contact. Cali you are the most transparent guy here. Its so obvious that you want to stay in contact. Why Pretend otherwise? If you didn't you would have cut ties by now. But you have one excuse after another why you leave the doors open. So you aren't ready yet. Big deal. Cali you are in very early stages of revovery. You are still in the thick of it, even now. Do you really think TYPING I forgive her on a website means anything? It doesn't. You have to go THROUGH a long extended process of emotional ups and downs and you are just starting it man. You have yet to go NC. You know a couple weeks ago I had a friend ask me "Why aren't you angry at your ex? Most everyone I know who goes through a breakup stays angry for a long time." My answer was simple. "I forgave her." To say I am transparent or are still in the early stages of recovery is presumptious at best. You don't know me Bendit. You just know bits and pieces and assume you have the entire picture. I told you to stay in contact with MOM. I told you to call her and I advised against cutting ties with her. I meant every word of it because I don't think you are ready to cut ties. So I advised you not to. regards Whether I am ready or not, I don't need her passing along info, intentionally or not, that I don't need to hear. It's easy to say "cut her off" or blow off the things she did for me in the past. You're not in my shoes and if you would do that to someone then I have to question your integrity. You don't crap on people who have treated you well.
Author CaliGuy Posted April 18, 2006 Author Posted April 18, 2006 You didn't take a single persons advice on this thread.. Good Luck dude.. Welcome the pain Ah but I did.
alphamale Posted April 18, 2006 Posted April 18, 2006 You didn't take a single persons advice on this thread.. man A_C....if one of my ex's was still in contact with any of my family members I'd be royally pissed off. If it was a mutual friend that would be oK but not a family member and most definitely not a parent. Thats wierd!
Author CaliGuy Posted April 18, 2006 Author Posted April 18, 2006 He did his own thing because deep down he's still in love with her, or the memory of her better half..... Don't assume I didn't take the advice. I kept it short and not exactly sweet.
shelters Posted April 18, 2006 Posted April 18, 2006 (pokes head in) This is why I'd say to sit on something overnight, take in the opinions of those you trust, get distracted with work for today and then look at the screen fresh in the morning... while only listening to *your own* gut b/c you are the person who lives with your situation day in and day out.
Art_Critic Posted April 18, 2006 Posted April 18, 2006 You don't crap on people who have treated you well. By asking for no contact you are not crapping on her.. I remember when my brother got divorced from his first wife.. they were married 9 years and his ex kept in contact with our family and my Mom..... UNTIL he started dating someone else then the contact faded because it was right too.. You are wrong to think that all this emphasis that you put on your relationship with her Mom is good or right.. IT IS WRONG.. You could be damaging your ex's trust and relationship with her Mom and well as her new guy.
Author CaliGuy Posted April 18, 2006 Author Posted April 18, 2006 (pokes head in) This is why I'd say to sit on something overnight, take in the opinions of those you trust, get distracted with work for today and then look at the screen fresh in the morning... while only listening to *your own* gut b/c you are the person who lives with your situation day in and day out. If she says anything back I'll sit on it another day. It wasn't mean but I was stern that I didn't appreciate that tidbit being put out there. I do have work to do and this has been a complete distraction.
alphamale Posted April 18, 2006 Posted April 18, 2006 You are wrong to think that all this emphasis that you put on your relationship with her Mom is good or right.. IT IS WRONG.. You could be damaging your ex's trust and relationship with her Mom and well as her new guy. exact-a-mundo A_C....the only legitimate reason to stay connected to your ex's family is if you have children together. Period, no exceptions!
Author CaliGuy Posted April 18, 2006 Author Posted April 18, 2006 By asking for no contact you are not crapping on her.. I remember when my brother got divorced from his first wife.. they were married 9 years and his ex kept in contact with our family and my Mom..... UNTIL he started dating someone else then the contact faded because it was right too.. You are wrong to think that all this emphasis that you put on your relationship with her Mom is good or right.. IT IS WRONG.. You could be damaging your ex's trust and relationship with her Mom and well as her new guy. A big draft I wrote said something to that effect, that by including me in an email regarding her and her new b/f that not only was she causing me pain but she was creating resentment from her daughter and was not being fair to them.
2020vision Posted April 18, 2006 Posted April 18, 2006 Don't assume I didn't take the advice. I kept it short and not exactly sweet Well...you did not listen me!! No email at all should have been sent. And to think that I was going to meet up with you for a glass of wine tonight...Well not anymore buddy!! Woulda coulda shoulda... whatever floats your boat. I guess if it did not hurt you in any way then right on for you. And by the way, WOW you are up to 99 replies in a matter of hours you are quite the popular one!!
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