CaliGuy Posted January 31, 2006 Share Posted January 31, 2006 Having a hard time understanding how to be a balanced guy?? Here's where you want to be in the most simplistic manner possible. NICE GUY <---- BALANCED ----> JERK Some examples of the differences between the three: Nice guys do everything to make everyone else happy at their own expense.Balanced guys know they must be happy before they can make anyone else happy.Jerks only care about their own happiness. Nice guys might have boundaries but don't have repercussions for crossing them.Balanced guys have boundaries and have repercussions for crossing them.Jerks have boundaries and enforce them vehemently. Nice guys make their S/O the reason they exist.Balanced guys make their S/O a part of their already happy/fun life.Jerks feel their S/O should be happy to be a part of their life. Nice guys will say "it's ok" when she treats you badly.Balanced guys will let her know when she treated him badly but will never use the words "it's ok."Jerks will get angry, use profanity and dump their S/O right away if they are treated badly. Nice guys will give third, fourth or fifth chances.Balanced guys will give two chances. (Screw me once, shame on you. Screw me twice, shame on me.)Jerks give one chance only. Nice guys shower their S/O with money, gifts and love. They give too much and expect too much.Balanced guys give on special occasions, with little expectations.Jerks rarely give at all. Nice guys say "I love you" far too soon in a relationship.Balanced guys say "I love you" when they know the feelings are mutual.Jerks might say I love you after a good BJ, but they don't mean it. Nice guys call too much, email too much, IM too much - they're annoying.Balanced guys calls once or twice a week, responds to emails within 1-2 days and doesn't IM all the time.Jerks never call, almost never return an email and rarely IM. Nice guys seek approval from others.Balanced guys seek approval from within.Jerks could care less about approval. Nice guys lack confidence and self-esteem.Balanced guys have healthy confidence and self-esteem, but are not arrogant.Jerks are just arrogant. Nice guys put their S/O on a pedestle.Balanced guys see their S/O as an equal.Jerks look down upon their S/O. Nice guys will offer to help fix their S/O's problems when all their S/O wants them to do is listen and validate their feelings.Balanced guys will listen to their S/O's problems and validate her feelings but not offer to fix them.Jerks will just tell their S/O to quit bitching. There are many more examples but this should be enough to get the general idea planted in your head of how a balanced man thinks. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted January 31, 2006 Share Posted January 31, 2006 sorry CALIGUY but I already covered this topic....see my thread below http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t61606/ Link to post Share on other sites
Author CaliGuy Posted January 31, 2006 Author Share Posted January 31, 2006 sorry CALIGUY but I already covered this topic....see my thread below http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t61606/ This thread's got a little different take. Link to post Share on other sites
BUTAFLY Posted January 31, 2006 Share Posted January 31, 2006 I am printing that out and giving it to all my male friends. This is a hot topic amongst them..Some are jerks and others are nice guys, then I know a few or nice guys who want to be jerks or jerks who want to know how to behave as a nice guy to get more a$$(those friends don't need to read this email heheh) Great post caliguy...your so on point.!! Link to post Share on other sites
SmoochieFace Posted January 31, 2006 Share Posted January 31, 2006 This thread's got a little different take. Your thread has a REALISTIC take. Thanks for posting it... and hopefully all those young guys out there who are having *difficulty* will refer to it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CaliGuy Posted January 31, 2006 Author Share Posted January 31, 2006 Your thread has a REALISTIC take. Thanks for posting it... and hopefully all those young guys out there who are having *difficulty* will refer to it. I was trying to be classy and certainly not trying to insult anyone else's opinion. I've read AMs thread and he does have some good points. I know that for me it was hard to understand what being balanced meant until I wrote all my issues down and started to understand where I was lacking. Mostly it's self-confidence. If you have health confidence and self-esteem it will almost assuredly bring you back into balance. Link to post Share on other sites
Mz. Pixie Posted January 31, 2006 Share Posted January 31, 2006 Well done, Grasshopper- you've learned alot! I'd not exactly put the term nice guy as the pushover guy. To me, the balanced guy is the nice guy and the nice guy was the one who had "issues" Link to post Share on other sites
noclobber Posted January 31, 2006 Share Posted January 31, 2006 bottom line -> It's great to be a Jerk Having a hard time understanding how to be a balanced guy?? Here's where you want to be in the most simplistic manner possible. NICE GUY <---- BALANCED ----> JERK Some examples of the differences between the three: Nice guys do everything to make everyone else happy at their own expense.Balanced guys know they must be happy before they can make anyone else happy.Jerks only care about their own happiness. Nice guys might have boundaries but don't have repercussions for crossing them.Balanced guys have boundaries and have repercussions for crossing them.Jerks have boundaries and enforce them vehemently. Nice guys make their S/O the reason they exist.Balanced guys make their S/O a part of their already happy/fun life.Jerks feel their S/O should be happy to be a part of their life. Nice guys will say "it's ok" when she treats you badly.Balanced guys will let her know when she treated him badly but will never use the words "it's ok."Jerks will get angry, use profanity and dump their S/O right away if they are treated badly. Nice guys will give third, fourth or fifth chances.Balanced guys will give two chances. (Screw me once, shame on you. Screw me twice, shame on me.)Jerks give one chance only. Nice guys shower their S/O with money, gifts and love. They give too much and expect too much.Balanced guys give on special occasions, with little expectations.Jerks rarely give at all. Nice guys say "I love you" far too soon in a relationship.Balanced guys say "I love you" when they know the feelings are mutual.Jerks might say I love you after a good BJ, but they don't mean it. Nice guys call too much, email too much, IM too much - they're annoying.Balanced guys calls once or twice a week, responds to emails within 1-2 days and doesn't IM all the time.Jerks never call, almost never return an email and rarely IM. Nice guys seek approval from others.Balanced guys seek approval from within.Jerks could care less about approval. Nice guys lack confidence and self-esteem.Balanced guys have healthy confidence and self-esteem, but are not arrogant.Jerks are just arrogant. Nice guys put their S/O on a pedestle.Balanced guys see their S/O as an equal.Jerks look down upon their S/O. Nice guys will offer to help fix their S/O's problems when all their S/O wants them to do is listen and validate their feelings.Balanced guys will listen to their S/O's problems and validate her feelings but not offer to fix them.Jerks will just tell their S/O to quit bitching. There are many more examples but this should be enough to get the general idea planted in your head of how a balanced man thinks. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CaliGuy Posted January 31, 2006 Author Share Posted January 31, 2006 bottom line -> It's great to be a Jerk Ah but if the goal is a lasting, fulfilling relationship, jerks will never find it Link to post Share on other sites
SmoochieFace Posted January 31, 2006 Share Posted January 31, 2006 Ah but if the goal is a lasting, fulfilling relationship, jerks will never find it And I don't think jerks are truly happy people. They seem to have an *aura* of anger, bitterness, and resentment and it covers up a core filled with insecurities. Link to post Share on other sites
noclobber Posted January 31, 2006 Share Posted January 31, 2006 Ah but if the goal is a lasting, fulfilling relationship, jerks will never find it hahaha.. just kidding bro. it's a great post! Link to post Share on other sites
tanbark813 Posted January 31, 2006 Share Posted January 31, 2006 You mean pedestal. Link to post Share on other sites
Mz. Pixie Posted January 31, 2006 Share Posted January 31, 2006 That's true. My husband has a friend who is like 39 and has never been married. He was left at the altar earlier in his life and he's been unable to have a relationship. One that lasted past sex. He's got a girlfriend now, but before I married H and he dated another woman, he used to hit on her all the time. He told my husband once, "You know what, I can get 'em, but you sure can keep em" Link to post Share on other sites
Author CaliGuy Posted January 31, 2006 Author Share Posted January 31, 2006 You mean pedestal. Realized it after I posted but too late to edit it. Spelling is not a strength of mine Link to post Share on other sites
tanbark813 Posted January 31, 2006 Share Posted January 31, 2006 Realized it after I posted but too late to edit it. Spelling is not a strength of mine It's cool. I just wanted to be obnoxious. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author CaliGuy Posted January 31, 2006 Author Share Posted January 31, 2006 It's cool. I just wanted to be obnoxious. Duly noted! Link to post Share on other sites
PlentyLV007 Posted January 31, 2006 Share Posted January 31, 2006 I love this post! CAliGuy so far all your post and your responses have been very good! I'm impressed. Kuddo's to you !! Wish there were more guys like you out here....most of them are taken, married or gay. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted January 31, 2006 Share Posted January 31, 2006 Wish there were more guys like you out here....most of them are taken, married or gay. you forgot "too nice"... of course you'd don't want anything to do with them either Link to post Share on other sites
Author CaliGuy Posted January 31, 2006 Author Share Posted January 31, 2006 I love this post! CAliGuy so far all your post and your responses have been very good! I'm impressed. Kuddo's to you !! Wish there were more guys like you out here....most of them are taken, married or gay. Thanks. I wish there were some good girls out here that were available too. So far I'm running into a lot of flakey women (typical for CA) and many that I just don't find attractive Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted January 31, 2006 Share Posted January 31, 2006 So far I'm running into a lot of flakey women (typical for CA) yes, i'd agree...but they are flakey women with large fake breasts :)v:) Link to post Share on other sites
Author CaliGuy Posted January 31, 2006 Author Share Posted January 31, 2006 yes, i'd agree...but they are flakey women with large fake breasts :)v:) Small and Perky > Large and Fake - FTW!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Yamaha Posted January 31, 2006 Share Posted January 31, 2006 Learning yourself is the key to finding a healthy relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
noclobber Posted January 31, 2006 Share Posted January 31, 2006 Wish there were more guys like you out here....most of them are taken, married or gay. i am neither taken, nor married, nor gay (thought i live in SFO) :lmao: Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted January 31, 2006 Share Posted January 31, 2006 Learning yourself is the key to finding a healthy relationship. this is like somthing you'd find inside a fortune cookie Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted January 31, 2006 Share Posted January 31, 2006 this is like somthing you'd find inside a fortune cookie Except it would've said "Learning yourself is the key to finding a healthy relationship." "69 is your lucky number " Link to post Share on other sites
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